Me and my boyfriend started dating last November, my final year of university, now we are in a long distance relationship because I had to move back to Asia from the UK. I find it difficult at times to fully express myself and often find myself wanting to be isolated. For example: pushing him away when he is only trying to help. Because of constant arguments, I feel like there's only anger residue left, making me feel very unhappy as well. Sometimes I wonder if I love him the same as before...â
Hello! Relationships can already be so tough, and adding distance just makes it easier for each partner to avoid confronting issues. Try thinking back to before you moved back to Asia. How did you resolve conflicts then? What makes your relationship different now?
Speaking from experience, the trouble I had in my long-term LDR was that both me and my partner struggled with the same things:
   1. Communicating openly about thoughts, feelings and needs
Communication in an LDR is the most important thing! You have to assume that if you donât tell your BF something, he doesnât know it. Neither of you can read minds (I assume!). Think about it like this: if my BF was feeling the way Iâm feeling, would i want him to tell me? If you feel hurt by something, you need to speak up immediately so the hurt canât fester. But speaking up isnât enough; equally important is:
   2. Assuming kindness
Hereâs what I mean. You know in your heart that when you say something to your BF itâs never because you want to attack him, right? Like, say, if you made a comment about his major field of study that hurt his feelings. You werenât trying to hurt his feelings, right? But it still hurt. We as humans often struggle with remembering that the people around us (& who love us) are generally coming from the same place of kindness we are. When youâre having an argument, consider your motives. Are you feeling unappreciated? Not listened to? Telling your BF how you feel in earnest and encouraging him to do the same should help. Remind each other that itâs not you vs. him, but you and him vs. the problem.
Now, about the love. Iâm afraid I canât get into your head and look around for the answer to that part. Sometimes we become exhausted when a relationship is hard work, and the part of our mind that controls risk/reward begins to wonder if all the pain and frustration is worth it. Think about what made you enjoy the relationship before. Do those things still happen? Can things be changed? You may decide that trying to fix things is too much, and thatâs okay! Youâre the only one who can decide if you have the energy and the desire to put in the work.
Above all, remember: Be kind!!
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