Walking on Water

nunqua obliviscor semper.

[renkastarrr]

three years ago, I started on a new work. One day after, pandemic hit and everything went on a halt. 

Work continued though. We stayed in the lab, made it our home for around 6 months. Got married while working here. Got our own house. Pandemic passed, I am still working here. 

Three years of work. It is not always happy and comfortable. But so far, it  is my ideal work. Everything was from scratch. Fine, not really scratch. 20%. Then we worked our way up, building on that 20%. In the beginning, I only have one other person with me. We had no mentor. We did not know what to do and how to do what we should do. We just learned as we go.

Now there are four other people with me. Lab has expanded. We just passed our proficiency test. We have a mentor. And today, we are getting audited for ISO accreditation.

Three years of work will be tried and tested today.

No more preparations from here on. This is it. Lets see what we have built. 

[renkastarrr]

I can’t impose my values on someone. I can only live them the best I could and if people like what I do, they can do it too. if not, then they’re free to do whatever they want. God gave people free will. I should not take it away. 

The important thing is just to be there. 

this teeny bit of realization just calmed one of my storms. 

On to the other storms.

[renkastarrr]

this is the clam before the storm.

I will be taking a 5 day vacation. then things will really start rolling. first day of come back- intralab comparison program. then proficiency test. then PAB audit. everything I have been building for the past three years will now be tested. 

honestly, I am anxious. specially that mercury is not doing well the past days and I don’t know where our absorption cell is right now. I can only hope for things to work out eventually. now things are getting real. 

this is a make or break. it’s like the board exam all over again. 

the thought that I will b stressed in the the coming days is already stressing me out. but hey, what’s gonna happen is gonna happen. I will just have to keep on moving and remember to be kind while I am it. whether I succeed or not, there should be no casualty. 

[renkastarrr]

when the world is already on TikTok and you are still on Tumblr. How introvert can you get haha

[renkastarrr]

the dream goes

i have a bf, person a. i was on a fair of some sorts in what looks like the college of science. when i was about to go back, i saw him with another woman. he was just holding her shoulders with both hands, placing her in the safe part of the road. there must have been bits i forgot around here. whatever. it ended i was crying and angry. and i was like we’re breaking up. next scene i was crying to person b. my husband was there cameo role hahaha. the bf wants to get back together but i was like no, i will be single bec i can haha. this was a long dream. i forgot the rest sayang. 

could this be the effect of reading posts from 8 years ago?

in my subconcoius, i still go to the same person to cry. she lives on a far away land but i think my soul knows she will always be there for me.  

[renkastarrr]

Hello 25 year old me. This is you 8 years into your future. This is 33 year old you. You did well documenting your ups and downs. I just wished you put in more clues about the blind items. I’ve forgotten who they are haha.

So here’s what happened. You stopped posting here but you never stopped journaling. You don’t write as good though. Maybe because you stopped being grateful. Reading posts here made me remember the times when I was passionate about chemistry, about ministry, and about what life has in store for me in general. But then you grew old. Parallel universe took over.

You are now pioneering a lab. You actually have a team. Just like what you always wanted. But now you want to stop pioneering the lab. There are big expectations and its making you anxious. Chemistry is not as fun anymore. There’s no one to teach you. You find out on your own what works and what does not all while balancing costs, timelines and yet again, expectations. GCMS is cool. If only you know how to maximize it.

The people you know at 25 are still the people you know at 33. With a few additions. Everyone eventually moved on with their lives but they’re still there. Covenant works.

You are now married. A lot of drama happened from courtship to here. There even was/is a pandemic. You got married in the middle of a pandemic -with 14 people, wearing a suit you bought online because shops are closed- because you got inspired with a song. And you thought, if the world is ending, you’ll watch it all go down holding his hands. Well, the world did not end. You’ll be holding his hands for a long time, I think. 

You are now doing household chores regularly haha. Because your husband cooks and you have to participate in life so you clean the house, wash the dishes and do the laundry. Your new talent- ironing clothes. 

8 years. You are not exactly where you want to be. You are not exactly who you want to be. Enzymes would be proud of the amount of breakdowns you had. A lot of things you wished you did not say, actions you wished you did not misinterpret, opportunities you should not have missed and people you shouldn’t have let go. The good news is, life goes on. So here’s to documenting the next years. Let’s see how this journey continues for 40 year old me to remember. 

[renkastarrr]

There is a job that I really wanted. It's the first time I ever felt passionate about something. They say to keep an employee, he should be paid well, be motivated, appreciated, challenged and a lot more. That job only offered challenged, but still I liked it. In the end they did not absorb me because I had failing grades. Never mind that I am the first one to take that challenge head on; never mind that I managed to learn all that in a short span of time; never mind all the efforts. I had failing grades and I was a foot soldier. All they ever saw were the delays. They had to hire 2 people to replace me. It's only now that I realized the effect that had on my self esteem. Not getting accepted destroyed me. I lost all the passion that I had. A month before I left, I was waking up at the time I was supposed to leave. I lost all the care I had with my deadlines. I disappeared without any trace just because I can't do it anymore. During an interview, I was told that I carried myself well. He never cared about my grades because to him, the important thing is the learning process. He was impressed that I can do a lot of things. Right there and then, he hired me. I accepted the offer. Tomorrow, I will be one month old. I never really displayed the same enthusiasm here. I even watch koreanovelas as I work. This company will never be the same as my previous employer. That one's already established. But as I reflect on all these, I think things are about to change. I owe this company my new beginning. I owe that person my sanity. As I turn one month old, I will start my journey to mastery. I will grow. We will expand. I will not disappoint my lolo. And someday, somewhere they will remember. #bukasluluhodangmgatala

[diyncraftz]

DIY Bookshelf Under The Bed

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[renkastarrr]

I could have pioneered a lab. I could have done something really big, something I really love. This would have been it- the field I was looking for all along. But this is not it. Because I should not. It's good that all these are sinking in only now. It hurts to see something you gave birth to die. Well, it's not really dying. I'm just passing it on. But it still hurts. N more days of torture. At this point, honestly, it's really hard to look forward to something. It's like, this is so great I cannot anymore expect something greater.

[renkastarrr]

All the feels you can't name. They're just that- feels.

[renkastarrr]

Week ain't over yet. I punched in late for the nth time this month. I have a problem getting up lately. Looks like all the late nights are taking their toll already. Because I was late, I was not able to print the release tags I should've printed last week. I got confused with all the this and that's, so there. Just when I thought the day is finally over, our water line got cut. I'm the one assigned to pay that and I haven't paid for three months now. By the way things are going, looks like I am not going to get married. I have a problem with putting things in order.

[renkastarrr]

Bromine Water and Life

Today I opened a seemingly innocent bottle of bromine water outside the hood. The smell was so bad every door was opened and every body went out the lab. It's so bad I went back to tumblr. You don't learn everything through reading. Most of the stuff you could actually use you learn the hard way. Though it would have been mighty fine if I read that somewhere. I am starting to doubt my skills here. If I choose to go drama queen mode, I would drop my other pending tests and head to the nearest Starbucks because somebody gave me a card. However, I am choosing otherwise. I am going to head back to the lab and finish my other babies. The assessment of the people around me is scarier than the actual health risk but what the heck. I can't just doubt my skills. I have to build my skills. Lesson learned. Forever ingrained. One simply does not open a bottle of bromine water outside the hood. I'm gonna hashtag you chemistry so that unaware souls will be able to read that fact here and not repeat the same mistake.

[renkastarrr]

[renkastarrr]

A new beginning requires a new level of commitment. Challenge accepted. #withspecialparticipationofmsnikkicheng

[renkastarrr]

Hillcrest. Malingap/Maginhawa perks.

[renkastarrr]

Hideout. Gusto ko tlga kulayan o.o

[renkastarrr]

Expectation vs Reality. #nextyearulit