sehnsucht. / take as long as you need! don't let yourself get stressed out!
wordstuck meme ; accepting
sehnsucht (‘the inconsolable longing in the human heart for we know not what’; a high degree of intense, recurring, and often painful desire for something, particularly if there’s no hope to attain the desired or when its attainment is uncertain, still far away.)
i.
it takes him ten minutes to walk to the station, eight minutes to get on the subway, five intervals of three minute stops to get to his destination.
it takes a minute for him to catch up when he sees ahyeon down the street. she’s there like she promised, standing under a sign that looks too faded to fit in with neon bar lights–neon bar lights that somehow soften under the glow of a girl that fits everywhere else.
the minutes add up in the crevices of his beaten wallet because time is valuable and sticks around in hidden places. he scrounges for it during moments like these and always comes up a little short.
he’s going so fast that he can’t stop. it only takes three seconds for her smile to fade when he knocks into her and he fishes in his pockets for seconds that might be lingering in the threads.
“smile again.”
she does.
it’s almost enough.
ii.
“the smell of rain makes me sleepy.”
his body feels heavy, sunken deep into old couch cushions that beg for a break. ahyeon is light on her feet, tiptoeing past piles of who-knows-what littering his floor. she looks like rain itself, dripping relentlessly and soaking into everything he owns.
“bet you wouldn’t be so sleepy if you danced in it.”
her hand brushes against his cheek, and he doesn’t have to wonder what that feels like anymore. her fingers are like droplets on his skin, and he feels soaked to the bone. he curls his fingers around her wrist to keep it steady and turns his head so her hand covers his face.
“the smell of you makes me sleepy.”
she laughs but pulls back. it’s a jarring feeling, to go from drenched to dry in a moment of time. he licks his lips and feels brittle all over again. when he opens the window behind him and sticks his hand out, feels the rain hit his skin, it doesn’t feel the same.
it’s not quite enough.
iii.
“that’s enough.”
ahyeon’s glass is only half full, so he pours a little more.
“i said that’s enough!” she laughs through her words. he gives her a cheeky smile and pours until the beer fills the brim of the glass.
“good luck drinking that.”
she takes the challenge like a champ, and he can’t imagine her taking it any other way. she sucks at the rim of the glass from its place on the table and he swears it almost comes out of her nose, but she doesn’t complain.
he fills his glass for the third time and knows he’ll need three more.
the night goes on like this. he knows they’ve probably had one too many, but he drinks twice as fast as she does and still feels his fingers itch when his glass is empty.
“i think i’ve had enough.” her cheeks are flushed, eyes hazy and lips perched into a hint of a smile that makes him wish she would just keep talking.
“no, keep going. i liked hearing about artificial hearts and… fish scale skin regeneration…” he stumbles over the words and doesn’t mean it as sarcastic as it comes out.
“no, i’ve had too much.” she pushes her cup towards him and motions for him to finish it. there’s just a gulp left, and he swallows it with a hint of regret.
“another pitcher?” he reaches for the button to order more and freezes when her hand covers his.
“i think you’ve had enough, too.”
