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[renyell]

Midshipman James: Journal

Hey there, it’s me, James. I’m 18 years old, a first-year college student taking up Bachelor of Science in Marine Transportation. You can call me Reniel because I actually prefer it since I think it makes me sound more unique. Honestly, life’s been kind of a mix lately, a little exciting, a little tiring, but mostly just me trying to figure out who I’m becoming.

If you don’t know yet, I’m the kind of person who likes to keep things simple. I enjoy quiet moments, small talks, and anything that lets me think and feel. I’m emotional, yeah, but I guess that’s just how I connect with life. I’m not afraid to feel, even if sometimes it makes me overthink.

One of my hobbies is creating things out of curiosity. I also created a banana pencil project on our Senior Highschool Capstone Research. That’s the kind of stuff that makes me feel alive, turning something ordinary into something useful. I enjoy doing things with my hands, experimenting, and finding out what happens next. It’s not always perfect, but the process itself feels satisfying. When I’m working on something creative, I forget about stress for a while. It’s like time slows down and I’m just there, focused and calm.

Aside from that, I also like learning new things, not the boring, heavy stuff, but the kind that makes you go “oh, so that’s how it works.” I know I’m not the smartest student out there, but I do my best to understand. Sometimes I learn slower than others, but once I get it, it sticks. I like when people explain things patiently because it makes me feel seen and capable.

But let’s be real, there are also times when I get super bored. You know those days when everything feels the same, wake up, go to class, do tasks, repeat. I hate that loop. It’s like living in a glitch that doesn’t reset. When that happens, I usually listen to music, scroll through some random videos, or just think about my future. Sometimes I talk to myself, yeah, I admit it. It’s weird, but it helps me sort out my thoughts.

There’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately: Why do I keep doing what I do, even when it feels like no one notices?

And honestly, my answer is simple. I do it for me. I don’t always need people to notice or praise what I do. As long as I’m learning something, growing, or even just surviving another day, that’s already a win. Life doesn’t always need an audience. Sometimes it’s enough that you’re showing up for yourself.

Being in college is teaching me a lot, not just about ships or navigation, but about patience, courage, and being okay with not having everything figured out yet. I’m learning that it’s fine to take my time, to feel things deeply, and to dream quietly. Maybe one day, all of this, the hobbies, the boredom, the emotions, will make sense.

For now, I’ll just keep writing, keep creating, and keep being me.