I write fics sometimes :] Reploidbuddy on Ao3 My writing tag is "rep writes" and my art tag is "rep draws" Gotta re-learn how to draw almost from scratch augh 3
Hello everyone, I know I've been really absent from both here and ao3. I figured I should put an update as to what's happening at the moment, at least to inform those who might still be following my works or Narrows.
In the last few months (for various reasons) I didn't find a lot of time or energy to write, which unfortunately got my pace to a near-zero when it comes to writing. And somewhere during the summer, the first thing I had started to fear might happen... Happened. I lost interest in Sonic, definitely including Espilver (which I'd rather not get into but stuff has happened that made me lose a lot of my enjoyment of them and my feelings toward the ship went very gray, to the point it makes me uncomfortable at times). Part of me hoped the hyperfixation would come back, but it didn't and I'd argue it went worse. But with the little time I had to write my level probably dropped too low for what Narrows required anyway.
And a week or two ago another thing I had originally feared happened (but after my loss of interest for Sonic, I probably needed that, I'm not used to going months without a hyperfixation keeping me sane lmao). Another fandom caught my attention just as Sonic had these few years back, just as previous fandoms did before Sonic. And when my hyperfixation starts, I can't go back wether I wish to or not.
And unfortunately due to all this, I can't see myself coming back to Narrows because I don't enjoy it anymore, and a work I don't enjoy is one that lost its quality, especially a work like Narrows that was an experiment narration-wise. If there had been two or three chapters left to write, I would have gladly written them, but even with the unpublished chapters sitting in my documents I'm at best at half the story and I couldn't power through 20-30 more chapters.
So I'm sorry to say this, but I'll have to announce Narrows as discontinued. Y'all have been the sweetest readers I could ask for and I truly wish I was able to continue it for all your sake but I just can't. I don't know if I'll publish what has been sitting in my docs considering chapter 20 is a relatively good one to end on compared to where I've had to stop but I'll see. I don't like leaving stories unfinished, but I'm at a point where I have to either delete it or leave it discontinued, and seeing how much people have been enjoying it, I'd rather leave it there for those who might want to read it again despite it all.
If some miracle happens a few years down the line and I really want to continue it, I will and let future readers find it, but for now I really can't, just opening the document makes me go into a freeze mode and so did the idea of posting a backup chapter in the last few months.
So yeah, those of you who wish to stay despite all this may start seeing some attack on titan posts going around, but it would have felt crappy of me to just start posting and never address my sudden silence and discontinuation as if nothing ever happened, you guys have been way too sweet to not at least get an explanation and a form of update on the fic. If you have been following me for my Sonic content, I won't blame you for unfollowing, it happens, but know that your presence here in my Sonic era was very appreciated and you will be missed <3 Thank you all for being my audience, you've all been a real treasure
hi hello, want some jeanmarco angst? you're getting it anyway 😇
by the way, Marco died in Jean's hometown, in Trost. Jean probably avoids that street for blocks, afraid to find his body there again... or maybe he still shows up there sometimes, bringing flowers, marco doesn't even have a grave, after all...
Jeans character being reduced to a shipping brick or just being called hot pisses me off so bad. Jean Kirstein you deserve so much more attention to your character and choices than you get.
Jean is a person who sees himself as independent when in actuality he needs somebody to lead him more than anything. (Which is what makes his character growth so interesting.) He's a person with a shattered sense of self struggling to move on after losing so much that mattered to him. Please understand </3
Had a whack dream with aot characters/undertones, don't remember a lot but I do remember:
-Hange making my basement a floor is lava situation and it seems the only material used was a bunch of matches. Don't ask me how kfnsjf
-There was this specific building where a bunch of beasts slept and were being watched by a guardian and if they ever woke up the world would be Fucked™. Guess what they woke up lmao but I never ended up seeing what happened.
-I knew clearly everything was happening during the Trost arc bc Marco was still alive and I made a remark about him later
-Like 3 cadets were on the roofs transporting glowy stone-like stuff called "gifts" in bags that they had to bring somewhere in particular. All bags were kinda big but then there was Mikasa and it was memably big compared to the other two
-That's the moment I went "should have probably put Marco here instead of a nameless cadet, if he's gonna die soon might as well put him everywhere so we remember him"
-Dunno how that worked but the ones transporting the gifts ended up traversing in another dimension idk how that worked but the gifts disappeared then and everyone was fine and the other place was fine too
-In my not-asleep-but-can't-quite-wake-up state I imagined a short alternate scene with the glowing stones and now I got a surprisingly clear image of Marco's glowing stones disappearing and he disappears too after yelling at everyone to drop their stones. Thanks to his warning no one else disappeared.
Summary: When Jean gets a Titan thrown at him in the fight to get Eren back from Reiner, he wakes up in a peaceful but strange plain where a familiar face awaits. (Basically an exploration of Jean's side when unconscious at the end of season 2)
Relationship Tag: Marco & Jean (though can be interpreted as JeanMarco, point is they're emotionally close <3)
Characters: Jean, Marco, minor roles for Sasha and Armin
Word Count: 1500
Tumblr version of the one-shot under the cut for those that might not have ao3/prefer reading on tumblr!
***
“Jean!”
Armin’s call had turned to a raspy scream. Jean turned back, fearing his blonde comrade might already be crushed by one of the numerous titans thrown their way.
But instead, Armin’s body flashed into darkness. The light flashed back on him, but the sun disappeared above Jean. Wind crashed in his face.
A Titan thrown so close.
Could any direction allow him to avoid it?
He whipped his head back ahead, but Buchwald already reared at the titan landing in their path. Jean gripped the reins to steer the horse away.
A gigantic leg slammed to their right. The ground broke.
The titan’s left foot rammed into them.
The reins tore from Jean’s hands in a scorching yank, the kick sending horse and rider in separate directions.
His back slammed into the ground first, sending him rolling into the hard soil, the metal cases of his gear digging and slamming into his legs and sides. The ground pulled his arms back, sent his head up only to slam it back down in a single whip of his neck.
Then
Then…
Jean’s eyes fluttered open, meeting with a quiet blur of green and blue. He sat with his back against a tree, safely nestled between two large roots.
A soft wind blew over his face, tickling his forehead with his bangs and sending a small chill down his spine. His lower lip quivered as he tightened his cape around himself, trying to eliminate any space between his body and the green cocoon of fabric. The scenery didn’t quite clear of its blur, but Jean’s eyes couldn’t quite stay open anyway, heavy lids struggling against their own attempts to close again.
But why did he fight against it…? With a sky so blue and the air so quiet, surely no one needed him anywhere, right…?
Not that he could recall how and when he got here anyway. Not that it really mattered. A few more minutes alone out here could do him some good. Jean sank further between the tree’s roots, his chin hiding in his cape as he let his head roll to the side, gaze running on the bark.
He wasn’t alone. Propped against the tree sat another person, book in hand. They had been so quiet, Jean would chuckle at the idea of them appearing out of thin air if he had the energy. Against the blur of the field around them, the other’s body popped almost uncannily, as if the grass below refused to take shape to instead trace them in thick ink. Jean’s half-lidded eyes trailed up the brown jacket’s collar, briefly attaching themselves to the person’s neck, then climbing the rest, until they met with familiar short dark hair and dotted cheeks.
Marco detached his gaze from his book, turning to Jean. His brown eyes almost shone in the blurred light beyond the tree, and the wind lost its cold as his lips curled into that warm smile of his.
Jean would let the other’s name cross his lips if his voice could escape the bottom of his throat. His chest ached at the sight. But why…? Hadn’t they been out here all day? Marco wouldn’t slack off, so no punishment could wait for them beyond the blurred plains. So why did this tingling ache pulse in his chest? Why did his green cocoon choke him? Why did his eyes grip Marco’s until it burned? Why did his closing lids suddenly feel like betrayal?
“Slow down, Jean,” chuckled Marco. “Keep your grand interrogations for later. We don’t have long.”
He wanted to push off the cape wrapped so tightly around him. Slip his arm away and let his hand crawl on the green splotches until it reached Marco, as if it might bring some answers or finally shut his mind. But his body couldn’t move against the tree, limbs paralyzed and torso heavier than a cannon. He couldn’t sink further against the smooth bark behind him if he tried.
But Marco was right; such quiet never lasted long, having enough time to lie there had already been a privilege. He just hoped he’d get a few minutes more, that his dearest friend might keep that relaxed smile for a little longer before the solemnity of life caught back up with them. Marco had closed his book, crossing his legs as he turned fully toward Jean. Despite his smile, he had that tight-lipped look when he tried to find the words or the courage to speak. Jean would have asked about the trapped thought if he could break his voice free from his chest. He settled on waiting; this wasn’t the worst place to wait, and not the worst sight to hold.
The blue and green blurs melted together in the distance. The wind picked up, though despite the cold, Jean couldn’t find it in him to shiver, dizziness instead pushing his head into a low light-headed buzz.
Marco’s eyes widened, smile fading. He looked down for a moment, brown eyes almost searching into the soil until his gaze plunged back into Jean’s.
“...I missed you.”
Jean would frown at the words if he found the energy. Why…? He had been right there, hadn’t he?
A thump beat in his ears, faint, but just loud enough to be told apart from his own heartbeat. His eyes tore away from Marco’s, slipping past his shoulder where the blue and green started morphing into a thick white fog, like a shrinking dome. The ground shook rhythmically, the tree pulsing against his head and pushing it forward in quick bobs, like…
…like on a horse.
Buchwald. Reiner. Armin.
Marco’s half-eaten corpse. The dull dried empty eyes staring past the world. The rough, grainy charred bones in his palm.
Marco…!
Jean’s eyes locked back onto his friend. Marco still looked at him, but his face had fallen, smile gone. If only Jean’s limbs could move, if only he could sit up in front of him and work his way back to that smile of his. When would he get to see it again? Would he ever?
Marco’s hand went to reach out… but stopped, the dark-haired boy pulling it back on his lap before trapping it in his other hand. He took a deep breath as the tree’s top vanished into the icy white fog, then as he released it his smile returned despite the sadness in his eyes. The ever-present curl of his lips still somehow released warmth in the growing wind, like a struggling fire in a storm.
“I don’t mean any offense by this…” his voice still remained clear, as if Jean had managed to grip onto the sound itself. “...But I hope I don’t get to see you again for a very long time.”
Jean’s lids grew heavier than stones, falling shut and throwing him in darkness.
Marco!
“Be safe, Jean.”
Dark grass whizzed by on the ground, horse legs whipping in and out of Jean’s vision. His cheek pressed on green fabric, the wind intensified by the horse’s gallop running a shudder down his body. His back ached, his sides and legs twinged with every bounce from the running horse, and his neck muscles seemed to constantly overstretch despite their current immobility. He tried moving his burning hands, but found them loosely tied, arms around a soft mass… he must have been handed over a rider for transport.
“Jean!” Sasha rejoiced, her shape vaguely tracing in and out of his vision. The setting sun lit her nose and bangs. She must be looking at him, but he couldn’t follow her movement on her horse to find her eyes.
“He’s awake?” Armin’s voice almost pounded, the cape beneath Jean’s head must be his. The blonde had been right behind, he must have avoided that titan’s damage and taken him. “Oh good, that’s good…!”
The thumping hadn’t stopped, though the volume seemed to weaken and strengthen irregularly. He looked up toward the orange of a setting sky, eyes aching at the high angle to compensate for his neck; he couldn’t find the strength to move that one yet. Titans strode in the distance, though they did not even glance in their direction, going the opposite way. That thump and shake that had torn him away from Marco…
Of course it wouldn’t have lasted, he had lost consciousness, it had been only a dream. A peaceful but fragile dream. One where Marco seemed to have known what he had inexplicably forgotten in his sleep, had somehow expected the dream to be short.
Despite the proof, despite his clear memory of the titan, of the ache throughout his body and the relief from his comrades, it hadn’t quite felt like a dream. But he couldn’t point out why exactly… there had just been something about him, about Marco. Something different. Something in his eyes.
I hope I don’t get to see you again for a very long time.
Marco had always had that talent of saying something that in principle should be insulting, but saying it in such a way that it left Jean’s heart light, made him admit that the other had a point. He couldn’t say why, but a part of Jean couldn’t help the feeling that his dearest friend had been right again. Perhaps about something only Marco had known. And perhaps he’d figure out what it was one day.
He only wished he could have told him he had missed him too.
If the official AOT Musical ever continued, I would die for a Jean and Marco duet not long after the latter’s death. Imagine Jean singing about wanting to do better by joining the Scouts and Marco’s ghost singing how proud he is but Jean cannot hear him. 🥲
Summary: When Jean gets a Titan thrown at him in the fight to get Eren back from Reiner, he wakes up in a peaceful but strange plain where a familiar face awaits. (Basically an exploration of Jean's side when unconscious at the end of season 2)
Relationship Tag: Marco & Jean (though can be interpreted as JeanMarco, point is they're emotionally close <3)
Characters: Jean, Marco, minor roles for Sasha and Armin
Word Count: 1500
Tumblr version of the one-shot under the cut for those that might not have ao3/prefer reading on tumblr!
***
“Jean!”
Armin’s call had turned to a raspy scream. Jean turned back, fearing his blonde comrade might already be crushed by one of the numerous titans thrown their way.
But instead, Armin’s body flashed into darkness. The light flashed back on him, but the sun disappeared above Jean. Wind crashed in his face.
A Titan thrown so close.
Could any direction allow him to avoid it?
He whipped his head back ahead, but Buchwald already reared at the titan landing in their path. Jean gripped the reins to steer the horse away.
A gigantic leg slammed to their right. The ground broke.
The titan’s left foot rammed into them.
The reins tore from Jean’s hands in a scorching yank, the kick sending horse and rider in separate directions.
His back slammed into the ground first, sending him rolling into the hard soil, the metal cases of his gear digging and slamming into his legs and sides. The ground pulled his arms back, sent his head up only to slam it back down in a single whip of his neck.
Then
Then…
Jean’s eyes fluttered open, meeting with a quiet blur of green and blue. He sat with his back against a tree, safely nestled between two large roots.
A soft wind blew over his face, tickling his forehead with his bangs and sending a small chill down his spine. His lower lip quivered as he tightened his cape around himself, trying to eliminate any space between his body and the green cocoon of fabric. The scenery didn’t quite clear of its blur, but Jean’s eyes couldn’t quite stay open anyway, heavy lids struggling against their own attempts to close again.
But why did he fight against it…? With a sky so blue and the air so quiet, surely no one needed him anywhere, right…?
Not that he could recall how and when he got here anyway. Not that it really mattered. A few more minutes alone out here could do him some good. Jean sank further between the tree’s roots, his chin hiding in his cape as he let his head roll to the side, gaze running on the bark.
He wasn’t alone. Propped against the tree sat another person, book in hand. They had been so quiet, Jean would chuckle at the idea of them appearing out of thin air if he had the energy. Against the blur of the field around them, the other’s body popped almost uncannily, as if the grass below refused to take shape to instead trace them in thick ink. Jean’s half-lidded eyes trailed up the brown jacket’s collar, briefly attaching themselves to the person’s neck, then climbing the rest, until they met with familiar short dark hair and dotted cheeks.
Marco detached his gaze from his book, turning to Jean. His brown eyes almost shone in the blurred light beyond the tree, and the wind lost its cold as his lips curled into that warm smile of his.
Jean would let the other’s name cross his lips if his voice could escape the bottom of his throat. His chest ached at the sight. But why…? Hadn’t they been out here all day? Marco wouldn’t slack off, so no punishment could wait for them beyond the blurred plains. So why did this tingling ache pulse in his chest? Why did his green cocoon choke him? Why did his eyes grip Marco’s until it burned? Why did his closing lids suddenly feel like betrayal?
“Slow down, Jean,” chuckled Marco. “Keep your grand interrogations for later. We don’t have long.”
He wanted to push off the cape wrapped so tightly around him. Slip his arm away and let his hand crawl on the green splotches until it reached Marco, as if it might bring some answers or finally shut his mind. But his body couldn’t move against the tree, limbs paralyzed and torso heavier than a cannon. He couldn’t sink further against the smooth bark behind him if he tried.
But Marco was right; such quiet never lasted long, having enough time to lie there had already been a privilege. He just hoped he’d get a few minutes more, that his dearest friend might keep that relaxed smile for a little longer before the solemnity of life caught back up with them. Marco had closed his book, crossing his legs as he turned fully toward Jean. Despite his smile, he had that tight-lipped look when he tried to find the words or the courage to speak. Jean would have asked about the trapped thought if he could break his voice free from his chest. He settled on waiting; this wasn’t the worst place to wait, and not the worst sight to hold.
The blue and green blurs melted together in the distance. The wind picked up, though despite the cold, Jean couldn’t find it in him to shiver, dizziness instead pushing his head into a low light-headed buzz.
Marco’s eyes widened, smile fading. He looked down for a moment, brown eyes almost searching into the soil until his gaze plunged back into Jean’s.
“...I missed you.”
Jean would frown at the words if he found the energy. Why…? He had been right there, hadn’t he?
A thump beat in his ears, faint, but just loud enough to be told apart from his own heartbeat. His eyes tore away from Marco’s, slipping past his shoulder where the blue and green started morphing into a thick white fog, like a shrinking dome. The ground shook rhythmically, the tree pulsing against his head and pushing it forward in quick bobs, like…
…like on a horse.
Buchwald. Reiner. Armin.
Marco’s half-eaten corpse. The dull dried empty eyes staring past the world. The rough, grainy charred bones in his palm.
Marco…!
Jean’s eyes locked back onto his friend. Marco still looked at him, but his face had fallen, smile gone. If only Jean’s limbs could move, if only he could sit up in front of him and work his way back to that smile of his. When would he get to see it again? Would he ever?
Marco’s hand went to reach out… but stopped, the dark-haired boy pulling it back on his lap before trapping it in his other hand. He took a deep breath as the tree’s top vanished into the icy white fog, then as he released it his smile returned despite the sadness in his eyes. The ever-present curl of his lips still somehow released warmth in the growing wind, like a struggling fire in a storm.
“I don’t mean any offense by this…” his voice still remained clear, as if Jean had managed to grip onto the sound itself. “...But I hope I don’t get to see you again for a very long time.”
Jean’s lids grew heavier than stones, falling shut and throwing him in darkness.
Marco!
“Be safe, Jean.”
Dark grass whizzed by on the ground, horse legs whipping in and out of Jean’s vision. His cheek pressed on green fabric, the wind intensified by the horse’s gallop running a shudder down his body. His back ached, his sides and legs twinged with every bounce from the running horse, and his neck muscles seemed to constantly overstretch despite their current immobility. He tried moving his burning hands, but found them loosely tied, arms around a soft mass… he must have been handed over a rider for transport.
“Jean!” Sasha rejoiced, her shape vaguely tracing in and out of his vision. The setting sun lit her nose and bangs. She must be looking at him, but he couldn’t follow her movement on her horse to find her eyes.
“He’s awake?” Armin’s voice almost pounded, the cape beneath Jean’s head must be his. The blonde had been right behind, he must have avoided that titan’s damage and taken him. “Oh good, that’s good…!”
The thumping hadn’t stopped, though the volume seemed to weaken and strengthen irregularly. He looked up toward the orange of a setting sky, eyes aching at the high angle to compensate for his neck; he couldn’t find the strength to move that one yet. Titans strode in the distance, though they did not even glance in their direction, going the opposite way. That thump and shake that had torn him away from Marco…
Of course it wouldn’t have lasted, he had lost consciousness, it had been only a dream. A peaceful but fragile dream. One where Marco seemed to have known what he had inexplicably forgotten in his sleep, had somehow expected the dream to be short.
Despite the proof, despite his clear memory of the titan, of the ache throughout his body and the relief from his comrades, it hadn’t quite felt like a dream. But he couldn’t point out why exactly… there had just been something about him, about Marco. Something different. Something in his eyes.
I hope I don’t get to see you again for a very long time.
Marco had always had that talent of saying something that in principle should be insulting, but saying it in such a way that it left Jean’s heart light, made him admit that the other had a point. He couldn’t say why, but a part of Jean couldn’t help the feeling that his dearest friend had been right again. Perhaps about something only Marco had known. And perhaps he’d figure out what it was one day.
He only wished he could have told him he had missed him too.
Now AOT fans like to talk about their favourite opening song or ending song of the anime, or even the lyrical themes within the episodes. But I’m here to ask:
Which is your favourite background music of Attack On Titan?
One of my personal favs is Shingeki Pf - Medley 20130629 Kyojin (what are these titles?)
