‘i wouldn’t miss our day for the world… i thought you knew that.’
“i thought i knew that, too. but what do you want me to think?” his tone of voice is harsher than he’s intending it to be, but it’s obvious he’s exasperated. it’s a stark contrast to the way she’s talking to him — so quiet and frail, so unlike her — and that makes him feel even worse. he doesn’t think he’s ever upset callie like this before. not on purpose, of course not, and any time he’d done so unknowingly he’d been quick to gather her into his arms the minute he figured it out, suffocating her with his warmth until she’d relented.
he can’t do that now and it’s driving him crazy.
“we haven’t spent any time together lately. not like before.”
is before gone now? just like that? had they… had they made a mistake when they decided to cross that line, right after they’d promised each other to not let it fuck up their friendship? because that’s the only thing that’s different about them this year, isn’t it? things aren’t supposed to be this complicated. he doesn’t even know why it’s so complicated. why can’t they just stop acting like this. why can’t he just stop acting like he’s—
“i’m not—” jealous. he doesn’t bother to finish that sentence, because it’s absurd. isn’t it? there’s nothing for him to be jealous of. callie is his—his best friend, his best girl.
“i just— i don’t understand why you have to spend all your time with him when…” that used to be me. us. but he doesn’t know how to tell her this without… without what, exactly? there’s a lump in his throat he has no idea how to get rid of, as if preventing him from telling her how he’s feeling. he should be able to tell her. he’s never not been able to tell her everything. but levi can’t seem to find the words to express himself and he doesn’t understand why. none of this makes sense to him anymore.
what are you feeling? that’s the worst part of it all: he can’t give this a name because he’s never experienced this. it’s anger, most of all. quite a bit of frustration. he’s so damn irritated as of late, every time he has to watch callie show interest in someone that isn’t him. it hadn’t ever bothered him before, not like this. he used to damn well congratulate her for getting laid, for fuck’s sake. tease her about her endeavors the same she did him. and now? now he can’t stand the fucking thought of someone that isn’t him touching her. what the hell’s that supposed to mean?
‘are you really that jealous of hyunwoo…’
is he? is that what this is?
“you’re not dating him again—” as soon as the words leave his mouth, it feels as if a heavy weight settles into his stomach. because fuck. what if she is? no. of course not. she would’ve told him if she was, right? yeah. but that doesn’t stop him from looking at her as though he’s suddenly seeing her in a new (and not exactly positive) light, his tone accusatory despite the fact he has absolutely no reason to be—has absolutely no right to be. “are you?”
‘we haven’t spent any time together lately. not like before.’
a heavy sigh escaped her lips. callie knew the truth to that. it was her own fault for allowing herself to become so distant from levi, not that she wanted to. but their relationship-- it had become so incredibly intense so fast, she felt the need to put a break on everything. especially when it started to bleed into their lives outside of whatever they were. it was consuming them both and for them to start having unnatural expectations of one another that weren’t meant for ‘just friends,’ it made them confusing and this new change to their relationship even more alarming.
“you, what?” with every struggle the male voiced out, callie felt herself growing more restless. she was anticipating any clue, answer, or excuse he can give her, having every urge to fill in the blanks that levi was leaving out. but she knew better than to get her hopes up. she shouldn’t even consider the possibility. still, she wished he’d just say something to make all of this go away. or at least, tell her something that would desperately make her want to stay.
‘you’re not dating him again— are you?’
she was at a loss for words. did he really just ask her if she was dating hyunwoo again? did it even count as him asking when his own words sounded so certain and accusatory? levi really believed that she was the one in the wrong here and for some reason, that bothered callie a lot. and before she could even begin to think as to why, her own mouth already began shooting off much to her own shock.
“no, i am not dating hyunwoo.” her words were quick and sharp, almost as if she knew if she’d stopped speaking now, she’ll never get to say what’s really bothering her. and in turn, levi would never really know what was wrong. “and even if i were, do you really think i have to answer to you about everything i do? half the time, you don’t even tell me what you’re doing much less who you’re screwing around with. I always have to find out some other way and pretend i’m okay with it -- or, somehow, pretend that i already knew!”
with every word callie spoke, she felt her voice raising louder and higher -- something she never did with levi before. she was never the one to get mad or upset, always understanding and supportive even if there were thousands of reasons for her not to be. honestly, callie really believed -- no, she wanted to believe-- that none of this had ever bothered her. but here she is now, beyond confused and distressed, and revealing everything she had been carrying inside all this time.
“i really can’t believe how you’re such a hypocrite! you can date, fuck around, and string along as many people as you want when it suits you. but the moment there’s someone who’s interested in me, i don’t get to have the option of deciding whether i want to date them or not?” she was practically fuming at this point, her face red from either her embarrassment or from just pure exasperation. and maybe it was because she was exhausted from this fight or just this entire situation in general, but she can practically feel tears threatening to form out of frustration, alerting herself to try and keep it together -- although she can also feel herself failing that the longer this drags out.
but she wasn’t done, not yet. she still had a lot more to say despite both the tightness in her throat and the heaviness in her chest telling her to stop.
“this really isn’t even fair. how can you come up to me and judge me for even entertaining the idea that for once, i may have someone who likes me, someone who wants to date me? and so what if it happens to be my ex-boyfriend? honestly, if this is some type of jealousy or possession thing -- please grow up, levi!”
god, how she felt so much like a huffy child just then. why did she have to plead her case to someone who was supposed to be her best friend? she couldn’t understand it at all and now, the both of them were so close to having one huge meltdown over something that could have probably been avoided in the first place. but they were both so stupid, so dumb. they really dug a hole for themselves over their reckless decisions and are now just grasping at each other and any reason for some sort of way out. they were both desperate to find a solution, but at what cost exactly?
“you’re acting like you’re my boyfriend, but we’re not even dating!”
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