Trying to fill the empty

[requiemforimmortals]

Sometimes I’m scared of the sunlight

worried about the potential heartbreak on the horizon

even as its warm hands caress my body

See I’m used to the cold

it’s familiar kiss frost bitten

chapped lips and lifeless fingers

so frozen I forget what it is to feel heat

when I’m wrapped in bright rays

its hard not to feel the lingering eyes

of those dark days hungering for me

licking their chomps and waiting

until I crawl back to chaos like a

toxic ex I just cant seem to shake loose

I’m still learning to take it day by day

breath by breath

still discovering what it means

to feel joy without lingering loneliness

to be okay in the sunshine

to let calm take the wheel for once

I’m trying to learn that just because

there is a cloud in the sky it doesn’t mean

I have to run to the shadows of a tree

just to beat it before it gets there

that it doesn’t mean

I have to fear happiness

just because

I know the darkness so well

-K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

Some day I will forgive myself for all the things I never needed forgiveness for.

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

It’s hard to go through life

just surviving

I want to be living

not just waiting to die

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

Maybe there are some things

in your head

that would make me feel

not so alone in mine

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I look in the mirror

and trash looks back

opens its lid

and spits filth

at my face

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I’m getting sick again

I can feel it

Coming back like a tornado on its second pass

It’s ready to wreck me again

And I’ve barely built back what it took before

I can feel it coming and I’m just as unprepared

It’s going to hit me hard and everything that grew back

will be like dust in my hands

And honestly

I feel helpless to stop it

-K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I don’t want to be in the clouds anymore

What a huge achievement

To want my feet on the ground for once

{Healing}

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I’m like day and night

Full of dark and full of light

I’m still learning to love the

Twilight parts of me

The calm between the intensity

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

Healing is not linear

I’ve learned this the hard way

like most people do

It came with anger

and frustration

a deep aching

a spine numbing longing

to be where I want to be

and not where I’m at

-K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I sit under the sun and rearrange myself

bask in the heat

feel it warm my atoms

and I pull out believing in myself

to offer up to that glowing ball like it’s some kind of God

I can actually see

and just for a moment

a glimpse of a second in a lifespan of pain

I think maybe I can get through this

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I’m trying hard shouldn’t that be enough.

I’ve got weary bones and a heart so heavy it’s bending my back.

I laid in my bed the other night holding my pillow close to my chest like a child and thought my monsters were never in my closet, they have only ever dwelled in my head.

I don’t know how to stop writing about graveyards trapped in bodies.

The living dead

because that’s what it feels like putting one foot in front of the other.

The smell of my decaying heart trailing after me.

This poetry is just the pain I’ve been submerged in so long my lungs are full, my hand, my pen.

I wanna talk about the birds lullabies in the morning, how for a moment before the ache crowds in my ears are pleased

and if the sun pokes out just once today, maybe that could be enough.

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

Have you ever tried so hard

you went backwards

I’m still learning to love my misteps

find knowledge in my footprints

even if there’s no direction yet

at least I’m still moving

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I just want to be happy

feel the sun sink into my skin, infuse me

I’m tired of living in a boiling pot of pain, make tea from me instead

the taste of hope

My brain needs planting

flowers named for joy

chrysanthemums i believe they’re called

Fill me with a field of them

a pallet of color when they bloom

inside me

I want their roots to tangle in my heart

let me know

there is always

time to grow

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I just want to live without not wanting to.

[thehopefulquotes]

The truth was I was tired way underneath my skin. I was tired where even I couldn’t see. I do not know how that happened. How I ended up like that. It all happened so fast.

Rebecca Wells, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (via thehopefulquotes)

[requiemforimmortals]

I want to know

what it’s like to walk

into somewhere new

without fear in my blood

K.M. Rose

[requiemforimmortals]

I want to change everything that is making me suffer, but I do not know how.