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gay be saporta • jerseyjunkest • 🌱

[residentweevils]

really relevant meme for the kids

[residentweevils]

i love waking up each morning and deciding whether i’m uruguayan, american, a new yorker, or a jersey boy 😇

[residentweevils]

highlight of the week: elmo getting bullied on twitter for saying he hoped “both teams have fun” when he’s literally a new yorker. HOW BOUT THEM KNICKS

[residentweevils]

last night i kicked a kindle into my face…

[residentweevils]

my kid’s new favorite obsession: intentionally sneezing on me

[residentweevils]

so apparently i deserve an entire book dedicated to my selling out. here’s the chapters, courtesy of my roommate:

- first sell out is getting kicked out of your first band

- second sell out is third midtown album

- every cobra album gets a chapter

- any one off singles were super sell outs and get a chapter

- oh wait no slide a chapter in there about all your investments in the late 2000s and mid 2010s

- brotege gets a chapter

- and then a summary that covers things like doing groceries at erewhon and vacation homes and your cars

[residentweevils]

you think you know someone and then they do something as reprehensible as slandering a masterpiece that reached #3 on the icelandic top 40

[residentweevils]

i want you all to know that this is now a rivals fan blog once again

[residentweevils]

also RIVALS?! i’m locked in

[residentweevils]

me and my kid had grand plans to rob a bank yesterday but we said meh and decided to go to the park instead

[residentweevils]

hyper aware today of how old my kids are getting and that one day they will LEAVE ME

[residentweevils]

this is what it looks like when you’ve been in love with your person known your roommate since the 90s

[residentweevils]

i was today years old when i found out green pesto has nuts in it

[residentweevils]

yukon gold must really lord it over their inferior brothers, yukon silver and yukon bronze

[residentweevils]

don’t talk to me i’m watching the new season of ladies of london

[residentweevils]

my roommate said he was hungry, asked if I wanted anything, made me come up with the options, then somehow got me making him a salad. incredible levels of delegation from a man sat fully upright and conscious

[residentweevils]

my april fools joke is that i left everyone on edge expecting me to do one (and i didn’t)