[ his smile turns sheepish, and he drops his chin to hide behind his hair. the embarrassment’s beginning to settle in. he can use countless excuses: i’m sick, i panicked, i shouldn’t be a dad, but none of them matter. it’s over, it happened, and sam doesn’t know how else to move past it but to shrug it away. ]
[ he wishes he could read her mind; it’d make this whole situation easier. maybe if he’d kept up on his psychic abilities– but now’s not the time for ‘psychic boy wonder’ jokes. he wants to know if she likes him, if she sees him as a good potential father to her children. yeah, he went to stanford, but that was a long time ago, and he didn’t even graduate. he’s got the pedigree of a labrador retriever covered in mud, and the training to match. ]
[ now he just has to do what he did the night they slept together, except that night was easier. it was easier to talk to her, laying in bed naked, pushing that red hair out of her eyes. he didn’t think he was ever going to see her again. he didn’t have to hold back as much. now, there’s so much more resting on this. he has to close himself off. he has to decide what he can reveal and what he has to lock away, like always. like with jess. ]
[ this is why a relationship like this would have never worked for sam. he’d never be able to give a woman all of him. not completely. there’s too much at stake… to many secrets to keep. ]
My brother, uh. The one you met the night we, you know…?
[ he clears his throat, feels himself freeze up a little bit at the omission of mother. he doesn’t blame her, sam can’t even bring himself to think the word dad. ]
We were born here, but spent most of our lives on the road… we just settled back here a few months ago. It’s a little weird. I was mostly in the city when I was in college, but. I don’t think I could ever get used to the chaos of New York City.
[ the waitress comes back over just then with a basket of bread, and if she looks a little wary when her gaze lands on sam, neither comment on it. she asks if they’re ready to place their orders. she takes them and leaves. ]
[ sam clears his throat again, reaching out to take a piece of bread, if only for something to do with his hands. he breaks it into smaller pieces on his plate, and doesn’t look at her. this is weird. when did this become weird? he used to be good with people. and that night with her… was great. it was easy. ]
What, uh. What made you pick Kansas?
she listens closely, eyebrows slightly raised as she leans forward in her seat, full attention on him. not in a way that would make him uncomfortable ( she hoped she wasn’t ) but in a way that he could tell that she was listening, attentive to every word that he was saying.
lips quirk into the smallest of grins as he mentions that night, it had been fun, more than fun. it had been incredible, both the sex & what came afterwards. laying with him in bed, opening herself up a little bit to a stranger she had thought that she’d never see again.
light fingers had traced over his chest, head resting on his arm, leg twined with his with red hair splayed over their pillows, hot skin pressed together under a thin motel sheet. words & questions had flown easily, soft laughs & thoughtful ‘hmm’s’, she had left the next morning with a strange knot in her belly, an aversion to leaving the puppy-eyed man.
she thanks the waitress for their bread, asking for a refill of club soda before the woman scurries off. she’ll definitely be leaving the poor thing a big tip, she deserved it for having to walk into the most awkward interaction on the planet, though autumn felt it was getting easier, the more they spoke. maybe it was just her.
❛ it must be strange coming home after being gone for so long, when i get home after a business trip it always feels strange, empty almost, & i’m never gone for more than a month or two at a time. ❜
her words are thoughtful, she wonders what it would be like to leave for years & years only to return. though honestly, if she leaves, if she ever gathers up the courage to leave her father, she’d never come home. she’d be gone in the wind, never to be found again. but now, with this, she doesn’t think she’ll ever go, she needs to keep her job, if she decides to keep it.
a soft laugh as she pops a piece of bread in her mouth, shaking her head.
❛ i didn’t pick kansas. my father is just opened a new branch of our company down here, so we’ve come down to make sure it’s all running smoothly. the night that we, met, it had only been my first weekend down here, you made it pretty memorable. ❜
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