Low Life Jogger with Lost Dreams

this is literally just shit posts, don't try to understand

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Doompeer Fieri

i feel like being tumblr famous is the equivalent to emerging from a dumpster fire with a can of beans and 7 out of the 8 witnesses clapping.

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Skidmerks

Today, i rolled out my chapstivk and ate it because my coworker promised me the tips in their apron if i did.

it turned out to be $0.49

Which wasn't enough to cover the cost of a new chapstuck, but it was worth it because i finally had my favorite thing in me, no not your girlfriend's pussy juice,

Burt Bee himself.

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Let’s start sum fukin discourse baby

horses don’t have legs @ me on this

[paperlampposts]

horses only have 4 oversized fingers. in essence, they are a hand with a head.

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thanks, i hate it.

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Mïĺķīęý Šhåķê

del taco milkshakes are fat thicc (hard f) and their straws are too small. its in my destiny to sue.

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Cluck bait: "I DID WHAT?!!"

My phone is on 59% but I thought it said 69%

but it says 59% but I thought it said 69%

so I was like yeeeeee buddy but it's 59%

(not 69%)

so now I'm like ;(

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Finland is real

Here’s my proof

Fuck you

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Hey everyone I'm sorry about this post, Finland is fake, Belgium too

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Let's start sum fukin discourse baby

horses don't have legs @ me on this

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Tentis or Tenniss

my least favorite part about casually watching porn is when ur mum walks in like "hey hun whatcha watching" i obviously can't say 'oh just sum dood dressed as the queen getting a hand job' hell no, instead i have to spill some crap about "oh just tennis" which then strikes up the conversation "oh when did you get interested in sports" and then keeping up with the lie you try out for the team and then you make the team and then you win your first 3 games and you can't just quit. and the whole situation could've been avoided if you were just jacking off, but no, the casual watch caught you.

•(inspired by true events)

[just-shower-thoughts]

Every year we unknowingly pass the anniversary of our death.

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bold of you to assume i can die

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"High or Nigh" or "High and Nigh"

ok so my intrusive thoughts hit me up in these current hours and i was like “hm, how about i just like cut off half of my left middle finger” and of course your bitch didn’t go through with it, but he’s still thinking about it, but anyways.

just like imagine the stories you can tell

“OMG WHAT HAPPENED?”

“oh, a goose attack” or alternatively

“i was trapped underneath a rock and i had to cut it off to survive… no the rock was on my legs”

and the best part: only your truest friends would know, well, them and that guy you met in 7/11 at 4 a.m, high and half way through your 7th can of red bull, and he may have been the Buddha but i’m sure that guy has more important matters to attend to rather than buying a chili dog and a Snickers bar.

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U Wan Sum Gai?

Being gay is like watching a blanket slip off your tree and into the lake, actually it's nothing like that. Splash

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A Yoten Sockie

I lost one of my socks, the calculator is upside-down no more algebra for the poverty stricken children with polio

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Cruootin

Today I've eaten 6 (six) croutons as my only meal, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me because I was emotionally unavailable but mainly because there were 4 too many fans in my house