Beginning at the end.
Sometimes beginning a story at the end of the day has a nice point of view. Unfortunately, there's nothing nice working retail. Introducing, my first Retail Horror Story. It's 9:45 and it's about 15 minutes to closing. Cash is done, front looks like someone dragged a body through it and Pharmacy could care less what's going on. It's been a day full of coked-up teenagers seeking to challenge death by drinking Red Bull and 5-hour energy. Praise Satan I guess? The aisles make Armageddon a desirable event. There's nuts in the shampoo aisle, cosmetics in the grocery aisle and a toy car on the floor on the route in between. The basket where we dump returns from customers who suddenly picked up a random item and decided to 'wait till they got to one of the registers and ask how much it is';ultimately rejecting it faster than a nerd asking a cool kid to prom is overflowing. Mark looks around, wondering why God is punishing him. He's just lucky his ONE (that's right - ONE) cashier is the good, loyal one - the one that's eager to work and doesn't mind staying late to get the job done - is on tonight. It's 9:54. Can you guess what hot mess is about to happen? A seemingly wasted, yet still functioning blonde woman stumbles through the doors. Attempts to take out her loyalty card, only to have dropped it somewhere - so she approaches the dilapidating coupon machine (which is also a price checker, ladies and gentlemen) - punches in her number and gets some random coupons. She screams in excitement - OMG! As if she was the girl in the infamous, yet catchy and chart-topping #selfie (yes with the hashtag) song character we love to loathe (and to some people, relate to). She grabs a basket, fills it with tampons, cosmetics and random crap she can use her coupons for. At 9:59, she fumbles onto the register exclaiming 'Uhm I have a return, but I lost the receipt. This makeup gave me an allergic reaction" (Any excuse for her ugly face, Mark's thinking). With a driver's license that's surprisingly real - she gets $6 store credit (wow - big spending bitch!). As the actual transaction begins (the return being a gross nightmare like a one night stand you regret), she says as the cashier begins scanning the items - Uhm, I sent a coupon to my card. Is it there; is it there? No coupons appear on my register screen, the way-too nice cashier says (I'd bitchslap this bitch so hard if there wasn't a camera - oh and if we were in Russia or some lawless country). She shows him the e-mail so he asks Mark to cancel (void) the transaction and we have to show this bitch how to use her e-mail. The coupon appears when the transaction is restarted and she dumps a pile of receipt paper from what looks like a purse onto the register and says 'Is there anything good there?' Turns out, everything was expired (like the condom her dad used) or had nothing to do with the items she purchased. She found a $5 reward that expired 2 days ago, but being the awesome manager Mark is - he honors it. Her final total is not what she expected, as the 25% off coupon she had on her card excludes sale items. She removes a few more items (into the return basket of no return!) and swipes her credit card. She asks to use the bathroom, but Mark says someone broke it on one of their drunken stupors (probably her parents making her). The woman leaves, happily couponed and we look at the mess that is 10:15 pm. The bathrooms still have to be cleaned, and the break room of horrors needs a scrub. That's a life of retail - can you really handle anymore after just that salty taste?