You Don't Have to Be Infallible
A model is often given one piece of advice in various forms, and that advice is 'don't complain'. Don't complain about your personal life, don't complain about clients, and, most of all, don't complain about your job. The first two are valid. If you're running a business, you should try and keep your personal life out of it and you shouldn't publicly insult the people who pay you (providing they are behaving appropriately). The last is the one that I believe is problematic.
Don't Complain About Your Job
At face value, that's a sound piece of advice. You don't want potential clients getting a false impression of you as grumpy and difficult. It's a valid point if you're in the habit of complaining about things that you should reasonably have to expect to do as a working model, e.g. early morning starts or having to travel to shoots. But what if there are legitimate things to complain about? What if this seemingly well-intentioned advice is used to browbeat you, and to allow bad practices to continue?
What A Model's Job Is
A model's job is to do the shoot she was hired to do, as it was originally represented by the person who hired her.
A model's job is not to suffer bullying.
A model's job is not to be touched, talked to, or treated inappropriately.
A model's job is not to be put in physical danger by unsafe practices.
A model's job is not to endure victim-blaming in any of these situations because she a) chose to become a model or b) chose to accept a shoot.
Complaining about any or all of these things shouldn't mean a model is labelled a 'difficult' model, but that's often the case.
The Sad Tale of Model A
Model A goes to a shoot. She has a terrible experience. She's in an isolated area with no means of getting away from the photographer or getting home. To get through the shoot, she disassociates and the whole thing seems unreal. When it's over and she can actually process what's happened, she realises just how badly she's been treated. She's dealing with feelings of shame, guilt, anger, and doesn't know what to do next.
The saddest thing about the Sad Tale of Model A is that it's not a tale at all. Her experience is the very real experience of myself, most of the models I know and very likely most of the models you (the reader) interact with.
One of the things Model A and models like her do is share their experiences, often without mentioning the photographer's name for fear of reprisal from the photographer, or their friends or fans.
And sometimes people react to this badly, compounding her feelings of shame and guilt, making her more likely to keep quiet in the future and to internalise the blame for it. This makes it much, much harder for other models to speak out because they feel alone, and this silence in turn makes it much easier for abusive photographers to continue abusing other models.
I'm going to go through a list of common responses that contribute to silencing models and why they're unwise things to say to someone who's already suffering. Some of these things are probably well-intentioned, but that doesn't make them any easier to hear.
Why Didn't You Check References?
First of all, it's likely that she did. Checking references is one piece of advice that a new model hears constantly, and is likely to follow. The thing is, reference-checking is not an absolute shield against bad experiences. Abusers pick their victims carefully and they attack those who, for whatever reason, are less likely to be believed. They target those who are new and naïve or those they view as too timid to speak out (although not always, being vocal and experienced is also not an absolute defence against sexual predators). This means they're likely to have several positive references from models who they haven't abused and, if Model A has already received ten positive private references, she might quite reasonably assume all of the rest are positive as well.
If she didn't, well, there's nothing she can do about it now and reminding her of an action she didn't take is only going to contribute to her guilt and shame about the whole incident. It's only going to make her blame herself more, and that's hugely damaging not only to her but to the whole industry, because it shifts the blame from the person who deserves it (the abuser) to someone who doesn't (the victim).
People who say this probably are trying to be helpful. What they're, usually, trying to say is that reference-checking is important and that's very true, but after the fact it's just adding insult to injury for the reasons outlined above.
Why Didn't You Call for Help/Leave/Punch Them?
Many, many reasons:
Victims are often afraid that if they retaliate the situation will escalate.
Victims are terrified. An abuser has already crossed one line, they don't know what else their abuser might try.
Victims often 'freeze'. A bad experience often also feels like an out-of-body experience because that's the mind's way of defending itself.
Shoots often take place in isolated areas or in the middle of nowhere, offering no means of escape.
It's easy to say what someone should have done, but the reality of these situations is quite different. This kind of advice isn't helpful because, again, it can often read as blaming the victim for not doing more to prevent the situation from happening.
Name and Shame/Go to the Police
Don't say this, please. It's a very stressful thing to hear when a model is already dealing with a lot of difficult and negative emotions. You demanding names and baying for blood actually makes it harder for the model to deal with it. 'Name and shame' may not be possible on the site she's using because of their anti-libel policies. 'Go to the police' sounds dismissive and reductive, like you want her to shut up and talk to someone else about it.
I'm not saying that models shouldn't go to the police about this. If they feel able to, they absolutely should. But victims of abuse need encouragement not pressure. If you are going to give the model advice, your tone should be helpful and not accusatory.
There's a massive difference between:
“Oh my God, do the police know about this?” (Concern)
And:
“Why are you complaining about this here? It's the police's job to deal with this kind of thing.” (Dismissive)
I Am Selling My Camera!
Don't do this either. I understand that it's upsetting to hear that someone you know, perhaps even admire and like, has been abused but you're just adding more guilt. If you say you're giving up photography because you can't stand knowing what some other photographers get up to, though it may seem like you're showing solidarity, you're actually just giving the model another reason to feel guilty. She isn't trying to make all photographers feel bad and she certainly isn't trying to make decent photographers leave the industry. If decent photographers leave because of abusers, that only leaves the abusers.
But Some Models Give Sexual Favours
Unlike the other examples, which are often well-meaning but ill-advised attempts to show sympathy, I think this one comes from somewhere more malicious. Honestly, why would you even think to say something like this to someone who has been abused? Even if every other model the photographer worked with dropped down on her knees and demanded to give oral sex (unlikely though that scenario is), that doesn't give the photographer any right to expect it from the next model they work with. Nor does it excuse a clear disregard for a model's consent. Expecting sex, or titillation, just because other models have given it to you is a thought process that only makes sense in the mind of an abuser.
It's Just A Bit of Fun/Banter
No, it isn't. Amazingly enough when a models says she's had a bad experience, she means exactly that. She's had a bad experience. She doesn't mean the photographer said something slightly dubious and she overreacted because she has no sense of humour. She means that she was abused. Banter is joking that happens between two people who are getting along and enjoying themselves. Abuse is abuse. Don't be dismissive and condescending when a model is trying to speak about something that's incredibly painful. Don't make it worse for her.
Tarring All Photographers with the Same Brush
This is an amazingly common and disproportionate response to a model talking about a bad experience. When a model says, 'I had a bad experience with X photographer and am concerned about the safety of other models', some people somehow hear, 'All photographers are dirty perverts and if you have a camera, I think you're probably a rapist.' This kind of hysterical overreaction to a model trying to speak out again makes it much harder for other models to speak out in future. Models need to be able to talk about safety issues without having to fend off people who can't understand the difference between condemning the actions of one photographer and condemning the actions of all photographers. Models need to be able to talk about safety issues full stop. The more difficult it is just to discuss these issues, the more difficult it becomes to get justice when these issues arise.
So What Should I Say?
I've gone over what not to say in great detail, so it's only fair I give some advice about what to say. Just be supportive and sympathetic, without judging. If you're close to the model, offer a sympathetic ear if she needs to talk about what happened. If she's unsure what to do, then show her how to report members to the sites they operate on, or instructions for reporting sexual assault to the police if she'd like to take it that far. The very best thing you can say is something like, 'I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you're okay. Remember, it's not your fault that this happened.'
Models: You Don't Have to Be Infallible
You're a human being first and a model second. It's okay for you to make mistakes, to not be one hundred percent happy all of the time, and it's okay to complain about things that are making you miserable at work. You may have the perception that no one likes a model who stands up for herself but that's all it is; a perception. For every huffy comment you get from someone who doesn't like you being honest, there are a dozen more people who respect you for it. You deserve the same rights and the same protection as you would be afforded in any other industry, and that includes the right to vocally protest bullying, harassment, and abuse.
Everyone Else: Listen
When a model is trying to tell you something is amiss, just listen. For model abuse to be stamped out entirely, everyone else in the industry also needs to show their support. The more visible and vocal the available support is, the more likely models are to report abuse and to see the individuals responsible appropriately reprimanded.