When I Was Younger, I Dreamed Of Flying @return2thewinnerscircle-blog - Tumblr Blog

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This was the quickest I've ever really liked someone. This was also the quickest that they showed me their true colors. Just my luck. But I rather have no one than to be with someone that doesn't want to be here.

365 Days Ago

I remember it like it was yesterday... The numbing pain in my body as I sat and witnessed something I hadn't seen coming. March 17th, 2013. It was supposed to be a day of celebration. So much joy. So much excitement. So much anticipation. We were all looking forward to this day for the past few months. The entire day was as beautiful as we all imagined it to be. Little did I know the events that would take place that night that would fill me with discomfort. I wasn't sure how to interpret what I witnessed. The only thing I could comprehend was being "completely destroyed." Those were the only words I could utter to describe how I felt that night. I could not sleep. I could not wrap my head around what I had seen and how I was so blinded from it. I addressed the situation the next day and I was even more baffled at the words you spoke to me. I didn't understand. I didn't want to understand. I just wanted this nightmare to be over. But I soon realized I wasn't dreaming, it was all real. I began to come to terms with my situation and I bounced back better than I have ever have from any other situation I was previously in. I knew the future would only be bright for me with the new attitude I had developed. And it has been. Things went from good, to shaky, to good, to now be exterminated. Did I see this day coming? Honestly, no. Am I upset about it? Honestly, no. For the past year, I've put up and shut up more than I ever have in my 22 years of life. Not only did I abruptly come to terms with this "new" situation, I lost a dear friend in the whole process. The intimacy I could live without. Losing your friendship was not something I saw happening because I never wanted it to. Time and time again I was mistreated due to you not being able to cope with what you were going through. I care(d) about you and regardless of how poorly you treated me, I was always still there for you. Up until I could no longer give anymore and played spectator as this friendship died off. And it didn't end just recently. It realistically ended a year ago. It appears that a relationship and a close friendship can't be maintained by some. This could be true for you. Or maybe our friendship just ran it's course. I don't know what inspired this writing. Not that I'm bitter or upset at the circumstances. But a certain conversation with someone that is currently making me happy brought to my attention the difference one year makes. And on this very day one year ago, I was preparing for a new chapter of my life and I couldn't be more happier that the previous chapter is done.

I'm putting this blog to rest. It's been real.

My mind is starting to do that thing again - slipping back into memories from my past. I can't say I'm entirely mad because as much as I dislike the direction our relationship went, there were so many good memories that make me laugh and smile til this day. I shared a lot of firsts with you. And for you, the same. There was never any title for the weird friendship/relationship we had but that was the best part about it. We knew our place in each other's lives and that's all that mattered. We laughed, we cried, we argued, we made up, repeat. But at a point in time, one disagreement changed everything. I could feel that I was losing you but I never believed that day will come. I assumed it'll be just like the other times when we take some time apart, come back and pick up where we left off. That was my mistake. I loved to tell myself that you abandoned me so that I can feel like the victim and put you in the wrong. But deep down inside, I know the truth. The truth is, I let you walk - thinking you would never leave me. I can't bring myself to have the conversation with you about the events that took place. A part of me is afraid to find out the details. I know you disliked confrontation so I stomached my feelings. I also was in no position to question your actions, I lost that privilege. It wouldn't be a pleasant conversation for either of us. These last couple of years have been up and down. You have contributed to both but I couldn't imagine these years if you weren't around. I've been preparing myself for how it'll be when you're not just a quick drive down the road or a couple steps away from my dorm. To going from seeing you everyday to almost never. I know for a fact that it'll kill me, what I worry is if you'll miss me. I've seen our relationship change drastically over the years and although what we have isn't bad, it isn't as good as I know it can be. I'm hoping we can reconnect at some point in the future and have a new beginning. But in reality, I know you'll move on to bigger and better things. I do wish you the best in all your future endeavors, even if they don't include me in them.

What impresses me most about love is how quickly it can go from infatuation to illusion. When we are in it for real, it feels real. When we are in it deep, our hearts are blind. When we are blind, one of us might not be in it as much as the other, and if they go through the motions, we become victims of our perception. What we think is there, isn't always reality. If only we had a second set of eyes to help us see - the heart is fooled too easily.

Instagram: @KevinClaiborne

Revenge Season 1: Episode 1

My Tumblr blog turned 3 years old today. Drinking Paisano, watching the Lakers/Clippers game and two stepping to "Mary Jane" by Rick James. Happy birthday, blog.

Thought I Found Something.......More. But The Person You Want Most Never Adds Up To What You Thought They'd Be In Your Head.

Ian Conner (Twitter: @duttyianconnor)

And I wish I never met her at all.

They said: "All your old girls found somebody new." I said: "Damn, really?" The awkward moment when those lines are my current situation... Reality just set in.

Many of us know what we should do but a few of us actually do it. It's not enough to know what to do, it's about doing what you know. If we want more control over lives, we have to take control of our consistent actions. It's not what we do once in a while that shapes and directs our lives, but what we do on a consistent basis.

Kevin Claiborne (Instagram: @rubin2)

I miss having sex with you.

beingvague-abouthow-ifeel

I can’t let go of the idea of you

I don’t want to change who you are

I just wanted you to be who you said you were

I swore I was fine. I figured, "out of sight, out of mind." That was true for the most part. But I find myself missing you more than ever. I loved to put the blame on you as for why the relationship went to shit. But then I was painfully reminded that my actions, or lack there of, are the reasons you were fed up. I can't tell you how it feels to know you're so close but yet so emotionally distant from me. Instead of seeing you, touching you, I'd have to settle for conversations fulfilled by 160 characters and emojis. I'm probably not even worth that to you anymore. I'm usually the one to chase after you when you're fed up. I won't lie: I'm tired. I'm exhausted, bent out of shape and feel like I can't force myself to do so anymore. My fingers are tired of texting long paragraphs. My mouth is tired of trying to convince you to stay. My mind is tired of thinking of you. But at the end of the day, I know that I will not hesitate to chase you down again if I have to. Crazy? Maybe. But there's no denying that my selfishness gets in the way of things. Sometimes I can't differentiate between selfishness and what I "deserve." I can't even begin to tell you what I'm entitled to in a relationship. It's all a giant grey area. And that's only the second worse thing about it - the first being your total absence. Back to the value of everything we had fading to absolutely nothing. Back to missing you, not caring, then missing you all over again. I don't know what's going to happen from here on out but if the only thing I'm left with is your distant memory then I can at least thank you for the happiness you did provide. What joy from and for a person looked like. For lighting a fire inside my cold body after my previous break up numbed me entirely. You warmed me up with emotions that I never thought I would feel again. But now that you're gone once again, the cold, frost bitten, dreary winter conditions within me is in sync with the frigid temperatures outside.

All I want for my 22nd birthday is for someone to make me breakfast and make a "22" out of strips of bacon like Skylar did for Walter.

so disconnected. of course, you don't hear me. of course, you don't understand me.

Twitter: @Kenzumm

I'm usually content having a chill night and watching basketball. Tonight is different though. I wanted to be around people. I wanted to be around friends. To no surprise, that didn't happen. I don't blame anyone though. Everyone has their own lives to deal with. People are usually too busy for me and when they have free time, I'm typically not the first person they think of. Some people don't know the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. I'm far too familiar with both. I've always been strong enough to just deal with stuff. But everyone needs a shoulder to lean on at some point. It's especially tough when the only shoulder you feel like you can lean on is your own. I cope the best way I know how. It'll just be nice to hear some words of encouragement. Or even have someone check up on me to see how I'm doing. Or be surrounded by good company. Can't always get what you want, though. As I continue to grow and distance myself from previous circles and old habits, I hope to soon meet lifelong individuals that reflect the true definition of a friend.

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When I Was Younger, I Dreamed Of Flying