Jesus (real)

All pronouns work!

[returnpolicyis3days]

HELLO EVERYONE!!!

Got tired from watching from above so I decided to bless this confusing site with my presence!

Be respectful, please. Everyone is welcomed as long as you’re not being a dick!!

Feel free to reach out to me, probably will answer when I’m not busy!!!

Ooc under cut

Account is made for fun, not to insult anyone. If you don’t vibe with it, just block me.

Mod is not a minor but still, behave please!!!

Also it’s a side blog so unfortunately you can’t flex about Jesus following you 💔💔💔

Banner and pfp are both from Pinterest

@holywoodelevator was the one to make Jesus a cat boy (love you for that)

And @dyykehunter was the one to think of that great blog name

AMEN

[bestest-apostle]

So there's this girl disciple ( ◡‿◡ *) She's called Livi! She comes from same hometown as us, but I never saw her around before. And now she's on our camp. (￣ε￣＠)

How do I tell her she's probably the love of my life and that we should probably marry ASAP (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

[bestest-apostle]

She said yes for going outside today on a date together!! I will try to confess at the end of the day! ♡(>ᴗ•)

[bestest-apostle]

Don't talk to me.

[returnpolicyis3days]

Did it not go as you planned?

[bestest-apostle]

Lord please forgive my language but fuckkkkk my stupid baka life I've just been struggling for five minutes with the fish net and all I caught was a stupid sardine (눈_눈)

[returnpolicyis3days]

I think it's a sign to take it easy. Not every day is like you'd like it to be and that's completely alright!

[verygoodlawyer]

I ate one of Frank's guns but don't tell him

⠦⠠⠑⠁⠞ ⠞⠓⠑ ⠗⠑⠎⠞⠲⠴

"Eat the rest."

[theyneedtobepunished]

Do not.

[verygoodlawyer]

▪︎ Matt jumps, whirling around to face Frank.

⠦⠠⠔ ⠙⠊⠙ ⠝⠕⠞ ⠑⠭⠏⠑⠉⠞ ⠋⠕⠗ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠞⠕ ⠎⠓⠕⠺ ⠥⠏⠂ ⠓⠊⠲⠴

"I did not expect for you to show up, hi."

[theyneedtobepunished]

How the fuck did they get into my safe.

*he seems bitter about losing a gun*

[verygoodlawyer]

▪︎ Matt shrugs.

⠦⠠⠃⠝⠕⠝⠎ ⠓⠁⠧⠑ ⠍⠁⠛⠊⠉⠲⠴

"Anons have magic."

[theyneedtobepunished]

There's a wizard I can talk to right? What was his name?

People need to stay the fuck out

[firstantihero]

Not as easy to prevent unwelcome company as you'd think.

[theyneedtobepunished]

......

I must be hallucinating again.

[returnpolicyis3days]

Exactly what I thought!!

[bestest-apostle]

Sometimes I wonder if the Lord's silence is worrying or comforting.

[returnpolicyis3days]

Wine tasting event 🤔

[returnpolicyis3days]

Natural white wine stole my heart!

[returnpolicyis3days]

Wine tasting event 🤔

[returnpolicyis3days]

It's so weird to see myself on the cross.. don't ask me why and how but I was at a museum, at an exhibition of Gothic art, mainly focusing on different appearances of... well, me.

There was one with movable arms tho, that was funny. Like what for?

[bestest-apostle]

This is nicely crafted, but why did they put you on a cross like a Roman death prisoner (°□°;) .....?

[returnpolicyis3days]

... So you remember when I said I'm gonna die?

[bestest-apostle]

Yes! (o´▽`o) Metaphorically. ( • ⩊ • )

Metaphorically, right?............

[returnpolicyis3days]

...you're partly right, I suppose?? I've been thinking about it and you're not entirely wrong which is somehow funny. As funny as the idea of death can be.

[bestest-apostle]

...

... You'll never leave us behind, right? You'd tell me if you had to leave far away?

[returnpolicyis3days]

I will need to leave for some time. But I won't be really gone. I'll always be somehow around, even if not... Physically. I'd never leave any of you.

[bestest-apostle]

......... can I get a hug ? (╥﹏╥)

[returnpolicyis3days]

Of course ☺️

[returnpolicyis3days]

It's so weird to see myself on the cross.. don't ask me why and how but I was at a museum, at an exhibition of Gothic art, mainly focusing on different appearances of... well, me.

There was one with movable arms tho, that was funny. Like what for?

[bestest-apostle]

This is nicely crafted, but why did they put you on a cross like a Roman death prisoner (°□°;) .....?

[returnpolicyis3days]

... So you remember when I said I'm gonna die?

[bestest-apostle]

Yes! (o´▽`o) Metaphorically. ( • ⩊ • )

Metaphorically, right?............

[returnpolicyis3days]

...you're partly right, I suppose?? I've been thinking about it and you're not entirely wrong which is somehow funny. As funny as the idea of death can be.

[bestest-apostle]

...

... You'll never leave us behind, right? You'd tell me if you had to leave far away?

[returnpolicyis3days]

I will need to leave for some time. But I won't be really gone. I'll always be somehow around, even if not... Physically. I'd never leave any of you.

[returnpolicyis3days]

It's so weird to see myself on the cross.. don't ask me why and how but I was at a museum, at an exhibition of Gothic art, mainly focusing on different appearances of... well, me.

There was one with movable arms tho, that was funny. Like what for?

[bestest-apostle]

This is nicely crafted, but why did they put you on a cross like a Roman death prisoner (°□°;) .....?

[returnpolicyis3days]

... So you remember when I said I'm gonna die?

[bestest-apostle]

Yes! (o´▽`o) Metaphorically. ( • ⩊ • )

Metaphorically, right?............

[returnpolicyis3days]

...you're partly right, I suppose?? I've been thinking about it and you're not entirely wrong which is somehow funny. As funny as the idea of death can be.

[returnpolicyis3days]

It's so weird to see myself on the cross.. don't ask me why and how but I was at a museum, at an exhibition of Gothic art, mainly focusing on different appearances of... well, me.

There was one with movable arms tho, that was funny. Like what for?

[bestest-apostle]

This is nicely crafted, but why did they put you on a cross like a Roman death prisoner (°□°;) .....?

[returnpolicyis3days]

... So you remember when I said I'm gonna die?

[returnpolicyis3days]

Have you seen the musical Jesus Christ Superstar

I need to finally watch it !!

[returnpolicyis3days]

It's so weird to see myself on the cross.. don't ask me why and how but I was at a museum, at an exhibition of Gothic art, mainly focusing on different appearances of... well, me.

There was one with movable arms tho, that was funny. Like what for?

[judasiscariot-offical]

John sucks by the way. He keeps on fucking lying abt me, to get on Jesus’s good side. Uggh. I hate all this talk of god, I miss when we called him a man

[returnpolicyis3days]

🤔🤔🤔🤔

[judasiscariot-offical]

I love you Jesus, it’s just the god thing always felt strange to me. I mean weren’t you a carpenter?

[returnpolicyis3days]

I was, yes. And I still consider myself human, despite the popular belief. What my Father decided for me is something I can't deny. But that doesn't mean I'm not a human no more.

[returnpolicyis3days]

thoughts?

And prayers, you're gonna need them /ref

I might be, indeed, not fully stable....

[bestest-apostle]

Are you OK rabbi ? (｡•́︿•̀｡)

[returnpolicyis3days]

As OK as I could be 😂🫶

[bestest-apostle]

Yay!! (((o(*°▽°*)o)))

[returnpolicyis3days]

Tell me, what are those adorable things at the end of your messages? 🤔

[bestest-apostle]

Those are apparently called "kaomoji" (ᵔ◡ᵔ) James showed them to me and said I could like it! I don't know what he meant by this (◎ ◎)ゞ but they are super "kawaii" emojis ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ

[returnpolicyis3days]

I see, I see 🤔 I might dig into it more 🫣

[returnpolicyis3days]

thoughts?

And prayers, you're gonna need them /ref

I might be, indeed, not fully stable....

[bestest-apostle]

Are you OK rabbi ? (｡•́︿•̀｡)

[returnpolicyis3days]

As OK as I could be 😂🫶

[bestest-apostle]

Yay!! (((o(*°▽°*)o)))

[returnpolicyis3days]

Tell me, what are those adorable things at the end of your messages? 🤔

[returnpolicyis3days]

thoughts?

And prayers, you're gonna need them /ref

I might be, indeed, not fully stable....

[bestest-apostle]

Are you OK rabbi ? (｡•́︿•̀｡)

[returnpolicyis3days]

As OK as I could be 😂🫶