hp shitposts

pfp credit to editspotter | come here for multishipping, stupid headcanons, and The Gay | by shitposts I mean headcanons that I actually believe

[jfpisadearqueerdeer]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[revelio-nargles]

Draco Malfoy has dysmorphia

[lytefoot]

It is 2019 and I just this minute realized that Lee Jordan’s Potterwatch code name, River, is a pun on his surname.

[headcanonsandmore]

Over a decade on, and this series still gives me ‘mind blown’ moments every so often. 

[revelio-nargles]

@silentprincess5321 I always assumed it referred to River Lee, a river in the Republic of Ireland

[revelio-nargles]

Every time someone makes an “all Potters marry redheads” joke, 2 things happen: 1) Teddy turns his hair red and smirks at James, and 2) Euphemia Potter, Harry’s brunette grandmother, rolls over in her grave

[revelio-nargles]

Oh, I apologize, a third thing does happen: 3) Fleamont Potter tries to yeet himself out of the spirit world and possess the person saying the joke so that he can correct them personally.

[revelio-nargles]

So... I had an idea

[revelio-nargles]

Charlie Weasley has a 12 1/4 inch surprisingly swishy wand made of chestnut wood and a phoenix feather core.

[revelio-nargles]

Ron should go in the center of all drawings of the golden trio. It just makes the most artistic sense. With him being very tall and Hermione and Harry both being below average height (and around the same height), it makes sense if they’re on either side of Ron, so it balances out. In this essay I will -

[headcanonsandmore]

Where’s the rest of this much-needed essay, OP?

[revelio-nargles]

Honestly, after that thesis statement, all I could think about was a piece of artwork with Ron in the center, Harry and Lavender on one side and Hermione and Dean on the other, all with heart eyes (for Ron) and he’s wearing a lopsided crown and above them all is a sign that says “Weasley is Our King”

Basically the essay is a pitch for a tv show where Harry, Lavender, Hermione & Dean are all in love with Ron (with various side relationships, including Hermione × Padma, Lavender x Parvati & Dean x Seamus). And Ginny and Luna are a happy background couple, along with Neville and Hannah.

Oh and Voldemort doesn’t exist.

[headcanonsandmore]

Change Dean for Neville, and Padma for Ron, and we’re golden. That would be an amazing artwork. 

[revelio-nargles]

Not the biggest fan of Ron and Neville to be honest, but like...

We don't have to choose between characters that love Ron, we can just add more! My first idea for the artwork had Neville and Luna in place of Dean and Lavender, but upon further thinking, I ended up with what I described (I really love Dean and Ron, I have a whole separate universe just about them). (I personally wouldn't re-add Luna at this point though, because of her relationship with Ginny, so I might have to think a bit for someone else who could balance the art out).

Also, while I love Hermione and Ron, and it would definitely be part of it, I also love Hermione and Padma. So, yet again...

Both is good :)

(My first idea for this, btw, was Ron in the center, Harry and Luna on side, and Hermione and Neville on the other, all with little hearts around them, and Ron was holding up Ginny on his shoulders in typical big brotherly fashion. I still love that idea, but ya know, the more multishipping the better).

[revelio-nargles]

Being the great granddaughter of Garrick Ollivander, Luna had a bit of an odd advantage when it came to creating her wand. He went a bit off track when creating her wand, choosing to use the vine of a dirigible plum as the core of her wand, which was make of black walnut wood and was reasonably supple, and 11 3/4 inches long. It was well made for charms and revealing the unknown, though not the best for defensive spells.

[revelio-nargles]

Ron should go in the center of all drawings of the golden trio. It just makes the most artistic sense. With him being very tall and Hermione and Harry both being below average height (and around the same height), it makes sense if they're on either side of Ron, so it balances out. In this essay I will -

[headcanonsandmore]

Where’s the rest of this much-needed essay, OP?

[revelio-nargles]

Honestly, after that thesis statement, all I could think about was a piece of artwork with Ron in the center, Harry and Lavender on one side and Hermione and Dean on the other, all with heart eyes (for Ron) and he's wearing a lopsided crown and above them all is a sign that says "Weasley is Our King"

Basically the essay is a pitch for a tv show where Harry, Lavender, Hermione & Dean are all in love with Ron (with various side relationships, including Hermione × Padma, Lavender x Parvati & Dean x Seamus). And Ginny and Luna are a happy background couple, along with Neville and Hannah.

Oh and Voldemort doesn't exist.

[followthecyborg]

The saddest cinematic scene in all of movie history is the one in Deathly Hallows part 2 when George Weasley is holding Ron back from Fred’s body and their mother is leaning over him and brushing his hair back with her hand. No I don’t take criticism.

[revelio-nargles]

Ron should go in the center of all drawings of the golden trio. It just makes the most artistic sense. With him being very tall and Hermione and Harry both being below average height (and around the same height), it makes sense if they're on either side of Ron, so it balances out. In this essay I will -

[revelio-nargles]

Okay, so wand length coincides with height, 9 1/2 (or lower) inch wand owners being incredibly short, 14 1/2 (or higher) inch wand owners being incredibly tall & 12 inch wand owners being about average.

Harry's wand is 11 inches, meaning he's shorter than average (most likely due to growing up with the Dursleys, a.k.a. abused and malnourished).

Ron's second, and real, wand is 14 inches meaning that he is very tall, which is a well known fact (fun fact: his first wand was 12 inches, meaning the first owner, his older brother Charlie, is around average height).

And Hermione is right along Harry, at below average height with a 10 3/4 inches wand.

But what I find funniest is that Draco Malfoy's wand is 10 inches, which leads me to believe that he is canonically shorter than Hermione Granger.

[revelio-nargles]

@shadefulbash as far as I know, there is no correlation with height and character, or else I feel like we would need to speak with Flitwick (a.k.a. a short and presumably good person) 😂😂😂

But I can see what you're saying. For example, Gilderoy Lockhart has a nine inch wand, but he seems like he would be tall, so I suppose it is possible that both character and height effect wand length (he is not a good person). Either way, I'm going to continue laughing at how Malfoy is shorter than Hermione.

[revelio-nargles]

Okay, so I found the article on Pottermore talking about how wand length can be based off personality as well as height, but the Pottermore wand test seems to purely go off height while flexibility seems to be based off personality (or as much personality that it can learn from the few questions it asks).

In addition to all that, the wizardmore I Want That Wand Test (which tells you the answers you should pick for a specific wand) seems to base wand wood off eye color and somewhat personality and wand core off personality purely.

[revelio-nargles]

Okay, so wand length coincides with height, 9 1/2 (or lower) inch wand owners being incredibly short, 14 1/2 (or higher) inch wand owners being incredibly tall & 12 inch wand owners being about average.

Harry's wand is 11 inches, meaning he's shorter than average (most likely due to growing up with the Dursleys, a.k.a. abused and malnourished).

Ron's second, and real, wand is 14 inches meaning that he is very tall, which is a well known fact (fun fact: his first wand was 12 inches, meaning the first owner, his older brother Charlie, is around average height).

And Hermione is right along Harry, at below average height with a 10 3/4 inches wand.

But what I find funniest is that Draco Malfoy's wand is 10 inches, which leads me to believe that he is canonically shorter than Hermione Granger.

[revelio-nargles]

@shadefulbash as far as I know, there is no correlation with height and character, or else I feel like we would need to speak with Flitwick (a.k.a. a short and presumably good person) 😂😂😂

But I can see what you're saying. For example, Gilderoy Lockhart has a nine inch wand, but he seems like he would be tall, so I suppose it is possible that both character and height effect wand length (he is not a good person). Either way, I'm going to continue laughing at how Malfoy is shorter than Hermione.

[revelio-nargles]

Okay, so wand length coincides with height, 9 1/2 (or lower) inch wand owners being incredibly short, 14 1/2 (or higher) inch wand owners being incredibly tall & 12 inch wand owners being about average.

Harry's wand is 11 inches, meaning he's shorter than average (most likely due to growing up with the Dursleys, a.k.a. abused and malnourished).

Ron's second, and real, wand is 14 inches meaning that he is very tall, which is a well known fact (fun fact: his first wand was 12 inches, meaning the first owner, his older brother Charlie, is around average height).

And Hermione is right along Harry, at below average height with a 10 3/4 inches wand.

But what I find funniest is that Draco Malfoy's wand is 10 inches, which leads me to believe that he is canonically shorter than Hermione Granger.

[revelio-nargles]

On October 31st, 1981, James and Lily had just finished their nightly song to Harry (I Want to Hold Your Hand by the Beatles; a.k.a. their wedding song; a.k.a one of the two Beatles songs they liked). They had watched It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown while James took their lights from Dali. They were just about to tuck Harry into his crib. They were just about to dig into a bowl of candy that Remus had brought them in their last visit. They were just about to pop in a scary movie and get cozy on the couch. But they never got to.

[revelio-nargles]

An Everyone Lives AU based off this post

On October 31st, 1981; all their friends would be over at Sirius and Remus's flat for a Halloween party where James made tons of little treats and they got drunk off fire whiskey, none of them being able to apparate home. Harry and Neville, dressed up as Spiderman and Doctor Octopus, would be with Fleamont and Euphemia, who would be handing out candy for all the little trick-or-treaters.

On November 1st, 1981, James, Lily, and Regulus would pick Harry up from James' parents' house and feel bad for not staying home and taking him trick-or-treating. So, of course, they bought him some chocolate, hoping that it would make up for it.

On December 25th, 1981, James, Lily, Regulus, and Harry spent Christmas Eve at the Potter house and Christmas Day at the Evans' house. Harry loved tearing open all his gifts and getting fed so much food. Sirius and Remus spent Christmas with Remus's mother, Hope Howell, who had divorced Lyall many years before and was in remission from her cancer. Marlene and Dorcas spent Christmas with Dorcas's brother and his wife and kids. Mary and Gin held a Christmas dinner at their flat for both sets of parents.

On February 14th, 1982, James made breakfast in bed for Regulus and Lily, Regulus brought home James and Lily's favorite dinners from Maisie Greengrass' restaurant, Witching Hour, and Lily gave James and Regulus gifts that they had worked on for monthes.

On March 8th, 1982, James, Lily, Regulus and Harry headed off on a family trip to India with Fleamont and Euphemia for Holi and they would like you to know that they all had a hell of a time.

[revelio-nargles]

James always sang Tiny Dancer (by Elton John) and played on the piano they had in their house while Lily preffered to sing Somebody to Love (by Queen).