Reverb

Reverb RP acc

[reverb-rotting]

Make A Move Before I Make One For You

Name: Reverb

Languages: English

Age: 21

Orientation: Uhhh. No?

Gender: Female (She/Her)

Adjectives: Calm, Headstrong

Misc: Zone 5. Brother is @mayhem-is-alive

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Hollow steps out, going to sit down on the couch. Cyan uses his other hand to rub her shoulder gently)

It’s okay.. you’re okay. You’re at home, safe.

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem also steps out.

"I'm sorry.." Reverb mutters, tears running down her face.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to talk, but you can take your time. I’d rather you took your time even if you just say small things.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head violently. "This isn't fair to you! Or to Mayhem. Or to Hollow."

Reverb inhales shakily. "I should be able to talk—"

Another shaky inhale. "Make it stop—"

Too many thoughts!

Please!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It just squeezes the hand holding hers on its chest)

There’s not a lot of fairness out here. And you’re talking now, it just takes time.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb inhales, shaking her head again.

This isn't talking!

This is pathetic!

"I— I can't—"

More shaky inhales follow.

I can't think.

Make it stop!

How do I make it stop?

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You can. I know you can.

(He takes calming breathes, hoping it will help her too)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb tries to follow his breathing, not doing very well.

"I'm sorry—"

She's still gripping his shirt where he placed her hand over, her torso leaning forward before jerking back like she won't let herself lean on him.

This is bad enough. Crawling into his lap like a sniveling dog won't fucking help!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You don’t need to be.

(He says it gently, his concern a little more audible now)

[reverb-rotting]

"Why don't you leave me? Why do you see this and stay?" Reverb sniffles.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Because I love you. Love is unconditional, it’s for better and for worse. If I can’t love you now I don’t deserve you at all.

(It says it softly)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head softly. "You'd suffer through this in hopes I'll be better?"

She gestures to herself vaguely, like it explains every reason it should leave.

"What if this is just what I am? What if it's all I'll ever be? Why don't you just save yourself the trouble and run?" Her voice cracks, a tiny sound she tries to swallow down.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You’re not trouble to me.

(Cyan says firmly, the one hand not holding hers to its chest squeezing her shoulder)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks like she's trying to choke up words— awful things she could say to push him as far as possible.

I can't even say it.

I can't even push him to leave.

Because I'm selfish and I need him but I'm hurting him—

Am I replacing Nova?

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Hollow steps out, going to sit down on the couch. Cyan uses his other hand to rub her shoulder gently)

It’s okay.. you’re okay. You’re at home, safe.

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem also steps out.

"I'm sorry.." Reverb mutters, tears running down her face.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to talk, but you can take your time. I’d rather you took your time even if you just say small things.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head violently. "This isn't fair to you! Or to Mayhem. Or to Hollow."

Reverb inhales shakily. "I should be able to talk—"

Another shaky inhale. "Make it stop—"

Too many thoughts!

Please!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It just squeezes the hand holding hers on its chest)

There’s not a lot of fairness out here. And you’re talking now, it just takes time.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb inhales, shaking her head again.

This isn't talking!

This is pathetic!

"I— I can't—"

More shaky inhales follow.

I can't think.

Make it stop!

How do I make it stop?

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You can. I know you can.

(He takes calming breathes, hoping it will help her too)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb tries to follow his breathing, not doing very well.

"I'm sorry—"

She's still gripping his shirt where he placed her hand over, her torso leaning forward before jerking back like she won't let herself lean on him.

This is bad enough. Crawling into his lap like a sniveling dog won't fucking help!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You don’t need to be.

(He says it gently, his concern a little more audible now)

[reverb-rotting]

"Why don't you leave me? Why do you see this and stay?" Reverb sniffles.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Because I love you. Love is unconditional, it’s for better and for worse. If I can’t love you now I don’t deserve you at all.

(It says it softly)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head softly. "You'd suffer through this in hopes I'll be better?"

She gestures to herself vaguely, like it explains every reason it should leave.

"What if this is just what I am? What if it's all I'll ever be? Why don't you just save yourself the trouble and run?" Her voice cracks, a tiny sound she tries to swallow down.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Hollow steps out, going to sit down on the couch. Cyan uses his other hand to rub her shoulder gently)

It’s okay.. you’re okay. You’re at home, safe.

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem also steps out.

"I'm sorry.." Reverb mutters, tears running down her face.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to talk, but you can take your time. I’d rather you took your time even if you just say small things.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head violently. "This isn't fair to you! Or to Mayhem. Or to Hollow."

Reverb inhales shakily. "I should be able to talk—"

Another shaky inhale. "Make it stop—"

Too many thoughts!

Please!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It just squeezes the hand holding hers on its chest)

There’s not a lot of fairness out here. And you’re talking now, it just takes time.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb inhales, shaking her head again.

This isn't talking!

This is pathetic!

"I— I can't—"

More shaky inhales follow.

I can't think.

Make it stop!

How do I make it stop?

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You can. I know you can.

(He takes calming breathes, hoping it will help her too)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb tries to follow his breathing, not doing very well.

"I'm sorry—"

She's still gripping his shirt where he placed her hand over, her torso leaning forward before jerking back like she won't let herself lean on him.

This is bad enough. Crawling into his lap like a sniveling dog won't fucking help!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You don’t need to be.

(He says it gently, his concern a little more audible now)

[reverb-rotting]

"Why don't you leave me? Why do you see this and stay?" Reverb sniffles.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Hollow steps out, going to sit down on the couch. Cyan uses his other hand to rub her shoulder gently)

It’s okay.. you’re okay. You’re at home, safe.

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem also steps out.

"I'm sorry.." Reverb mutters, tears running down her face.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to talk, but you can take your time. I’d rather you took your time even if you just say small things.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head violently. "This isn't fair to you! Or to Mayhem. Or to Hollow."

Reverb inhales shakily. "I should be able to talk—"

Another shaky inhale. "Make it stop—"

Too many thoughts!

Please!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It just squeezes the hand holding hers on its chest)

There’s not a lot of fairness out here. And you’re talking now, it just takes time.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb inhales, shaking her head again.

This isn't talking!

This is pathetic!

"I— I can't—"

More shaky inhales follow.

I can't think.

Make it stop!

How do I make it stop?

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You can. I know you can.

(He takes calming breathes, hoping it will help her too)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb tries to follow his breathing, not doing very well.

"I'm sorry—"

She's still gripping his shirt where he placed her hand over, her torso leaning forward before jerking back like she won't let herself lean on him.

This is bad enough. Crawling into his lap like a sniveling dog won't fucking help!

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Hollow steps out, going to sit down on the couch. Cyan uses his other hand to rub her shoulder gently)

It’s okay.. you’re okay. You’re at home, safe.

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem also steps out.

"I'm sorry.." Reverb mutters, tears running down her face.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to talk, but you can take your time. I’d rather you took your time even if you just say small things.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head violently. "This isn't fair to you! Or to Mayhem. Or to Hollow."

Reverb inhales shakily. "I should be able to talk—"

Another shaky inhale. "Make it stop—"

Too many thoughts!

Please!

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It just squeezes the hand holding hers on its chest)

There’s not a lot of fairness out here. And you’re talking now, it just takes time.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb inhales, shaking her head again.

This isn't talking!

This is pathetic!

"I— I can't—"

More shaky inhales follow.

I can't think.

Make it stop!

How do I make it stop?

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Hollow steps out, going to sit down on the couch. Cyan uses his other hand to rub her shoulder gently)

It’s okay.. you’re okay. You’re at home, safe.

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem also steps out.

"I'm sorry.." Reverb mutters, tears running down her face.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I just want you to talk, but you can take your time. I’d rather you took your time even if you just say small things.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shakes her head violently. "This isn't fair to you! Or to Mayhem. Or to Hollow."

Reverb inhales shakily. "I should be able to talk—"

Another shaky inhale. "Make it stop—"

Too many thoughts!

Please!

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Hollow steps out, going to sit down on the couch. Cyan uses his other hand to rub her shoulder gently)

It’s okay.. you’re okay. You’re at home, safe.

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem also steps out.

"I'm sorry.." Reverb mutters, tears running down her face.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb.

(Cyan takes her hand and places it on his chest, trying to ground her)

I’m here. You’re here. You’re at your house, and Mayhem and Hollow are here too.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb clutches his shirt weakly, closing her eyes to stop the damned tears.

Mayhem looks at Hollow, trying to signal him and Mayhem should both probably step out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It kneels in front of her, looking to Hollow briefly for reassurance)

We can go slow, if you want. It’s okay.

[reverb-rotting]

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Reverb mutters something inaudible, gripping her hair without thinking.

She feels like she's drowning in memories she forgot she had.

Stop.

Please stop.

I wanna leave.

I wanna run.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

Baby I love you

Do my answers satisfy?

You're easier when you stop thinking. Shhh, pet.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

Don't leave me. I'm sorry.

Stay with me?

Where else will I go?

"Make it stop.." She mutters shakily.

Mayhem looks concerned.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan’s face twitches like it’s suppressing a grin for a moment)

I can’t tell you what to say. I won’t tell you to speak, or to stay silent. It’s up to you.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb puts her head in her hands, her shoulders trembling.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Your truth. The truth.

(It shakes its head, taking one of her hands gently)

I’m not telling you what to say.

[reverb-rotting]

"I— 'your truth'? What kind of cactus fucker shit is that?"

There's almost a smile on Mayhem's face if only he wasn't so horrified at the turn of events.

"Cyanide— I can't—"

I can't think.

Don't make me think about this.

Please, my head is screaming.

Too many memories.

Why now do I miss being spoon-fed what to say?

Wait.

Didn't I just beg for him to tell me what to say?

I'm gonna be sick.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Say what the truth is!

(It quickly lowers its voice after it raises so slightly, the idea of telling her who to be, what to say in any capacity far too painful to bear- more than upsetting)

Just- just tell me the truth. That’s all I want from you. Please.

[reverb-rotting]

"The truth? Which truth!?" Reverb asks, a little too desperately.

"I can't think right now! Please, what do you want me to say? I'll tell you what you want but I can't—"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Then why are you hurting? Is it something I did?

(It asks genuinely, urgency present despite trying for gentle)

[reverb-rotting]

"I— no! It's not— I just—"

Reverb exhales sharply, leaning forward just a little, like she's trying to show how sincere she is when she says this, not realizing it comes off sort of like begging.

"I'm sorry. I'll say what you want me to say. Just tell me what you want me to say!"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(The pained sound concerns it)

Who’s hurting you? A ghost?

[reverb-rotting]

"No! I'm not being haunted." She grumbles. "Just— ghhh.." She picks at her raw knuckles rapidly.

C'mon, be good.

I'll be quiet. I'll be good, I promise.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

It has its downsides. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

(He says with more steadiness than it’s had in days, finally having a sense of confidence- although shallow)

I know it’s not my fault. It’s not yours either.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb shifts to the side just slightly, like she can feel something on her side.

Fucking damn that dull-eyed bastard. Why can't he leave me be? Mayhem says he's dust!

A small, pained sound escapes her, and she can't tell if it's from what's happening in her head or everything else.

You're fine, baby. Stop making those noises. I'm not hurting you. I'd never hurt you.

Baby you see this ray gun? I swear, if you leave me I'll point it to the back of my—

"Why can't I just be good at this?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Mayhem radios Hollow.

"She's sober. The hangover's a bitch, but she's sober."

It's obviously been a long night for him, he sounds tired.

@mayhem-is-alive

-Good. Cyan’s waking up, slowly.-

(Hollow sounds almost as tired, the night having been a long one all round)

-Do we want them to talk now?-

[mayhem-is-alive]

A sigh. "Might as well. You over at our place or us over at yours?"

[hollow-point-killjoy]

-I’ll come to you. Cyan needs to not have an easy escape route if he’s going to be honest.-

(Hollow says it bluntly, watching Cyan stir)

-Give us an hour.-

[mayhem-is-alive]

"We'll be here. Maybe I'll be able to get her headache under control in an hour." He grumbles, cutting out.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

Alright.

(He turns to Cyan, passing him a water)

Get dressed. You and her are going to talk. I’ll help.

@sparklingcyan-kjrp

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan looks petrified at the idea, but goes to change into an orange hoodie and blue jeans)

Fine. I’m changed. Let’s get this over with.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(He just nods, getting in the van with him and driving to Mayhem/Reverb’s place. Once they’re there, he radios again)

-We’re by the door.-

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem opens the door. The house looks like it's been freshly cleaned— probably Mayhem's work waiting for Reverb to sober up.

"You guys can have a seat on the couch. I'll.. get Reverb." He mutters, exhausted in every sense of the word.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan sits with his fist held to its chest, knuckles red and one of them scabbing over- Hollow sits next to it with an knee clicking)

Alright.

[mayhem-is-alive]

He leaves, coming back with Reverb.

Reverb immediately freezes at the sight of Hollow and Cyanide.

"I can't—"

Mayhem takes her by the back of the shirt like a misbehaving cat and sets her on the couch himself. "You're gonna." He states firmly, too exhausted.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyanide stares at the floor, until Hollow tilts his head up gently. Hollow looks at Reverb and then at Cyanide)

I understand that this situation is far from okay, but we can’t just ignore things and bottle them up. Reverb, I’d like you to speak frankly to Cyan. Be as blunt as you need.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks at Cyan, and then at Hollow, and then at Mayhem standing with his arms crossed.

"Baby, just lie. I'm sure you meant it, but you can tell him you didn't. Look at him, he's upset. You're upset. Just lie. It'll be okay."

Glycerin, standing too close to Reverb, in her head and in her ear.

She closes her eyes, shaking her head weakly.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

Reverb… please. I can handle the truth.

(Cyan has one hand gripping Hollow’s for support)

[reverb-rotting]

"Cute sentiment. Not helpful, is it?"

Reverb is picking at her already-raw knuckles, blood staining under her nails. "I'm sick of watching you flinch at everything. I can't— you heard enough when I was drunk out of my head."

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I did. And I know.

(It pauses)

I’m not sure why I’m still flinching.

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't blame you for it." Reverb states, trying to clarify.

It's obvious she's not going to say much, at least not with so many people in the room.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow looks at Mayhem, trying to convey that at least one of them should leave)

(Cyan just nods, because it knows that)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem glances back at Hollow, trying to convey that both of them should leave.

Reverb seems determined to mess up her knuckles from the amount of picking she's doing.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

I’m grabbing a drink.

(Cyan nods in acknowledgment, and Hollow gets up and leaves the room)

[reverb-rotting]

Mayhem follows.

Reverb keeps picking at her knuckles, blood across all of them.

"Baby, just tell him something. Anything."

Reverb closes her eyes.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I didn’t realise how much I was… still doing. Habits I didn’t realise weren’t normal.

[reverb-rotting]

"It's normal for the situation, but still frustrating."

Reverb mutters, more like an automatic response than anything else.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

That’s not the only thing you’re frustrated about. Talk.

(Cyan waits, patient. It’ll wait forever if it needs to)

[reverb-rotting]

"Was Nova right? Are we competing?"

Her voice is so weak, barely audible, like she's scared of the answer.

Maybe I feel like you're my *competition.

Competition? We aren't competing for anything.

Aren't we?

Are we?

"Are we? Am I in some sick game of tug of war I'm never going to win?"

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

No. I’m not hers. She isn’t mine… she isn’t my anything except someone who loves to hurt me.

(He takes a breath, struggling a little for the words he needs)

I don’t want her back. I don’t want her to care or to want me or to forgive me- I did nothing wrong. I… I think I haven’t fully forgotten the things that made me flinch. I don’t remember them either. I don’t need her to answer for that. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. She doesn’t matter to me. That sick tug of war is not happening.

[reverb-rotting]

She nods, not sure she believes anything he's saying, or maybe she's just not processing it all yet.

"I— forget I said anything. Forget I got drunk and said anything last night. I can't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Cyanide."

Do I still have the right to call him Cyan? Almond?

Her fingers are bloodstained from picking.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I don’t think you need to apologise.

(Cyan half reaches out to try and stop her from picking, but hesitates to touch her)

[reverb-rotting]

"I don't know what the fuck they want me to talk about. I was fuckin' plastered, I couldn't see straight, let alone think. I said stupid shit, not anything truthful. And I'm sorry I said anything. I have nothing to say. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck they want!" Reverb scratches at her knuckles before balling her hands— not in anger at anyone in particular but in frustration at everything. Especially with Glycerin whispering in her ear, not that she'll mention it.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyanide breathes quietly, processing for a moment)

Maybe it’s the things you said when drunk. They want you to tell me about your… worries? … but properly, I think. And they wanted me to be a little more honest about my own.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb scrubs her face. "I can't do this. I am not good at this. I don't know how to do this!" She says in frustration. "I never got to do this with Glycerin. We never had conversations. Nothing ended with words." She scoffs.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

I have a small amount of experience, but not much… Nova didn’t not converse, but…

(Cyan struggles to find the words he’s looking for, itching at a small mark on his side- Reverb can’t quite see it, but it’s a needle mark)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks incredibly frustrated at the mention of Nova. She clenches her jaw for a minute before just going silent.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(It struggles with the word for another minute before giving up, sighing at himself in frustration that it’s upset her and that it can’t find the word)

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb rubs her bloody knuckles and walks off to her room with a muttered apology and several curses.

"Well. The phrase is keep running."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow sees as soon as Cyan manages to get up, staring after her and then looking at Hollow)

I didn’t mean to upset her again…

I know. So does she… Mayhem?

@mayhem-is-alive

[mayhem-is-alive]

Mayhem looks vaguely frustrated.

He walks to Reverb's room, knocking. "Reverb, either you get out here or I come in. Pick one. 10 seconds."

Not sounding particularly angry, just concerned and frustrated.

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow steps back with Cyan, not wanting to overwhelm her)

[mayhem-is-alive]

There's no response from Reverb. After a moment, Mayhem sighs, opening her door.

She's just on her bed, staring at the wall.

"Reverb. You have to talk. You can't just lock yourself up because a conversation got hard." He states.

@hollow-point-killjoy

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Hollow nods in agreement, talking loud enough to be heard)

You have to have this hard talk, or it’ll just hang between you forever.

[reverb-rotting]

Reverb looks vaguely angry, but the expression shifts into something unreadable.

"This was easier with Glycerin."

Mayhem looks pained—no. Horrified.

"I'm trying to talk. You know? I am. Really." Reverb says as she looks at Hollow, before looking back at the wall again.

A pause as she scrubs her face. "Witch— this was easier when I was drugged. When I couldn't think and he'd just spoon-feed shit to me."

[hollow-point-killjoy]

(Cyan stays in the corner, frozen and listening as Hollow looks at her)

Easier? Maybe. Something you could actually take part in? No.

[reverb-rotting]

"I can't—" Reverb groans, frustrated she can't articulate in a way that makes any of them understand.

"But it was easier." She repeats. "Maybe not the drugging part, the trips kinda sucked. But having a script? That was easier. He knew what to say to get the reaction he needed."

A pause. "I guess it wasn't that different than what Nova did to you."

What's worse— he's still giving me those bullshit robot responses she trained it into!

She inhales shakily. "If I don't have a say then I don't hurt anybody. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling. It's not fair to anybody."

Not fair that I have feelings of frustration towards my records abuser that are seeping out of me like poison. Not fair that I'm mad at his responses. It's not fair! I was trained into mine! Why can't I be okay with him being trained into his? It's not fair Mayhem has to take care of me! Reassuring me after every nightmare that I'm fine like a parent. It's not fair for Hollow to have three pathetic excuses for friends—

I miss it.

Miss it?

Not him.

The feeling?

The drugs?

Because if I was drugged I couldn't do anything that had any consequences.

If I was drugged I was just a puppet for him.

But it worked, didn't it?

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good, I promise.

Baby, I love you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

Reverb's eyes are squeezed shut at this point, like she's trying to stop her thoughts— or just stop talking.

I'm making it worse.

[sparklingcyan-kjrp]

(Cyan walks up to her then, voice soft and quiet. It’s eyes are still a little red, but it needs her to hear this)

Feeling makes us human. It’s why we’re in the desert. And you’re not hurting me, but I think I hurt you.

[reverb-rotting]

"Then maybe I'm sick of being human." She mutters shakily.

Shhh, pet.

Protective of that mutt behind you?

"It's not your fault." She repeats automatically, trying not to sound like a broken android repeating the same thing over and over. It's the only thing she can say that makes any logical sense.