reminder that you cannot call people or things "retarded" around me. we will have a conversation where I explain that I can still tell you the names of 62 people for which I was legally responsible. I will tell you that I loved them
and you will feel like you were being an asshole and wonder why you don't just stop saying it altogether. me too.
if we're friends, you can call me a faggot. there can be a lot of tenderness in that. I got beat up and bullied and just generally treated like a detestable freak by people who called me that word while they did it. hearing it spoken by a loved voice, with clear affection, can be beautiful. it can feel like understanding, forgiveness, absolution, permission, and a thousand other wonderful things. it can be beautiful.
I got called retarded too, but we don't share any special insight into that. it's just a word to us. pick a different one.
a lady with a developmental disability once explained to me that she'd overheard some kids calling each other retarded in the mall we'd visited earlier that day. searching for something to say that might comfort her, I explained that they don't know anything about people like her and so they weren't really talking about her, just being ignorant.
she got angry and said "then they need to pick a different word". and so you need to pick a different word.
don't think this is exclusive to public spaces like the mall or the park or whatever either. she has a tablet and access to the internet, just the same as you do. she can read, write, and make her own decisions. she has a husband.
you don't know anything about her, you need to stop talking about her. pick a different word.
