I'm not watching you, you're watching me.

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[rhaps6the6fiend6]

As I walk through the doors they only see the face of what makes them happy. The face I hide behind because I'm scared to show them what's been hidden.

[imjunebitch]

[kevinogilvie-deactivated2025092]

got High last night and scrolled eBay for hours with my mouth open like an Autistic micro plastic baby before buying a CD for $5.08

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

I need to practice on not thinking my past haunts me. Throughout the bad shit there were a lot of good times that I often put on the side. I want to patch up the wounds and move forward for once.

[s03p0ng]

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

My mom probably has one year to live so she say. I'm trying to be positive that she will some how to just live through the predictions. She had diabetes soon as she turned 30 or maybe after I don't remember. She was always good on her blood sugar levels and continued to be on top of everything. But last year she said that the medication that she needed to take wasn't working any more, built an immunity to the stuff. They gave her new medication where she could only have one meal for the rest of the day or else she'll just vomit the stuff out.

This year she finds out that her body barely passed some tests and next year it's predicted that she won't be so lucky. I'm not ready to deal with that again and I just been running away from the problem instead of facing it head on.

Things aren't going to be the same anymore

[peachgull]

This is so epic

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

My mind in underwater and I'm not sure if there's a term for someone that's mentally drowning. My body feels like I'm in the ocean but I'm wondering throughout the pain and despair that I've caused myself, that the reason behind it all is my underwater prison or what I locked myself up with.

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

Don't be scared. The future remains unknown because we repeat the mistakes of our ancestors but call it vintage living. I want to break away from that and be different. I want to burn it all away and remake the way how things should be rather than what it is now.

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

I want to die before her not after. I'm feeling very selfish again..

[bviralmedia]

Woman Smiling While Holding Parrot with Another Parrot Perched on Her Head

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

There's no point and i don't know why you're fighting against those urges.

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

I'm procrastinating a lot more than usual. I think that failed suicide attempt in July is still wearing down on my mind. I thought I was doing good but once these past injuries from that damn car accident decided to make itself known I'm here drowning again. I'm distracting myself by diving into old media that I liked as kid and reintroducing things to myself. Getting a better understanding of what the hell I exposed myself to when I was younger. Once in awhile I wake up with a headache and it either goes away or it becomes a full blown migraine. I have these serious shit coming up and I need to take care of them but my body and my mind won't let me do it. Scary part is I often wonder if my body is telling me to die in my sleep or something because I just don't want to do shit. However, a friend needed help moving to a new apartment and I went to help her out for like 20 mins. That was the most strength I ever mustered on a Saturday evening in awhile. So maybe the self doubt isn't too strong or maybe I'm tired of lingering.

[catchymemes]

[theharbringerofchaos]

[rhaps6the6fiend6]

This year started off pretty well. But to update, an old friend of mine died and it's such a weird shock to me still. My other friend went missing and no one knows anything so his family is just lost and worried. Mentally my head hurt and I'm just trying to figure shit out. But there's so many damn distractions.

[texaschainsawmascara]

James Gandolfini, The Sopranos behind the scenes