Falling off the wagon....
I haven’t written for some time and I guess it’s because I have fallen off the wagon, which I do need to write about instead of avoiding (and therefore not be accountable for).
I have purchased some new clothes, shoes and a bag. I also brought a gift for a friends new baby that was new. I am still purchasing a lot of used things from op shops, garage sales and online but in all honesty I am sitting on my ass, in the dust, looking up at the wagon I fell off. Lets be real here.
Why? I had 5 full months of sticking to my guns, and it wasn’t hard! I liked it. It became normal. So why the change? Well, I can externalise the causes, shift blame, make excuses, but before I share any reasons I need to preface it with this statement: It was my choice and I am responsible, regardless of what I say next.
OK, so I went back to working full time in my corporate office job and yes, I felt pressure to dress a certain way. I felt a little self conscious of my thrifted skirt and was worried that my cute second hand leather shoes were a bit worn. This may sound trivial, but I was in a more senior role where I was often reminded of being the “role model” and “setting the standard” in many areas, including my presentation.
"Dress the part, be the part, motherfucker." - Proposition Joe, The Wire.
I am aware that a huge amount of people don’t have the privilege of “falling off the wagon” and whipping out a credit card to buy new things if and when they do. Reusing and recycling items for many is a necessity, not some bourgeois hobby.
The more I started to think about this the more I began to feel disillusioned with what I was doing.
I know that there is inherent benefit in not consuming, in creating a set of beliefs not based on materialism and of not seeking fulfillment through “stuff”. I believe this.
I am also aware of how lucky I am to have the choice.
I am aware of people who don’t have the luxury of worrying about “new” versus “used”. I understand that there are people who are just trying to live this life; be heard, survive, make ends meet, be healthy, stay safe, be given their break, their opportunity, their chance. They are trying to live a life with out fear and without being discriminated against because of race, age, sexuality or gender.
So, all things considered, is this “hobby” ridiculous? Yes, it has some meaning in my life and social sphere, but seems trivial in the context of the world around me.
izzy806
theartofmadeline
blakekathryn
areudirty
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