Diminishing Marginal Utility

I'm Grant. I write things on my iPhone 5 (mostly while on the toilet.) This is an account of my life. Names have been changed and dialogue has been condensed.

[rhinozeros]

Ive been trapping for years yeah

[rhinozeros]

to the ones that got away...

I want to let you know that you are a movie star

I want to let you know that as we were lying in bed last Saturday counting out the night in cigarette butts that I fell in love with your soul

I want to let you know that you are a Nobel laureate

My heart breaks at your earliest convenience

I want to let you know that the way you laugh makes me feel like God is here

I want to let you know that you are the president of the United States

I want to let you know that I am all 12 disciples

But unlike Ted Hughes I don’t know if you didn’t want to be christlike

I want to let you know you are christlike

I want to let you know you are Mamie Van Doren and Jayne Mansfield 

I want to let you know you are a bombshell

You are a bombshell like Marilyn Monroe and you can’t wait to blow up

And when you do the world will watch and say “oh I love her”

I want to let you know that we could weaponize your beauty

And if we did the world would pine for war

Trenches filled with smiling men would yell

“here comes the movie star”

[rhinozeros]

why dnt u evr post

Follow me on twitter @elgranto25

[rhinozeros]

Lol some frank asshole at spike jonzes new movie premiere

[rhinozeros]

My house, their rules

Over 100 people turnt up. Stogs and joints litter my backyard. Crushed cans of brew line my garage floor. These are the remains of a beautiful act of uncontrollable human indulgences. Yet I feel nothing. This means nothing. I am the same person I was 10 years ago. There is no catharsis.

[rhinozeros]

Pick up advice from a forum

Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known. You don’t have to be an asshole, but if you have no choice, being an inconsiderate asshole beats being a polite beta, every time.

[rhinozeros]

Too tired to properly quote this

"The Eighties? Cherry red Porsches. Suspenders. Gold ties. Peaked-lapel suits. Escobar’s cocaine. Stretch Lincoln limousines. American hookers. Real expense accounts. Drexel. Milken. Boesky. Getting paid $1 million when $1 million was still a million dollars. Wall Street was Wall Street. Investor Activists were Corporate Raiders. Henry Kravis still needed us. And there were no billionaire nerds in hoodies leading IPO roadshows. I don’t know; I wasn’t there. But every banker today knows about ‘The Eighties’. W.W.T.D.I.T.E What Would They Do in The Eighties? Forget calling a client a Muppet; let’s gouge his eyes outs, take 3 points on the trade, and air hump to the applause of the entire trading floor. Today, well… you can’t even do the jerk off hand motion. There was no such thing as bullying or political correctness. Sack up, or fuck off. You were praised for sleeping with a female subordinate, not reported to HR. And the hiring of women was openly called ‘The Office Beautification Project’. The culture of Wall Street and in particular, the trading floor, was legendary. Unbridled Darwinian capitalism, pervasive deviance, moral relativity – call it whatever cliché you want. But it was ‘awesome’, and is glorified in the eyes of today’s Wall Street - and perhaps best personified through it’s sense of humor."

[rhinozeros]

really feeling this song right now. *demon voice* "carving my initials on your forehead."

[rhinozeros]

I am the atom bomb

something penis. womens rights. womens rights. woments rights. penis? womens rights. a penis is just an inside out vagina. i wish i didnt have a penis

[hypoficial]

"Check yourself before you wreck yourself, bitch"

Berkeley couldn’t recognize a troll even if one cock-slapped it in the face

[rhinozeros]

i tried to write my 2nd personal statement

  I want to eat until I drop.

  I feel fat.  Being fat isn’t comfortable.

  It would be in my stomach.

  A day where I would have fun everywhere except on the toilet.

  It tastes hella umami.

  STOP EATING ME!

  It’s a Wagyu cow

  Joel Robuchon

  Jiro Dreams of Sushi

  Prison

    Summer

  Furniture stores

  It makes me sad because I don’t want to eat furniture but then id start laughing because its an ironic name.  I would still notice everything and everything would be the same

  I go there.  I wait on sawtelle blvd.  Some Japanese chick comes out, sometimes shes cute, sometimes shes not.  I sit down.  I eat.

  There’s always the rhythm of the weird bamboo smacking music they play.

    It will grow up to be a 3 Michelin star restaurant

    A hole in the wall taco truck

  If you don’t eat it im going to stab you with a rusty knife

  Tsujta began when some Japanese dude came to LA and made Tsuekemen.  It’s going to end when he decides to stop making Tsuekemen.

  Everything is already carefully planned in every facet.

  I walked in.  Today it was good.  Yesterday it was bad.

  Tsujita is haunted.  It kills the people that leave it bad Yelp reviews.

  This place sells drugs that are illegal but no one goes there and it has 1 star on Yelp.

[rhinozeros]

Not-so-personal personal statement. danny brown bruh bruh

[hypoficial]

privacy

When you decide to watch porn, put your headphones on. I’m not in the mood to hear moans and groans at 9 in the morning. 

[rhinozeros]

I am

[rhinozeros]

Do you like Gucci?

Homecumin’

Asking this girl to homecoming. It started as a joke but I’m in too deep. She didn’t want to eat my garlic bread yesterday. My dad taught me how to use the espresso machine and now my stomach is in knots. What is the ask out poster supposed to say? The perfunctory poster?

"Drew. Homecoming." (The period after homecoming makes it more of an order than a request.)

or

"No means yes. Yes means anal." (A bunch of Yaliens chanted that outside of the women’s center.)

I even considered twerking to Gucci Mane — she mentioned that she likes that “hard, Southern shit” — but the YouTube twerk tutorial I watched didn’t help at all.

Fabulous.

[rhinozeros]

"Stop talking to me."

-This bitch in my sculpture class after I brought the white (presumably jizz) stain on her non-Lululemon/name branded yoga pants to her attention. (via rhinozeros

dont blog about me 

(via im-am-mad)

I don't give a bitch shit but hard dick and liquor.

[rhinozeros]

"Stop talking to me."

-This bitch in my sculpture class after I brought the white (presumably jizz) stain on her non-Lululemon/name branded yoga pants to her attention.

[rhinozeros]

John Keats?

McNiff was saying something about Hamlet and I dropped my pen. When I looked down to pick up my pen I realized that the girl sitting behind me has her purple converse shoes under my seat. I stared at it, and after 10 seconds of internal deliberation I made a decision. I reached for her shoe and grabbed it as hard as I could. She pulled away, and not one word was said.

I feel nothing.