Kind of in disbelief with myself for denying I had depression for so long cause now that I’m actually trying medication again and taking it consistently its like fucking duh. Like I actually have days where I feel kinda chipper it’s sorta crazy. I don’t lay in bed the entire day. I am starting to shower and brush my teeth more. Suicidal ideation has gone down. I’m planning on going on a hike this friday. Like, What.
Idk I guess when u get so used to it, it makes it seem like that’s actually average and if I was depressed well then I would be feeling worse soooo. Which is so stupid especially considering my parents literally took me to the doctor for it at like age 12 after a. Well I guess it was a self interrupted suicide attempt but I think I was in denial about that too. But like suffice to say I’ve known, my family has known, my mom literally has depression it’s genetic, but for some reason my brain had just been like. “Nah dude ur just like. Average. That’s like totally what average is dude.” Like I knew but I didn’t actually believe it, y’kno?
Obviously still have a ways to go and anxiety is a mess but. Yay improvement. Manifesting the same for all my friends and mutuals, you guys got this 💚