“I know this is weird to you but when this baby is old it pretended I was invisible. When it was very months. It pretended I was invisible for 5 days.” -Wendy, age 3.5 year, talking about her doll
Xuebing Du
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Cosimo Galluzzi
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Mike Driver

#extradirty
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Peter Solarz
Stranger Things
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shark vs the universe
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trying on a metaphor
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@richardisapanther
“I know this is weird to you but when this baby is old it pretended I was invisible. When it was very months. It pretended I was invisible for 5 days.” -Wendy, age 3.5 year, talking about her doll
“Do you want anymore of this Cheez-It?” -Mom, holding up a half-eaten string cheese
“Wendy do you need anything? I came in here to do two things, and, huh?” -Mom, talking to Wendy (age 3), who is watching TV
And bringing up the rear is the mothership, chiming in from the other room in classic form.
Me: I made an index of my recipes. I have 112.
Dad: Wow, that’s enough to keep ya fed.
Mom: Who needs to be fed? Rosie?
Wait, how many?
Me: How many kids do you have?
Bartender: 3 or 4.
Me: Do you like any of them?
Bartender: Not really.
Me: Do you have any delicates that need to be washed? Like your designer tshirts?
Erik: No, they’re all clean.
And with this little bite of gold, I’M BACK!
Me: Mom do you have any colored pencils?
Mom: What do you mean by “colored”?
Jake is just like you!
Erik: Is Jake Gyllenhall a redhead?!
Jackie: I think so!
Erik: I didn't know that! He's got GREAT eyebrows!
aaaaand we're back!
Mom: Erik do you have any idea why I can't do something?
Erik: Uh, ...glass ceiling?
yeah just like the song
Me: Would you mind shaking some food into her bowl?
Mom: Shaking it? Shake it up?
Throw Back Thursday
Me: I need to get the bridesmaids outfits for getting ready. Should I do short sleeve shirts and shorts, or should I do robes?
Erik: Why doesn't everyone just show up naked except my sister?
This thing on my e-mail has one thousand sharks in the water.
Mom, looking at Google News, around the time when shark attacks were all the rage
a recent convo
Me: When did we start dating? December?
Erik: Yup.
Me: WE'VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR 7 MONTHS?!?!
Erik: Ugh, you're stupid.
Do lollipop sticks have fiber? Because I'm eating this whole thing.
Erik, the unstoppable snacker
can't wait ta try one
John: Have you ever had a cookie?
Me: No.
John: They're good.
That makes me much more sense.
Ma
There's a big black cat in the backyard! Buttons? No, it couldn't be Buttons.
Mom