(A BIG BLACK ONE)

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“I know this is weird to you but when this baby is old it pretended I was invisible. When it was very months. It pretended I was invisible for 5 days.” -Wendy, age 3.5 year, talking about her doll

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“Do you want anymore of this Cheez-It?” -Mom, holding up a half-eaten string cheese

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“Wendy do you need anything? I came in here to do two things, and, huh?” -Mom, talking to Wendy (age 3), who is watching TV

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And bringing up the rear is the mothership, chiming in from the other room in classic form.

Me: I made an index of my recipes. I have 112.

Dad: Wow, that’s enough to keep ya fed.

Mom: Who needs to be fed? Rosie?

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Wait, how many?

Me: How many kids do you have?

Bartender: 3 or 4.

Me: Do you like any of them?

Bartender: Not really.

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Me: Do you have any delicates that need to be washed? Like your designer tshirts?

Erik: No, they’re all clean.

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And with this little bite of gold, I’M BACK!

Me: Mom do you have any colored pencils?

Mom: What do you mean by “colored”?

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Jake is just like you!

Erik: Is Jake Gyllenhall a redhead?!

Jackie: I think so!

Erik: I didn't know that! He's got GREAT eyebrows!

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aaaaand we're back!

Mom: Erik do you have any idea why I can't do something?

Erik: Uh, ...glass ceiling?

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yeah just like the song

Me: Would you mind shaking some food into her bowl?

Mom: Shaking it? Shake it up?

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Throw Back Thursday

Me: I need to get the bridesmaids outfits for getting ready. Should I do short sleeve shirts and shorts, or should I do robes?

Erik: Why doesn't everyone just show up naked except my sister?

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This thing on my e-mail has one thousand sharks in the water.

Mom, looking at Google News, around the time when shark attacks were all the rage

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a recent convo

Me: When did we start dating? December?

Erik: Yup.

Me: WE'VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR 7 MONTHS?!?!

Erik: Ugh, you're stupid.

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Do lollipop sticks have fiber? Because I'm eating this whole thing.

Erik, the unstoppable snacker

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can't wait ta try one

John: Have you ever had a cookie?

Me: No.

John: They're good.

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That makes me much more sense.

Ma

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There's a big black cat in the backyard! Buttons? No, it couldn't be Buttons.

Mom