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“I’ve spent the last hour watching videos of dogs being scared of farts. Please, give me something better to do.”

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@richiextrashmouth
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“I’ve spent the last hour watching videos of dogs being scared of farts. Please, give me something better to do.”
First Interactions / Break the Ice Starter Sentences
❝ Hey, excuse me, you dropped this! ❞
❝ Don’t get wet, stand under my umbrella with me. ❞
❝ I’ll pay for your [meal/coffee/groceries/etc] ! ❞
❝ Hey! Watch where you’re going! ❞
❝ This seat’s free. Come sit. ❞
❝ Sorry, I couldn’t help but to stare… ❞
❝ I wasn’t staring! I was just.. spaced out! ❞
❝ Is that… blood? ❞
❝ Woah, you look pale… are you okay? Do you need to go to a hospital? ❞
❝ I can give you a ride if you need it, beats walking. ❞
❝ Did you just breathe in my direction? ❞
❝ Don’t look at me like that. ❞
❝ I don’t know you, but I really want to hold your hand. ❞
❝ … I really hate the awkward silence in elevators, you know? ❞
❝ Oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else. ❞
❝ Don’t look now, but this person has been following you for two blocks so I thought I’d approach you and act like your best friend or something. Sooo, how have you been? ❞
❝ Is there something in my teeth? ❞
❝ Did you just hold my hand? ❞
❝ Um… that’s MY seat. I ALWAYS sit there. ❞
❝ Hey um, that guy/girl is totally eyeballing you. ❞
❝ Let me buy you a drink sometime? ❞
❝ Oh my god don’t move there’s a spider on your shirt- ❞
❝ What… are you doing? ❞
❝ Oh! Can I have one of those? ❞
❝ Hey! Can you help me out? ❞
❝ Can I walk with you? ❞
❝ Oh, you live here? This is awkward… ❞
soft caring sentence compilation
❛❛ I took your hoodie and I’m not giving it back. ❜❜
❛❛ Please just… just hold me. ❜❜
❛❛ C’mere. Lean on me. ❜❜
❛❛ You look like you need a hug. Come here. ❜❜
❛❛ I’m never leaving this blanket nest ever again. ❜❜
❛❛ I know you don’t like hugs, but… I could really use one right now… ❜❜
❛❛ Just stay a little longer. Please. ❜❜
❛❛ It’s so cold outside, but you’re so warm… ❜❜
❛❛ I’m sorry. I should have asked first, just… it reminded me of you. ❜❜
❛❛ Let me hold you for a while. ❜❜
❛❛ It’s okay. I’ve got you. ❜❜
❛❛ Everything hurts. Being with you is the only good thing in the world anymore. ❜❜
❛❛ Hey, hey, don’t cry. It’s okay. C’mon, come sit under the blanket with me. ❜❜
❛❛ All I want to do is sit and eat cookies and watch cheesy romcoms right now. But I’d love some company. ❜❜
❛❛ I brought blankets, takeout, and your favourite movie. I know it won’t fix everything, but it might help. ❜❜
❛❛ Please stay with me tonight. I don’t want to be alone. ❜❜
❛❛ I made some tea. Now, do you need to talk? Or should I just put on some music? ❜❜
❛❛ I’m not going to leave. I’ll stay as long as you need me to. ❜❜
❛❛ Your hair’s soft… I just want to pet it until I forget everything but how soft it is… ❜❜
❛❛ Shh, shh. It’s okay. You’re alright. You’re safe now. ❜❜
❛❛ I know you’re hurting right now, and I’m so sorry. Tell me what will help and I’ll do it. ❜❜
❛❛ I just want to see you smile again. ❜❜
❛❛ This is stupid but… could you sing to me? You have such a nice voice, and I think it might help calm me down… you don’t have to, but… ❜❜
❛❛ Lay your head in my lap and try to get some rest. ❜❜
❛❛ wait , did you just say you love me? ❜❜
❛❛ i’m so happy! ❜❜
❛❛ is this a gift for me? ❜❜
❛❛ hey! i’ve got something for you! wait right here! ❜❜
❛❛ i love you. ❜❜
❛❛ wow … your smile is breathtaking. ❜❜
❛❛ let me take you out on a date. ❜❜
❛❛ so what will it be tonight? ❜❜
❛❛ you know , you’re really cute. ❜❜
❛❛ shh … don’t cry. ❜❜
❛❛ so … do i get a goodnight kiss? ❜❜
❝ i’m here for you. ❞
❝ let me help with that. ❞
❝ i’m here. ❞
❝ nothing’s gonna hurt you. ❞
❝ if they do it again, you tell me. ❞
❝ i’ll protect you. ❞
❝ i’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you. ❞
❝ let me take a look… ❞
❝ i’m a phone call away. ❞
❝ you should have called me. ❞
❝ here, sleep. ❞
❝ if you wanna talk, i’m here. ❞
❝ hey, shh, it’s okay. ❞
❝ i’ll never let you go. ❞
❝ you’re with me now. ❞
❝ nothing’s gonna take you from my side. ❞
❝ i’ll do what i have to. ❞
❝ i need you to stay here, okay? i got this. ❞
❝ it’s safe here. ❞
❝ i’m fine, let me see your face. ❞
❝ we’re gonna have to keep ice on that. ❞
❝ i like seeing you smile. ❞
❝ you’re so beautiful. ❞
❝ you don’t have to talk, we can just sit together. ❞
❝ i miss/missed you. ❞
❝ let me do this for you. ❞
❝ i’m on your side ❞
❝ i’ve got your back, okay? ❞
100 Ways to Say ‘I Hate You’
I saw a post about 100 ways to say ‘I love you’, so I thought I’d make the anti-version if it doesn’t exist already. Roleplayers, send these to each other for angst reasons! Tw for emotional abuse, language, and some major rejection themes, though some them are joking and could be used for friendly rivals or pals who play-insult one another. Change or add pronouns as necessary.
“You’re a disappointment to me.”
“I don’t care if you live or die.”
“I used to care about you. Now? I regret every second I wasted.”
“How do you think I feel? I’m pissed off!”
“Go. Just go.”
“If you come back, I won’t be here.”
“I’ve never despised someone as much as I despise you.”
“Ha! You think I care about you? What do you think I am, desperate?”
“I regret ever saying ‘hello’.”
“Leave and don’t come back, ever.”
“Remember when we first met? I wish I didn’t.”
“You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
“Don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me.” “You took months/years of my life away. I’ll never get those back.”
“I saw a trash bag on the side of the road today. Reminded me of you.”
“I could have been doing so much better than wasting my time with you.”
“You’re a sick bastard, you know that?”
“I don’t care.”
“Go ahead, leave. Don’t worry about coming back.”
“You’re such a piece of shit.”
“I didn’t think you could be any more of a shithead, but you just proved me wrong.”
“You’re so stupid.”
“Why do I waste my time with you?”
“You’re not the person I thought you were.”
“Hey! Just a daily reminder: you’re a piece of shit!”
“I deserve so much better.”
“We’re not friends. We were never friends!”
“I pretended to like you because I felt bad for you! How did you fall for that?”
“I never want to see you again.”
“You’ve done nothing but make my life a living hell.”
“Don’t apologize - you don’t deserve my forgiveness!”
“No, I’m never giving you another chance!”
“I wish you were never born.”
“You’re the last person I wanted to see right now.”
“I’d rather be working with anyone else in the whole world right now.”
“When you get back, your shit’s gonna be on the front lawn. Take it and get out.”
“Go ahead, choose them! You deserve each other.”
“I don’t know what they see in you.”
“You’re an embarrassment to me.”
“You’re an embarrassment to all of us.”
“I wish it was you. I wish it was you to die instead of them.”
“God, why did I have to end up working with the biggest asshole in the world?”
“How could you think I ever loved you? You seriously think I’d sink that low?”
“Sorry, I just puked in my mouth a bit. I accidentally looked at your face.”
“How can you even live with yourself?”
“If I was your mirror, I’d break myself just so you would throw me in the trash and I wouldn’t have to look at you.”
“Being with you was the worst time of my life.”
“You’re a monster.”
“Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up wishing I was dead because of you.”
“I’m going to ruin your fucking life.”
“You said you would change, but you never did! You never will!”
“Some people are just born to fail. Sorry you’re one of the unlucky ones.”
“You’re so worthless, you hardly even exist to me.”
“I wish I could go back to the day I met you, and just walk away.”
“If you give me that look one more time, I’m skipping jump-rope with your large intestines.”
“Honestly, I’m embarrassed to even know you.”
“Ugh, it smells like something died in here. Oh. It’s just you.”
“You need to stop. You hurt everyone around you!”
“Until you get your shit together, I don’t want to hear you complain.”
“Look at you. You’re disgusting.”
“Stop making me look bad.”
“You have a face that makes me wish punching people wasn’t frowned upon in our society.”
“Shut your mouth. I don’t want to hear your obnoxious voice.”
“Go play in traffic.”
“Fuck off.”
“If I saw you in the ocean clinging to a log for safety, I’d save the log and let you drown. At least wood can become something useful, like toilet paper.”
“How could I ever love something as terrible and hideous as you?”
“I can’t even look at you right now.”
“It was all a lie.”
“I never loved you, and I never will.”
“Don’t try to beg. It won’t work.”
“You’re not worth the mud on the bottom of my shoes.”
“Look at you. You’re pathetic. I’ve never seen a sadder sight.”
“I’m going to hurt you slowly, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it.”
“For what you did to them, I’ll do the same to you.”
“An apology? You want to offer an apology? No. I don’t accept it.”
“You’re everything I hate in a person.”
“I wish you were dead.”
“You’re nothing to me. Less than nothing!”
“What a sad sack of shit you are.”
“My life is in fucking shambles thanks to you!”
“How could you? You bastard!”
“I’d rather eat sewage than ever touch you again.”
“Hey asshole, I’m here to ruin your day, just like I did yesterday and the day before that.”
“You’d be more useful if you weren’t even alive.”
“Hey, it’s my least favorite waste of space.”
“Every day that I woke up next to you, I was tempted to smother you with a pillow while you slept.”
“Love you? Don’t make me laugh.”
“Just thinking about you makes me sick to my stomach.”
“You deserve a slow and painful death for what you’ve done.”
“I can’t stand people like you.”
“Stop doing that thing. You know, that thing I hate. Breathing.”
“If I could trade you for a nest of angry wasps, you would be long gone.”
“I can’t wait to dance on your grave.”
“If we were the last two people on earth, I’d be subtracting one.”
“I never want to see the likes of your filth around here again.”
“I’m disgusted by you.”
“Fuck you!”
“If I ever see you again, it will be far too soon.”
“I have three words for you: Burn. In. Hell.”
“I hate you.”
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