(please pardon the blurry picture)
Had a tarot reading today. The dealer asked what the reading would be about; work, money, love, or other? I said love. I focused on my question while she shuffled the deck and she drew the following cards, all upright.
I pulled the descriptions from this site. These descriptions are worded slightly different from the booklet that came with the deck, but convey the same meaning as what I was read during my reading.
BOTTOM: reason for question / current dilemma
Four of Cups (upright) - Meditation, contemplation, apathy, re-evaluation
Description: "The Four of Cups depicts a young man sitting under a tree far away from others in what looks like deep contemplation and meditation. In fact, he is so engrossed in deep contemplation that he does not appear to notice the cup being presented to him by an outstretched arm. A further three cups stand at his feet, symbolising the world and its attractions but again, he pays little attention to these. In this sense, he indicates the need to look deep into our Self to discover the answers we seek. External influences can be distracting and may not lead us to the goal we seek even if those influences purport to be of a spiritual nature.
This young man and his predicament suggest the story of the Buddha under the Bodhi Tree, contemplating the state of the Universe and unwilling to rise until he has reached the Truth. He is not taking the cup and indeed appears to be paying no attention to it whatsoever. He misses this gift of love and opportunity because he’s completely tuned within."
Naturally, I interpret this card as a depiction of myself and how I have so far approached my situation. I have been indeed “bored with the status quo” as the card represents. “Life has become stale or ‘flat’ and there is little that excites you anymore.” Thus I am now looking for meaning in the cards, trying to answer the same question I always ask myself.
"The Four of Cups can sometimes point to defensiveness. This can be noticed in the body language displayed in the crossed arms and legs of the man on the card. He chooses to ignore the possibility of what the cup has to offer. Possibly he has been hurt emotionally before, as this is the Suit of Cups, and he is fearful to expose himself to that again, hence he is closing himself off to this opportunity.“ It is fitting that the man “misses this gift of love and opportunity because he’s completely tuned within” considering I have passed on many opportunities for love. Though that is not something to regret, as the card acknowledges that he is waiting on something, waiting for all of the answers to be in. It is necessary to mediate over such things, even for a long period of time. However, “when the Four of Cups appears it must be taken as a cautionary note. It bears the message that there is a lot of love in your life but it can and will slip away if you do not continue to nurture it and demonstrate your appreciation for everything that you have gained so far.” I have learned this lesson once before, and I believe it is why I am now in the situation I am.
Nine of Swords (upright) - Depression, nightmares, intense anxiety, despair
Description: "The Nine of Swords shows a woman with her head in her hands, sitting up in her bed. She appears to have just woken up from a bad nightmare, and is obviously upset, fearful and anxious following her dream. Nine swords hang on the wall behind her and the base of the bed is decorated with a carving of a duel in which one person is being defeated by another. The quilt covering the woman is decorated with roses and the outlines of astrological symbols."
Ah, my ugly depressing past! We all have one of those, right? At least the best of us do. Depression, self-doubt and loathing, fear of the future. “The troubles alluded to in the Nine of Swords are primarily of a psychological nature and do not necessarily indicate suffering in your external reality.” I love the symbolism of my past being a struggle between dreams and reality. I have experimented with sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming, even smoked mugwort a few times to induce it. “The Nine of Swords can also indicate that you are being incredibly hard on yourself, putting yourself down or engaging in negative self-talk.” I don’t think this is so much a part of my past as much as a part of how I’ve always operated and probably will continue. I am my harshest critic.
Anyways, yeah. Depression, not much too say about that. I’ve had my share of heartbreaks and lost loves. When I had my reading, she mentioned that when this card is associated with love it could mean someone I love was injured. That’s worth noting when talking about my past.
MIDDLE: myself at present
Ace of Swords (upright) - Raw power, victory, break-throughs, mental clarity
“The Ace of Swords shows a hand, cloaked in white, holding an upright sword, symbolic of the mind and the intellect. At the tip of the sword is a wreath, indicating success and victory, and a crown, indicating mental clarity. However, the barren, mountainous landscape below the sword reflects the often cold nature of intellect."
Things are getting a little brighter at this point with the Ace of Swords. I got a little giddy when this card came up. “Wait, so myself at present is the Ace of SWORDS? Ummm... fuck yes?” Of course, I did just get done playing Dungeons & Dragons right before my reading so I was probably just a little too excited from slaying evil earlier.
So yeah, apparently this card “signifies a ‘break-through’ or an ‘aha’ moment where suddenly conscious understanding and mental reasoning reach their peak, and achievement of goals suddenly becomes a lot easier.“ I certainly feel this is true. A lot of monkeys are now off my back and I’m starting a new life in China. It’s definitely a break-through moment that comes with mental clarity. “This is also a good time to act, and if you set your mind to accomplishing your goals, you can achieve anything you desire.“ A lot of my self-doubt really is in the past, as I am now more focused.
Yeah, so Ace of Badass. I mean, this is basically as cookie-cutter and generic as a horoscope reading, but I dig it either way. As far as love goes? “The sword reflects the often cold nature of intellect.” Maybe that’s why I was supposed to be thinking about love but really just thought about myself most of the time. Who needs someone else ruining the good thing I’ve got going on?
Eight of Coins/Pentacles (upright) - Apprenticeship, education, quality, engagement
Description: "The Eight of Pentacles shows a young man labouring over eight coins, carefully etching out a pentacle shape into each coin. He has already successfully completed six coins, and has two more to go. It is clear that he is in the middle of a project that absorbs all his attention. He has isolated himself from others (the town in the background) in order to concentrate on the task at hand. This card reflects a time when you are focusing all of your energy on something and making sure it is as perfect as it can be. You are very engaged in what you are doing and determined to do a good job."
So this gave me some hope about the future, and it seems to fit in well with me presently being the Ace of Swords. Supposedly the “Eight of Pentacles indicates that you are experiencing or about to experience a change or a new beginning in terms of your work, education or financial circumstances.” As I said, I’m moving to China soon. In a few weeks, I will start my new life there as an English teacher, something I have never done before. I will also be picking up Mandarin and working on my web development projects, away from the distractions of the West. This is as far into the future as I can relate this card, as I do not know what lies beyond that point for me.
“The Eight of Pentacles is encouragement to keep doing what you are doing as it will eventually lead to success”
I do have a problem with not finishing projects, but perhaps this card isn’t about finishing. Trying to relate this to love, it may be that through my personal success and conquering myself, I will then learn that the love I look for is in myself. Or maybe I’ll just get a hot, gold digging Chinese girl. Or maybe a love that I have been working on for a long time will come to fruition. There are many interpretations I can take, but it’s the future so there’s really no telling.
TOP: highest attainable outcome
Queen of Wands (upright) - Exuberance, warmth, vibrancy, determination
Description: "The Queen sits upon her throne that is decorated with lions facing opposing direction, a symbol of fire and strength. In her left hand and behind her are sunflowers, symbolising life, fertility, joy and satisfaction. In her right hand is a wand which is beginning to blossom with life. In these positive aspects, the Queen of Wands represents fidelity, warmth, and sustenance. However, at her feet is a black cat, a symbol of the darker, lesser known side of this Queen. Black cats are typically associated with magic and occultism. The cat expresses the independent nature of this Queen and her interest in occult powers and the energy of magic. There are other theories on what the cat symbolises, but as with all symbolism, the true 'meaning' is up to the observer."
I like the idea of the Queen of Wands representing my best possible outcome in the realm of love. Fertility, joy, satisfaction, warmth, fidelity... those are all great qualities and things that I value in my relationships with others. Some details from the long description that stood out to me: “She instils confidence within you and gives you the power and self-assurance that you can achieve anything that you set your mind to... The Queen of Wands is a natural extrovert and enjoys being the centre of attention. She creates a powerful first impression and is a likeable individual who makes friends easily by being sweet, warm and charming. She wants to be ‘known’, to be ‘someone’. She has bountiful social and professional networks and she draws people to her with her charisma and positive energy.” This is very much a representation of the type of woman I find myself naturally attracted to. When I had my reading done, the dealer noted that the Queen is fierce and passionate about achieving her goals, but despite that she is principled and always makes sure not to harm anyone in the process.
The deck that we used did not have the black cat on the Queen of Wands. We noticed that the creators avoided using occultisms and instead referred to the pentacles suit as "coins," so we theorized they might have been trying to appeal to a more Christian audience. That vibe was also confirmed by their use of halos, Catholic styled art, and a dove on the box cover. Perhaps they omitted the black cat because of its occult meaning, but they might have just thought it was not necessary. Maybe this is a sign that the highest potential I have for love excludes any black cats being in the picture, though I hate to imagine such a reality. As the description says, the true meaning of the black cat is up to the observer, so I choose to believe that the card demonstrates that love I get from my black cat is the highest attainable outcome, whether or not she exists alongside anything else the Queen of Wands may represent. I was happy to find a black cat anywhere in my reading, but especially on that card.
I’mma keep doing me for now. If I work on myself I’ll eventually reach my goals. I just need to be persistent and not distract myself or be hard on myself over the past. Love can wait until it’s the right time to make that choice. For now, I’m awesome and I have a bright future. And my cat loves me. <3
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