When Is It Abuse?
When their controlling, disrespectful, or degrading behavior is a pattern.
When a person is taking advantage of a power imbalance to exploit or control you.
When someone starts to exercise power over you in a way that causes harm to you and creates a privileged status for themselves.
When they retaliate against you complaining about their behavior by increasing the behavior, punishing you, mocking you, or switching into the role of the victim.
When they tell you that your objections to their mistreatment are your own problem.
When they give apologies that sound insincere or angry and demand you accept them.
When they blame you for the impact of their behavior.
When it’s never the right time or the right way to bring things up.
When they undermine your progression in life.
When they deny their behavior.
When they claim you made them behave how they did.
When they touch you in anger or put fear in you in other ways.
When they coerce you into sex or sexually assault you.
When you show signs of being abused.
What are the signs of being abused?
Being afraid of them.
Distancing yourself from friends or family because they make those relationships difficult.
Experiencing your level of energy and motivation declining and feeling depressed.
Experiencing your self-opinion declining so you’re always fighting to be good enough and prove yourself.
Finding yourself constantly preoccupied with the relationship and how to fix it.
Feeling like you can’t do anything right.
Feeling like all problems in your relationship are your fault.
Repeatedly leaving arguments feeling like you’ve been messed with, but not being able to figure out why.
*from Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft
