I hope you don't mind me asking this again. And feel free to ignore this but Chocobros + Cor reacting to the Australian sayings and "horror stories" about wildlife and plant life? Typical Australia shit we pull on tourists XD
A.N: Oh gosh, ofcourse I don’t mind you asking me this again! I feel terrible that I didn’twrite this the last time you requested it! But heh- this should be interesting! I adapted this from some of theconversations I have had with my work colleagues lately about Aussie myths, andscaring tourists shitless with the, *sorry, not sorry HAHAHAHAHA <3* I’m writingthis in first person because 1) there’s nothing romantic about these, and 2) I’mbeing an evil hoe and my troll self would probably enjoy doing this to the poorguys xD
Noctis: Drop bears. We’d be walking down somepath in the middle of a wild life reserve or something, and we’d hear a rustle.I’d turn to Noctis with wide eyes, and look super scared and cautious. The poorprince would stop and look at me all concerned. “What’s wrong? Why did youstop?” In a hushed whisper, I would beckon Noctis closer. “Beware the drop bears. I hearthem… they prey on us this eerie noon.” As we walk along the clear,shady path, I would make up some outrageous horror stories about how koalabears only feed during the day- and they trick us into thinking they are notactive during the day (fact: Koala’s sleep A LOT- especially during the day.And they only eat eucalyptus leaves. They are cute, and sleepy- just likeNoctis)! Poor Noctis… every time he hears a rustle, he would summon his weaponof choice. Don’t worry Noct- it’s probably just a snake or lizard or something*evil grin*.
Prompto: Thiscutie pie is scared of bugs. And Australia… we’refull of creepy crawlies. Spiders in particular. We got huge ass spiders,and tbh I wouldn’t ever arrange to prank Prompto with spiders or anythingbecause I have arachnophobia. STILL, I reckon it would be the most HILARIOUSthing ever to watch the two of us scream incoherently out of paralysing fearabout finding spiders around- just randomly. Prompto would be the type toalways carry instant kill bug spray with him no matter where he went. Becauseof all the warnings I would give him about all the creepy crawlies around.Whenever he sees one looming dangerously close, he would scream. Then I wouldscream. Then with his impeccable aim, he would spray the crap out of thatthing. Then true to Aussie nature, the two of us would shit-talk after thefact. “Aw yeah, not so tough now, little eight legged thing… aww shitit’s still moving!”
Gladio: Gladio’sthe outdoors-y type, so you have to get a little creative about freaking himout about the horrors of Australia! Have you guys heard of “The Babadook”? It’sbasically this evil dark spirit thing that wears a top hat. It’s not a goodspirit- it’s pretty freaking creepy- the movie is pretty good, so I recommendthat any horror/thriller fans watch it! Anyways, where was I? Yeah, so theBabadook. Being the little shit I am, I would tell Gladio that the Babadook isreal, and comes by to visit unassuming tourists to “test their mettle”. Theonly way to repel the Babadook from “getting’ ya!” is to smear the words “I am a D I C K S H I T” onto your forehead Gladio. And it had to be done in Vegemite. It’s thekey repellent. I PROMISE I’M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH MATE. I AM NOT SHITTING YOUGLADIOLUS AMICITIA.
Ignis: Speakingof vegemite, I would hand Ignis some Vegemite, provide him with a smallwood-fire/coal heated barbecue, a $2 loaf of white bread from the servo (gasstation), some margarine and a bottle of tomato sauce (ketchup). Oh, and also somesausages for the barbie, of course! Ignis would probably raise an eyebrow at meand ask, well-meaningly mind you, about where the “shrimps” are. You know,because of Paul Hogan’s popular phrase “throw some shrimp on the barbie”. At this, I would look at Ignis, allcontrite- “mate, it’s not shrimp, it’sa prawn. Also- I kind of want to see what you can do with these very Aussieingredients.” If Ignis can make something amazing out of these cheap, and veryconflicting flavours, then I will recognise him as a true culinary genius!
Cor: LOL CORLEONIS. MY LOVE. HOW WILL I SCREW WITH YOU USING AUSSIE MYTHS? *evil grin* I’vealways wanted to see you shirtless… THEREFORE: in order to attain AussieCitizenship, you need to be proficient at surfing. Now, Cor is good ata lot of things. On land. But you putthis man near water, and suddenly he loses ALL of his confidence. He can swimif he has to, but he really dislikes being in the ocean. Which is why he wouldrather go climb Mt. Ravatough than go on vacation to Galdin Quay. Anyways, that’sbeside the point: Cor wants Aussie Citizenship, and so he practices his surfingS K I L L Z every day. He wipes out and falls off his board continuously, andhe grows frustrated and tired, and he develops quite a nice tan with all thattime spent out in the sun. But whilst his swimming skills improve, his surfingstill sucks ass. I would have mercy on the poor man and disclose that he doesn’tneed to know how to surf to be a citizen. However, if Cor wants to be able to fight of acrocodile, he will need to be able to recite Chapter One of the AustralianConstitution off by heart in order to fend the vicious creature away. Andthus… begins a new adventure, filled with frustration. I am terrible, I know*cackles*.
