divergent...

"I curse yet praise the day I allowed myself to feel so deeply, attach so comfortably; falling so willingly into that blissful trap named fiction." Currently riding on the waves of fiction, allowing reality to seep in.

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

I feel like I need to talk about this. I guess I should start with a little bit about myself. I believe I’ve had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure if I have an anxiety disorder or if I’m just an anxious person because I’ve never been diagnosed and I’d hate to self-diagnose. I’ve never told anyone about this. Even as a kid, I felt it was something that I should just keep it to myself. As I got older, it started interfering with my life. I made excuses to get out of every social situation I could. I’m someone who doesn’t like to run away from my problems. The fact that I was letting anxiety get the better of me and ruin my life pissed me off. I decided I needed to change. I’m 21 now and just recently got my 1st job, another thing that anxiety prevented me from doing. This is when my anxiety hit an all time high. My job is very fast-paced and I was anxious and on edge all day, worried that I’d make too many mistakes or that my managers would notice that I was anxious. Every single day after work, I’d come home and have a mental breakdown. After 2 weeks, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I decided I needed to tell my husband, someone I should’ve told a long time ago. He was very understanding and asked me what I’d be willing to do. I’ve never been to the doctor for this because I’m anxious about talking to them about it and I didn’t want pharmaceutical drugs. I wanted to try natural things and see if that’d help. At first I tried essential oils. They work but only momentarily. Then I discovered CBD oil (cannabis oil). CBD oil does not contain THC and will not make you high. CBD has the same relaxing and pain relieving qualities as marijuana but without making you high. At first I bought 25mg CBD oil capsules but I was taking 2 of them so now I’m taking 50mg CBD oil capsules. I feel the need to share this because my life changed when I started using this. I feel relaxed at work. I can make conversation with others without feeling like I’m doing something wrong. I’m not tense or on edge anymore. I don’t feel like I’m going to breakdown anymore. I know how hard it is to wake in a cold sweat, with your heart pounding, because of anxiety. You don’t have to live that way anymore. You can get help and hopefully live a happy life. I just feel the need to share this because I want people like me to get help. To talk to someone and trust that life will get better. Even if you think this isn’t for you or you’re skeptical about trying cannabis oil, just do the research. I was very skeptical about trying it because I wasn’t in to drugs or getting high. I’ve never smoked marijuana or had taken drugs, but this isn’t like that. I needed to share my experience with this because I’m not good at talking about this in person. I really hope this helps anyone in need.

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

I'm anxious so much that sometimes I confuse the feeling of having to take a shit for anxiety...

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

When someone asks me what’s wrong, and I say nothing, it’s not because I want you to figure it out. It’s because I don’t want to talk about it. But I know that if I say I don’t want to talk about it, they’re going to keep prying until I tell them and they will end up getting mad. Only because they don’t know that I myself don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking and thinking and thinking until my head wants to explode. The sole problem is that my head creates so much bullshit that I can’t even tell if I have a reason to be upset or I’m just over-thinking. Yet, when I find out that one of my over-thinking scenarios actually happened, I panic. It only helps my brain think of more and more shit that people must be doing behind my back because hey, I was right once wasn’t I? So the next time you see me sitting there in silence with my eyes glazed over and you know that there is definitely something wrong, just know that there is. But I don’t know what it is, and you sure as hell wouldn’t understand.

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

I hate it when I drink too much water before I eat and then I can barely eat because my stomach is full of liquid. But I'm still hungry but at the same time full as fuck. Then whoever I'm eating with looks concerned and asks what's wrong and why I'm not eating. And I'm just really pissed and say, I'M JUST HYDRATED AS FUCK MAN...

[daily-prompts]

prompt 611

When you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask them about belonging, they’ll tell you their most excruciating experiences about being excluded, and when you ask people about connection, the stories they tell you are about disconnection.

                                     –Brene Brown, The Power of Vulnerability (YouTube)

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

Weird

Weird? You think I'm weird? Weird as in strange, or weird as in not normal? I believe weird is another form of life. Life that not only thinks outside the box, but examines the box. Wondering why anyone would want to be confined in such an environment. Four walls, a ceiling, a floor. Filled to the brim with people. People wanting to be other people. Wanting the same, similar stories. But you see, what you think is weird, I think is normal. And the normal I've observed, is weird. The world you see is dull and discovered. The world I see before me is a kaleidoscope of potential. Adventures wait for those outside the box. So come be weird with me. Because little do you know, The box is open.

[poems-and-words]

[poems-and-words]

Book of the day:Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma

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[stanacatic]

get to know: katherine houghton beckett (insp.)

[poems-and-words]

[poems-and-words]

Book of the day: Me Beofre You by Jojo Moyes

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[wnq-writers]

You have no idea how happy it makes me to see you happy, it feels like all the constellations lighting up my dark corner of the universe.

gypsy-nomadic-soul (via wnq-writers)

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

Spectrum

A wonder. A wonder so powerful, that it cracks your soul. Pouring out of you; leaking a vibrant spectrum. Rebellion Youth Freedom All with one thing in common. The unsolicited pull of curiosity. Eyes not yet closed to discovery. Those eyes search. For purpose. For any chance. For what a Life could be. We laugh in the night. New theories budding. Invincible to impossibility. What a rare invisibility, to see that spectrum.

[tinaswriting-deactivated2017102]

your cordial shoulder my restless head hands interlaced peacefully rain pours madly on a cold day stone-cold winds outside, but with your warm hand in mine, me wrapped delicately around you and you wrapped softly around me we’re the sun behind the clouds so squeeze me tight and you’ll understand

t.j. // What I want right now  (via tinaspoetry)

[alchemielist]

I feel as if I am always waiting Waiting for happiness Waiting for sadness Waiting for life Waiting for death Waiting for love Waiting for heartbreak Waiting … When did the waiting begin ? When does it end ? Is this it Is this life Just waiting , waiting , waiting & death . Nothing Darkness Eternity Or is it simply more waiting ? The fear of the unknown Cripples me & Invigorates me Simultaneously. Once again, it is not lost to me that duality plays such a substantial role in my being . There is indeed a chance for things to be worse There is indeed a chance for things to be better Must I just hope for the better ? Hope . I suppose I am always hoping . Waiting & hoping . Waiting & hoping . Waiting ….

Waiting … Diary entry . 5.27 | 2:17am (via mielsalvatore)

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

Blankets

If only I could see it. Could grasp it. Pull it over me. A blanket of warmth; Although unfamiliar. If only it was natural. Created in me; In the womb. I was born of a different cloth. One that’s cold and constricting. Identical cloths. Yet, what lies in each stitch, could not be more black and white. My cloth is made from a cold fear. A blanket that could not warm you. Theirs made of hot energy. Every seem oozing with light. Bright faces, Smiles that reach their eyes. Their cloth seems practically invisible. I pray for a solution. Something to wash my cloth in. To wash my anxiety away. Will I ever feel warmth?

[wordsnquotes]

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

Sylvia Plath (via wordsnquotes)

[wnq-writers]

You’re the soul in my art, and if one day I became famous for what I’ve done, it all goes to you and the pain you’ve put me through.

im-done-smokingun (via wordsnquotes)

[ridingonthewavesoffiction]

Light

And the night sank to an end. Heat rising up. Light peaking through. It brings a new beginning; taken for granted by many. A new day. New possibilities. New Love. New hope. Goes seemingly unnoticed by those busied. Breath it in. Shove the curtain aside. Open the window and breathe. Close your eyes and smile. For this new day brings presents. And your presence is acknowledged. Only just awakened by the light. Why is it that light signifies goodness? It is because the light brings clarity. For the darkness snuffs out the path. Yet, the light awakens it. Only to be discovered by those willing to acknowledge it.