"I spend my days in a closet, on a ship, out of everyone's way, surrounded by tons of screens and shit that don't talk back to me when I tell it to do somethin'. Computers are nice like that..."
noise dept.

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izzy's playlists!

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if i look back, i am lost
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Andulka
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@ridleemethis
"I spend my days in a closet, on a ship, out of everyone's way, surrounded by tons of screens and shit that don't talk back to me when I tell it to do somethin'. Computers are nice like that..."
Not much natural light filtered down to this level. It made hiding a little easier; things, people, activities. As such, there was a small shape huddled in one corner, tucked back from the street against the dingy side of a building. Dark, stringy hair hung in the girl's face, which was marred with the grime of not bathing for several days. A trembling hand, fingernails dirty and bitten short, rose to push the hair away. She had her knees drawn up, rocking back and forth as waves of nausea washed over her. The withdrawals were getting intense, but she was trying her damnest not to give in. Not this time, at least.
It would be easy enough to score the next one; all she would need to do was send one quick comm message. She could just as easily send a different message to someone else to get the help she knew she needed, but that would require swallowing what little pride she had left.
She sat there for what felt like hours with her head tucked into her arms, with her thoughts consumed with the pain that had her body reeling. She didn't know how much worse this would get, or what she would do if it did. Eventually she became aware that she was no longer alone. The footsteps slowed to stop in front of her and whoever it was waited for her to look up. When she finally did, she couldn't quite make eye contact. Her movements were squirrly and timid. How long had he been standing there? She couldn't tell, and her eyes were bleary from exhaustion. The man crouched to meet her gaze, blowing a plume of thin white smoke as he looked over her gaunt face and hollowed eyes. He knew she wouldn't refuse the offer.
"Looks like you could use a pick me up, eh sweetheart?" he said quietly.
She stared at him for a long moment, eyes only daring to dart to his briefly. She tucked her chin, ashamed that anyone should recognize her, let alone call attention to the state she was in.
"How about I make that pain go away, huh? Come with me. I can make it all go away," he cooed and dared to reach out to stroke her greasy hair.
She flinched away and gasped, and her wary gaze fell on his face. He was handsome, but there was something plastic about him that made her uneasy. Still, she listened to what he offered, knowing full well what it was, and the offering her tempted her like nothing had in a while..
When she didn't immediately tell him to get lost, he smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"That's a good girl. You let ol' Tommy take care of you, eh? Get you set up somewhere nice and warm, with some food and a shower. You'd like that, huh?"
Without breaking his gaze from her, he reached for her hand and took it into his, gently. His skin was cool and clammy and made her want to pull away, but she didn't. People passed them on the street, the hum of speeders high overhead added to the noise, and no one paid them any mind, hidden in that dark corner as they were.
He took her hand and straightened her arm to run a gentle finger over the space between her elbow, and she let him. The skin was bruised and dotted with marks, but he managed to find a space where her pale skin was unmarred, and she let him. She even held her arm in that place as he reached into a pouch and withdrew a needle to puncture that pale skin and inject the very thing she was craving the most. And she let him. Because in the next breath the pain started to ebb and that warm feeling of sinking into melted butter started to overtake her. She relaxed and her bloodshot eyes lidded with the euphoria. Everything washed away. There was no pain, no memory, even his face went out of focus as he stood her up and slung her arm over his shoulder. "Good girl...now let's walk this way. Ain't far. You'll be in fine shape in no time." She didn't remember where they went or how they got there. When she woke up, she was in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar noises. She had, apparently, bathed at some point. She smelled clean and had fresh clothes. It seemed like a definite improvement until she tried to move. When she attempted to stand, it felt like her legs had been pulled apart and put back together, and her body ached between them, deep within her core. Her legs wobbled and she collapsed back onto the bed. The noise got the attention of someone in the next room and she once again knew she wasn't alone. "Look who's awake," said the same voice as before, laced with a hint of amusement. She tried to smile, but there was no meaning. Her hand trembled as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "Where am I?" she asked as she looked around. There was a dull hum that she couldn't quite make out. "Welcome aboard the Exile, sweetheart. When you've gotten yourself together, there's work to do. Trust me, you don't want to disappoint the boss." He reached out and patted her cheek, leaving her with a perplexed look as he made his way to the next room. "Who is that??" she called after him, but all she heard in response was a door slamming shut. The sense of dread that sunk into her nearly matched the rising nausea. She would need more. Soon
Sometimes you break a finger on the upper hand
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.”
— Josephine Hart, Damage (via wordsnquotes)
Biggest fear: Getting drunk enough to tell everyone what I think about them.
She cleared the fog from the mirror and squinted at the brown eyes that squinted back at her. Bloodshot eyes betrayed the previous night’s binge. When did she become so lightweight? Probably about the same time she started caring if she lived or died.
I don’t know when to keep my bloody mouth shut.
daydreaming about stuff that’s probably never going to happen is my favorite hobby