surrender

don't make it look so pretty burning

[rionpa]

we’re on fire.

[rionpa]

pasonyul‌:

his eyes scan the page curiously and he jests like a friend would, “man, i swear you read way more than i do, maybe we should just bring you onto the team, huh? have you do some research for us too.” 

a shiver runs down his spine and his stomach drops the moment he sees yul reaching across the table, fingers wrapping around the spine of one of his books before he’s opening it and flipping through the pages casually. there’s a feeling digging at the back of his mind, making his hackles rise, and telling him to get out of here and quick.

but rion stamps it down. he reminds himself that this is what normal people do. he reminds himself that yul is just friendly and he’s allowed to be curious about him. and rion, well, he’s not the victim anymore, there’s no need to act like it. and so instead of grabbing his things and retreating, he takes a deep breath and relaxes into his seat. he can do this, he’ll just keep the conversation light and if that doesn’t work, make his excuses and slowly but surely get the hell out of here.

“what did you end up getting? i think i’m due for another one and i’m not sure what to get.” he runs his fingers around the rim of his now ice cold latte, barely touched and looking worse for wear.

“oh these? they’re research and they’re not. honestly, this is probably going to sound dumb but..” he raises his hand to the back of his neck squeezing at the skin there as though he’s embarrassed, he hesitates, reaching out to grab at his napkin, fingers twisting off pieces of paper into little balls. he counts in his head, one, two, three, before he continues lying through his teeth. “i, uh, spent a whole weekend about a month back marathoning some horror movies and a few episodes of your vlog. kind of got the idea that since i have all this free time while i’m on break from university, maybe i’d try my hand at writing or something. maybe a short story.”

he looks up through the locks of his hair, keeping his face sheepish and relaxed before smiling at yul. “i think the librarian is ready to ban me with as many books as i keep checking out and bringing back late. though i think she’s afraid if she does, she’ll lose all her business.” rion jokes. “and honestly what else is there to do around here but read? go hiking? i’m too fragile for that. though if you’re looking for someone to join your team, i mean i could always help you out. but i’ll warn you now, i’m not cheap and i’m not sure you and your team could afford me."

[rionpa]

empire.

@ksolpa

tw: bullying and violence. 

if rion had to describe himself using only one word, it would all boil down to passive. becuase that’s what he was and always had been, passive.

life enjoyed throwing obstacle after obstacle in his way, tripping him up no matter how far he tried to run. and what did he do when he was faced with it all? nothing. he merely did nothing but take a deep breath and brace himself for the worst. and he was shattered, after it was all over, he did nothing but picked up all of the pieces and learned to hide all of the evidence. a victim surrounded by nothing but vicious cycles.

it didn’t matter where he was home, whether it was home, a battlefield that left him walking on tip toes, or school, where his bullies were persistent. he had gotten used to the feeling of pain early on, so his bullies had to get creative in their efforts to terrorize him.

rion had been surprised when his day had started off pretty good. his father had left early on in the morning, headed for a long day in the greenhouses. and his mom had been in a good mood, humming to herself as she had made his breakfast. the walk to school had been quiet, leaving him time to listen to some music and to review for his upcoming test as he made the long trek from the outskirts of the town to the heart of it.

class had gone well, the subjects had made sense, and his extra studying had paid off. the test having been a breeze compared to the last one where he had done nothing but struggle. but rion should have questioned it.

he knows now he should have questioned everything. he thought he had been given him a day, a reprieve, when he hadn’t spotted his bullies on the way down to the cafeteria. but he had been lulled into a false sense of security. he hadn’t been prepared for the hands to grab him before he could turn the corner and head down the stairs, instead they had dragged him into an empty classroom, smirks on their faces.

and that’s where rion found himself now.

he stares up at the familiar faces of the classmates that terrorize him, pressing his back further into the feeling of the rough wall behind him. rion knows he should say something, should fight back but he’s too tired for this. he’s long since learned there’s no point in trying, when it’s never going to stop. and so when he feels them grab the collar of his uniform, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes trying to steady himself before impact.

[rionpa]

we’re on fire.

@pasonyul

junae is the definition of a small town.

rion knows this. he’s grown up hearing the retelling of their family’s long history going back generations. he’s also grown up beside the children of the same people his parents grew up with, a vicious cycle that seems to never end.

he hated the idea of it at first, dreamt of running away to a bigger city when he was little, it didn’t matter which one. but as the years rolled by, he grew more and more used to the idea that he’s long since grown roots to this place, and as much as he detests it, there’s just something here that keeps calling out to him.

in his daily life, it’s easy to forget just how small junae is sometimes. but little reminders like to pop up when he’s least expecting it.

it starts with a simple encounter in his parents shop. rion typically volunteers his time in the green house, content to spend his days covered in dirt, watering plants, and pulling weeds. but once a month (more than that, really) his mother orders him to man the front counter in the shop, and rion ever the obedient son follows suit without any arguments. it’s mindless and a bit grueling, filling orders and making the same recommendations to the same customers every month.

that’s why he remembers their encounter so vividly. son yul, the vlog host of that show, the one everyone likes to talk about, either loudly or in quiet whispers when they think no one is paying attention. his father thinks it’s a loud of bullshit, someone just amping up the locals and making bank on it. his mother tends to agree, but he’s caught her gossiping about it to her friends over tea in the back garden when his father is out drinking. rion? well he’ll pretend he could care less but even he has caught an episode or two, enticed to hear or see what they’re uncovered in the otherwise boring town.

they barely shared any words that day, rion just helping him pick out flowers for some reason he can’t remember. he writes it off once yul leaves the shop, figures that’s the end of it. but it isn’t.

he runs into him at the grocery store, the library, and a few other places around town, sometimes figuratively and other times literally. the second time in the grocery store, rion had been thumbing through is phone, not paying attention until he was literally ramming his cart into yul’s, scaring the shit out of him and sending a shiver down his spine. rion has learned and quickly, that things are not always as they appear. once is a coincidence, the second time it’s suspicious, and the third it’s definitely planned.

and so after the library, when rion had his nose buried into a thick novel about a murder mystery and a haunting tied together in one neat package, hidden behind a bright red cover, had looked up to see yul entering the mouth of the stack. he had to bite his tongue and resist the urge to snap, to flee. he’s grown used to having his hackles raised, but a few words from yul, a joke, a few questions about what he was reading and rion felt himself relaxing, found himself joking and actually enjoying the other’s company before their time was cut short.

after that, his walls seemed to come down a bit more. junae was a small town, he’s bound to run into the same people over in the same places. and if yul was going to treat him a bit better than everyone else, well rion had no right to complain. sometimes people were just nice, to be nice.

he’s on his lunch break, taking up one of the larger tables in the back of the local coffee shop, table covered in a few large books and a tiny notebook filled with his messy handwriting, practically illegible to anyone else and in shorthand that only he understands, precautions.

busy with his notes, he doesn’t notice when the shop begins to fill up with the lunch rush. and definitely doesn’t notice the other man’s presence until he feels the stinging brush of cold and wet, against the back of his neck, followed by yul’s scratchy laughter and the sight of an iced americano being placed onto the table in front of him.

“what are you studying?” yul asks as he settles down in to the chair across from him, eyes curiously roving over rion’s scrawl getting a good glimpse before rion quickly shuts the notebook and stuffing it into his backpack underneath his favorite hoodie. “nothing.” he says in a rush, hiding his worry behind a carefully placed smile.

“what are you doing here?” rion knows that it’s a loaded question to be asking of yul, there’s a lot of reasons the other could be here, for a drink, to grab a quick bite. but the coward’s way out, hopes the question will do it’s job in distracting him from asking anymore about what he was writing down.

[rionpa]

hey guys! so here’s choi rion your local quiet asshole who tends flowers and reads in his spare time. he’s messy so i’m looking for a ton of messy plots (which i’m writing up now) but i’d love to get some brainstorming done in the meantime! so just like this post and i’ll come to your ims, or let me know if you’d prefer discord and i can share that with you. 

[fyeah-bangtan7]

[rionpa]

fyeah-bangtan7‌:

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[moonwhispers]

Don’t be afraid of your monsters. Swallow them while they are living and endure the burning in your throat.

Zoë Lianne, “Beasts” (via moonwhispers)

[earth]