ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵒˡʸ ᶠᵒᵒˡ

[rituaels]

𝙸     AM     THE     NEW     𝙶𝙾𝙳    -      WORSE  THAN  THE   𝐎𝐋𝐃    𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒 . 

indie ,  private ,  selective  rp  blog  for  original  character  BECK  RIDER .  written  and  loved   by  MARLOWE  ( 23 ,  est / toronto ,  jewish ,  she / him  pronouns ) .  

           permanent starter call .      plotting call .        shipping call . 

THEMES OF :    loneliness ,  the unfair punishments for small mistakes ,  how trauma changes you  ( FOR BETTER OR WORSE ) ,  canadiana ,  navigating a world you don’t understand and doesn’t understand you ,  becoming an animal and confronting your base instincts ,  abandoning all hope and continuing on anyways ,  and  THE PYRRHIC VICTORY TO END ALL PYRRHIC VICTORIES . 

                                                       if ,  during plotting ,  you ask me what i                                                        mean by “cernunnos” ,  i will not engage                                                        in plotting any further .     beck’s story is                                                        intrinsically connected to who she is as                                                        a person and how she will interact with                                                        the world in any circumstance ,  and so                                                        knowing the bare minimum is absolutely                                                        necessary .  same goes with “world” .                                                        all necessary info can be found on the                                                        linked carrd above .

[rituaels]

what if i fucking lied and i came back one day

[rituaels]

whew. i was looking through this blog today and i have such big feelings about beck, but no time or energy in my life to come back. plus tumblr rp causes me so much stress all the time that i reaaaaally can't stomach the idea of ever really returning.

it is mostly sad bc i do really miss the good interactions i've had with people, and i REALLY miss getting to have beck stretch her wings out and be a full person instead of just an idea in my head all the time, but. the tumblr rpc has really done nothing but make me feel really bad about myself for the last few years, now. i think i was chasing a high that i would get for a few months every few years, and that's just not sustainable for me anymore.

i don't know why i am posting this, to be honest! most people following this blog haven't posted in months, sometimes over a year, and that's where i was. i was just looking through beck's stuff because a bunch of my really good friends at work were interested in hearing about her (and maybe doing rp stuff with me, without the online horrorshow, which would be incredible), and i just felt like i need to bookend all of this.

but uhhhh hi. my real name is illianna. i don't go by marlowe anymore. i like my real self too much to hide it and make it play second fiddle to whatever protective persona i had to have online. i got a new job as a live actor in an escape room, and it's really fun when management has our backs (and a pain in the ass when they don't). but i'm friends (REAL friends) with everyone i work with, and i have finally found people that are as weird and genuine as i am. i have a boyfriend, and we are in love. we're moving in together next march. he's like four inches shorter than me but still picks me up and carries me home if i look like my feet are hurting too much. my friends didn't like him at first, but now they are looking forward to whenever our inevitable wedding is. i'm going back to school next fall to gt a degree in floristry; something i'd thought about since i was in my early teens, and something i'm excited about pursuing as a career- especially because i'm a dropout with no real direction right now. i have changed a lot in the last year and a half since i was really here, and i don't fit into where i was before- but thinking about it, i don't know if i ever really did, or if i was just forcing myself in to try and appeal to people and garner their attention.

i love beck rider a lot and i've been doing my own private art projects with her at the centre for a few months now. maybe i will log in again and share those, when they're finished. i have really run out of things to expand upon when it comes to her story, so i need to find new ways to tell it.

i miss rp but i don't miss how it made me feel. i miss sharing her with people but i don't miss the constant feeling of rejection. i miss screaming how much i loved her but i don't miss hearing nothing in response. i miss having a big community but i don't miss the elitism. the bad now outweighs the good.

i don't think i'll ever be back, and i would apologize if any of you were literally still here (there's one of you, and you have my discord already, lol). but i am happy that it allowed me to craft beck into the character she is now, and the outlet to genuine art (traditional drawing, poems, songs, paintings, sculpture, costume, all sorts of stuff that i've been doing in the last year).

ok. i think i've gotten it all out. goodbye, rituaels, i love what you were and i carry you with me

[rituaels]

hiii gang quick update i’m like. seriously ill rn. like bedridden for almost 2 months ill and it hasn’t really gotten much better so that’s kinda why i’m not around Anywhere rn but if u grab me on discord. that’s where i hide out most of the time

[rituaels]

i think everyone should follow my sideblog. i post there more often than on here bc its attached to my main personal so i just put everything beck related i see on there. @beckrider

[rituaels]

i’m writing a piece about aesthetics for a forum rp i joined and i like it so much that i might post it here when i’m done with it, but this isthe cute stuff i have now 

[rituaels]

beck does not only become god but she has always been god because for the god version of herself all time and space happens in the same moment so whatever time beck experiences is only in her own perception. there is god in her. she doesn’t know it but it’s there

[rituaels]

oh i’m writing a new meta btw. it’s along the same lines as autoharuspicy bc that one was. one of the greatest pieces of writing i’ve ever done, the concept and research i did for that shit was delicious. it’s currently called dendrochronology which is the thing where you cut a tree down to count the rings and see how old it is And All That Stuff. so u can imagine how much imagery i can squeeze out of a concept like that

[rituaels]

was anyone going to tell me that i said the fifth card in the major arcana was the devil instead of the fifteenth in my carrd page or were you just going to let me twist in the wind for like five or sixth months about this,

[rituaels]

thinking about survivor beck’s apartment btw. thinking about beck having a place to herself. a tiny little apartment, bigger than she’d expected bc she got a good deal, it has a balcony but it’s not on a high floor so it’s close to the noise of the street but she doesn’t care. every surface is dripping with house plants. it is a grounding ritual she does to check them for watering every day. eventually she has her three dogs (who may or may not be hellhounds who knows) and so she’s alone but she doesn’t feel lonely. she writes her books and gets them published. it’s good. it’s a quiet life. she makes it work, she survives, she always does. she reaches near-contentment.

[rituaels]

beck to most people

[rituaels]

care to comment

i'm not afraid of you

[rituaels]

cant stop making omega/verse jokes thanks slash sorry tink

[herfleur-deactivated20250810]

[rituaels]

also doing a uquiz and uh. i literally cannot choose just one

[rituaels]

favourite thing about beck is her “hit tha bricks” mentality though like. unironically if something no longer serves her well, or if someone is treating her poorly, she just fucking leaves. she’s very good at leaving. she will decide if it’s worth it to try and make things work but usually it’s not worth it at all especially bc she’s got a definite expiry date so 95% of the time she is leaving through the window in the middle of the night and you will NEVER see her again

[rituaels]

i’ve had a few friends be like “is beck a self insert” and immediately i say do you think i could be fucking silent and deadpan for more than five minutes. really. seriously