well i knew cody being active in instagram for the past month meant something was coming but i didnt think itd be a directorial debut starring sarah paulson and toni collette
hi it’s me rebranded sojournmichael ! i feel like im hardly on here anymore but i opened the app just now and saw you on my timeline 🥲🤍 miss you and i hope you’re safe and healthy ! (also i scrolled a little down your blog and yes i also go back and reread my old aus and wonder where the hell i was intending for it to go lmfao) anyway! i hope you’re enjoying your time in NOLA 🖤
ANGELLLLL HELLOO!!!!
it is so nice to know you’re still around, even just a little bit <3 it makes me so so happy to hear from you!!!! i am well and happy, as i hope you are too!!! 🫶🫶🫶
Ahh I just wanted to say that seeing your post on my feed brightened my night! You were one of my favorite accounts when I was more active on tumblr a few years ago. I treasure my time in the Cody / ahs fandom here and always loved reading your fics. Sending lots of love! I went to the coven house in Nola a few years ago and it was so cool to see!
oh shut up im gonna cry right here right now 😭😭😭 i will always love my time here, it was such a special place. thank you for sending me this it actually just made my month <3
and im so glad you got to go!! its such a beautiful place!
we finally made it to the end, besties. it only took over two years.....
anyway, although the fic is over, i am still going to be writing all about the foursome and jim's journey. this fic was purely just about jim and duncan meeting, so anything else foursome related will be its own thing.
thanks for reading and sticking around if you did. i honestly didn't think i'd ever write, publish, and finish this fic but here we are. this concept and this fic are my babies, thanks for loving them.
warnings: discussions of drug abuse and rehab, smoking, brief verbal fighting, general sad feelinssss u know
“Do I even want to know when the last time you ate a real meal was?” Duncan asked before taking a bite of his food.
Jim shook his head. “Probably not.” Whatever he had been using to fuel his body was definitely not considered a meal.
“You can always order room service when you’re here, I don’t mind.”
“I don’t want you to have to spend anymore of your money on me,” Jim said quietly, not making eye contact with Duncan as he took a sip of orange juice.
As if Duncan wasn’t already nervous, Jim’s words definitely did not help. This is going to be a long day, he thought to himself.
He could tell his anxious mood was rubbing off on Jim. He watched as the boy pushed his food around on his plate and restlessly bounced his leg, only glancing up at him when he knew he wasn’t looking.
“So, I um-” Duncan cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. “I was going to wait until after we ate but I don’t think I can.”
Jim looked up at him expectantly, nervously chewing on his bottom lip.
“I know we’ve talked a lot since I left and this probably could’ve just been a phone call instead of a cross-country trip but I wanted to do it in person.”
With every word, Jim could feel his heart racing faster. He had no clue what Duncan was about to throw at him and the possibilities were starting to flood his mind. “You’re freaking me out.”
“Oh god, no. I’m sorry,” he reached out, setting his hand on the table near Jim. “I just want to have a conversation and it’s probably going to be really uncomfortable and I’m just trying to work up to it.”
“Well, I’m going to need you to hurry up before I panic,” Jim said candidly. The longer Duncan took to spit it out, the more Jim’s mind was making up crazy scenarios, like that this was all a plan to end whatever this was that they had going on between them. Maybe Duncan had reached his breaking point with Jim. Maybe Duncan’s partners wanted Jim out of his life. Maybe Duncan was dying.
No, that one seemed a little extreme. He just really needed the man to say something already.
“Let’s go sit and get comfortable first,” Duncan said as he got up and moved to the bed. They had both abandoned their plates for the conversation and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stomach anything else until they talked. “Okay,” he said with a heavy sigh as Jim sat down on the bed, the blanket pulled over his lap.
Jim had never seen Duncan like that, full of nervous, pent up energy. He really didn’t like it.
“You know I care about you,” he started. Jim nodded although it wasn’t really a question. “So, I just want you to keep in mind that my intentions are only to help. That’s all I’ve wanted to do since I met you. And you may not completely understand why but just know it is because I care about you so much.”
Jim stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue.
“When I went back home and left you here, I didn’t expect it to be so hard. You can ask my partners. I was in this weird daze for a while after returning, like I couldn’t focus on anything. I just felt a little lost. And I didn’t tell you this because I didn’t want to put any more on your plate.
One night, Y/N just sat me down and asked me what was going on. So I told her everything... And I know you asked me not to tell them all the details because you thought it would complicate things, but me telling her actually helped make things less complicated. I just needed her to understand what was going on with me - with us.”
Jim brought his hands to his face, letting out a quiet groan as he rubbed his eyes. He always worried about what Duncan’s partners would think about him and all of his problems. He figured that this was why Duncan was back. They didn’t want Duncan around someone like him.
“And?” Jim asked hesitantly.
“Just like I promised you, she didn’t judge you for a second. She was worried actually. Worried about you being here alone and worried about the toll it was taking on me being so far away from you.”
“Really?” He asked, unconvinced.
“Yes. Every time you would call me, she asked if you were okay. I even talked to Michael about it. He wasn’t exactly thrilled but he’s got a big heart beneath his big attitude. It was really important to me that they knew how I felt about you and this situation.
So when you called me a few days ago, I knew I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to come back here to see you. Y/N even put the idea in my head a couple weeks earlier.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you or anything,” Jim said.
“You didn’t,” Duncan shook his head, moving closer to Jim. “It just made me realize that I missed you a lot more than I thought I did and that I didn’t like the thought of you being here all alone.”
“So, what, you’re just going to stay here forever?” Jim joked, although there wasn’t much humor in his voice. He knew that it was impossible for Duncan to stay with him.
“No, kind of the opposite…” Duncan nervously shifted in his spot, not looking Jim in the eye.
“The opposite would be you never coming back,” Jim deadpanned.
“Or you leaving,” Duncan rushed his words out, “with me.” He finally met Jim’s eyes, letting out a huge sigh of relief from finally saying it.
Jim just blinked at him. “To D.C.?”
“Yeah. I want you to get out of this place and go somewhere you can grow and heal. And we have an extra room and plenty of space so it just makes sense that you stay with us.”
Jim didn’t really know what to say to the offer. The idea of leaving California and staying in Duncan’s home with two other people he’s never met was a lot...
As if Duncan could tell that Jim was having trouble processing it all, he spoke up. “You don’t have to give me an answer now. I know that leaving is a big deal. And there’s also something else…”
“What?” How could he possibly have more, Jim thought.
“If you did decide to come, you’d have to get cleaned up first. I’ve done some research and there are some really great programs just a few hours away if you want to stay here and there are plenty on the East Coast.”
Jim felt his heart drop. “You want me to go to rehab?”
“I want you to get better and there’s only so much I can do for you. As much as I want to help you, taking you back home with me won’t work unless you get actual help.”
Jim knew Duncan was being sincere. He wasn't threatening or throwing the idea of rehab in Jim’s face like his parents had in the past. Yet, it still hurt.
“I’m not that bad…” Jim said softly, pulling his knees to his chest.
“Getting help doesn’t mean you’re bad, Jim,” Duncan replied, his voice gentle. “It just means you need support to get better.”
“Rehab doesn’t work for me. I’ve been more than once and I’m still the way I am. I’m not ‘better.’”
“Has going ever been your choice? Or were you forced to go?” Duncan asked.
“Forced. Every time.” The bitterness in Jim’s voice was apparent.
“That’s the difference here. I want it to be your choice. No matter what you choose, I’ll still be here. You can keep the hotel and we can keep doing what we’re doing. But I think you and I both know what you want.”
“What if it doesn’t work? What if I don’t get better? I don’t want to fuck up your life in D.C.”
“I’m not worried about that so you shouldn’t be either. If going to one of the programs doesn’t work then we’ll do something else. Regardless, I just want to help you.”
Jim sat back against the headboard of the bed, letting out a heavy sigh. He hadn’t noticed that he had been nervously twisting Duncan’s ring around his thumb until he looked down and saw his irritated skin.
“I can’t afford rehab.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
Jim looked up at Duncan, shaking his head. “I can’t let you do that.”
“Why not?”
“Do you know how much it costs?” Jim gaped at him.
“Yeah, I’ve done plenty of research,” Duncan shrugged.
Of course he had. Jim didn’t expect any less from him. The fact that he had come all the way to California with this plan wasn’t even that shocking to Jim somehow.
“I need a second,” Jim said, climbing out of bed and pulling on a shirt before walking out to the balcony, grabbing his pack of cigarettes from the table and lighting one. He could feel Duncan’s eyes on him the entire time.
“I know it’s a lot to process,” Duncan said, sitting at the edge of the bed and watching Jim through the open door. “You can think about it for a little while. If you need space to do that, just tell me.”
Jim just shook his head, taking a long drag of his cigarette. The last thing he wanted Duncan to do was leave him alone.
“If I go,” Jim paused to exhale, “are they going to make me quit smoking?”
Duncan laughed softly, pushing himself up from the bed. “I think that one is up to you.” He stepped out onto the balcony, closing the door behind him and leaning against the wall next to Jim.
“I probably should anyway,” Jim mumbled. Duncan was close enough that he could hear him.
“Really?”
Jim shrugged. “I mean, didn’t you say Michael hated it? If I come to stay with you, I don’t want to disturb his peace even more.”
Duncan couldn’t help but chuckle. “There is nothing peaceful about that boy but I appreciate the effort. He mostly hated kissing me when I smoked, so you should be fine.”
“Are you enabling my nicotine addiction right now?” Jim teased, a smirk on his lips as he took another drag.
“Definitely not,” Duncan said with a playful tone, reaching for the cigarette between the boy’s fingers.
Jim tried to reach for it, expecting him to drop it to the ground and stomp it out but instead, Duncan brought it to his own lips, taking a long drag. There was a surprising stirring in Jim’s stomach as he watched the man.
“Maybe I’m enabling yours?” Jim gaped as he watched the way the smoke slowly trailed out from between the man’s lips.
“Just don’t tell Michael,” Duncan laughed softly, taking another drag before handing the cigarette back to Jim.
“We’re keeping secrets now?” Jim wet his lips with his tongue before bringing the cigarette back to his lips, his eyes never leaving the man just a few inches away from him.
Duncan cleared his throat, shaking his head. “No, I was just joking.”
Jim blushed, turning away from the man. “Me too. Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Duncan said, sitting down on one of the chairs. “You’re handling all of this a lot better than I thought you would.”
“What did you expect?” Jim said as he sat down next to Duncan, pulling one of his knees to his chest.
“I don’t know but I was stressing out about it.” He ran his fingers through his hair and Jim noticed how, in this light, he actually looked more tired than he had ever seen him.
“I wasn’t going to be angry at you,” Jim said after taking the last drag from his cigarette. “I don’t think I could ever be actually angry at you.”
“I don’t want that,” Duncan shook his head. “I want you to be able to tell me how you feel. You can get angry at me. Or upset or frustrated. I won’t hold it against you.”
Jim just studied the other man next to him. All his life he had been told that his emotions were too much and that he needed to man up. If he was angry, he was being irrational. If he was upset, he was being a child. He had never been told that it was okay to feel those things.
Jim had been staring. “What?” Duncan chuckled.
Jim could’ve said so many things in that moment:
Why are you so good at this?
You’re unreal.
How did I end up here with you?
I don’t deserve this.
I don’t deserve you.
“Where did you come from?” is what came out.
“Nowhere good. That’s kind of the whole point. I’m just trying to make life as good as it can be for the people I care about.”
“And yourself?”
“Yeah, and myself,” Duncan nodded, his eyes studying Jim.
There was a moment of quiet between them until a notification sound came from Duncan’s phone. He fished it out of his pocket, tapping away at his screen before dropping it onto his lap.
“Everything okay?” Jim asked, shifting in his seat.
Duncan glanced between him and his phone before nodding. “It was just Y/N checking in.”
“What’d you tell her?”
“That we spoke about everything and that I’m going to stay a little longer while you think about it,” he explained. “If that’s okay with you?”
“It’s more than okay,” Jim nodded eagerly. “I don’t want you to leave yet.”
“Then I’m not going anywhere.”
Jim watched as Duncan sent a few more texts to his partner, the reality of this entire situation starting to settle in.
He had a million things running through his mind but there was one that kept pushing its way to the front. It was one he dreaded the most. “I’m going to need your help with something.”
-
“You know you don’t have to go in, right? I could always try to help replace your stuff,” Duncan said from the driver's seat.
Jim nodded although Duncan’s words weren’t settling in his mind. All he could do was sit there, frozen still. He felt like he was going to throw up if he even looked at the house in front of them.
“I just need a few things from my room,” Jim mumbled.
“Hey,” Duncan said, reaching over and gently resting his hand on the back of Jim’s neck. That pulled the boy out of his daze, making him look over at him. “In and out, right? Just like you said. It won’t even take five minutes.”
Jim nodded, pulling his jacket around him tighter. He could feel Duncan’s fingers brushing against his neck which made him release some of the tension in his body.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to go in with you?” Duncan asked. As much as he was trying to hide it, Jim could tell he was worried. It was apparent in the furrow of his brow and the way his fingers we’re tracing against Jim’s skin, soothing the both of them.
“Yeah. It would just make it worse. You have to promise me you won’t get out of the car, okay?”
The last thing Jim needed was Duncan following him into his mother’s house. It was going to be bad, that was inevitable. Having him there would only make her ask more questions.
Duncan reluctantly nodded. “Okay, I promise.”
Jim let out a heavy sigh, glancing over at the front door of his home. On the outside it looked normal, just like the rest. No one would ever expect what was going on inside.
Jim wouldn’t be surprised if he never came back here after this. He had been dreaming of that for years.
“I admire you,” Duncan said softly, making Jim look over at him. “This is scary but you’re doing it and I admire you.”
Jim’s vision blurred as his eyes got glassy, making him quickly blink and shake his head as if to rid himself of his emotions. He couldn’t afford to get emotional before he could even get out of the car.
“Five minutes,” Jim confirmed, undoing his seatbelt and sitting up a little straighter. He felt the loss of Duncan’s touch, watching the way he nervously gripped the steering wheel with both hands.
“I’ll be right here.”
“Okay,” Jim whispered, taking one last deep breath before climbing out of the car.
Every step towards the front door felt wrong, as if his body was trying to will him the other way. He didn’t knock, there was no point. The door was always unlocked in case Jim forgot his key.
Jim tried to stay as quiet as possible in hopes that maybe he wouldn’t catch the attention from his mother but of course, it was impossible.
Duncan sat in the car, nervously tapping on the steering wheel and glancing back and forth between the clock and the front door. As soon as Jim disappeared inside, Duncan had a bad gut feeling. Jim had told him about the things that went on at home with his mother, but being right outside the house where it happened made everything feel much more real.
He couldn’t just sit there. He pushed the car door open, climbing out. It was quiet, just the sound of the ocean in the distance. He quietly closed the car door behind him and leaned against it. If anything happened, he’d be able to hear it and he’d be ready.
Just a few minutes later, Jim came barreling out of the house, a backpack over his shoulder and his mother running after him. She was wrapped in a robe, barefoot and loudly pleading to her son.
“Jimmy, you’re just going to leave me?” She practically yelled, trying to grab him by his bag but missing. “Get back inside, please!”
Jim had his head down as he quickly approached the car, only looking up when he noticed Duncan standing there.
“I told you to stay in the car,” Jim said to Duncan, his voice raised and tense. It drew his mother’s attention to the man.
“Who is this? Are you the one taking my son away from me?” Sandy yelled, pointing at Duncan while still trying to grab ahold of Jim.
“Get in the car!” Jim pleaded at the man before he could respond, dodging his mother’s advances.
Duncan did as he was asked, quickly getting inside and starting the car up. He watched as Jim shook off his mother’s grasp, yelling something unintelligible over the sound of the engine. In a matter of seconds Jim was in the car, dropping his bag into the floorboard and Duncan was reversing the car out of the driveway.
Focused on getting as much distance between them and the house, Duncan didn’t notice the way Jim was bent over in his seat, his face in his hands.
“Hey,” Duncan reached over, his hand on Jim’s back. “It’s okay, we’re out of there.”
His words didn’t help. They only made Jim choke on the sob he was trying to hold back.
“Shit,” Duncan mumbled under his breath, pulling over on the side of the road. As soon as the car was in park, he climbed out and went over to the passenger side, opening Jim’s door.
“Come here,” Duncan said as Jim turned toward him, wrapping his arms around his torso and burying his face in the man’s chest as he cried.
The two of them stayed in their embrace, Duncan standing in the doorway and Jim clinging to him, for a while.
All of the adrenaline in the moment had kept Jim from breaking down but as soon as he was back in the car, it all came crashing down onto him.
He had just left his home. He left his mother. He left his bedroom. He told her he didn’t know when he was coming back. The only things he owned were the things he could fit into a bag. He had done what he wanted to do for so long. And it was freeing and terrifying.
“I’m sorry I didn’t wait in the car,” Duncan whispered, his hand cradling Jim’s head to his chest.
“It’s okay,” Jim hiccuped, pulling himself closer to the man.
Duncan’s fingers combed through Jim’s hair, trying to soothe him. “You did it.” He paused to press a kiss to the top of Jim’s head. “I’m so proud of you.”
Jim looked up at him, his face red and wet from his tears. “Yeah?” His voice wavered.
“Yeah,” Duncan confirmed, his hands cupping Jim’s face. He wiped away the stray tears on the boy’s cheeks before leaning in and pressing a kiss to his forehead, making his eyes flutter closed.
Letting out an audible sigh of relief, Jim reached up and draped his arms around Duncan’s neck, one of his hands slipping into the man’s hair. He had pulled himself as close as he could get, yet he wanted to be closer. He wanted to be wrapped up in the man so much that he could forget where he was or what he had just done.
When Duncan didn’t pull his lips away, Jim nudged against them. It was an involuntary gesture. An impulsive need to feel closer.
Then he felt the scuff of the man’s face against his temple, followed by the graze of his lips.
Jim’s jaw clenched for a moment in anticipation but when Duncan pressed a kiss to his temple, he relaxed. His lips stayed pressed to Jim’s skin as if he was making sure they’d leave behind their warmth when he pulled away.
And then he pressed a kiss to his eyebrow.
And his cheekbone.
And the plain of his cheek, still tacky from his drying tears.
And Jim didn’t realize it but Duncan could feel the way he was pressing him closer by the back of his head, encouraging him to plant more kisses on his skin.
“You’re incredible,” Duncan mumbled against Jim’s skin as he nudged into his touch.
All Jim could do was shake his head, but only gently so he wouldn’t disturb the trail of kisses that Duncan was leaving across his face. He wanted to be covered in them. He wanted Duncan’s mouth to know all of him like this.
“No,” Jim said, breathless. “You.” One syllable words were all he could muster while his head was swimming from all of the kisses.
Duncan hummed in contemplation, turning Jim’s head to the other side. “I’ve done nothing,” he said before letting his mouth follow the same trail on the other side. “You did the hard work,” he mumbled against Jim’s cheek before leaving a kiss there.
It only took a moment before a tear slipped out of the boy’s closed eyes, a quiet hiccup coming from his chest. Duncan was quick to wipe it away, his mouth leaving kisses in its path.
Jim had never been handled with so much gentleness before. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone kissed him, but whenever it last was, it was nothing like this. This was gentle and reverent and kind. It made Jim feel like he was dreaming.
“Duncan,” Jim whimpered, nudging their noses together. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say or if he had anything to say at all. It was a plea and a question and a soft nothing all at once.
Their foreheads pressed together, noses knocking and mouths ajar, shaky breaths escaping.
Duncan gently shook his head.
“We shouldn’t,” he mumbled, “You’re just upset.”
“You know it’s so much more than that,” Jim whispered.
Closing the small gap between them would be more than just a kiss. It would be a confirmation that all of this, these difficult months and longing late nights, were more than just Duncan wanting to take care of Jim and Jim relying on Duncan. It would be them reaching into their chests and laying their hearts bare. They would be admitting to themselves and each other that this magnetism they felt was attraction - romantic attraction.
“I know,” Duncan replied. His hand went to Jim’s chin, his thumb brushing the swell of Jim’s bottom lip. “I know…”
Jim was about to say something along the lines of “Just kiss me,” when Duncan did exactly that.
There were no fireworks or pulsing electricity the moment their lips met. Instead, they were both awash with warm relaxation. Jim felt like he could melt at any moment because of the way his body completely surrendered to the man. Duncan could feel the anxiety that had been stored in his chest for months slowly creep away.
They fit together perfectly, Duncan’s hands cupping Jim’s face and Jim burying his hands in the man’s hair as they kissed.
Jim wanted to laugh at how right it felt. Somehow he had convinced himself that whatever was going on between them would never lead to this. No matter how often his stomach stirred when he looked at Duncan, he never thought they’d end up here. God, he had been naive.
The pair poured so much of themselves and their unspoken feelings into those kisses. They could finally feel the way the other felt, especially in the relentless way they kept trying to pull each other closer.
As much as Duncan wanted to continue kissing him, he could feel the way Jim was holding his breath.
Reluctantly, he pulled away. “Breathe,” he instructed softly as Jim gaped up at him, his eyes shiny and lips bright pink, surprised by the sudden disruption.
Jim let out a heavy sigh he didn’t realize he was holding in. “Sorry,” he blushed, looking away.
“Don’t apologize,” Duncan softly chuckled, lifting Jim’s chin to make him look his way. “How do you feel?”
The boy’s eyes were still a little red and puffy from his tears and Duncan was slightly worried that maybe kissing him was too much for him to handle after everything that had just happened.
“I feel really fucking good,” Jim said seriously before a smile pulled on his kiss-swollen lips.
Duncan couldn’t stop himself from smiling either, his hands holding Jim’s face and pulling him back in for a short but eager kiss. He just thought Jim looked beautiful and he wasn’t going to deny himself the pleasure of being able to kiss him anymore. There was no going back now.
“Can we go see the water?” Jim mumbled against Duncan’s lips.
“Yeah, but you have to let go of me first,” the man quietly laughed, gently prying a whining Jim off of him with some resistance.
Duncan got back into the car and they made their way back to the familiar house, still empty and quiet. He parked and got out of the car before Jim, going around and opening the door for the boy.
“Rocks or sand?” Duncan asked once they traversed the path to the beach, weighing their options.
“Sand,” Jim nodded, leading the way down the rocks and onto the warm golden shore, kicking his shoes off and stuffing his socks inside of them before trekking out to the middle of the sand, and sitting down.
Duncan followed his lead, sitting down beside him and watching as Jim dropped his backpack into the sand.
“Why’d you bring that out here?”
Jim shrugged, squinting because of the bright sunlight as he glanced between the bag and the waves crashing ahead of them. “Just wanted to look at what I grabbed.”
“Can you show me?” Duncan was curious as to what Jim felt was important enough to take. He had expected him to come out of the house with more stuff, not just a single backpack.
There was only a flickering moment of hesitation before Jim unzipped his bag. “It's just a few random things…”
Duncan watched as he pulled out a worn copy of The Great Gatsby, the covers held together by tape and the pages tattered and dog-eared.
“Have you read it?” Duncan asked.
Jim shook his head. “Not all of it. It was assigned to us in high school so my sister spent her whole weekend doing this,” he explained as he flipped through the pages, revealing highlights and notes written in sprawling black ink. “She was worried I was going to fail the test on it. And I was. I was in a bad place so I didn’t give a shit about this book. She did all of this so that I could maybe pass the test.”
“Did you? Pass the test, I mean.”
Jim laughed softly under his breath, clearly in a reminiscent daze. “Somehow I passed with a C.”
“Wow, so it did help,” Duncan said, gently taking the book from Jim when he offered it. He flipped to a few random pages, recognizing English class buzzwords and vocabulary he remembered using when dissecting and annotating books like this himself. It made him feel nostalgic and it wasn’t even his own book or memories in those pages.
“Have you read it?” Jim asked, watching the man carefully flip through the pages as if he didn’t want to cause any harm to an already tattered book. Jim wanted to laugh at the obvious metaphor.
“No, surprisingly. We read other stuff in school, I guess. But I know how it ends.”
“How does it end?” Jim asked, eyes full of curiosity.
“You really managed to get a C on the test without spoiling the ending for yourself?” Duncan laughed in disbelief.
“I probably did but that time… was a blur,” Jim shrugged, glancing over at the water.
“We can read it together then. It’ll be the first time for both of us.”
“Yeah?” Jim had a sad smile on his face, his head tilted as his wavy hair blew in the wind.
He looked so gentle, Duncan thought to himself.
“Yeah, we can start it tonight.”
“I’d like that,” Jim nodded.
Duncan set the book down in his lap as Jim reached into his bag for the next item.
He revealed a small, faded dolphin stuffed animal, a little matted and coming apart at the seams. Duncan watched as Jim gently ran his fingers over the plush toy, a child-likeness taking over for just a moment.
“My dad won this for me at one of those shitty carnival games when I was little. I lost every time I played and while I was busy having a tantrum over it, he was spending all of his cash to try and win me the dolphin.” Jim’s voice was quiet, almost too quiet for Duncan to hear over the crashing waves and wind but he didn’t ask him to speak up. He was just grateful he was sharing these things with him at all.
“I slept with it until high school. It’s sat in my closet ever since.”
“What made you think to grab it?”
“It’s one of the few things I’ve had nearly all of my life,” Jim shrugged, but Duncan knew it meant a lot more to him than just a shrugged off comment.
“I think he’s cute. He might need some work though,” Duncan said, reaching out and poking one of the holes where the stuffing was trying to come out.
“Yeah, but I don’t know how to do that.”
“We can figure it out.” Duncan was sure that Michael, the owner of a few too many stuffed animals, would know how to rehabilitate the sea creature.
“The next one is a little private,” Jim said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a journal. The cover was covered in permanent marker scribbles and faded stickers, making it clear that it was something Jim had owned for years.
“That’s okay.” Duncan didn’t need a backstory on everything. Jim was allowed to keep things for himself.
“Therapists and doctors have tried to get me to journal for years and it never really sticks. But, I think I might try to actually finish the pages in this,” he said as he flipped through it, only a few pages covered in his messy handwriting from over the years.
“I think that would be really good for you. Y/N does it almost every day, maybe she could help you,” Duncan offered. He knew Y/N would be willing. She had tried to get Duncan into journaling in the past but he never quite committed.
Jim just gave him a small smile, nodding as he tucked it away in his bag. “That’s basically it. Everything else in that house never felt like mine anyway.”
“I can get you whatever you need.”
“I know…” Jim said softly, his eyes back on the water in the distance.
Duncan could tell that he was thinking about something but after his outpouring of personal nostalgia, he didn’t feel entitled to any more of Jim’s thoughts for a while.
They sat there for a while, both watching the water and taking in the fresh air. Duncan was thinking about Jim - about his backpack full of treasures, about his soft but sad smile, about the way he had kissed him.
And Jim was thinking about rehab.
He broke the silence. “How soon can I go?”
Duncan looked confused for a moment before catching on. “As soon as you want. Have you already decided?”
Jim shrugged. “I’ve done everything I need to do. There’s nothing else left for me here. And plus, I don’t think I could handle you leaving again without any idea of when you’d be back.”
Neither could Duncan. He was hoping he’d never have to leave Jim behind again.
“Just tell me when and I’ll make the call.”
Jim finally turned to look at him, giving him a once over before letting out a reluctant sigh. “When.”
Duncan nodded, starting to push himself off the sand before Jim grabbed his arm to stop him. He moved closer, practically climbing onto the man’s lap before pressing his lips to his.
It only took Duncan a moment to react, his arms wrapping around Jim’s waist as he kissed him back, holding him as close as he could.
Jim had always found it difficult to ask for help. He had pushed away anyone and anything that was meant to help him. He never saw the point in getting better. The people closest to him had failed. The therapists and doctors had failed. The journaling failed.
But ultimately, the addiction would too. It would lose its grip on him. He was determined to fight for himself this time. He had his biggest advocate beside him, but he knew this was his fight alone.
And he wanted to win so badly.
He wanted to live a life he loved, the one he dreamed about as a kid. He wanted to be young and happy and fulfilled. And although he didn’t really know exactly what that looked like, he wanted to find out.
Jim wanted mornings with coffee and sunshine. He wanted nights of watching movies and going to bed with a clear head. He wanted to find joy in the little moments like grocery shopping or making dinner. He wanted to see the world, not just this town that had held him hostage for too many years. He wanted to fall in love. He wanted to cry. He wanted to feel.
And somehow, in just a matter of a few months, one man had shown up and made all of those goals feel attainable for once in his life. Now Jim just had to do the work to make it happen.
And he would.
He really would.
-
tags (sorry if udont wanna be tagged, its the last ch anyway): @sojournmichael @xavierplympton @ghostangels @bloodcoatedeclipse @littledemondani @spoo-per @wroteclassicaly @ferndolan
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