“Welcome to the end. The bitter, bitter end. It’s the end of 2018 and, consequently, it’s the end of time itself. For this has been the long—long year - the longest year that’s ever been a year long.” (x)
This year was indeed, the longest year in the history of all years that have ever been a year. At certain points, I would start to really think we’d fallen into some sort of vortex in the space/time continuum that made 3-4 years pass in the lenght of one. I’ve had like seven birthdays just since the beginning of the last month of this interminable year.
And it wasn’t a good one either, “real world” wise. I worry about the state and the future of my country, and I worry about my own future in a country in such a state… and as much as I deliberately try to keep “real world” and “fandom world” separate, because escapism tends to lose its purpose to me when the the two mix, this year I just couldn’t balance this artificial split well enough. Like… it’s hard to really care about antis and microtransactions and nylon bags and tumblr apocalypses and shitty show endings when the real world around you is actually on fire. It feels disconnected - like these things happened, but… through a dusty filter where I wasn’t really looking, and my brain’s reaction to them was generally the most apathetic “okay, noted.”
I don’t want to end the year on a negative note, though, because a lot of genuinely good things did happen this (long, long) year, both in “real world” and in “fandom world” for me too, which are probably more important to acknowledge and remember than the bad ones. Life’s okay. Mom’s okay. Talking to panda makes me happy. I’ve read a ton of good books this year, watched some of those shows that had been on my “to watch” list for almost a decade. Played some actually new and different games from my backlog, instead of always the same ones. Took a few nostalgia trips through old fandoms just for a light-hearted look back, dipped my feet in and out of a few new fandoms staying just long enough to have a little fun and peace out. Joined a guild! -an actual, honest to god video game guild, something I had never in my life done before. Made a few good friends; lost a few too, but that’s life. Plotted more AUs with my panda partner in crime than I’d have lifetimes to actually write. I wrote a lot of shit too, stuff that will never see the light of day, but hey, it kept me writing. The current fandom platform is sinking, but something else will always rise in its place. My favorite show may have had a shitty ending, but at least my favorite characters and ships are freed from the clutches of canon and belong to fandom now. There’s a silver lining here and there.
It was, you know. A year. A very,
…….very
………………………….very
long year. Some of it was bad, and when it was bad it was the worst; but some of it good, too, and when it was good, it was at least worth remembering. I think that’s what I’m taking from this whole thing - if you survive through the worst, it’s worth remembering the nice bits too.
Happy New Year.
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