the hot guy in the basement

river 'fucking your girl' ortiz my business is my business, keep your fucking nose out of it

[riverortiz]

Look, unless you wanna help me package this coke, get out of here. I’ve gotta have this shipment ready by midnight.

[riverortiz]

winnyhayes:

I know they are. But I wanna go up a cup size. They’d be even better then, right?

So you just like… don’t wanna have sex with me? I mean I get it. I’m not gonna make you. But I almost never get rejected. This is new. And you’re too nice for me to even be upset?

No, I don’t know who you’ve been talking to but bigger doesn’t always mean better. Trust me, guys like natural far more.

I uh...I just, look if you wanna go grab a bite to eat or a drink or something, I’d be more than happy to spend some money on a pretty girl, but I...I couldn’t just do that with you, Winny. It’s not a rejection, you’re just not a girl who should randomly be taken advantage of like that.

[riverortiz]

winnyhayes:

Are my boobs too small? Because I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon in like, a month.

What? No?! They’re fine...I mean, they’re good...I mean- I uh...

You’re perfect the way you are, Winny. Seriously, you’re like the prettiest girl I’ve seen in my whole life, don’t- don’t ruin that with stupid surgery.

[riverortiz]

winnyhayes:

I know something that could easily keep you entertained for at least an hour and a half?

Wow. I wish I was one of those guys that only think with their dicks right now, I really do.

I just uh...I was raised to not even kiss a girl till at least the second date, so...

[riverortiz]

I don’t have to meet this dude for like another two hours down at the docks, I thought being a drug dealer was supposed to be exciting?

[trevorcohen]

Hm…

I’m not really one to pass up a good Italian meal so why the hell not?

[riverortiz]

Yeah, bro! That's what I'm talkin' about, a good ol' fashioned BOYS NIGHT.

Let's eat some dank ass food and find some hot ass women.

[riverortiz]

@babblingriver: meet my new partner, dealin' drugs to a city near you #teamworkmakesthedreamwork

[riverortiz]

How was your month in the basement?

It was day in and day out of listening to the King brothers drama. It was like watching a soap opera that you can’t shut off.I also got pretty hungry, but I don’t dwell on that shit, it’ll keep you up at night. I ate enough burritos to kill a man, I’m good now.

[riverortiz]

Are you mad at the Kings for taking you?

Na, war is war, man.Shit happens. Besides, I’m happy to be on the side that doesn’t kidnap pregnant women. That shit gave me PTSD or something.

[asdfjklloveejasmine]

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[thehenryking]

Didn’t like the basement?

[riverortiz]

To be honest, man, I think I'm going to end up staying awake at night wondering whether or not you and your girl decided to actually 'be together' or not that day. 'Should we make out today or should we just fight about stupid shit instead?' One of my personal favorite story lines.

[riverortiz]

New apartment. New apartment complex. New apartment complex with a hot tub. 

Who's coming over to party?

[riverortiz]

and who am i? that's one secret ill never tell...

[dia-king]

Yeeeaah. That was me.

[riverortiz]

Well, uh. Thanks. It was easier to get over my concussion in a stranger's basement without having to starve at the same time.

[jackie-prescott]

River? Holy shit, I totally thought you were dead.

[riverortiz]

Na, bro. I think you've got me confused with Cash.

[adamfuckingking--old]

Oh, hey, man. How’s it goin’? Sorry for keeping you in here for like… a month. It was necessary. There’s chinese on the kitchen table. 

[riverortiz]

Bro, throw in a beer with that food and we'll call it even.

[dia-king]

Umm… Hello?

[riverortiz]

You...brought me food in the basement, right?