never satisfied

nix's personal

[rjtsu]

it was out of pity wasnt it 

[rjtsu]

get it over with

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god can i go be mentally ill elsewhere

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if it was anyone but me....they would get attention

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im. lonely

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me: i dont want a fp

also me: i want someone to be my entire world someone i can focus on and love and never have doubts about and i 

[rjtsu]

egh that anon this morning sounded a lot like swift and i was . very upset by that

[rjtsu]

remember when i broke up with my gf and i was following her vent and she said horrible shit about me and i just liked that status

[rjtsu]

@iloveritsusakuma @boycots my vent!!

[rjtsu]

me like 1 day ago: wow my pers/o/nality d/iso/rder hasnt affected me for so long now!! ive felt good for months!!

me now:

[rjtsu]

ive had best friends in the past but whats the point they all drifted from me or ended up leaving bc im so horrible to love

[rjtsu]

i want a Singular best friend one person who focuses on me and i focus on them because im selfish and i get jealous and thats a Safer option

[rjtsu]

its so scary wce was my fp for so long even though she manipulated and abused me if she came to me rn id let her back in my life

[rjtsu]

list of people who have hurt me:

- w/al/l/a/c/e

- swift

- neo

- viola

[rjtsu]

i didnt even...do anything to swift...i just.. stopped messaging her one day to test if i was the only reason we were still friends.....then 4 months past without a messaged and i wanted to cry i was hurt so fucking bad i just had to block her and delete her and remove her from my skin and my memory because i wasnt important to her and that fucking hurt like hell

[rjtsu]

swift and my abuser were the only people who i could care about with my whole whole whole heart and they both abandoned me.

[rjtsu]

oh, i tried to contact swift earlier; blatantly ignored my message. i thought she’d be decent enough to say “please fuck off”