438.191 likes ccocozy everything is tough for me right now, I'll be moving back to the US for health reasons, please continue to support me.
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@rkcoco
438.191 likes ccocozy everything is tough for me right now, I'll be moving back to the US for health reasons, please continue to support me.
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leecocosfan are you okay?
farewell. my last goodbye
She stands still while hugging Jangmi tight. Jangmi, her best friend, the girl who made her join the MGAs, the girl who had picked her up when she had fallen, she’ll miss her. She feels the tears pressing, and finally lets them roll, the moment she lets them she can hear the sobbing of her best friend. Her mom and dad stand in front of the two with smile planted on their lips, both having tears rolling down their cheeks but trying to hide them behind their fake smiles. Coco lets go of Jangmi, she looks at her mom and dad, drives a hand through her hair.
Life in Korea has been a struggle, sure she has gained lots of friends, and it’s here she became a streamer and instagrammer, but this is also the place who definitely ruined her mentality. She never knew her life could become so sad, that she could change so much and become so vulnerable. Life at first over here was already terrible, she had to leave all her friends behind in the US, and she became weak over here. Completely obsessed over the idea of looking the models in the commercials, continuously thinking she had to lose weight and become pretty like them, every second questioning if she needed surgery, looking at food and telling herself nothing but “you can’t eat that”. She developed god damn anorexia the first couple of months she was here, shouldn’t she already back then have figured out that Korea isn’t the place for her. And look at her, she can barely talk to people without breaking down, people tell her something that isn’t even meant to be rude and she cries her heart out, acts like everything is over. This place ruined her, and when she thought things were getting better, when she was satisfied with her body; they got worse. She began wishing to become like the idols, stopped eating, constantly fainted and needed to be taken to the hospital, and then her grandmother died, the woman who had taken care of her, she died, all become of Coco, because Coco insisted on going out instead of staying at home with her grandmother. And what the fuck did she do two days after her grandmother died? She took those fucking pills, she fucking tried to kill herself, she gave up on life, she fucking said; fuck this bullshit, I’m not doing life anymore. She went as far as to give up, and she only survived because her brother found her in time, and even though she obviously needed him the most at that time, he fucking ran away, he ran off to the US because he missed his home, he left her alone, to fucking rot. And she joined a show, thought she would get better, but now she’s only worse, everything is worse. She needs her brother, she needs to get away, she can’t handle all of this shit anymore.
She looks at her parents, wipes away her own tears, tears should become something in the past now, she doesn’t want to cry a single tear in the future, and hopefully going back home to her brother will help her.
She waves at the three people, smiles her brightest smile “goodbye” she says, and then she turns around, walks away, she’s done.
pigeons. the devil’s animal
Today is Coco’s birthday, and it’s her first time celebrating it alone. Lot’s of people had offered to spend time with her on her birthday, but she had somehow managed to turn all of them down, she didn’t want to spend time with anybody today, no the person she wanted to hang out with is William, but he was on the other side of the planet, and thus she decided; there is a first time for everything, so there too should be a first time for spending your birthday alone too. She had let herself eat an ice-cream, something she rarely ever did due to her strict diet, she had bought a brush and hair clips for herself, and that was it, so far she was… liking her birthday? Surprisingly she didn’t hate her birthday as much as she thought she would, yeah maybe she was sitting on a bench crying, eating ice-cream but.. oh who was she kidding? She hated it, she had stopped streaming, it had become too much, and she had recently gotten a new roommate, so therefore she couldn’t go home, she was too tired to let them see her cry.
A boy who walked past her looked confused at her but she simply glared at him, he was not allowed to judge her, at least not at the time being. She sat quietly, most hopefully this day couldn’t become worse.
But oh was she wrong, out of nowhere she felt something hard against her head, immediately she pulled up her arms to protect herself and her own ice-cream spilled over herself, she only got a glimpse of it, but she saw it; it was pigeon. She ran, but for some reason the damned animal followed her, the amount of stares she got were uncountable, she was getting attacked by a pigeon while running, got damn, what a birthday.
hiiii !!!! it’s i damm! here with some news / questions ? i’ve decided to turn off anon since i’ve gotten some anon asks that made me (hmm) a bit uncomfortable? so thus i want to ask that if anyone is uncomfortable with coco as a fc that they just avoid/ignore rkcoco. i don't want to change her faceclaim at this time. please either come off anon or send your concerns to a mod please. thank you!
fit the mold;
rkhwayoung
Thankfully the other girl accepted. Hwayoung smiled as she stepped out of her house, having no actually intention of going into the bath house, she just met the girl there. Coco had gotten there before she did as it seemed and it didn’t bother her at all. She walked up to the other girl and waved as a quick greeting-if she remembered from the mall, Coco was a wreck and she didn’t want to unstabilize the girl by suddenly becoming too familiar and hugging or anything else. Instead, she kept it distant-though the mission was to change that soon enough.
“Hey,” she says “I’m sorry I didn’t text you earlier but I changed my mind. I don’t actually want to go to the bath house” It was always her intention to bail out of something like that-it was too intimate for her to meet a stranger in this place and much more share and become so vulnerable as she would be in a bath house. Instead, she did it because she could. It was dumb but something about arranging something and changing it last minute was kind of fun-especially if the other went along with it. “Let’s go hang out by the river instead.” It wasn’t a question. Hwayoung, turns towards the park where everyone hangs out by the river and starts to head that way, tossing a “come on.” Behind her to Coco.
Coco wondered why she had accepted this request. Sure she wanted to see Hwayoung again, after all that had happened lately she needed to go out, and most importantly she definitely needed new connections. But a bath house? She had never been to one before and this was to be her first time ever to go to one. It had been her preference for a long time to never even step near a bath house. As much as Coco often does get compliments on her appearance, that doesn’t mean she’s confident about herself. No she’s probably the opposite of confident. Her face, her body, everything about herself she struggles with, and thus being naked with strangers and someone she barely knows seemed difficult to her. But lately she had been trying to challenge herself and to do things she normally wouldn’t do, and this was definitely something she never would’ve done.
She came early as always, too afraid that she would get scolded or make Hwayoung angry if she came late, better too early than too late. She smiles as she sees the other female and she returns the wave, thankful that the other didn’t do anything unordinary like pulling her into a hug. Her smile fades and eyes widen pretty fast though as the older announces that there are changes in the plans. In a way she feels relieved, in another way she feels disappointed, she had just gained enough confidence to do this and now it turned out that all that confidence was for nothing. But at least now she wouldn’t have to do anything that she would feel uncomfortable with, and so the smile soon returned and she nods. “That’s fine, I don’t care about what we’re doing anyway”.
The river sounds nice, as long as Hwayoung isn’t planning on making Coco bathe in the river then that’s a fine choice. She follows right behind Hwayoung, looks at the bath house before returning her look to Hwayoung “I’m right behind you”.
🍵 over drinks
rktaeil
@rkcoco
invitations to food and coffee are one of the easiest tasks for taeil to manage when meeting someone in person for the first time. technically he can’t say that this is their first time talking to each other, but meeting people through his social media apps is rather commonplace for him at this point. therefore, he already considers the girl a friend, buying a drink and using his promotional benefits to get something else free off the menu. really helpful as a semi-professional food instagrammer, he’ll tell you that.
“are you into listening to music much? or specifically, interested in idol life?” and also entering said friend status also granted access to his unfiltered thoughts, jumping from one thing to another, but also cutting in with a somewhat unconventional topic out of the blue. he places his phone down on the table to grab hold of his iced drink to sip from, swirling the contents carefully with the paper straw and looking at coco curiously. “there seems to be a lot of elimination shows involving those people potentially wanting to make it big. they’re getting a lot of positive feedback, so i can’t blame them for milking the concept dry.”
Something had lately been on her mind. Jangmi, Coco’s best friend had not long ago suggested something, suggested that Coco should join the MGAs. The career of becoming an idol had crossed her mind once or twice in the past but Coco had always rather wanted to be an actor, and thus she joined an actor school. But Coco’s interest in gymnastics and acrobatics had lately turned into an interest in dance too, and surprisingly she wasn’t as bad a dancer as she thought she was. Jangmi believed Coco was the best dancer to ever walk on this earth and was determined that Coco needed to join the MGAs because without no doubt she would win. Coco had thought much about it, in a way she did want to join, but normally she was very timid and shy, joining alone seemed scary, and hence the idea of making someone else join too had occurred to her.
Taeil just like many others is a friend that Coco has gained through social media and texting, and when one or the other suggested meeting she decided that he was the one to become her target, she would make him join the MGAs. She had been lost in her own thoughts so when suddenly he spoke she flinched for a second out of shock, and then she turned to him with a smile. “I listen to music every now and then, in the past it wasn’t much my interest but lately I’ve started liking music more”. For a second she keeps quiet at his next question, interested in the idol life? Is she that? Isn’t she just interested in dancing? Singing isn’t really her thing, and rapping is absolutely not something she’s good at, but in a way she’s interested in the idol life, isn’t she? Secretly she would like to become an idol so she could fulfill her dreams of dancing for the rest of his life. “I don’t know if I’m interested in the idol life, a bit maybe?”
She nods at his words, Taeil is quite right, the MGAs isn’t anything special, there are lots of shows like the MGAs, the MGAs is just a bigger show than others. “Yeah you’re right, there is a lot of shows like that. Have you ever thought of joining an elimination show?”
fit the mold;
rkhwayoung
starter for @rkcoco
What could possibly make someone feel better more than being around someone worse? For Hwayoung, the answer was nothing. The self-pity and useless thoughts were saved for home when her mother told them to her or when she went to bed and told herself until she fell asleep. During the day, her disappointment and low self-esteem manifested in other ways. Seeing how easily influenceable the rest of the population was, was one way she enjoyed. When she was angrier, she was much more straight forward and mean but for the day, she had other plans. Hwayoung texted Coco.
Texts >> Coco- Hey, I want to see you. Let’s meet and go to jjimjilbang if that’s ok with you.
She wonders briefly if the other girl would cry? Hwayoung saw her at the MGAs. She knows the other will surely know that Hwayoung also failed but shes hoping it wont be a topic of conversation. If it was, Hwayoung didn’t want to have to explain that her focus was on herself and much less have to talk about her feelings after being eliminated. The best case scenario would be if Coco never brought it up. Of course, if she were to cry about it, Hwayoung would find a twisted way to enjoy it as well. It wouldn’t be as fun, to have Coco whine as always-especially when Hwayoung wanted to mold the girl into the perfect bff
The past days had been weirdly strange, so many things had happened and Coco wasn’t fully sure how to adapt to it. Not too long ago the world had seemed incredibly dark, there couldn’t go one moment without Coco looking at herself in the mirror and bursting into tears. And then suddenly her grandmother died, and her brother left to go back to the US, and all those things should’ve made the world darker, but for some reason they didn’t. Perhaps it was all just pretending, maybe Coco wasn’t actually happy, but just pretended to be, but she wasn’t fully sure, and she didn’t want to question herself. After her brother left she made herself hang out with friends, she didn’t want to leave her apartment, but she knew she needed to see someone, that she couldn’t be alone forever. And suddenly a friend of hers got the idea to sign Coco up for the MGAs, and then Coco was in the MGAs, and she enjoyed it like she had never enjoyed anything before. While in the MGAs she really realized how much she loved to dance, but soon enough even those dreams were crushed, and Coco needed to accept the fact that she wasn’t good enough, and that dancing should never be her choice of career.
She felt sad after the MGAs, but like what had happened after her grandmother and William she just pretended everything was fine, once again streaming, hanging out with friends, and trying to live her life as she had lived it before everything seemed dark. It had surprised her when she got the message from Hwayoung, never had she imagined Hwayoung would contact her, why would Hwayoung hang out with someone like Coco? A clumsy girl who isn’t good at anything and does nothing but cry. But maybe it was because Hwayoung is so sweet, Coco remembers Hwayoung, and if she remembers right then Hwayoung was quite nice.
She needed to get out of her apartment anyway, so she accepted the invitation to hang out and thereafter came to the place they were supposed to meet. And then she stood quietly and waited.
♡ thread tracker ♡
a quick update on who I currently have threads with, please tell me if I have forgotten you or you’d like to drop our thread or put it on hold ^^
my turn:
@rkhwayoung - fit the mold @rktaeil - over drinks
others turn:
@rkjimin - below zero @hobirk - cold winter = warm food @rkkyungsoo - consolation prize
threads dropped for various reasons:
@rkchoutzuyu - crybaby @yutark - scream all night @rkxminhee - hello my friend
(if you know if any of these muses have been cleared or dropped then please tell me^^)
★ consolation prize
rkkyungsoo
@rkcoco
Kyungsoo had no idea how he was chosen to stay when many of the others that he deemed talented were walking away disappointed. He was delighted to hear his name called, but it would be a lie to say he was expecting anything other than an elimination. Anyway, it didn’t matter why they kept him, now he had to think of what to perform next to keep them invested in his development. That said, Kyungsoo sort of wanted to celebrated and he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to tell his mom that he made it on the show.
Also, most of the people he knew were eliminated, which meant he had no idea who he was going to sit next to for the second episode filming. Yes yes, we know Suwoong made it in but Kyungsoo would rather die than sit with Susu and his pack of howling wolf friends. The amount of noise he experienced today already gave him a pounding headache.
As much as he’d love to go home and go to bed, there was a few other things he had to do first. For example, comforting those who were eliminated. Later in the day, he’d probably text Tzuyu and give her some sort of encouragement speech. Kyungsoo honestly thought she did quite well and it was a shame to see her eliminated. The other person that really needed comforting, however, was right next to him.
Yes, Coco also got eliminated and Kyungsoo was more worried about her. You see, Coco was the…softer type of girl. Anything could send her into tears and Kyungsoo heard of her grandmother’s passing from his dad. She was likely not in the best state of mind so perhaps he should…do something?
“Want to get dinner?” He asked. “I’ll drive you after to wherever you need to go?”
Now this was disappointing. It was unexpected. Coco has continuously told herself that she didn’t care about winning, that getting eliminated wouldn’t mean the slightest to her. But this was unexplainable. For sure she hadn’t been the best, she knows that, maybe she did something different, she sung a sung in Spanish while showing off her guitar skills, but she wasn’t the best. But was she the worst? No she wasn’t (according to herself), many of the people who had passed were far worse than her, far worse.
It was disappointing, all of her friends and family had helped her, continuously complimented her and expected so much of her. But even with all of their help? She managed to get eliminated, which could only mean once thing. She’s talentless, apparently dancing will and should never become her thing, apparently she sings worse than a lot of the other contestants, apparently she’s not good enough. At least that’s what she thinks, and according to herself then that’s the truth, it’s the cold hard truth. Maybe this is a sign, that she should never ever enter the idol world? But why would she, they have so high standards for looks in that industry, such industry could never be good for her.
But now it was just… what should she do? Should she go home to her empty apartment, act as if nothing has ever happened? Maybe she should visit her parents and give them the news. At least this way she would never have to tell her brother about the MGAs, she had never told him about it and now she would never need to. There are many things to do, but there’s nothing she wants to do, maybe she just wants a break from this world, just for a second.
That’s when she hears a familiar voice, and as she turns her head she notices it’s Kyungsoo. She’s not really hungry, but when ever is she hungry? Maybe grabbing dinner would be good, perhaps she needs the company tonight.
She nods her head and thereafter shows her usual smile “yeah I would like to. What would you like to eat?”
it never stops
She screams as he touches her “get the fuck away from me” words almost inaudible due to the heavy breathing and loud sobbing. The world seems dark, by now she just wants to give up, why does she continue to live when she hates it so fucking much? “Calm down Coco” he says, but who is he to say that? Why does he tell her to calm down, he came to her fucking apartment, and he would not fucking leave when she told him to, why the fuck would she calm down when everything he does is something she dislikes? Everything around her seem blurry, nothing seems right, her body falls onto the floor, she curls up, the tears continues and most likely it will take some time before they stop.
Where is he? Where is William when he needs her? All she wants is for him to comfort her, for him to tell her that it’s okay, he’s the one who is always there, and now? Now he’s the one she’s crying over, because he left him, he left everybody, he left her right after grandmother died. He said fuck you family, fuck you Coco, he decided to focus on his own career, all while Coco could rot in a hole, does he know what she was going through? Of course he knows, he always knows, he always knows what Coco is feeling like, and yet? Now when she needs him the most he chooses to not care, he chooses to leave her.
A hand lands on her shoulder and she hears the words “it’s going to be okay”. No it’s not going to be okay, she knows William won’t come back, he’ll live in the US for the rest of his life because that’s his home, that’s where he wants to be. The moment she hears the words she pushes the hand away from her “I told you to get the fuck away from me” she screams. Why can’t he seem to understand? Understand that all she wants to be is alone, to fucking cry alone. Who knew? She constantly thinks that because she joined the MGAs then everything is better, because now she has something to distract her, but in reality? She got fucking nothing, now that she has joined the MGAs the only thing she has realized is how she relies on William so much, for his support and for his help.
“I won’t leave you alone! I saw your cuts, I know you’re not doing well! I’m afraid, I’m afraid that you’ll try to kill yourself again”
She keeps quiet upon hearing the words, she knows it all true, everybody is afraid, why wouldn’t they be? But it’s still scary to hear the words; kill yourself again.
Lee Coco’s MGA5 Callback (Interview) Mentioned - @rkkyungsoo, @rkxuxi, @rkguanheng, @rkchoutzuyu, @rkxkikwang, @rktaeil, @rkxsnh, @moonbokrk, @rkyeosang, @rkaisha, @danielxrk, @rksuwoongQuote - “Give love, and then you might receive love” Thanks to everybody for doing such great job
Lee Coco’s MGA5 Callback (Performance) Performing - El Latido de mi Corazón - Luis Ángel Gómez Jaramillo (00.04 - 01.58) Quote - “Win it all, make them fall for you, give your best” Thanks to William for teaching Coco how to play the guitar
Lee Coco’s 5th MGA5 Audition (Secondary Skill) Performing - Me Gustas Tu (Acappella) - GFRIEND (00.50 - 01.48) Skill - Singing Quote - “Though it’s not what you’re used to, maybe it’s what you’re good at” Thanks to Jaebum for supporting Coco
Lee Coco’s 4th MGA5 Audition (Extra Skill) Performing - Catching watermelon seeds with her mouth Quote - “Show yourself, be yourself, that is always the best” Thanks to the watermelon-seeds for making Coco laugh
Lee Coco’s 3rd MGA5 Audition (Interview) Quote - “Be honest. Honestly might be boring, but it’s better” Thanks to the ladybug for making Coco excited
Lee Coco’s 2nd MGA5 Audition (Primary Skill) Performing - Something To Dance For - Zendaya Skill - Dance Quote - “Bring out your true self and then you migth succeed” Thanks to William for always supporting Coco
Lee Coco’s 1st MGA5 Audition (Arrival) Quote - “You’ve started, now you must finish” Thanks to Seungchan for supporting Coco