He felt sorry for the makeup artist who was giving him touch up. In hindsight, perhaps he should have put in a bit more effort and got more than a layer of...what’s it called, bb cream? He showed up to the audition bare faced because he didn’t know how to do it and figured it would be better to show up with a naked face than a clown one. His cousin Suwoong saw him and offered his assistance. Kyungsoo got some sort of cushion cream patted all over his face and his cousin messed up his hair a little, also unbuttoned/untucked his shirt to give him ‘flare’. The hair, he ended up smoothing back down before he got on the stage, and the shirt he tucked back in but the bb cream got to stay.
Suwoong’s product was probably good but Kyungsoo still managed to sweat off 75% of it by the time the performances were over. The makeup artist had to re-do everything and by the time Kyungsoo was seated in the interview chair, he was...at least 10% better looking.
How do you think you did?
“I definitely gave it my best shot,” he said, reminiscing. There was a lot of cheering when he got on that stage, actually, and hearing his name being shouted by a whole bunch of people gave him courage. “It is nice to have a supportive audience, I didn’t expect it, but most of that is probably my cousin’s doing.” He heard Suwoong shout out ‘YEAH THAT IS MY COUSIN KYUNGSOO’ even all the way on the stage. His friends, Kyungsoo supposed, decided to join him in cheering. Thankfully they all quieted down by the time he started, or else it would have ruined the serene atmosphere Kyungsoo was trying to create for his performance.
What did you think of Suwoong’s performance?
Oh god, of course they’d ask for him to comment on Suwoong’s performance because family bantering probably made good television. “Well, um...” Quick, he must think of something nice to say. Kyungsoo kept his smile pleasant as he scrambled for find positive words of praise to throw on his cousin’s...exquisite trot dance performance. He shouldn’t lie, especially when there was a possibility the camera caught his expression during Suwoong’s performance, which was a mixture of shock, terror and just general what the fuck. Yes, that expression must have looked super out of place on his usually calm face but Kyungsoo really couldn’t help it.
Before the performance, he’d gently patted Coco’s knee and told her it was his cousin coming up next and clapped for Suwoong as he did his introduction. After, well, he wish he never told her he had a cousin.
"He certainly...moved!” He was still struggling to find praise. The interviewer, amused by his obvious discomfort, decided to help him out by asking if that was how Suwoong usually behaved. “Yeah, that’s him. My cousin is confident as he is eccentric. He often twerk in the kitchen when he’s bored and alone. I think he is...uh, a happy person and that happiness can be infectious. He is not afraid to perform and only too eager to show off his moves. I, very much admire that about him.” Kyungsoo managed to force the last set of words through his lips, putting emphasis on the word admire even though it pained him.
Please let’s move away from the topic of Suwoong now.
Were there any performances you liked?
Oh, an easier question. “I like a lot of performances. I will admit, I paid more attention to the dancers because I have very little talent in that regard. Taeyang was great and so was Yena, but I think my favourite dance performance was from Hoseok. Maybe I am biased but I’ve seen Hoseok dance before at the community centre. He was doing a girl group cover and teaching some other people as well. It is good to have leadership and dance skills.” On television, it didn’t hurt to praise the competition because it made you seem kind. Kyungsoo decided to direct most of his praise towards the dancers because they weren’t his direct competitors like the singers were.
“I liked Tzuyu’s song choice, it really suited her voice.” He slid in the compliment casually near the end, supporting the girl who had his kitty’s favour.
Were there any performances you didn’t like?
See, if he shitted too hard on people, he’d seem like an asshole. If he said nothing, however, it would make him appear insincere. Kyungsoo would bet some people who wanted to appear extra humble would say themselves and talk about how they could have performed better, but he wasn’t into the idea of that. Why put yourself down when you are already in a competition where you might receive harsh criticism that’ll try to destroy your confidence? No, they should focus on building themselves up in preparation for all the difficulties that may be ahead should they pass.
So Kyungsoo shall be fair.
“What happened to Haruto was a shame. I think he was really nervous and that affected his performance.” That was the honest part. Now to say something gentler to smooth things over. “But nervousness will fade with time. If given the opportunity to move forward, I am sure he will gain confidence.” In that regard, Haruto could learn from Taeil, who didn’t exactly have the strongest performance but he certainly rapped with confidence.
an interview? it isn’t that he hates them, but he’s never been that fond of them - he’s always worried he’ll slip up and say something wrong. he used to have to do them once or twice with his band for random youtube interview channels. those were a lot less formal than the ones for the mga’s seemed to be, going by the interview during the first audition stage.
so, when he’s called off into another room, where he gets poked and tickled with makeup brushes for a couple minutes, he’s trying his hardest to calm his nerves, though his hands wringing in his lap, clammy as seems usual during this process. however, once his makeup is done to the makeup artists standards, the woman who led him into the room, who has a kind smile (at least compared to the interview lady from the previous audition stage) raises a clipboard with a smile and asks if he’s ready to begin - he nods, smiling a small, clearly nervous smile.
“so, guanheng, how did you feel when you heard you’d gotten a callback?”
he’s not entirely sure how to answer, if he’s being honest. “i was... surprised? though i guess most people must have been - it’s hard to believe in your own capabilities until someone else sort of... draws back that curtain for you... i guess.” it’s a dumb answer to a frankly rather dumb question, but he supposes he could continue. “but, of course i was glad, and excited.” that’s what they want to hear, right? there’s some truth to that, though not as much - he was glad, of course he was, this was something he was excited about, and wanted to do well in.
“what was your reaction when the judges were revealed?”
should he answer truthfully, or not? he decides for a slightly softer version of the truth. “well, in all honesty, i didn’t have much of one? y’see i’m rather new to being a fan of this sort of music; this industry. so up until recently i probably couldn’t have told you any of their names, besides maybe tiger jk. but i know them now, of course, i did my research!”
“and, how do you think your performance went?”
“well, i would hope.” he answers instantly, with a soft chuckle. “it went pretty good - at least for how i practised it. of course, how well i did is really up to the judges. i hope they think i did well too, and i hoped the other contestants watching enjoyed it too!” he always wants to make people enjoy his performances, even if he’s not always as sure of them as he could be, the main thing was that he enjoyed himself, and that his audience enjoyed themselves too.
“were there any performances in particular that you liked?”
“i really liked minkyung and taeil’s! oh, and that heejin girl! she definitely caught my eye! i’m a bit of a sucker for guitar players - oh, i should mention coco, too. yeah i liked them both!” he recalls the performances, smiling as he thinks of the ones he remembered clearly.
“what about performances you didn’t like?”
this question he frowns at. “not really. of course, i had my favourites, but no one really stood out as significantly bad to me, even if it was just for my taste. i appreciated how much effort everyone put into their performances, so to single someone out and say i didn’t like their performance wouldn’t feel right to me - im just glad if everyone had fun!”
“and what did you think of hwang yeji’s performance?”
it takes a while to remember who the name belonged to, and when he finally realises it was a dancer he hums. “i’m... not a great dancer myself, so i was pretty impressed - to me she looked like she really knew her stuff, her body was all.. strong but liquid at the same time. it’s crazy i wish i could dance. i guess i’ll have to learn if it make it further.”
“so, who do you think is certain to move on, or someone who you think will be eliminated?”
“again, i really can’t say on the elimination front, since everyone did so well, and i’m not really qualified to be judging. i’m biased for guitar players so obviously i’d love to see heejin and coco to go through! for someone i think is bound to go through? possibly that daniel guy? i’m pretty sure i saw him talked about online last year - he was in this last year right? anyway, i’m sure he’s got experience, so he’s bound to get really far.”
“thank you, that’s all!”
he’s ushered back to his seat in the studio, finally able to relax a little again, though not for long, when he realises now all he has to wait for is the judges decisions, and his heart begins to pound.
( ‘ -- his tongue presses against the inside of his cheek as soon as he sees the selection of names. immediately he has a line up, and then as soon as he goes to say it, he doubts himself. this was difficult. there might need to be a strategy to this. ) “i’ve already fucked ten, so... and taeil... so younghyun for fuck? i think.. if i married ten, he would kill me in a fit of jealousy, so that wouldn’t be a good decision.” ( ‘ -- yuta blinks at the realisation, knowing it were true and already imagining ten killing him on their honeymoon for flirting with a waiter. ) “fuck, younghyun. kill ten, in self defence, really. and marry taeil? i think taeil would be cool with experimenting the most so our relationship would last, and he’d probably take care of me well.”
singing : HISTORY MAKER by DEAN FUJIOKA (1:22 - 3:07)
playing : electric guitar
outfit : ☀
honestly, guanheng was pretty surprised when he got the email to say he’d made it through the cut and was in callbacks. only 100 people, and he was one of them? it seems pretty surreal, and each time he got that little bit further he realised just how excited he was for this, to see where it took him; if not to a training contract, then to some self-discovery?
all he wanted right now was to be able to perform again.
he had a week this time to come up with a performance, and make himself presentable for it - aka not looking like some eboy that jumped right out of instagram. it was pretty easy to pick a song; one he already knew the lyrics too, and how to play on the electric guitar. it didn’t take him long to fiddle around until it fit the time restraints.
the outfit was a tiny bit more troublesome, so, he asked an instragram friend for help and within a day or two he had his outfit ready - a fancy white shirt, floaty black cut-off pants, and some sparkly kitten-heeled boots. it wasn’t super out there, but at the same time it wasn’t boring - a perfect match for the kind of person he’s like.
finally, the day arrives, and he pulls himself out of bed, fixes his hair to look presentable, then tugs on the outfit that’s bound to get him some stares on public transport. slinging his guitar in it’s case onto his back he heads out, hands already clammy at the realisation of what he’s heading off to do.
the studio is odd, unlike anything he’d ever seen before, really - it’s like seeing the bare-bones of the things he watches on tv. it’s odd, like he’s seeing something he’s not meant to, almost. the sea of unfamiliar faces is, thankfully, broken up by a familiar face here and there - he spots dejun’s cousin, xuxi, clearly dressed to impress, across the room. then, taeil, who he’s exceptionally surprised to see - he didn’t know he had any interest in performing. even so, he takes the seat beside him with a friendly smile, quiet greeting, and then leaves him be, wondering whether he’s as nervous as guanheng himself is.
he should probably be more in awe of the judges, he realises, as people gasp and exclaim in loud whispers when they’re revealed. he’s probably not paid enough attention to the industry to be intimidated, as it seems many other people are, but then he supposes that might be to his advantage - if he’s not already terrified of them, he’s less likely to mess up.
time passes, and people perform - a girl called heejin does well, in his opinion - a fellow guitar player, so he already both likes her, and sees her as competition, though more so in a lighthearted kind of way. he makes a mental note to keep an eye out for her later on, before his attention is pulled right back to worrying about his own performance.
it feels like forever, yet no time at all before his own name is called - he thinks by baek jiyoung, though he’s so unfamiliar with the ceo’s that it takes him a couple seconds to be sure that it’s her and not katie lee. he takes a deep, shaky breath, his guitar already pulled from it’s case, and with it hung across his body he makes his way to the stage.
it’s a little difficult to bow with his guitar hanging in front of him, but he makes it work, smiling a small smile at the judges. “hi, i’m huang guanheng, i’m 21, and i’ll be singing for you today. thank you.” he speaks into the mic, set up on a stand, and then takes a step back, hanging his head to prepare himself for a moment.
then, with the first few plucks and strums of the strings he sways a little, working his way into the song.
can you hear my heartbeat?
i've got a feeling
it's never too late
i close my eyes and see myself
how my dreams will come true
it’s a slow start, and he knows it’s probably a well known song after yuri on ice became such a huge things a few years back, so he tries his hardest todo it justice, knowing it holds a special place in many people’s hearts (his included). he picked the second verse to start on, rather than the first, because he liked how there was more variation to the well-known tune; the higher note on ‘see myself’ for example.
there'll be no more darkness
when you believe in yourself
you are unstoppable
where your destiny lies
dancing on the blades
you set my heart on fire
the next part has a nice, but clear build-up, just as it should do. his fingers easily strum the notes, though his hands are mainly on autopilot, having played the song so many times before that it’s merely muscle memory now. he’s able to focus on his voice this way, not that he needs to - singing the song is it’s own kind of autopilot.
singing, though, he knows, takes more concentration - because you can’t just sing, you’ve got to put emotion in, make the audience feel it.
don't stop us now,
the moment of truth
we were born to make history
we'll make it happen
we'll turn it around
yes, we were born to make history
this part, in guanheng’s opinion, is probably the prettiest part of the song, not only because the music almost raises goosebumps on his arms, but because he likes the way determination fills the lyrics. he likes the message this song sends; he hopes it makes him out to be a little more confident than he really is.
the chorus repeats, and his body moves, almost bounces to the music, a determined smirk gracing his lips (though forced there, past his reluctantly accepting barrier of nerves), trying to put on as much of a show as he possibly can.
we were born to make history
we were born to make history
yes, we were born to make
history
then, as he nears the end, that determined phrase, trying to drill it into people that he is a history maker, repeats. the affirmative statement of yes, we were born to make history is something he wants people to keep thinking after his performance, if not for him, then maybe for themselves - it could very well be an anthem for every contestant there. it’s we and not i for a reason.
he drags out that last ‘history’, then stills, hands letting the last note ring out, before he drops them and breaks into a somewhat nervous looking smile. he bows, thanks the judges for watching him again, and then scurries off the stage and back to his seat, clutching at his guitar as though it would keep him grounded.
though it was scary, he notes again, performing really is amazing. no wonder he’s still chasing that dream of performing somehow, in some way.
taeil is a peculiar friend, if guanheng’s being honest. not that taeil himself is particularly peculiar, though he’s interesting, just the way they became friends, to many people, might seem strange. they’d met through instagram - one of them followed the other (guanheng can’t quite remember who, though) and the other followed back, and it all went from there. guanheng liked taeil’s unique photography style, and after talking to him a bit, realised he’s a pretty funny guy. so, being in the same city, after not having been to begin with, guanheng had thought it only right they move their friendship to the offline world.
they’d hung out a few times since guanheng had got to seoul, most notably around halloween, enjoying the rides at lotte world together. since then guanheng’s korean had improved enough to have simple conversations, so hanging out was a lot easier. not having google translate and some time to respond to things in real life, as he had had online, had made this offline friendship a little challenging for a while, but guanheng, being skilled with languages, had managed to learn enough to communicate somewhat well now.
so, they’d decided to wander to a nice cafe together through a park lit with fairy lights in all the trees and then past some little stalls selling steaming street food, to finally get to the tiny cafe. guanheng thought it would provide a nice route to chat, and possibly grab something warm to eat.
“so, how’s the... macro photography going?” he’s not entirely sure if he got the name of it right, since he tried to learn how to say it in korean, but wasn’t entirely sure if he’d gotten it right or not.
Are rules meant to be broken or are they supposed to be followed?
Ever since his first hook up, which was during high school, Kyungsoo’s made rules for himself. They were straight forward and relatively easy to follow at the time, meant to keep him out of trouble. Hooking up was, after all, supposed to be a fun experience, not a stressful one.
Moon Taeil, however, managed to make him break one of the rules when they remained in contact after the deed. Kyungsoo was discreet about his hookups and was keen to maintain his perfect schoolboy image. Becoming friends with benefits with someone, especially a guy, was a risk to his reputation and one he wasn’t willing to take...until a few months ago. Taeil was accommodating to Kyungsoo’s need for secrecy and made it clear their relationship had no strings attached. It was a nice change to have someone he could just call whenever needs came up instead of having to search for somebody new.
It was still early but Kyungsoo’s bio clock prevented him from ever sleeping in. Judging by the fact that there was an arm around his shoulder, he could only guess Taeil stayed the night. “Sorry, I must have passed out right after.” He was not in the best mental state after the exams and insomnia made it extra hard to make it through the day. “I’ll make it up to you. Breakfast?” He felt around the bedside table for his glasses. Taeil was a good cook but Kyungsoo was feeling slightly guilty and there was just the right amount of ingredients left in his fridge for some omelets.
“Thanks for coming, by the way.” Really short notice, too. Kyungsoo might miss this after their eventual split. Sad, but it will happen someday. He didn’t know what Taeil’s plans were but Kyungsoo’s parents were definitely hoping for grandkids. “Can you check your side, can’t find my glasses.” Could have knocked it under the bed or something.
if you couldn't date taeyong, would you date someone else? if so, who?
“i’m assuming you mean, if he didn’t exist? or… we didn’t love one another anymore? because breaking up doesn’t mean i’d date anyone else. if we love one another, we’ll be together. even unofficially.” ( ‘ – there’s a distinct crinkle in his nose at the thought that he would date anyone else, simply due to restrictions out of their control. their contract said they couldn’t date, and they were doing so anyway. he wouldn’t date someone else if their companies made them break up. they barely saw one another due to their schedules, some could see that at not ‘dating’, if they wanted. but yuta continued to love taeyong, and that was what made them, together. ) “if we go with one of those scenarios. then, yeah, i’d date someone else. younghyun would be fun to try, even if it’s a horrible idea. taeil was good when we were together, i think i’d get to experiment a lot with him. jungwoo is cute, so i wonder what he’d be like to date. he’d be romantic, wouldn’t he? maybe youngjae, but i feel like he’d hit me if he knew that. maybe if doyoung wasn’t straight, he’d make a cute boyfriend as well. i think i could fluster him, easily.” ( ‘ – he chuckles at how many he could name, but then shrugs his shoulders. dating was something you did out of curiousity and want, more than affection from his point of view. he didn’t know if they would ever amount to what he had with taeyong; he didn’t think they would. ) “as for girls? rose and wendy would be the only ones i think i’d consider. i feel like rose would be chill as a girlfriend, but i also don’t my friends exes or current.. whatever younghyun and rose are, and wendy would be someone that i think would be different enough that it’d be fun while it lasted.”
That looked disgusting, whatever that is Sungjae doesn’t really want to taste it, not at all. This was Taeil’s idea, when Sungjae said he had never even heard of whatever an ice-cream is before then Taeil suggested to take him out to try it. In the beginning he had actually been close to what might seem like… excited? Or at least curious, somewhat that kind of emotion, something which Sungjae rarely ever is, so this had been a special case, but… now that he sees what ice-cream actually is he kind of just wants to go home. Maybe he should’ve guesses it in the name ‘ice cream’, but… it sounded like something delicious not… a cold thing that will melt over your fingers and end up on your clothes, at least that’s what it seems like from the kids beside them.
He looks at the older, would it be rude if he asked to go home, if he asked if they should just buy something else? This thing doesn’t look healthy, it looks like it’ll ruin Sungjae’s diet, will father get mad if he figures out about this, will he? “Hyung…” he starts his sentence off with, still not having finished thinking about what to say, “maybe…”. “Maybe…” he looks at the kids beside them again, this isn’t a good idea, this isn’t a good idea, this isn’t—
“won’t this be too expensive? I don’t know if I have the money for this hyung”, and so that’s what he ends up spitting out, son of billionaire tells he doesn’t have enough money for ice cream, eh.
