kamaʻāina

swallow me up and feel it. it’s been in your stomach for a while: cherry bomb. you don’t know when it’ll e x p l o d e, popping your head like kingsman chip. no fireman, this is fireworks, cherries in the sky high !

[rkdoyoung]

iankim 🧢

[rkdoyoung]

♕ ✦ —  misinformed.

[rkdoyoung]

rksungmin‌:

Sungmin simply nodded in response to his friend’s question. It was strange to think about how many times they seem to coincidentally run into each other. The last time they had met had been months ago while both were out and about. Perhaps that’s just how Sungmin’s life worked. He had been met with a lot of random and coincidental encounters and experiences over the past few months. He had come to accept that life was full of surprises long ago and training alongside his old friend just happened to be one of those surprises.

❝ Er, sometime in November, ❞ he replied, trying to think back that far. ❝ I think it was around the last day or two of auditions. ❞ Sungmin definitely feels that had they both known about the others audition or had met by chance during auditions then it probably would have made both more comfortable. Still, he was glad to see Doyoung now. When Doyoung informed him of his audition time he nodded. ❝ Ah damn. Then we weren’t at the same time. ❞ He let out a chuckle at the other’s comment. ❝ It’s possible. They found me at a Halloween event dressed as Fred from Scooby-Doo so I mean, ❞ he shrugged to end his own sentence. What a weird time to be scouted. ❝ A few of our group were scouted actually. Yena included. ❞ He smiled proudly at the mention of his sister.

Going along with Doyoung’s joke was actually somewhat enjoyable after a stressful few weeks. ❝ I guess it does. Hmm. ❞ He raised a finger to playfully point at the other. ❝ Be careful what you wish for. You may be a few months older but I’m more evil. ❞ He smirked at his own joke. ❝ And to you too, sunbae, ❞ he stressed the last word with another playful smirk. ❝ Let’s hopefully debut together. Could you imagine? ❞

“ah, we auditioned around the same time then!” he says thoughtfully. it isn’t really clear during what part of november sungmin had auditioned in, but it seemed they were close enough to have possibly seen each other. he wonders how different it would have been if they had, if sungmin would have been able to help him see what he really wanted out of everything, or if he would have reminded him where he actually wanted to be. but he supposes it’s no use wondering about it now; what’s done is done, and he has the present and the future to think about now. 

“wait, shit, for real?” he asked, unable to keep himself from laughing out loud. he thought it was strange being casted from instagram, but he thinks sungmin wins with this one. “that’s amazing, dude. did yena get cast somewhere, too?”

“ah, come on, cut it with the sunbae shit,” he says with a laugh, knowing full well he’d been the one to start it. it’s typical of him to do something like that, and he’s sure sungming understands, considering how they’ve been friends for so long, even if they don’t see each other that often. “i don’t think the country would be able to handle the both of us debuting together,” he says, waggling his brows at his friend. “it’s too much talent and charisma for them.”

[rkdoyoung]

rkdoyoung‌:

hello mari here again, this time with rkdoyoung’s dream concept!! he’s going to be doing ooh la la la by the exos!! he’ll be taking kyungsoo’s part, and the rest are up for grabs!! gonna consolidate it a bit since there are a lot of members, so just pick with part you’d like!!

OOH LA LA LA by EXO ( ref / line dist. )

BAEKHYUN/XIUMIN ( open ) SEHUN/CHANYEOL ( sungyeol @rksxngyeol​ ) CHEN ( open ) KYUNGSOO ( doyoung @rkdoyoung ) SUHO/KAI ( open )

[rkdoyoung]

♕ ✦ —  been a while.

[rkdoyoung]

danielxrk‌:

daniel’s instinct is to lie, thanks to his history doing so, but he’s out of practice, and doesn’t want to be that person anymore. as such, he just kind of stands there like a bumbling idiot, entirely clueless on how to proceed. does he just tell him he doesn’t remember him? does he ask–

oh no, he knows he doesn’t remember him. did they really actually meet, or is this guy messing with him? no, surely that’s just paranoia. nobody would be cruel enough to make a joke like that and drag it on even when daniel is clearly uncomfortable. it’s just his anxiety. that means his memory is lacking, then, despite historically having a pretty good memory. “i’m sorry…” he quietly apologizes, still confused more than anything.

what an unfortunate situation. he can tell the other trainee is embarrassed now, too, putting both of them on the spot and making the very air awkward. what a way to start out a training relationship, in which they’ll inevitably see a lot of each other. 

the guy says where they met, and that would make sense. daniel’s mouth opens into a tiny o of realization, and he nods. he’s been to an obscene amount of church retreats, so it would make a little more sense why he would’ve forgotten, especially if they didn’t speak much while they were there. does he play along now, and pretend he remembers him to preserve their dignity? no, it doesn’t feel right. the angel on his shoulder wins in the end. “i’m sorry,” he says again. “i’ve been to a lot of church retreats. which one was it?” he has faith he’ll remember with a little more background information.

oh man. it’s hard to hold back the incredulous expression that threatens to form on his face once he realizes that his desperate attempt to keep the gag going has somehow worked. he only manages to keep it all by biting down on his lower lip, willing his features to make it look like he’s even more embarrassed by the fact that daniel still doesn’t recognize him even after that tidbit of information.

he’s starting to feel a bit sorry for the guy, in all honestly, emphasis on the bit. it’s not enough for him to stop trying to mess with him, of course, because he’s an asshole and daniel is an unfortunate victim in all of this.

he has to admit, though, he’s a little impressed with the guy’s integrity. it would have been so easy for daniel to lie right back at him, to pretend like he knows what doyoung is talking about even though he, himself, has made it all up, but the fact that he’s sticking to the truth paints a good impression of him, which is more than he can say for the impression doyoung’s going to make once he reveals that he’s been messing around this whole time. for now, though, he’s not quite satisfied with letting it end now, especially after pulling off that lie earlier. he just has to see how far he can take this.

“oh, i can’t really remember any specifics,” he says, because he really can’t because it never even happened in the first place. “there were so many.” this time it’s a little more difficult, to provide details to his first lie, but he really wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t try. he’s really reaching into the depths of his memory now; he can’t even remember the last time he’s stepped into a church, let alone been on a retreat. “it was one of those week long fellowship retreats, i think, at some camp.”

[rkdoyoung]

hello mari here again, this time with rkdoyoung’s dream concept!! he’s going to be doing ooh la la la by the exos!! he’ll be taking kyungsoo’s part, and the rest are up for grabs!! gonna consolidate it a bit since there are a lot of members, so just pick with part you’d like!!

OOH LA LA LA by EXO ( ref / line dist. )

BAEKHYUN/XIUMIN ( open ) SEHUN/CHANYEOL ( sungyeol @rksxngyeol ) CHEN ( open ) KYUNGSOO ( doyoung @rkdoyoung ) SUHO/KAI ( open )

[rkdoyoung]

♕ ✦ —  weekenders.

[rkdoyoung]

rkxtaeyeon‌:

the brow raised at doyoung suggesting to hang out or something, she was finding it amusing how quickly covered his tracks on not making it sound that he was asking her out trying not to giggle at her junior. minhee is all about becoming closer to her fellow trainees she remembers the time when a group of them use to visit the norebang yet sadly majority left or debuted now so there are no karaoke sphere nights anymore even the un(official) group chat is dead majority of the time. it would be nice if she was able to rebuild that with the new trainees at least the hazing tradition is still alive ( barely though ). give the boy his dues he is trying his best it was mildly impressive since it is usually minhee trying to lure people spend time with her. 

“okay-” she said while doing ok sign with her fingers with a friendly smile, she really didn’t have nothing else to do besides it would be good fun. there was something she did wonder yet she accidentally spoke her thoughts out loud, “are you even old enough for beers? you do look quite young~” she was only speaking what she believes to be true since he is her junior too so it could always possible, let be honest she is one of the oldest trainees under sphere entertainment everyone was sphere baby to her. “I didn’t mean any offense…it just a general question. I’m old compared to the majority of the trainees here- There was a time when I was called the noona making jokes comparing me to the godfather which was pretty amusing”  she added as that wouldn’t be a good start offending the poor kid who only shows her respect. 

to say the least, he’s surprised by quickly she’d agreed to hang out with him. he hadn’t expected her to say yes at all, let alone to do it so fast. it’s not that he thinks she seemed distant or cruel in any way, it’s just that it had been sudden, a spur of the moment thing, really, and while is known to have his bouts of spontaneity (just now a testament to that), even he doubts he would have said yes so easily. nevertheless, he’s glad that she’s so receptive to it, because he honestly wouldn’t have known what to do had she said no---probably leave it at that and ask her again next time. “yes! i knew you’d say that!” he says, lying through his teeth though he’s grinning, giving her two thumbs up to drive the point home. “you seemed like a chill person, someone who knows what a cool person i am and wouldn’t pass up the chance.”

he laughs at his own lame joke, shaking it off with his hands to indicate that he i, indeed, joking. but then she pops an unexpected question at him, and he’s doubled over now in laughter, grabbing at his stomach as the sounds peal from his lips. he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t heard that before, but it had caught him so off guard, especially after being the one to ask her to go for beers in the first place, that he can’t help but find the situation funny. “don’t worry about it, i wasn’t offended at all,” he says, heaving a satisfied sigh. “but yeah, i’m of age, no worries. i’m not carrying around a fake id or anything.” he listens to her anecdote, quirking his head to one side. “godfather, huh?” he asks, chuckling quietly. “but you still seem like a noona making jokes to me! do you mind if i call you that instead?”

[juyeonrk]

NEW FACES.

[rkdoyoung]

rksae‌:

✰ ╎ @rkdoyoung​ ;

saerom had always been one for change, she had always been open to new experiences and opportunities, eager to jump and meet them. it hadn’t ever really bothered her, not until more recently. it’s become increasingly difficult to walk the halls of sphere and no longer see all of the regular, friendly faces of her fellow trainees she’s become so accustomed to seeing. it really goes to show that this idol dream isn’t everything it’s made out to be. it’s so easy to get hopeful and attached to people and things and ideas, but they’re taken from you within the blink of an eye. sphere girls’ numbers had dwindled down to merely saerom and minhee, and things only started to look up when jihyo and sua joined them. so that made her feel a little better, but it didn’t make the longing for what they all had go away. you lose some, you win some.

she walks down the hallways of sphere without a spring in her step now, but she knows that it’s not going to help anyone being sad or negative. it’s probably for the best in the end, right? she keeps herself focused on this month’s evaluation, making sure she does her best in her parts and ensures that the team morale is always high. but it’s a little hard given the rumors floating about. in typical saerom fashion, she turns the corner a little too quickly without looking where she’s going and boop, into someone she goes. saerom stumbles back a little, startled by the sudden collision, but she doesn’t recognize who it is that she stacked into. she shakes her head, brushing her hair back out of her face, glancing at the new face.

“oh god, i’m so sorry! i wasn’t looking uh…” saerom winces, throwing herself into a bow. she looks up through gritted teeth. “you didn’t drop anything? did you hit your head? are you okay?” 

just when he thought he’d gotten used to all the winding hallways that look exactly the same, he manages to turn one wrong corner and finds himself completely lost. it’s as if he’s entered another dimension, a different timeline, and it makes his head spin because he swears he’s seen that exact light bulb before but he can’t be sure he isn’t making things up anymore. he’s sure he’ll find his way eventually, but it’s really giving him a trip, causing him to be distracted as he races around corners, turns back, returns, walks down the same hallway more than once in an effort to find his bearings once again. he recalls the advice he’d gotten once before about following one wall until he finds the exit, but that had been during a corn maze on halloween and he’s not sure that applies in a building like this.

turns out the universe has plans for him, or at least has changed it now after seeing him circle back for the nth time because as he stares at that same flickering lightbulb above him, he ends up being crashed into by another trainee. his hands reach out to try and stabilize her just in case she’s on the way down from the impact, but she seems okay, so he refrains from holding on. her face is familiar, he’s seen her around, but he can’t recall her name, and it bothers him, fact probably evident by the way he furrows his brow, one eye nearly closing as he tries to use every last brain cell to recall even on syllable, but it’s to no avail. at least he knows she’s a sunbae, so he returns the bow, even deeper, head practically touching his knees.

“yeah, no, i’m good,” he says, shaking his head as he waves off her concerns with his hands. “how about you, though? you good? you were goin’ pretty fast there. what’s the rush?”

[rkdoyoung]

                                                ✧ ✧ ✧  ━━━━━━━  FEBRUARY 2020 EVALUATIONS   GROUP PERFORMANCE w/ @danielxrk & @yuzurk & @rksungmin & @rkxskm—                          ♫  HIP by MAMAMOO

the day of the evaluations falls on a leap year, and while doyoung isn't exactly superstitious, he can't help but feel like the dates gives him a bit of good luck, so he walks into the room with his head held up high, oozing confidence, a bright smile on his face as he greets his fellow group mates.

admittedly, he hasn't gotten to know them quite as well as he'd wanted in the first day they'd all gotten together to practice, but with that track record for how long idols train before debuting, he figures he's got lots of time to get to know them. (if he thinks about it, he should have known this would happen, given how he is with the friends he already has---he's working on it, he swears!)

with no instrument to worry about, he makes his way to the microphone, unattaching it from the stand. it feels familiar, reminding him of from before he got signed and used to busk every weekend. it's only been a few months since he got signed, but it all feels like so long ago.

it also reminds him of the uncertainty he'd felt back then, of the hesitation he had when signing, and how he'd felt like he might be taking someone else's place.

some things have changed since then. no, he's still not entirely sure he'd want to debut in an idol group, still doesn't think the idol life is for him, but he doesn't feel as strongly against it now when he things about it, when he thinks about the possibility of debuting with the other boys in the company, the boys he's slowly coming to befriend.

in any case, he does see how well they could work together, when they do evaluations like these, with everyone playing a part and doing it well, displaying their skills and doing so proudly. hell, he's even enjoying himself as he sings his lines, often along with daniel, their voices coming together melodically along with the sound of all the instruments.

as the song finishes up, he wonders if, by the end of his contract or if he gets offered a chance to debut, he'll have warmed up enough to the idea to sign his name again on the dotted line with confidence. only time will tell. for now, he's satisfied with these monthly evaluations, allowing him to expand his horizons.

[rkdoyoung]

✧ PREPARING FOR…FEBRUARY 2020 EVALUATIONS ! 📍 SPHERE ENTERTAINMENT, ITAEWON

doyoung is grateful to have met daniel. doyoung is grateful that daniel has invited him to perform with him for the month’s evaluations. doyoung is grateful that daniel has taken it upon himself to arrange this band cover that they are doing because it means he doesn’t have to deal with it himself, because for what he thinks he makes up for in vocal ability, he lacks in creativity.

and it’s not that he doesn’t know how to do those things, or that he doesn’t want to do those things, it’s more like he doesn’t want to do those things right now, because as much as he has the desire to learn, right now, those skills are subpar, and he’d rather not show that off to the company when he’s only been signed for a few months.

call it a strategic omission.

instead, he finds a place among all the others where he feels comfortable the most---singing. sure, he could have offered to play a second guitar, or maybe tried his hand at something new, but in a group, he’d rather stand out for the talents he already has than to fall by the wayside doing something he’s only average in.

besides the benefit of not having to do something for which he lacks the confidence, he’s also grateful that he gets to meet all these new people with their own talents and their own skills, not as a background for him, but as a means to form a cohesive, competent, skilled unit. he may be what people call a lead singer for the temporary group, but it’s not solely his performance, it’s theirs, and they all shine.

and maybe, just maybe he’s not as averse to this whole idol thing as he thought.

[donhyuck]

boy in the crowd

[rkdoyoung]

♕ ✦ —  in plain sight.

[rkdoyoung]

rktaeyxng‌:

taeyong does his best to learn every single sphere trainee’s name – it’s been a while since he’s signed with the company, and he just feels as though that this is something that seems so small that would make a great impact on someone who’s navigating through this big, new, and honestly scary world. he knows that if he was new, he would appreciate it if people at least knew his name – never mind the fact that he was being called taeyang for the first few weeks he was in sphere. it was all in good fun, anyway.

of course, with convex promotions revving up and his schedule starting to get tighter, he has less time to actually practice what he preaches. with his brain trying to focus on a million things at once, it’s harder to sit down and ask people what the names of the trainees are – he’s just trying to be a good sunbae, but he also has little time to do so.

nonetheless, he goes about his business – he has to, obviously, but there’s just something in the back of his mind that berates him for not learning who’s new here at sphere. he just has a certain… feeling that he should’ve really done this the past new trainee cycle.

so when doyoung suddenly appears before him, taeyong has little time to process – he starts to laugh, then he returns the bow. “look who it is – i knew i had a feeling something was different around here.” he pokes doyoung in the chest playfully, shaking his head. “how long were you planning on dragging this out?”

he rises from his extremely formal and exaggerated ninety degree bow with an impish grin on his face, teeth bared and laugh accompanying. “it’s about fucking time, man!” he blurts out, dropping all pretenses of formal speech and unfamiliarity, too familiar with the man in front of him despite not having spoken in quite some time---understandable, in taeyong’s case, not quite so much in doyoung’s, but those who are closest to him expect that of him anyway. (and he’s trying to fix that part of himself, he swears!)

“yeah, i’m the new fitness coach around here,” he says, running his fingers through his hair as he tries to keep a straight face. considering the pain in his knee that’s been popping up at night recently, and the fact that he can barely keep up during gym hour on the weekends, him as the fitness coach should be considered a crime, and it probably very likely is one.

“i was trying to drag it out for as long as it took you to notice,” he says of the question asked of him, a laugh following after as he shook his head. “but it was taking you too long. you know, i think we might have even passed each other in the hallway a few days ago.” he then puts on a feigned pained expression, clutching at his chest as he lets out a sigh. “but you’ve grown too famous for me now. forgetting all about the little people.”

he grins, letting his arm fall back down to his sides. “nah, i’m playing,” he admits, reaching out to slap the other lightly on the arm. “you look pretty cool on that stage, man. you know, idol shit has never really been my thing, but, man, you shine. almost makes me wish i was part of your group so i could ride your coattails.”

[rkdoyoung]

♕ ✦ —  misinformed.

[rkdoyoung]

rksungmin‌:

No amount of chance meetings could ever get him over just how casual and chill his friendship with Doyoung was. Both males were very busy and were horrible at keeping in touch with people. Sungmin was thankful that despite their lack of contact, the two could still hold their friendship with no ill-feelings. It was always as if nothing had happened. They weren’t really close, but they were friends, and Sungmin was relieved to see a familiar face within the company.

He wondered how and when Doyoung got signed since he didn’t remember seeing him the time he had auditioned. Of course, his signing was by pure chance and had almost not happened had his sister not bugged him to go to the event. How he had actually gotten in considering his song choice was still beyond him. None of that mattered anymore since he was now a trainee, and apparently so was his long-time friend. He only hummed in response to the other’s question, despite his initial question being silly.

❝ Ah, I see, ❞ he replied, following along with his friend. ❝ There’s nothing wrong with cleaning. ❞ He smirked playfully. He leaned against the wall of the practice room casually. Of course, he knew the other was playing and he enjoyed how easy it was for them to slip into their usual relationship. At least now being signed to the same company the two could talk more. ❝ Nah, I’m a plumber here. Gotta keep the pipes clean, y’now? ❞ He chuckled. ❝ A few weeks? So not that long before me then. Nice. Congrats, man! ❞

“wait, really?” he asks, quirking his head to one side. it seemed like they’d gotten signed within the same time frame, and he wonders if they’d even managed to audition on the same day, but had just missed each other back then. it probably would have helped with his nerves and self-confidence if a familiar face had been there, even if they weren’t exactly close friends, but he supposes it worked out in the end anyway, when they’re both standing in the sphere practice room together. 

“when did you audition? would have been wild if we were here on the same day but at different times,” he says with a laugh. he’s struggling to remember the exact day he’d come to sphere with all of his uncertainty (uncertainty that still lingers to this day, despite signing a contract for two whole years), but he at least remembers a good enough time frame. “i auditioned sometime in the first week of november. they called me back a week later to tell me the results.” he chuckles again, remember why they had contacted him int he first place. “they asked me through instagram to come audition. not even through a performance, but one of my posts. guess i’m just too handsome, huh?”

sungmin picks up on the joke quickly, and he’s glad for that. it’s probably yet another reason they’re able to remain friends after all this time. “wow, that means i’m your senior custodian then,” he says, keeping up the gag, nudging the other with a waggle of his brows. “guess you gotta start calling me sunbae and start getting me bread from the cafeteria and shit.” he laughs at the thought of it, shaking it off with a shake of his head. “congrats to you, too! even though you’re my competition now...” he pauses, narrowing his eyes at the other in jest. “let’s both do well!”

[rkdoyoung]

iankim get you a man who can take good staged candid photos 🤪

[rkdoyoung]

♕ ✦ —  weekenders.

[rkdoyoung]

rkxminhee‌:

training every day doing the same old routine brings minhee comfort as she likes knowing where she needs to be and what to do at all times. it is never boring despite its the same old thing since she was always learning and improving on something plus every month there is an interesting evaluation which challenges the trainees too. on top of that, the weekends there was more time for her to work on other things like her youtube and due to the only posting one cover a month plus not doing the live streaming no more she had a lot more free time on her hands which she never know what to do with. the squad has been busy with their own affairs so they haven’t had one of those gatherings in a while so end up hanging out whoever summons her presence at the weekends acting like a normal human girl, not some workaholic trainee. 

as min hee made her way out of the sphere building she heard an unfamiliar voice call out her name she turned her head to see one of another sphere trainee which she really hasn’t spoken much with. she listens to his command standing for a moment so the other could catch up with her this was very unexpected and curious about what the younger trainee would want with her. “mhm? I have no idea where I’m headed…I don’t have any plans today- I don’t need to do any filming or editing today plus my other friends seem to be preoccupied with something. So I’m very much free right now…Doyeon? Boyoung? Doyoung? It’s Doyoung right?” she really needs to work on memorizing the other trainee’s names but there are so many after all. 

he purses his lips, a feeble attempt to keep from laughing out loud at the fact that she had to try three times to remember his name correctly, but it barely works for all of a half second before there’s laughter spilling from his lips. “it’s doyoung,” he affirms, nodding his head as his laughter dies down. he supposes that’s his own fault, for not reaching out sooner, for slacking in getting to know more of his fellow trainees. he doesn’t know much about minhee other than that she’s been at sphere much longer than he as, and thus is owed her due respect. as far as he’s concerned, anyone who willingly stays at to a place like this for more than two years should be given a medal. then again, he’s still not even sure what he’s doing here in the first place; for all he knows, she could be enjoying every second she spends here.

“since you havven’t got anything planned, i was wondering if you’d maybe want to hang out or something,” he says, sincerely hoping it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to hit on her or something. just in case, he adds, “you know, get to know your junior, for camaraderie and all that.” he grins, hoping that it helps his case a little more. he’s really still teeming with energy, and he’d hate to just go home for the evening and waste it. “we could go get a bite to eat or see a movie, or maybe grab a couple of beers,” he says, throwing out some suggestions, hoping one of them sticks, and for the final nail on the coffin, he throws in his final pitch. “it’ll be on me!”

[chrxsrk]

◸ pack up

[rkdoyoung]

chrxsrk‌:

“oh come on, dude, that would be terrifying.“ a shudder goes down chris’s spine at the thought of the companies being able to control the weather. he can only imagine what literal hell they could be put through if that was possible. as if just dancing for 12 hours wasn’t enough.. he looks over at doyoung once he pauses, squinting at him for a short second before he hears the rest of the statement. it makes him sigh dramatically and sink in his seat “can you like.. not?“

chris nods his head, he feels lucky his mother bought him the car. he never talks about money and stuff, he is lucky to be in a rather rich family, but it was impossible to not get spoiled, being the only child. “dude, really? what classic car tho, it really depends.” he asks, looking at doyoung with raised brows. it wasn’t everyday people talked about cars with him. this was new and interesting, plus, doyoung and him were trainees now, right? they’d get to know each other sooner or later. with a raised brow, a laugh soon leaver chris as he shrugs, reaching for the wheel and the gear stick, ready to set off “you never know, you never know. we’re already in the deep end, its sink or swim now. i plan on swimming.”

he bursts into laughter, glad that the he’s not the only one terrified at the thought of evil and powerful overlords in the form of coaches and trainers, and at the fact that their next marathon dance evaluation could come at any second. hell, they could walk into the sphere building tomorrow and be told to march right back out and continue on what they had done today. “i’m just sayin,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. it definitely could be worse, but that doesn’t mean it’s not bad now. it makes him ponder his decision to give this a shot, but he’s not quite at the point of regretting it quite yet. “makes you wonder why we even signed on for this torture, huh?”

he props his seat back up, looking out the window back at the place they’d just been dancing for twelve hours straight. it’s kind of sad that it’ll forever be associated with this day and pain, but maybe in the future it’ll be a fond memory. he turns back to look at chris when he asks a question, and a grin spreads on his face. “definitely a muscle car. something from the 60′s, like a gto or a mustang.” his eyes light up at the prospect of getting his hands on one of them, but he’s snapped out of his daydream because chris’ metaphor hits a little too close too home. he knows too much about sinking or swimming---literally---and he knows exactly what it takes to keep afloat. “yeah, man. just like dory says, just keep swimming.”

[rkdoyoung]

@rkjibeom:

✉ ; ian 바보  → hyung !!!! happy birthday  → i didn’t get you a present lmao → but i sent some money to your account so go wild → don’t worry, i got the money bc i entered a dance contest lol

( outgoing ! ) ➝ 제일 좋아하는 생 jasper

↪ wah!!! thank you! ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ ↪ that’s okay all i need is your love 🥰 ↪ 헉!! shouldn’t it be the other way around? i should be giving you money ㅠ ↪ then how about we meet for lunch? my treat! ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ ↪ wait!! you won a dance contest? that’s amazing, i’m so proud, congratulations!!

[rkdoyoung]

✧ ✧ ✧  ━━━━━━━  JANUARY 2020 EVALUATIONS                                  GROUP PERFORMANCE —                                          POISON by VAV

performing in a group is completely new to him.

from the second he’d stepped foot back on korean soil with the ambition of becoming a singer, he’d always imagined himself as a soloist under some small, indie company, but after years of no success and the sphere audition suddenly falling into his lap through an instagram post of all things, who was he to say no, ignoring all the signs?

the idea of becoming an idol was so far removed from him that training to become one now is still sort of surreal. hearing stories of people training for years and still never getting anywhere, of those who have debuted who were now struggling with either privacy issues or lack of exposure, it all sounded so difficult, and still wasn’t even sure if it was something he wanted in the long run, even after signing away his life to the company for two years.

despite his current apprehensions, he still wanted to perform well, if not for himself, then for those whose spot he’s potentially taking up on the trainee roster, and that meant getting used to things he never thought he’d do. last month it was the idea of having to promote a product he may or may not even trust or believe in, this month, it’s acting as one unit in a team.

the day of the performance comes fast, weeks condensing into what feels like only a couple of days. they’ve practiced day in and day out, and by the time the actual evaluation comes around, he can’t help but feel like he’s formed a closer bond with them, and whether that’s because of all the time they’ve spent together, or because of that one night he spent rubbing muscle salve into their skin, he isn’t able to tell, but he’s grateful for it nonetheless, because it makes it easier to focus on the group aspect the company is asking for.

he’s a seasoned dancer, a seasoned performer, but not a seasoned group member, and while he does feel a bit more of camaraderie between them all, his rookie status still shows when he’s unable mesh quite as well as he’d wanted with the others, his few months of training a stark contrast to some of the others who have been training longer.

it seems he still has a long way to go, but he doesn’t let it get him down. that just means he has to work even harder to get there, and he’s never backed down from hard work.