work keeps her distracted. it might be mundane-- the type where bringing the superiors’ coffee without spilling it is the true highlight of one’s day-- but mundane happens to be the most effective in keeping her personal thoughts occupied. when joohyun was focused on making sure the boss’s caramel macchiato had exactly two-and-half shots of expresso and not three, she didn’t have to worry about things like paying next month’s rent, or the current workplace gossip, or that convex was here in the first floor dressing rooms.
no, she didn’t need to worry about that at all. at least, not until the macchiato is delivered to her boss and the latter gives her a new task without even pausing to take a sip of the warm drink. “we got some boxed lunches to deliver to the convex dressing room,” the woman tells joohyun in a brisk tone. with a tablet eternally attached to one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, kim soeun was a remarkably sharp woman who had been supervising idol accommodations at mbc for years. “ask one of the other girls to help you and remember: don’t talk to the idols unless something is requested.” a meaningful stare bores into the younger girl until joohyun nods, professionalism lining every inch of her fragile body as she heads over to where the boxes labeled ‘convex’ are stacked. just hearing the group’s name causes joohyun to pause, to remember yixing’s soft voice in her ear and the way his warm arms felt as they’d wrapped around her last. he’d come to visit joohyun months ago but, ever since then, work had consumed both of them entirely. it was just the way of the world-- there was no one to blame for it.
and so, the former trainee joohyun finds herself carrying the lunch boxes to the dressing area with all the dignity of a low-paid but earnest intern. she does her best not to make a fuss, to enter into the place and organize everything on a side table promptly, but, there’s one part of joohyun -- that rebellious, curious side of the otherwise quiet girl -- that can’t resist sneaking a glance over to where the noisy boys are collected. her gaze is pulled along an invisible string to land where yixing is and joohyun exhales quietly at the sight. a soft, unconscious smile blossoms on her face. he looked just as well as she remembered.
↪ use a discolourant. they’re cheap at 7-eleven. run it at the warmest heat cycle.
↪ give your mother my regards.
[ txt ⇾ ✭jinki 오빠 ]
⇾ ♥︎♥︎ the hero the world doesn’t deserve. least of all me.
⇾ you sound so busy... message deleted!
⇾ i will! she likes to hear about you.
⇾ she has trouble falling asleep & so i tell her all the trouble i caused you back at the apartment as bedtime stories.
⇾ she thinks i’m hopeless too >.<
⇾ how’s um... living with the others?
(text: Secret Chi-Chi Lover) I missed you! message deleted
(text: Secret Chi-Chi Lover) Unnie! Hi!
(text: Secret Chi-Chi Lover) I saw that! I’m so proud of her!
(text: Secret Chi-Chi Lover) It’s the same as ever, really…
(text: Secret Chi-Chi Lover) I had to move back home, so that’s where I am now
(text: Secret Chi-Chi Lover) Enough about that… how are you? How is your mom?
[ txt; seul ]
» i am, too. it doesn’t seem like two years when we were all together on stage.
» the same huh :< no news about debut?
» ah, right... since the boys had to move out...
» i’m sorry it was me message deleted!
» she’s doing better. the doc says she’ll make a recovery in a few weeks if she takes it easy.
» i miss you message deleted!
» i hate it here message deleted!
» i want to go back message deleted!
» it’s good hearing from you again
he wished it made him feel better in the long run but everything still feels as if it’s in limbo and he knows he has to see her to remedy this. he has to see with his own two eyes that she’s okay, to find out if she’s still his hudie or if she’s moving on completely from her previous life. hesitant taps against the door precede a cautious hello and he’s leaning close to the peephole, wondering if she’s on the other side, if the distance could really be so little between them. “i know it’s late but… i wanted to give you something.”
tw: implied depression; health issues
for many, ‘home’ carries the same peaceful promise as an oasis -- a mysterious, far-off dream that whispers encouragement for those who are lost to come and rest for awhile. the trouble is, for those with no real ‘home’ anymore, no such comforting dream could exist for them. chorong loved her mother but this ‘home’ was one no longer, not since she’d signed the contract with sphere and severed the strings holding her to the oft messy, empty apartment. when she grew up there, chorong had always been alone and hadn’t minded it, however now, after having tasted the happiness of seulgi’s laughter and jinki’s ever-constant, loving teasing-- being alone was a form of poison. a prison, far more than an oasis.
this last month had been hell on earth. chorong missed seulgi terribly, missed her friends, missed the peaceful state of not feeling guilt continually clawing at her insides. tears were her constant companion now, hidden behind closed doors and only when her mother was fast asleep to not hear them. chorong was a good daughter, in the past and now, but never (if she were ever honestly asked) could she call herself happy. when yixing calls her -- with a warm baritone that reminds chorong that home can be a person, too -- she nearly breaks down then and there. hand clutching the mobile in a white-knuckled grip, she indulges in the sound of a friend who hasn’t let her go completely. she tells him her address and leaves the rest up to fate, to busy lives that keep them separated and her focus solely on rebuilding a life she knows she doesn’t want.
presently, his inquiry is met with a slow undoing of the lock. mindful of the time and the neighbors, chorong is careful with everything she does: twisting the doorknob noiselessly and opening the wooden panel with the silent ease of practice. chorong’s a ghost-- pale, gaunt with the toll these last few weeks have taken on her, and with two dark eyes that glitter in the dim entryway. upon seeing yixing in the flesh, she flicks on the light and opens the door wider to let him in. “come then,” she murmurs in a soft voice. “mama’s asleep in the back so we won’t bother her.” the front of the apartment is pristine, minus the basket of washed clothes that have yet to be folded and put away. chorong takes the basket off the table’s surface and sets it momentarily aside on the floor before gesturing for yixing to sit down with her.
(SMS: Baechu unnie <3) Unnie! Can you come home? The toilet is clogged! What do I do? My family isn’t answering!!! HELP!
Once she hit send, she realized that sounded like she had clogged the toilet and that wasn’t exactly the impression she wanted to give on their first Valentine’s Day date, but the little “SENT” confirmation proved she was too late to change it. This being the case, she flopped back on the couch and whined at her own dumb luck, hoping the other would be there soon.
tw: super duper lesbian gay
joohyun couldn’t ignore what holiday today was even if she'd wanted to. if it weren’t for the decorated signs on the subway and the skyscrapers in the city proclaiming ‘fall in love!’ at every opportunity, then it was the shop fronts with their large valentine displays and chocolate sales that announced this day of love. even the halls of sphere weren’t immune; everywhere she turned, joohyun was faced with lovestruck trainees raining expectant eyes on one another.
and for the first time, in a long time, she didn’t hate this day.
when joohyun’s phone buzzes, a warm smile curls on her lips when she sees the name of the sender. naturally, seulgi had been on her mind all day. her little love. her annoying bear. despite not planning on anything for today (valentines day traditions were weird when there were two girls), there was a large part of joohyun that did want to express herself the way all the other girls did for this holiday. the question, of course, was how.
[ txt; ♥ seul ]
» looks like you already did something 8(
» i’m on the train already so i should be home in 10 or so. just wait there and don’t touch anything.
» don’t. touch. anything!
an annoyed sigh leaves her as joohyun sends the reply. nearby passengers look up curiously, but joohyun steadfastly ignores them as she tucks the phone back into her pocket. the last thing she wanted to be doing on a romantic day like today was fixing a toilet but that was just her luck. her clumsy seulgi never really could fight her accident-prone nature. joohyun stares out the window and keeps to herself until the train brings her back into the correct station. having gone out of town to see her mother earlier, joohyun knew she’d have the rest of the night to spend with seulgi if she got home soon enough. she catches a taxi outside the station and heads directly for their place, excitement brimming inside her. clogged toilet or no, the thought of seeing seulgi on valentines day suddenly made joohyun the happiest girl in the entire world.
she arrives to their door a little later than expected-- 20 instead of 10-- but that doesn’t dim joohyun’s enthusiasm as she fits the key into the door and opens it. “seulgi-ya! you didn’t break anything else, did you?” she calls out from the entrance.
he’s already said goodbye to his mom and that was hard, she was already helping him pack meals and what not, but this was difficult on another level. moving in with them was his independence - was it too late? maybe, but it was a start for him. now he’s leaving them and oh god, now he’s crying. hard.
“i’m.. i can’t do this.”
it looks good on him, is her first thought. joohyun had believed the cut of the peacoat would suit him -- with his long hair, he was rather like a prince who only needed the high-end robe to match his elegant aura. she watches him caress the fabric and joohyun sighs softly in approval for one’s present already being so well-worn by its recipient. she’s happy, too. his hand curls around hers and joohyun returns the light squeeze with one of her own.
she hums lightly as jinki takes his time speaking. there’s infinite patience in her to wait for him and there’s no need to rush a tender moment such as this. she waits, and listens, and parts her lips in a silent sound of surprise as he commandeers both her hands. in that instant, joohyun knows this is serious. she longs to wipe the tears from his cheeks but the girl is held immobile, her heart pounding furiously as she anticipates his next words.
“...” at first, joohyun doesn’t know how to respond. ever since hearing about the boys’ impeding debut, it had crossed her mind that this would be an inevitable separation, however, knowing it and being faced with it actually happening were two things entirely. this was real-- this meant jinki would be gone. he wouldn’t be here with them anymore. with her.
joohyun chokes up. not because the sight and sound of jinki sobbing causes a sharp pain to strike her heart, but because she realizes finally what all of this will mean. later, much later, she might be happy to have a home alone with seulgi that’s just the two of them, but for now, jinki is so intricately woven throughout her normal life that being without him seems too painful, too empty, for her to be okay with. she prides herself on self-control but joohyun is hurt. jinki had been with her since the very beginning: he’d auditioned with her, endured the pressure and pain of competition with her, had been the first to suggest moving in together, had been her ride back and forth from the company, had been her confidant and always made sure she was eating right; he was everything to her.
without thinking, joohyun yanks her hands out of his grasp and throws her arms around jinki’s shoulders. as the girl hugs him tightly, she breathes in the smell of the new coat she’d given him, the fragrance triggering a sense of her wanting to burst into tears at any moment. “oppa... i c-can’t cook...” she whines in his shoulder, her voice raspy with the oncoming sob building up in her throat. “i don’t-- i don’t know how to... how to...” joohyun trails off into silence and she squeezes her eyes tightly shut.
everything was going to change.
“i see, well… thank you for introducing yourself to me! i appreciate it.” the fact that she had caught joohyun’s eye had her blush a little. so she really wasn’t blending into the background. hm. “i think i’m holding up pretty well, if i’m being honest. still, everything intrigues me and i’m doing my best to stay on top of everything.” juyeon purses her lips, looking around her. “my cousin is a trainee at nova, and he well, i hear about trainee life a little bit.”
joohyun stares at the other unabashedly, taking in juyeon’s lovely rose cheeks and finding herself wondering if there is something more than shyness present. maybe just a trick of her imagination? it would be wonderful to find another like herself ( who preferred the companionship of girls in all ways ) but joohyun is sadly well-aware that that kind of preference is one better shrouded in secrecy. it’s not her business to ask, as curious as she might be, and so joohyun simply chooses not to. “that’s good to hear.” she murmurs instead, twining her fingers around the end of her dark tresses. “nova, hm? i’ve heard they’re strict there.” sphere couldn’t necessarily be called ‘laid-back’ a company for all the schedules their ceo managed to procure for them but joohyun assumed, in comparison to the rumors she’s heard from others, that other companies’ regiments might just be torture. sphere valued their trainees developing themselves as creative artists; she wasn’t so sure elsewhere was the same.
“did you always want to come to sphere?” for joohyun it had been the only option since the moment she’d decided what she’d wanted to do with her life. her university courses were coming to a close soon and joohyun reflects on who she was just a year ago: an aspiring songwriter who’d wanted to be in sphere in whatever capacity-- behind the scenes or in front of it. not everyone held similar aspirations, however, and that fascinates the rapper more than anything else.
Swallowing back her worries, Seulgi leaned in and captured the older girl’s lips again quickly. Deliberately. No thought was paid to the mistletoe above, there was going to be no excuse for this one. It was a kiss with a meaning behind it. After a moment, she pulled back, ever so slightly, her forehead coming to rest against Joohyun’s, her heart threatening to burst from her chest, waiting for the other’s reaction, had she gone too far?
logically, one would think that time speeding up while also slowing down at the same time is an impossible paradox; to joohyun, it just happens. her heartbeat already pounds from her own impulsive gesture, so when seulgi looks up to meet her eyes and comes closer of her own volition for a second kiss, joohyun feels the breath rip out of her very body. for so long they’d been on the edge of teasing flirtation, a ‘some’ that never crossed the line into something so very real until now. truthfully, joohyun is too shocked to process seulgi’s kiss right away. it just crosses her mind that for the first time there’s no real hindrance here, no way to excuse the kiss such as an intoxication, or a fear of haunted houses, or a spur of the moment feverish sickness. not even a blasted mistletoe tradition.
seulgi had kissed her back. joohyun’s dark eyelashes flutter over a sudden-worried gaze. it’s a major step for the two of them and one she’s still not sure is real, or if seulgi truly has made up her mind. joohyun hadn’t even confessed. “seulgi-ah...” joohyun’s voice is a mere thread of sound as she struggles to join her scattered thoughts together. she’s flushed from shoulders to cheeks, the pink hue conveying the very heated blood joohyun feels coursing through her veins. “you know i... i like you, right?” this wasn’t at all how joohyun pictured confessing her feelings to seulgi but somehow, with the pretty girl in her arms and giving her hope for more, could there be a better occasion to jump all in? “i... like you.”
doing it now comes with more risks. they’re both public trainees because of the samsung commercials and he has his image to think of, not for himself, but for convex but he’d do it all over again if he had to. looking at her now, he hopes he doesn’t have to but if ever she falls, he’ll be there. “i’m moving in,” he jokes, bringing a suitcase out to the forefront, setting it between them with traces of a playful grin on his lips. “open it,” he encourages her, the wrapped record hidden behind his back, waiting to be revealed. “merry belated christmas, hudie.”
the only thing of quality joohyun can ever claim to make is a hot beverage. with the winter season being so frigid, it’s only natural that she invites yixing over to her place to keep themselves out of the chilly weather, both outside and in, when the rehearsal studios never seem to be consistent with heating. that, and it’s rare that they get a chance to be together without a dozen curious eyes watching them. joohyun brings a steaming mug out of the kitchen for yixing, only to check herself with surprise at the suitcase’s appearance. her lips part in a shocked expression, half-believing in the male’s sincerity, before realizing his christmas greeting prefaces the joke. ( not that she’d mind living with him, she thinks. yixing would probably take very good care of her. )
“for me?” joohyun gingerly sets the mug down on the coffee table before outstretching her hands for the suitcase. the exterior is a beautiful sleek color, already to her taste, and what’s inside makes the quiet girl gasp aloud with real pleasure. “i haven’t seen one of these in... ages...” not since her mother had a record player back when joohyun was a child. the little girl had always been fascinated by the needle that could summon such crystal clear music from a black disc. to her, it’d been like magic. “it’s incredible. i love it.” she sets it on the table and sinks down onto her knees to inspect it more intently. curious fingers caress the shape of the player and joohyun marvels in awe about it-- like a treasure taken right out of history. “how did you find this, 신사 ?”
truthfully, getting to this stage had been messier than usual. joohyun’s been a trainee at sphere for only a year and a half but she suspects this kind of thing happens more often than she’s experienced; wasn’t it to be expected that there’d be a multitude of changes whenever trainees came and went from the company often at a moment’s notice? nothing was ever set in stone the day an evaluation was announced.
maybe, joohyun had just been fortunate to avoid it up until now. on top of dancing rehearsals -- her own personal hell -- were the fluctuating changes to the parts that meant relearning new verses and harmonies with every new switch-up. not that she minded, but joohyun now getting to sing for these performances instead of rapping certainly was a step out of her own habitual expectations. when had the coaches noticed her singing had slowly been improving? or did they notice at all? joohyun doesn’t ask the question; she already knows the answer sits evenly split on the line between: “yes, joohyun we know you can sing, too” and “no, you just sing better than some others.” she doesn’t think any of them have cared about her before this. she isn’t so arrogant as to assume they do now.
still, she does miss the rapping. while, undoubtedly, it’s a good challenge for her to sing for these songs, joohyun can’t help but feel lost hearing someone else rap the verses that were originally meant for her. she has to learn to share, but the perfectionist part of her inwardly criticizes what she can’t perform herself. joohyun longs to help the others out but she can’t, and the girl forces herself on concentrate on what she is meant to be doing. if she wanted to be taken seriously as an artist and not as an idol stuck in one mold, this was probably the best opportunity that could have come knocking on her door. she’ll have to endure it.
joohyun gets into the costume for the first performance, a dress that’s as cute and as light-hearted as the very opposite of her current mood: bleak and serious. aegyo is not her thing, everyone already knows it’s not her thing, and yet how many times has joohyun forced herself to smile and look adorable for the sake of the fans in the crowd? luna had been practical with her advice during rehearsals: ‘these are the men who buy our albums’ and the shrewd side of joohyun appreciated the other’s heavy dose of reality. even though joohyun hated acting cute because of the insincere quality, using it for the benefit of the entire group stoked her altruistic ( and paradoxically, manipulative ) side.
she’d do anything for the group to succeed. for herself to succeed.
and that’s why it’s with a faux, sweet expression that she finally gets on stage with the others. the night air is absolutely freezing and joohyun feels physically in pain to have to keep the smile on her face when her entire body begins to shiver from the chill. the stage lights only help a little, unfortunately. their heat doesn’t do nearly enough. it’s the one time joohyun is grateful for the constant dancing movements that keep her lithe body active and warm. one doesn’t feel the cold as much if they’re distracted and she forces herself to concentrate on achieving just that as the first song goes on.
all the girls, really, are just lovely. joohyun rarely would say it aloud but she thinks about it often, and again now, as she watches the others step forward for their solo parts. jinri’s voice is ripe and beautiful, matching exactly the peachy cuteness of the singer’s features; minhee’s charismatic charm is enviable and, in truth, joohyun idolizes this quality the most out of all the other girls; seulgi is seulgi, all slim limbs and elegant grace when she dances -- the exact opposite of joohyun; luna is her mentor, a tough girl with a cool style to make every woman out in the crowd surely crush on her; and finally, rachel and juyeon who were new to the scene but not unobserved by joohyun throughout this mercurial process. both were dancers like seulgi but also had other things to offer to round out their little group out perfectly. each girl was perfect to joohyun’s eyes but she keeps this a secret, only letting the honey materialize in her eyes when they’re up on stage together. far more than aegyo, this appreciation for the people surrounding her is what softens joohyun’s expression as she sings and smiles for the audience. this is what is sincere to her.
slim fingers clad in white gloves curl around the paper cup of cocoa. the beverage is warm to the touch and joohyun is glad for it, inhaling in the steamy aroma of chocolate through her nose and absorbing the heat through her hands greedily. being around people generally sucked, in her opinion, but somehow the crowd didn’t seem as oppressive as usual when joohyun wanders through them to find a quiet seat near the skating rink. she doesn’t doubt the cause for it: indisputably, hot cocoa makes everything better. once seated, she sips at the steaming liquid carefully and observes those who attend the festival around her.
as much as the girl wants to relax, joohyun can’t help think of everything on her plate there’s left to do. not only were lessons and rehearsals filling almost every hour of her schedule, but she still needed to go gift shopping and also decorate the apartment with seulgi, and also figure out her plans for christmas. and also, when to sleep. joohyun sighs inaudibly, the silent ‘huff’ from her lips leaving a little cloud in the air. when did christmas turn into a wonderful celebration as a kid into one that stressed her out more than any other holiday?
she takes a deeper sip of the chocolate before closing her eyes briefly. these stolen moments of alone time were rarer to get these days and, unfortunately, were likely get rarer still. but wasn’t that the cost of getting to do what she loved? joohyun couldn’t be ungrateful, even if it irritated her to not call her time her own anymore. the vibration of her phone against her hip jolts joohyun out of her reverie and she retrieves the mobile out of her jeans pocket. jinki had left her a text -- always caring, that one -- and joohyun thinks of yixing, too, whose gift she needed to buy also before she left today. after cracking his phone before ( for reasons she adamantly stood by as a just cause for doing so ) she definitely owed him an expensive gift this year.
joohyun’s thumb swipes over the text screen until she locates seulgi’s info. they were supposed to meet today and joohyun wonders about the girl, wondering if seulgi’s already gotten lost on the way here, or if she’s even arrived yet after they parted ways after rehearsal. just a simple agreement to ‘meet up’ had been vague at the time and joohyun regrets not having the foresight to be clearer earlier. any second she could spend with seulgi alone is precious and here she was, sitting down solo and wasting it.
[ txt; ♥ seul ]
» are you here yet? i’m waiting by the rink, on the left side!
» hurry up- it’s cold! 8(
he placed the present down onto her lap and sat down beside her. his hands slid back into his hair to tie up the back of his hair into a small bun. an anxious quality. he was worried if she didn’t like it.
“i know you’re an amazing song writer. i can only hope this helps you, joohyun-ah. merry belated christmas.”
“keep it? they’ll need all the fluff they can get, i think.”
joohyun fingers card through the soft down of donkatsu’s fur as she speaks. she tosses the chow a pretend-critical gaze at the same time she shamelessly uses jinki’s question as an excuse to pet the little furball as much as she wants. similar to his owner, donkatsu’s need for affection manifested in a very open way and joohyun couldn’t help but respond kindly to it. little by little, the rapper was getting better at returning that which she so generously received -- but, unfortunately, it was still slow progress. she did like to hope, though, that jinki could sense her feelings towards him more than he could before. she cherished him; thought of him as a companion she didn’t want to live without.
the perfume of honeysuckle, her favorite fragrance, teases joohyun’s nose upon his return. her eyes widen in surprise to see the gifts -- two of them, at that -- as jinki rests them on her lap. “oppa...” she’s meticulous about opening the wrapping paper and undoes the tape and the sides as gently as she can in order to preserve the wrapping. this pales in comparison, of course, as soon as she realizes what each gift contains.
“oppa... they’re perfect.” the misty tears in her eyes appear unbidden as she whispers his name. joohyun doesn’t believe she deserves him, this kind soul who nurtures her not only as a person and friend, but also as a fellow artist in this music world they love. her hands caress the sampler and notebook as if both are made of the most precious glass. “i love them. so, so much.” she raises her face and bends on jinki a teary, utterly beautiful smile. “merry christmas.”
she carefully places both presents on the table before clumsily getting to her feet. “wait here, okay?” the command comes out a little rougher than intended but joohyun’s embarrassed, and shy, as she quickly retreats towards her own bedroom. their celebration as roommates had been delayed because of this month’s constant work but joohyun hadn’t forgotten to buy her own gift for her beloved friend. she retrieves the gift bag ( not enough time meant a bag had been the only option, sadly ) from inside her closet and brings it back out to jinki. inside is a warm, hooded winter coat she thought would suit him.
“here,” she mutters shyly. “because you don’t... have fur like, um... donkatsu and katsu.”
With one last semi-careful lunge on her tiptoes, she gets the sprig where she wants it and with the older’s guidance starts making her way down from the footstool. “There, that’s all set!” One foot touches down and before she can make her way fully down, she loses her balance, slightly stumbling towards Joohyun, she doesn’t fall, but ends up with her arms around the older’s neck, a bit too close, perhaps, with a shocked expression on her face, having ended up right in the very arms that were holding her upright. “T-Thanks, unnie…”
she’s shocked, to say the least. joohyun’s not expecting the other to lose her balance and, worse, for seulgi to suddenly collapse a good part of her weight onto joohyun’s fragile shoulders. but then again, who ever expects such things to happen? surely not the same fate that brings seulgi’s face much too close to joohyun’s own when the latter braces her in her arms. “h-hey... for being a dancer... you’re not really graceful, seul.” she mumbles in reply. but far from being a criticism, the words are teasing and accompanied along with joohyun’s warm smile. ( it’s hard to be mad when she’s got an armful of seulgi. ) “are you sure you didn’t do it on purpose?”
joohyun glances upwards at the sprig of mistletoe hanging just above their heads. it’s such a silly tradition that it’s unbelievable that joohyun even considers it. however... what a wonderful opportunity to take advantage of. the older girl meets seulgi’s shocked eyes and impulsively leans her head in closer. seulgi’s lips look soft and tempting, and it’s all too easy for joohyun to close the distance between them in a matter of moments. a light kiss -- a simple press of her lips to the younger’s has joohyun’s heart fluttering madly. it only lasts for a second, just enough for joohyun to memorize the loveliness of tasting seulgi for the first time, before joohyun pulls away with a coy flutter of her eyelashes. “... you’re welcome.”
tangentwithtanner
jbbartram-illu
jacobvanloon
annaxmalina
theartofmadeline
