Roadkill Guy

Take your ex out! One shot oughta do it. Just fooling, let me know if you see something that needs to be cleaned up

[roadside-delivery]

Hello! This will be a Lester roleplay blog. I will do my best to remain in character, but I may stray occasionally in service of being funny. Responses will be formatted differently, depending on how asks are sent.

You may send whatever sort of asks and messages you wish, but I reserve the right to ignore you if it's something I'm uncomfortable writing, which isn't much. NSFW is allowed, so minors, please do not interact.

This is meant to take place around 2010, the same timeline as @symptomofaffect

If anyone wants a more long-term 1on1 roleplay, please dm me I want to write for Lester so badly.

[roadside-delivery]

Lester, how does it feel to be the most attractive Sinclair? (I don't care what Bo says, you're way cuter than he is) 🎤

-🦴🌹

"Well now, that's... uh.. that's a very sweet thing to say... I've gotta say, I ain't really, uh, considered that..." He's blushing slightly, eyes looking away from both you and the microphone. "Can't say I mind you thinkin' so, though. It's a very sweet thing for you to say." He takes the microphone from your hand, then flips it around, holding it up for you. "How bout you answer how ih'feels to be the cutes' person I've seen today?"

[roadside-delivery]

hi lesles ! ! ♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡ i found this ram skull n thought ud like it hehe ₍₍⚞(˶>ᗜ<˶)⚟⁾⁾

"Ya'thought correctly, that one's in almos' perfect condition, it don't even look bleached." He takes the skull from your hands, being surprisingly delicate with it. He inspects it for a moment, moving it around to get a look at all angles. "Real beauty you've got here... though, I do have'ta ask, why's it got bows?"

[afantasiiy]

oops . . sorry（´∇｀''） it was on my shelf n i thought id b cute w bows n everything . . honestly i think it makes the skull special hehe ! !

u can take them off if u want tho (｡ᵕ ◞ _◟)

[roadside-delivery]

"Nah, don'do that. You're right, makes this one special. Pro'lly makes him feel pretty too." He hands the skull back to you, a smile on his face. "Almos' as pretty as you, I'm guessin."

[roadside-delivery]

hi lesles ! ! ♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡ i found this ram skull n thought ud like it hehe ₍₍⚞(˶>ᗜ<˶)⚟⁾⁾

"Ya'thought correctly, that one's in almos' perfect condition, it don't even look bleached." He takes the skull from your hands, being surprisingly delicate with it. He inspects it for a moment, moving it around to get a look at all angles. "Real beauty you've got here... though, I do have'ta ask, why's it got bows?"

[cheshires-wonderland]

Roadkill

That was the word I’ve been looking for

Dead on the side of the road

Hit and mutilated by a car of some kind

The poor possum’s insides on the outside

I wonder how it happened, and what next

Did the driver feel sad? Did they even notice?

And what of the car, it’s cold unfeeling frame

Do you think it would even care?

Do you think it would even care

To be in your shoes to see what you see

To do what you do, all the way down there

Do you really think the rich will feel bad?

For selling your life without consent, then turning around and swearing they won’t do it again

Or for killing the planet they choose to exploit

I wonder if they’d feel remorse when the anger reaches them.

And If our anger ever reaches them…

Will it even matter?

Will it even matter when I’m gone

What I’ve seen and what I’ve done?

Who I’ve become and who I will be

Will anyone remember me or my name?

Or will I be abandoned by history

Left behind like trash when I die

Like a possum, on the side of a road.

What was that word again? Oh right.

Roadkill.

[roadside-delivery]

did you really have to slime out that deer :(

I don't kill anything, unless i find it dying. Their glazed eyes looking up at you in so much pain, begging to be put out of their misery

So I do it. People should be more careful when they drive, there's too much roadkill nowadays. If they could just slow down, there wouldn't be nearly as many dead deer.

[roadside-delivery]

Lester I found this really cute looking mummified frog in my backyard and I wanted to give it to you thought you might like him!

Also another thing! What's your opinion on boiled peanuts? You seem like the type of guy that can really appreciate a good boiled peanut.

I'm sure he's a cute little bugger. Shame he died, but at least his body ended up interesting. Always fun to find the dried ones. Makes them look like something ancient. You could try putting him in a display box, if you wanted to keep him safe.

As for boiled peanuts, I can't say I've had them often. Don't see them when I'm at work, and if I'm hitting a gas station for a meal, I gravitate toward cold food, since it's so hot out.

When I do get them, I like them well enough. Not my favorite food, but I'd pick them over plenty of other snacks.

[roadside-delivery]

hii mr lester !!! ur knife was rlly cool :) can u tell me more abt ur favorites ?

Well, you see, that depends on what you're doing. I'll start by saying if you just wanna look cool, get yourself a balisong and learn some tricks. Those things are fun as hell. For work, I lean toward a Bowie. Mine's got an 8-inch blade and a copper guard, so I don't slit my hand clean open. They'll cut through anything if you take care of them. They'll get the hide off, but if you plan to cape whatever you've got, you need something with more precision, like a filet knife. If you're just cooking, get a good chef's knife and take care of it. It'll do everything you need. If you're breaking down anything big, you'll need something to saw bone too. I've got one, but I've probably gotta replace the blade soon, since I've sharpened it so much. If I go any farther, it won't have teeth, and a saw won't do shit without teeth. That's just, well, that's just a knife. I make my own too. Taught myself how to cold forge when I was a kid; I always had a knack for it. I'll carve the handles too, but I don't make them fancy like some people. A knife don't need a fancy handle to look pretty.

Of course, there are specialty knives too, and they all do well at one thing, but if you want to spend your money wisely? Get a good Bowie, a good saw, and a chef's knife. That's all you need.

But, you'll hear it first from me, special knives can be fun. One of my favorites is a bayonet.

They're kinda useless nowadays, aside from the knife part. I don't even have a gun it'll attach to. But damn, is it pretty. It's also a Bowie, and it's got some teeth too, plus a wire cutter in the sheath, but the track tends to get gunked up, so I don't use it much. Pretty sure it's Soviet, but I don't know its history. Got it from an old guy in my hometown when he passed. I'll send a picture of it, since that one's probably the prettiest I own.

(OOC, please look up your state/providence's laws before getting any of these, especially balisongs, as they are illegal in many places. If you still want one, a trainer is cheap and just as fun, without the risk.)

[afantasiiy]

woaaa :0 thats so cool ! ! whats ur favorite meat ? n do u save the hide for hats or blankets ? (,,⟡o⟡,,)

[roadside-delivery]

My favorite meat's gotta be turkey, though I don't get it often. It's pretty rare to find along the road. Same with tofu. Love that stuff, but it's pricy.

And yeah, I do tend to save hide when I can. It's useful for all sorts of things. Makes good blankets, decorations, bowstrings, glue, clothes, and all sorts of things. I tend to cure mine natural. Set up a fire, tan it with brains, that sort of thing. I've used proper formulas before, but I prefer not using them.

[afantasiiy]

ooooo (⸝⸝✰ ᗜ ✰⸝⸝⸝) can u make me a blanket ? hehe (,,> ᴗ <,,) i can gift u back w sum oddities i have ! ! like - uhhh . . i have a rat skull !

[roadside-delivery]

Yeah, I could, but I'd say hide makes a better sheet than a blanket. Makes your bed all nice and fluffy, depending on what you use. I'd take that trade though; it's hard to find rat skulls round here, since we usually just shoot them. Depending on what I can find, I can make you a nice bed cover out of rabbit. They're my favorite fur to use.

[roadside-delivery]

[Thank you for this blog! It's great and its what we needed!!]

(OOC: I'm glad you like it! This comment really means so much, because I often get insecure about how accurate my writing is. Feel free to leave whatever sort of asks for Lester you want! I'll just be over here smiling all night)

[roadside-delivery]

Hey! How do you feel about Urbex?

Would you take me on a date to an abandoned building?

Would you pick somewhere you specifically have historical knowledge of?

I wanna B&E with you baby boy 🥹

Would I go on a date to an abandoned building? I suppose so, if the girl I was taking had the same inclination. I've always thought it was nice to see buildings being taken back by nature. I'd take her somewhere close to me, there's a few examples I could think of, or somewhere not. But I'd be going on my own first, to check for squatters and such. Getting chased by a crackhead doesn't make for a good date.

I'd probably research some things. Fun facts, you know?

As for with you, well, I don't know you very well, now do I? You can call me baby all you want, that don't mean you'll get me saying it back.

Oh, and for safety's sake, I'd be packing more heat than a knife, and let's leave it there.

[roadside-delivery]

hii mr lester !!! ur knife was rlly cool :) can u tell me more abt ur favorites ?

Well, you see, that depends on what you're doing. I'll start by saying if you just wanna look cool, get yourself a balisong and learn some tricks. Those things are fun as hell. For work, I lean toward a Bowie. Mine's got an 8-inch blade and a copper guard, so I don't slit my hand clean open. They'll cut through anything if you take care of them. They'll get the hide off, but if you plan to cape whatever you've got, you need something with more precision, like a filet knife. If you're just cooking, get a good chef's knife and take care of it. It'll do everything you need. If you're breaking down anything big, you'll need something to saw bone too. I've got one, but I've probably gotta replace the blade soon, since I've sharpened it so much. If I go any farther, it won't have teeth, and a saw won't do shit without teeth. That's just, well, that's just a knife. I make my own too. Taught myself how to cold forge when I was a kid; I always had a knack for it. I'll carve the handles too, but I don't make them fancy like some people. A knife don't need a fancy handle to look pretty.

Of course, there are specialty knives too, and they all do well at one thing, but if you want to spend your money wisely? Get a good Bowie, a good saw, and a chef's knife. That's all you need.

But, you'll hear it first from me, special knives can be fun. One of my favorites is a bayonet.

They're kinda useless nowadays, aside from the knife part. I don't even have a gun it'll attach to. But damn, is it pretty. It's also a Bowie, and it's got some teeth too, plus a wire cutter in the sheath, but the track tends to get gunked up, so I don't use it much. Pretty sure it's Soviet, but I don't know its history. Got it from an old guy in my hometown when he passed. I'll send a picture of it, since that one's probably the prettiest I own.

(OOC, please look up your state/providence's laws before getting any of these, especially balisongs, as they are illegal in many places. If you still want one, a trainer is cheap and just as fun, without the risk.)

[afantasiiy]

woaaa :0 thats so cool ! ! whats ur favorite meat ? n do u save the hide for hats or blankets ? (,,⟡o⟡,,)

[roadside-delivery]

My favorite meat's gotta be turkey, though I don't get it often. It's pretty rare to find along the road. Same with tofu. Love that stuff, but it's pricy.

And yeah, I do tend to save hide when I can. It's useful for all sorts of things. Makes good blankets, decorations, bowstrings, glue, clothes, and all sorts of things. I tend to cure mine natural. Set up a fire, tan it with brains, that sort of thing. I've used proper formulas before, but I prefer not using them.

[roadside-delivery]

hii mr lester !!! ur knife was rlly cool :) can u tell me more abt ur favorites ?

Well, you see, that depends on what you're doing. I'll start by saying if you just wanna look cool, get yourself a balisong and learn some tricks. Those things are fun as hell. For work, I lean toward a Bowie. Mine's got an 8-inch blade and a copper guard, so I don't slit my hand clean open. They'll cut through anything if you take care of them. They'll get the hide off, but if you plan to cape whatever you've got, you need something with more precision, like a filet knife. If you're just cooking, get a good chef's knife and take care of it. It'll do everything you need. If you're breaking down anything big, you'll need something to saw bone too. I've got one, but I've probably gotta replace the blade soon, since I've sharpened it so much. If I go any farther, it won't have teeth, and a saw won't do shit without teeth. That's just, well, that's just a knife. I make my own too. Taught myself how to cold forge when I was a kid; I always had a knack for it. I'll carve the handles too, but I don't make them fancy like some people. A knife don't need a fancy handle to look pretty.

Of course, there are specialty knives too, and they all do well at one thing, but if you want to spend your money wisely? Get a good Bowie, a good saw, and a chef's knife. That's all you need.

But, you'll hear it first from me, special knives can be fun. One of my favorites is a bayonet.

They're kinda useless nowadays, aside from the knife part. I don't even have a gun it'll attach to. But damn, is it pretty. It's also a Bowie, and it's got some teeth too, plus a wire cutter in the sheath, but the track tends to get gunked up, so I don't use it much. Pretty sure it's Soviet, but I don't know its history. Got it from an old guy in my hometown when he passed. I'll send a picture of it, since that one's probably the prettiest I own.

(OOC, please look up your state/providence's laws before getting any of these, especially balisongs, as they are illegal in many places. If you still want one, a trainer is cheap and just as fun, without the risk.)

[centre-cannot-hold]

Louisiana Cypress Swamps

Bill Swindaman Photography