The few seconds of silence that settle before Robert speaks out seem like an eternity as her eyes, locked with his, awaits for any kind of reaction. Hopefully the good kind. She freezes into place when he laughs, torn between frowning and feeling mad, and sighing and smiling along. She could not blame him for being confused, she could understand him even. She had not been going into that direction at all, and for a long time. She had made him believe that that was not happening; they were not going to have a child together. But looking back now, she was realizing how that was not the truth. She was blinded by so much. Because in fact, there was nothing in the world, along with Robert and the children’s happiness, that she wanted more than to have a child with Robert. Staring back at him with a blank face, his laugh eventually ceases and transforms into a shocked, frozen face. As he sits up, her eyes follow his and she feels her throat tightening. That was the time where she had to explain, and she had no idea on where to begin. Looking down, she gulps, rubbing the interior of her thumb with her finger a few times. “I know I’ve made it clear… that I did not want to have a child anymore.” She pauses, struggling with finding the right way to say how she felt, at a loss for words. A heavy sigh leaves her lips and she shakes her head, her hands joined together before her mouth. “Look, the truth is, I’m scared.” Her head moves up as her hands fall on her lap, and her eyes meet with Robert’s again. She feels a lump in her throat, and the tears are at bay. “I just keep thinking, what if we have a baby, and I get sick again. Then why bringing a child into the world if it’s to leave him or her motherless, you know?” Her voice sounds shaky and tinted with a lot of emotion. Her head bends forward and she sighs once again, her voice softened into a mutter. “I mean after losing Kourtney, I watched Sophie and Jack, and I just, I could see it… I could see it being me.” Her eyes move up again, meeting with Robert’s again. “And I did not want to leave everything onto you.” She could feel the chills running through her entire body as she looked into his eyes and saw that same fear she had seen when he sat beside her in that room where they were announced that she had cancer. Her head bending again, she gulps. “But today, Sophie asked me to come into her room, and we talked. And she told me how she wants us to have a baby, and then I thought,” her eyes move up again, locking with Robert’s, “What right do I have to decide if a child deserves to live or not, regardless of my life? When he or she could have a sister, and a brother,” she stares at him, and her bottom lip trembles a little bit as she adds, “and you…?” She gulps, slightly shaking her head as so to take control of her emotions. “Our child would have a village of people, and I would and will do everything that I can to make sure that I can stick around for as long as I could, and should,” she begins, and though she did not want to go there, she had to, because there was a but. “But, if I cannot be,” she pauses, gulping, “our child will not be alone, as there will be plenty of people around to make sure he or she walks down the right path and becomes the best person he or she can be.” Her eyes locked with Robert’s, she stares at him for a moment, briefly growing quiet. A small smile forms on her face as she mutters, “And you are the only man I would ever want as the father of my child, that is for sure. So,” she takes a deep breath, gulps and nods her head once, straightening it up. “Let’s have a baby.”
