Ahoy Hoy

I’m Robin. 23 y/o | SW: 144 | CW: 121 | UGW: 99 | 5’2 I created this blog to separate my issues/feelings from my main blog. By no means am I trying to promote Anorexia, it’s more or less a huge vent session here while enabling my own bad habits. Stay safe guys. Please seek out recovery when possible.

[robinsrealization]

Whelp. I actually recovered for a while there and didn’t gain any weight?? Bless. But now I’m back because my boyfriend won’t stop talking about how much he loves my big thighs. & I had a dream I was pregnant and he touched my stomach and said “oh my god you are.”

It’s good to be home 🫠🫠🫠🫠

And like, it sucks too bc I was actually SLIGHTLY happy in my body. Two little insignificant comments spiraled me back here. Wtf.

[lordhelptheflies]

edblr really got me thinking 800 cals a day is a lot

[vanillamilkshakess]

me: *eats and then immediately weighs myself*

my weight: *increases*

me: ohh my ,, godd

[delta-for-change]

straight up. I’m so fucking tired of being fat. I’ve been wanting to be skinny for so fucking long, and yet I’m still just as pathetic as I was 5yrs ago. 

[evapricot]

my toxic trait is thinking that all the bad things happen because I'm fat

[khinnate]

A problem: *Appears in my life*

Me: Oh well, maybe it’s becaus-

ED: IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE FAT

[robinsrealization]

It started as just wanting to lose a few pounds, to prove to my coworker that I could be skinny. The rub it in his face for all times he body shamed me.

Then my “best friend” lost so much weight due to a gastric sleeve and would literally try to trigger my eating disorder by saying “you ate that much? I can’t even eat half of that..”

It was on and off, in and out of wanting to recover and wanting to prove them wrong. Then I met him. He likes skinny girls and I know he likes my body, but I need to be perfect for him. I want to be so skinny like all the girls he flirts with.

Finally, I’m at the point where I don’t care about it as much. I just want to control something in my life. I have control over my body and what i eat. My biggest motivator has always been spite and I keep those comments I’ve gotten over the years in the back of my mind. I’ll show them. I’ll be perfect for him. I’ll have some control over my unstable life. My body is my own and it’s gonna look how I want it to.

[robinsrealization]

I mean, I guess being an emotional wreck is helping me stay on track to being skinny. I can’t eat and when I do, I can’t keep it down.

[robinsrealization]

Does anyone else’s heart race when they’re fasting? I haven’t eaten in 2 days and my heart is beating out of my chest.

What do you guys do to calm it down ?

[robinsmentallyill]

the anorexic urge to stare at every skinny person that walks by

[robinsrealization]

All the girls he flirts with are so skinny their bones show. So guess who just got free thinspo.

[robinsrealization]

Maybe if people saw I was literally starving to death, then they’d give a shit about me.

I wish I was skinny so they’d finally care about me.

[robinsrealization]

I guess I’m still a clown for believing things were getting better between my boyfriend and I. For believing that I could recover, because I was finally starting to be happy.

Well. Back on track to becoming skinny and crying everyday because of him ig. I mean, at least I’ll be too sad to eat! Yay

[interruptedaisy]

literally the worst thing about having an ed is not losing weight

[robinsrealization]

Thank goodness all the men in my life disappoint me and make me so upset that I get physically ill. Then I can’t eat.

How else would I stay on track to my gw?

[robinsrealization]

This is gonna sound super bad, but I’m actually kind of happy to be with this toxic guy.

He makes me so upset and sick to my stomach that I can’t eat and it’s helping me get to my gw faster. Once I get there tho I’m dropping him lmao.

[robinsrealization]

I wonder how my face is gonna look after I finally get to my ugw. Will I have a defined jawline, prominent cheek bones, and bigger eyes?

I hope so. I bet I’d look so much nicer.