The cosmos

Infinite possibilities and you're stuck with me

[throwtime]

I’m about to have a fun afternoon.

So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.

She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.

This should make for an interesting story.

[throwtime]

So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.

Arrival:

So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”

Retrieval:

So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.

Delivery:

So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.

What a great day.

[impling]

I was thinking about this story for no reason and decided I should grace you all with it again.

[dduane]

Always reblog the Epics.

[starkid2464]

This- this is what hope punk means to me.

[baybelletrist]

Oh my god I’ve only ever seen this in screenshots before. *wipes tear*

So many “this is fake” comments. Who gives a fuck, it’s awesome.

[bettinalevyisdetermined]

[laikascomet]

(🍀 PREV) | (START)

READ AHEAD ON KOFI!

[toskarin]

Thoughts on Santa deniers?

I just don't know where else they think the presents could come from. the parents theory doesn't make sense if you apply even a little bit of scrutiny because mom and dad are asleep at night

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

a girl robot and a robotgirl:

these are synonymous; they mean the same thing

these are distinct; they mean two different things

these are partly-overlapping categories, neither identical nor exclusive

they are girlfriends (see results)

Voting ended onApr 1, 2025

[ozth]

in my mind it's like this

and yes of course they're girlfriends

[ozth]

drawing robotgirl is the best. don't wanna draw another hand?

cannon.

don't wanna draw a waist?

six axis articulated midriff.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

[savvygunner]

[violetnpurple]

LISTEN-

[bl6ckwoman]

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

[antiandrogen]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

father god 

[abrown16]

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

[antiandrogen]

[ethereal-sketches]

-_-’

(15+15=30

25+25=30)

[britteryikes]

25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

[laurdlannister-kingslayer]

Lord have mercy….

[kumasenpai]

Bye

[mf-johnson-deactivated20190605]

3 days into 2018 smh

[kwantsu]

LMAOOOOOOO

[effigyofubiquity-deactivated202]

[lizzysarai-deactivated20190109]

One

Three

Five

Nine

And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter ‘E’.

[britteryikes]

🗣YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

[thxrsdxy]

It keeps getting worse.

[e-wifey-deactivated20201128]

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

[ellsworthej]

[goldensweetcheeks-deactivated20]

My head hurts…

[skullprincess]

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

[drankinwatahmelin]

who failed yall?

[microtear-deactivated20181213]

IM SCREAMING

[lukestarkillerisgay]

[hey-hey-shutthefuckup-deactivat]

You whole ass forgot about eight - a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

[shaolinbynature]

why would 8 be brought up if it’s EVEN in a post about ODDS??????? the post said “every single ODD number has an ‘e’ in it” not “every single number with an ‘e’ is odd” what the fuck

[emma-d-klutz]

3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

[legowerewolf]

happy New year’s eve

[prguitarman]

I’m going to bring this flaming dumpster into 2019 so future generations can see what a mistake Tumblr was

[majitowfoxlover]

Er, guys two is odd and doesn’t have an e. Just saying…

[hurleyquinnzel]

did you deadass just try to tell me two is odd? i’m fucking crying throw the whole website away

[untitled42717]

Reblogging for the last one😂

[kitsumekat]

The one thing I notice is that no matter how much you want to throw this site away, you just can’t.

[alternative-memo-deactivated202]

TWO IS ODD?!?! PFFFTT I’M SCREAMING

[binkeljuice]

Wait what about zero that’s an odd number ,no?

[hurleyquinnzel]

[mysticalpoodle]

ok but hear me out fifty and thirty make up for the fact they have no e by the way they are pronounces third-E fifth-E

[im-an-aesthetic-mess]

bro why do 30 and 50 matter THEY’RE FUCKING EVEN

[fish-food-s]

what the actual fuck is happening

[dickplinko]

1 is an even number

[link-the-feral-anon]

I’m gonna smack you

[insert-gay-pun-queer]

-30 and -50 have an e in them

[kurlyfryz]

Wait why are we so quick to throw away the Zero idea

[anachronistic-cat]

Zero isn’t a number

[kurlyfryz]

It can’t be divided by two though, can it

[toaster-120]

It can??? 0/2=0??

[kurlyfryz]

[baconaxolotl101]

OD NUMBERS

onE

thrEE

fivE

sEvEn

ninE

[batsdotjpg]

OD numbers huh?

[the-kleptomancer]

Anything that ends with a 0,2,4,6,8 is even and the rest is odd (1,3,7,9) stop freaking out y’all

[batsdotjpg]

YOU FORGOT 5

[ozzypawsbone-princeofbarkness]

DUDE WHAT ABOUT FOUR

[batsdotjpg]

What about it?????

[ozzypawsbone-princeofbarkness]

THAT DOESN’T HAVE E IN IT

[batsdotjpg]

THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S EVEN?????

[frogseyy]

A R E Y O U G U Y S O K A Y

[biggest-goldiest-fish]

IM FUCKIN SOBBING HAVAGAFDHFDHHBJJ

[dannydanoninoo]

I’m honestly so confused right now

[sophfandoms53]

[youmaycallmeyourhighness]

This is the height of our stupidity, It has to be or future generations cannot exist

[bakugou-klancey-lance]

ZERO IS BOTH ODD AND EVEN 

[stardoesthings-deactivated20191]

Technically zero isn’t even a number

[claytonical]

what even is zero then

[stardoesthings-deactivated20191]

It’s similar to black and white. They aren’t official colors and neither is 0.

Black is a “shade” and white is a “tint”

[bakugou-klancey-lance]

Numbers aren’t real

[ufohshit]

Is anything really

[cornposting]

this post really makes me feel better about my math skills, thanks, tumblr

[just-shower-responses]

how did this manage to get worse

[the-players-arcade]

You know that can be said about a lot of things.

[lily-orchard]

I LAUGHED SO HARD IT FUCKING HURTS!

[robolta]

It's the distant year 2024 and this post still actively deals psychic damage

[goomyloid]

i put them in clothes that i own

[charlesoberonn]

New superhero: Crime Man.

He stops crimes exclusively by comitting crimes. He out-crimes the criminals.

[femmeharlequin-deactivated20240]

The Punisher does this and the crime is murder

[charlesoberonn]

The Punisher doesn’t stop crime, he punishes criminals. Big difference. Crime Man is more proactive than that.

[femmeharlequin-deactivated20240]

So what you really mean is like. A totalitarian government that profiles people and arrests them before they commit crimes (which is a crime)

[charlesoberonn]

No, it’s more like stopping a credit fraud from happening by comitting arson.

[mr-elementle]

*A mugger threatening me with a knife* Give me your money! *Crimeman appearing from the darkness with a bigger knife* NO CRIMINAL! You give me YOUR money!

[sudokobitch-blog]

I love the efforts to get deeply analytical and political but op just shuts them down with no crime man does CRIME

BUT BETTER

[jadensilver]

He finds out someone’s planning to rob the bank so he robs it first so there isn’t any money left when they get there. 

[dikubutto]

Armed robbery? Hold their family hostage until they deliver their guns in an unmarked bag behind a gas station

[charlesoberonn]

shirt and pants with horizontal black and white stripes

A black domino mask

A dark grey wool hat

a big sack with a dollar sign on it where he stores his gadgets

a yellow sash reading “CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS”

[micaxiii]

I drew fanart

did I get it right?

[charlesoberonn]

Now that’s a hero if I’ve ever seen one.

[charlesoberonn]

Check out this amazing Crime Man comic by @micaxiii

[silverjirachi]

You do the crime, you get the crime.

[charlesoberonn]

The plan is working!

[t0mies-b0dy]

HE LOOKS LIKE THE QUOTE ‘Be Gay Do Crimes”

[charlesoberonn]

He is gay, and does crimes.

[werewolfie]

Crime Man strikes again

[aegistrucy]

I like Crime man

[charlesoberonn]

And Crime Man likes you too

[defendor-of-freedom]

¿ what are his Powers?

[charlesoberonn]

Resourcefulness, audacity, and a sense of humor.

[charlesoberonn]

By the way, Crime Man lives in Florida.

[evilkitten3]

op i respect you but absolutely no part of this post required clarification that crime man lives in florida. that was already understood.

[vaspider]

This is one of those posts that you stop what you’re doing and read it to your partner(s)

[charlesoberonn]

Read the story on AO3 to them as well while you’re at it.

[darreinhardt]

He’s the hero we didn’t need and didn’t know we wanted.

[zzoupz]

i lowkey ship tumblr ♠ twitter now

[zzoupz]

the twitter users are coming QUICK post twitblr yaoi

[meowthefluffy]

I have never made art faster in my life

it’s because they’re divorced

[vincepti0n]

Man this goes hard feel free to screenshot 💔😰💔💔😰

[sator-the-wanderer]

The mods are asleep, post Tumblr x Twitter art

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

Okay okay but this is fascinating because it's such a visceral example of how mythology works.

Most characters in mythologies are personifications of concepts, or embody some natural phenomenon - like the story of Hades and Persephone is there to explain why the seasons change, Persephone being spring, Demeter - summer, and the absence of them both resulting in death (Hade's domain) and winter, and so we can't have Persephone stay in underworld all year round or have Demeter steal her back to earth permanently, otherwise they myth would lose its core function.

Interpreting the myth without the lense of the natural phenomena that it explains would make it lose an integral part of itself, and therefore make the plot and characters seem strange or unnatural. Why does Demeter hate Hades so much, seeing how so many mothers are okay with Zeus doing atrocious things to their offspring just because he's Zeus? Does Persephone actually want to stay or not? What's with the bizarre arrangement?

Most modern interpretations strip myths of their natural contexts, making them character-driven instead of phenomena-driven, which just makes them land differently - they can still be fine stories, just not myths, not is the traditional sense.

And now we get to this beauty. This is absolutely a myth, the most classical kind. The relationship between characters, who are personifications of objects, phenomena or concepts (in this case, online platforms) used as an intuitively understood metaphor for an event (the demise of Twitter and the Tumblr userbase being unwilling to accept Twitter's userbase).

It's a story that can work as a so-called "explanation myths". We have seasons because Persephone spends half a yesterday underworld and half a year with her mother. We don't like Twitter because the Twitter God and Tumblr God broke up. Ladies and gents and other assorted respectables, we here are witnessing the creation of a perfect modern myth.

[zzoupz]

[magiccarpetman]

Okay but which of them took the shoelaces in the divorce?

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

I thought about it way more than a non-feverish me would, and I've come to the conclusion:

The modern myth that is The Divorce of Tumblr and Twitter carries the themes of regression, corruption and downfall. Some of Twitter userbase used to be part of Tumblr userbase, but they left and changed (corruption). Now that Twitter is becoming uninhabitable (downfall), people are trying to return to Tumblr (regression, possible downfall of Tumblr), and to keep them off Tumblr is returning to its old cringe self (regression).

So, if we are to follow the themes, the logical conclusion would be to send the shoelaces back to the president.

[zzoupz]

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

This is the fastest I've ever written I think

There once lived a young man, handsome as daylight, bright and strong. He was known as Twitter, beloved by the people, a favorite of the gods. His chosen companion, Tumblr, was not dear to the people or the gods. He, a traveling storyteller, preferred solitude. His tales were strange and often unpleasant to the ears, but enchanting in their vulgarity. 

One day, Tumblr's patron goddess, Yahoo, enraged by his vulgar words, put a curse on him. He was not to utter vulgarities, speak of the pleasures of the flesh. His stories of lycanthrope companions were lost to the sands of time, and with them, his last listeners turned away from him. 

Twitter watched others laugh at his beloved, turn him away from their doors, and a dark thought settled over him. He was perfect in every way, his only fault was the affiliation with the cursed taleweaver. And so, little by little, they drifted apart. 

In his travels, Tumblr stumbled into the temple of Apollo, who bestowed upon him the gift of prophecy. He made acquaintance with the trifecta of wise temple maidens who induced visions through hallucinogenic incense. His stories changed, still bizarre and often vulgar, but at times full of wonder and truth. 

At that time, Twitter enjoyed all the luxuries of the mortal world. He was the companion of kings, wealthy merchants, legendary heroes, wise philosophers. 

One day, a man richer than rich, richer than the God of wealth, went to the senate of directors and asked to buy the most precious thing in the entire polis. 

The senate thought long and hard, and said: "do you wish for our finest singer, the most sweet-voiced of the land, Spotifia? I am afraid I cannot part with her. "

"No, " said the rich man, his voice cold and harsh, "I said I have come to buy your most precious thing."

"Have you come for our gambler, the chosen of the god of luck, MAXimil? They earn us more riches than you can offer. I shall not part with them. "

"No," the rich man repeated, "I have come to buy your most precious thing. I have come for Twitter."

The senators laughed, then, for they knew this must be a joke. Twitter was too beloved by the gods to be owned as a servant. But the rich man did not smile. He offered money, then more and more still. As the goddess of hubris clouded his mind, he offered more money than he could afford to spend, more than the senate could afford to refuse, for it was enough gold to form armies five times the size of their polis. 

And so Twitter, the proud Twitter, the untouchable Twitter who laughed at kings and scholars alike, became a servant. 

As he was put onto a gilded ship to be sailed off to the rich man's land, he prayed to the gods that granted him beauty and strength and a sharp tongue, but none answered. His cruelty and vanity made them turn away, and he was too full of his power to notice. 

Finally, the young man remembered one more name. He called for Tumblr, his forgotten companion. 

First time he called, the birds took off and flew in all directions. Second time he called, the animals fled in fear. Gathering all the strength he had, he called a third time.

His call shook the earth and the skies, and in an instant, Apollo's taleweaver stood on the shore. 

Twitter cried in relief. "My love!" he called, "save me! Save me, and I shall be yours for the eternity to come. I shall bask you in glory and riches. I shall make the people love you."

Tumblr looked at the rich old man, at the gilded ship, gilded chains, at the other slaves that were meant to please the rich man during his trip, dressed in the finest clothes fit for kings and immortals. 

"You'll like your new life, dear. " said Tumblr. "You are idle: he shan't make you do much. You are prideful: he shall treat you like a god. You are vain, and so you might fear you might be forgotten, one servant among many. Fear not," he smiled. "I shall sing a song of us."

[meowthefluffy]

I AM SORRY I DIDNT KNOW WHAT BEAST I WOULD CREATE WITH THE DIVORCE THING OH MY GOSH

[bugtoast]

Okay but adding onto this because I think its interesting: myths like these tend to also come with morals or lessons to take away. (The story of Icarus for example, or the story of Oedipus)

I think there's multiple morals that one can take from what Writing-is-a-martial-art made! so, here's a list of some of the morals someone could take away from this:

Love (or trust) is earned, not given

This one because, when Twitter was on the boat, calling out for Tumblr, he was so used to love being given to him on a silver tray that he even expected it from the person he wronged (debatably) most of all.

The rich and beautiful are no better than the poor and destitute

Speaks for itself, really. Twitter believed he was superior to Tumblr because of his beauty and his connections with the rich and famous, but, when Tumblr could've saved Twitter, Twitter's riches meant nothing. Tumblr, for the most part, was happier without such things. What Tumblr did subsequently proved was that Twitter was not a god, not a blessing, but just a man.

Being yourself will attract people who like you

On the other side of the coin, you could take something away from Tumblr's side of the story. Yes, they were cursed and ridiculed, but that did not stop them from continuing to be themself. they continued to sing their songs, to tell their stories, to speak of earthly pleasures and feelings despite their situation. Unlike their past-lover, they were poor and hated, but that didn't matter to them. It wouldn't matter to Tumblr if they were living in the depths of Hades, or on mount Olympus, because they were happy. This, in turn, lead them to the temple of Apollo, where they befriended the trifecta of temple maidens. The point is, is that Apollo and the maidens didn't like Tumblr for their riches-- they had none. they liked tumblr for who they were, for their passion and creativity.

you can probably tell that the last one probably has the most evidence for it.

anyways i'm now gonna go think up some more stories about social media platforms because this is fun

(like?? what if steam had a story? what if there was a story based off of all those tumblr scams? the possibilities are endless!)

[zzoupz]

[kakushusband]

Robot characters who are given names like SL-308-62 but instead of their human friend going Well let's call you Sally for short, they instead ask the other if they Like their current name.

"Do you like your serial number?" they ask. "Yes, quite. It reminds me of who I am" the robot replies. "I have heard others like me go by different names after some time, and maybe one day I'll choose one for myself, too. But right now that is my full name, yes" they continue.

Because it's not your decision to make whether or not the robot will receive a new name. It should be theirs only. What's the difference? One is more complex and the other is simplified. They were both given by strangers instead of themselves.

"62 will do," they conclude. "It's my model number - there will be no other 62 after me."

[quasi-normalcy]

Robots who instead start assigning numbers to their human friends

[dragonkidalumnus]

“Not that I mind,” I tell SL-308-62 one afternoon as we enjoy our shared lunch break (I have my packed lunch, and 62 has connected themself to their portable power bank) “but why do your call me ‘four’?”

The LEDs along 62’s appendages twinkle- a tell that they’re mulling over an answer.

“It’s a nickname,” they explain, “you are my fourth acquaintance aboard the station, and I’ve assigned you a serial number. Your full designation is F-001-04.”

“What does the ‘F’ stand for?” I ask, curious and charmed.

“Friend,” SL-308-62 says, their tone fond. “It stands for friend.”

[blastovkatamarinecromancy]

Shut up I'm not crying over a hypothetical imaginary robot who's making friends and giving them nicknames

[talisidekick]

A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

[welldrawnfish]

Do you know what its like to be trans?

[linnybeenaughty]

Nobody is mad at me.

Nobody is mad at me and if they were, they would say so.

Nobody is mad at me and if they were they would say so and if they haven't said so then it's not my responsibility to read into their silence.

Nobody is mad at me.

[swordsnflowers]

What is your 2nd favorite color?

[generosa-beatrice]

[mrwoofwoof4575]

[earthdad]

Bring Me The Boss Hog

[whiskeywhitemage]

[meme-loving-stuck]

Oh sorry? you think someone wanted to go up and measure that thing with a fucking yardstick??? just roll on up to the boar the size of a fucking car with some handily-dandily measuring tape? to get an accurate reading on it in fucking centimeters???

[hezekiahwakely]

[slyandthefamilybook]

[skulkinspirit]

[swordsnflowers]

both: favorite ice cream?