Mechanized Justice

90/gnome/female, she/her, feminist, pro half-ogre rights, pro-tech. Keep that magic sword away from me.

[thulium]

[hawke-gosling]

And hang out they did

[thewindowofthesummerhouse]

Karina Refrynn

[thewindowofthesummerhouse]

karina refrynn

[bestiolin]

lyn chao yu

[silverwind25]

wizard Ralsei

[screenshotsofdespair]

[ulibeanzz]

im extremely cute but im MAD!!! AND FULL OF HELLFIRE ONLY REVOLUTION WILL DOUSE

[iamtooarealdoctor]

@robotspiderrampage this is another of your, ah, poetic exaggerations, right? You don't actually have consumption?

[robotspiderrampage]

How would I blog if I'd fallen into a coma?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Encephalophatic electrofusion with Norman arranged by your mad scientist father and grief-stricken husband.

But don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows consumption doesn't cause comas.

Have you been coughing up blood?

[robotspiderrampage]

Not any more than usual.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

...

...

...how much is usual?

[robotspiderrampage]

Oh. You know. The usual amount.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

None. You should be coughing up Zero Blood. If you are coughing up a number of blood other than zero stop doing that immediately.

Even if it's for Feminine Reasons coughing it up is the wrong way to do that.

[robotspiderrampage]

Of course I’m coughing up zero blood, Thaddeus. I’m messing with you. I don’t have fucking consumption. Sheesh.

Now, I have had a nosebleed I wasn't aware of yet and allergies at the same time and let me tell you... That is almost as alarming.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

@robotspiderrampage this is another of your, ah, poetic exaggerations, right? You don't actually have consumption?

[robotspiderrampage]

How would I blog if I'd fallen into a coma?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Encephalophatic electrofusion with Norman arranged by your mad scientist father and grief-stricken husband.

But don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows consumption doesn't cause comas.

Have you been coughing up blood?

[robotspiderrampage]

Not any more than usual.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

...

...

...how much is usual?

[robotspiderrampage]

Oh. You know. The usual amount.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

@robotspiderrampage this is another of your, ah, poetic exaggerations, right? You don't actually have consumption?

[robotspiderrampage]

How would I blog if I'd fallen into a coma?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Encephalophatic electrofusion with Norman arranged by your mad scientist father and grief-stricken husband.

But don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows consumption doesn't cause comas.

Have you been coughing up blood?

[robotspiderrampage]

Not any more than usual.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

@robotspiderrampage this is another of your, ah, poetic exaggerations, right? You don't actually have consumption?

[robotspiderrampage]

How would I blog if I'd fallen into a coma?

[valtsv]

*experiences romance once* augh… my delicate constitution… *develops consumptive fever and falls into a coma*

[robotspiderrampage]

…Straf is definitely in the pit.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

I told you that already.  But I think - 

- wait, what was that?

[robotspiderrampage]

???

Wh-

What the fuck is that?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

!!

It’s a lizardman! Like on the train!

…ooh, I hope it doesn’t take offense at Walter’s, ah, amulet

[robotspiderrampage]

There’s more lizardpeople??? I mean, Hissop said there were, but…

What the fuck is a lizardperson doing here? 

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Maybe it committed a crime? Like being a lizardperson near Ashbury… Maybe it didn’t want to pay for that statue

[robotspiderrampage]

I guess, it’s just weird to see one here and-

Wait, Ogden, where the hell are you going?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

So much for sneaking out

[robotspiderrampage]

FUCK. What’re we going to do now?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Well maybe you can get away in the confusion with Cynthia and Virgil, and I’ll stick around and see if I can get Straf out once everything’s died down. We can meet up at Shade’s Beach. Maybe there will be fishmen!

Think of it - lizardmen and fishmen! Apart from the Lights, Sorcerous Beasts, Straficidal Unicorns, and Oppressive Humidity this island is pretty neat. And even some of those are debatable.

…also, Wolf is definitely here to kill us, isn’t she

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know if Cynthia can handle the riot that appears to be starting around us… I mean, I… I can try? I don’t know how well-

Thaddeus. THADDEUS. Shut up about the wildlife, this shit is impor-

OF COURSE SHE’S HERE TO KILL US, I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR THREE WEEKS!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Okay, but this is the first time she’s produced a whole replacement Virgil! What even was that?

But you’re right, things are getting…heated

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know! An illusion? Summoning? Is she making extra copies of all of us?! But- But this also isn’t the right time to worry about that.

We gotta go.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Agreed.

Ooh, but we should come up with a password so we know who the real one and who the replacement one is, just in case

[robotspiderrampage]

Ya know, that’s not a bad idea.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Naturally.

How about, uhhhh… cupaniopsis anacardioides

[robotspiderrampage]

Not Xiphias gladius?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Mmmm, you’re right, Wolf might know how much I love carrotwood trees. Well, not that much, they smell terrible. But it’s just so much fun to say. Cupaniopdis anacardioides! So yeah, way too obvious. But she’ll never think of swordfish!

Ooh, do you think Straf’s tree could be a carrotwood?

[robotspiderrampage]

I highly doubt his tree is carrotwood.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Would you admit to it if it were though?

I dunno, it might be nice to gestate in… not too tall or spindly, nice broad branches, no spines, firmish round leaves, attractive pods in the season - you could probably use them as wind chimes. That’s a thing, right? It sounds pretty perfect - apart from the smell. Can elves smell, do you think? But maybe you would find the smell kinda pleasant if you were soul-bonded to it, in a pheremoney kind of way.

What sort of tree would you pick if you knew you had to spend - how long do gnomes gestate for anyway? Hey, if you and Ristezze have kids, do you think they’ll take human length or gnome length or somewhere in between?

We gotta finish up here and find those dwarves as quick as possible so you can get on with it, because I can’t wait to find out. I wonder if there’ve been many studies done on hybridization of the sapient races…when we get back to Tarant, remind me to look in the University Library

[robotspiderrampage]

I’m pretty sure elves have the ability to smell! And do you really think he’s something nearly so pleasant? He’s probably soul-bonded to a corpse flower or something.

As for me, I- 

Thaddeus. Thaddeus, I’m pretty sure gnomes gestate for the normal amount of time. I don’t think-

God damnit, Thaddeus! I’m not a research topic! YOU DON’T GET TO RESEARCH MY MATING AND GESTATION HABITS, I’M A PERSON!

THIS IS STUPID, WE NEED TO GET A MOVE ON, ANYWAY!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

The normal amount of time, she says, because clearly gestational periods are fixed across mammals, and don’t, for instance, vary with things like size and overall lifespan. The normal amount of time. Silly me.

And what does being a person have to do with anything? You can do research on people - how else do you expect to find out anything about them?

…but yeah, we should be off. It sounds like the alarms have stopped…

[robotspiderrampage]

Look, I’m not the doctor here! I don’t know average gestational times across all sentient species!

And it’s not okay to make people your guinea pigs, especially when it’s something as intimate as mating and without asking!

So let’s get over this wall and away from discussions of my reproductive system!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

But I am asking…

Anyway, it’s not like I’m telling you what to do, sheesh. Though if you’re taking suggestions you should try to have at least four children to get a representative sampling… How many are in a typical gnomish litter anyway?

But you’re right. It looks like Ogden has passed out. I’ll make sure he doesn’t have alcohol poisoning, pull Straf out if the pit, and meet up with y'all down at the beach?

Maybe fishmen will be less huffy…

[robotspiderrampage]

No, you’re just saying that you hope I get on with the mating thing soon so you can, I don’t know, observe or something!!! Which is NOT FUCKING OKAY! >:[

And GNOMES DON’T HAVE LITTERS! WE HAVE CHILDREN ONE OR MAYBE TWO AT A TIME!!! LIKE MOST OTHER SPECIES!!! I-

Wait, when did he get a chance to drink enough to pass out? Is he gonna be okay?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

What really? Most lagomorphs have between 6 and 14. Man I could have sworn you had more nipples than that…

And if you’re gonna be cagey with your data that’s your business, but I will say it’s not very scientific of you

But yeah, I’ll make sure Ogden is okay. He ran over to Norian’s and, well, you know. That lizardman must’ve spooked him pretty badly. I wonder where it went…?

[robotspiderrampage]

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY NIPPLES?!?!

MAYBE STOP LOOKING AT THEM AND LOOK FOR THE LIZARDMAN IF YOU’RE SO DAMN CURIOUS!!!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Really? But I thought you were in a hurry to get Cynthia to the Women’s Camp

[robotspiderrampage]

I AM, BUT I AM ALSO VERY TIRED OF WHATEVER THIS CONVERSATION IS.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

…

…ah

[robotspiderrampage]

[grumble mutter] Gnomes aren’t lagomorphs… Butting into my privacy… >:[

[iamtooarealdoctor]

You keep grumbling like that you’re gonna wake the guard

[robotspiderrampage]

YOU’RE GONNA WAKE THE GUARD.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

I’m not the one shouting

[robotspiderrampage]

DO YOU WANNA BE?

[robotspiderrampage]

…Straf is definitely in the pit.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

I told you that already.  But I think - 

- wait, what was that?

[robotspiderrampage]

???

Wh-

What the fuck is that?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

!!

It’s a lizardman! Like on the train!

…ooh, I hope it doesn’t take offense at Walter’s, ah, amulet

[robotspiderrampage]

There’s more lizardpeople??? I mean, Hissop said there were, but…

What the fuck is a lizardperson doing here? 

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Maybe it committed a crime? Like being a lizardperson near Ashbury… Maybe it didn’t want to pay for that statue

[robotspiderrampage]

I guess, it’s just weird to see one here and-

Wait, Ogden, where the hell are you going?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

So much for sneaking out

[robotspiderrampage]

FUCK. What’re we going to do now?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Well maybe you can get away in the confusion with Cynthia and Virgil, and I’ll stick around and see if I can get Straf out once everything’s died down. We can meet up at Shade’s Beach. Maybe there will be fishmen!

Think of it - lizardmen and fishmen! Apart from the Lights, Sorcerous Beasts, Straficidal Unicorns, and Oppressive Humidity this island is pretty neat. And even some of those are debatable.

…also, Wolf is definitely here to kill us, isn’t she

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know if Cynthia can handle the riot that appears to be starting around us… I mean, I… I can try? I don’t know how well-

Thaddeus. THADDEUS. Shut up about the wildlife, this shit is impor-

OF COURSE SHE’S HERE TO KILL US, I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR THREE WEEKS!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Okay, but this is the first time she’s produced a whole replacement Virgil! What even was that?

But you’re right, things are getting…heated

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know! An illusion? Summoning? Is she making extra copies of all of us?! But- But this also isn’t the right time to worry about that.

We gotta go.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Agreed.

Ooh, but we should come up with a password so we know who the real one and who the replacement one is, just in case

[robotspiderrampage]

Ya know, that’s not a bad idea.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Naturally.

How about, uhhhh… cupaniopsis anacardioides

[robotspiderrampage]

Not Xiphias gladius?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Mmmm, you’re right, Wolf might know how much I love carrotwood trees. Well, not that much, they smell terrible. But it’s just so much fun to say. Cupaniopdis anacardioides! So yeah, way too obvious. But she’ll never think of swordfish!

Ooh, do you think Straf’s tree could be a carrotwood?

[robotspiderrampage]

I highly doubt his tree is carrotwood.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Would you admit to it if it were though?

I dunno, it might be nice to gestate in… not too tall or spindly, nice broad branches, no spines, firmish round leaves, attractive pods in the season - you could probably use them as wind chimes. That’s a thing, right? It sounds pretty perfect - apart from the smell. Can elves smell, do you think? But maybe you would find the smell kinda pleasant if you were soul-bonded to it, in a pheremoney kind of way.

What sort of tree would you pick if you knew you had to spend - how long do gnomes gestate for anyway? Hey, if you and Ristezze have kids, do you think they’ll take human length or gnome length or somewhere in between?

We gotta finish up here and find those dwarves as quick as possible so you can get on with it, because I can’t wait to find out. I wonder if there’ve been many studies done on hybridization of the sapient races…when we get back to Tarant, remind me to look in the University Library

[robotspiderrampage]

I’m pretty sure elves have the ability to smell! And do you really think he’s something nearly so pleasant? He’s probably soul-bonded to a corpse flower or something.

As for me, I- 

Thaddeus. Thaddeus, I’m pretty sure gnomes gestate for the normal amount of time. I don’t think-

God damnit, Thaddeus! I’m not a research topic! YOU DON’T GET TO RESEARCH MY MATING AND GESTATION HABITS, I’M A PERSON!

THIS IS STUPID, WE NEED TO GET A MOVE ON, ANYWAY!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

The normal amount of time, she says, because clearly gestational periods are fixed across mammals, and don’t, for instance, vary with things like size and overall lifespan. The normal amount of time. Silly me.

And what does being a person have to do with anything? You can do research on people - how else do you expect to find out anything about them?

…but yeah, we should be off. It sounds like the alarms have stopped…

[robotspiderrampage]

Look, I’m not the doctor here! I don’t know average gestational times across all sentient species!

And it’s not okay to make people your guinea pigs, especially when it’s something as intimate as mating and without asking!

So let’s get over this wall and away from discussions of my reproductive system!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

But I am asking…

Anyway, it’s not like I’m telling you what to do, sheesh. Though if you’re taking suggestions you should try to have at least four children to get a representative sampling… How many are in a typical gnomish litter anyway?

But you’re right. It looks like Ogden has passed out. I’ll make sure he doesn’t have alcohol poisoning, pull Straf out if the pit, and meet up with y'all down at the beach?

Maybe fishmen will be less huffy…

[robotspiderrampage]

No, you’re just saying that you hope I get on with the mating thing soon so you can, I don’t know, observe or something!!! Which is NOT FUCKING OKAY! >:[

And GNOMES DON’T HAVE LITTERS! WE HAVE CHILDREN ONE OR MAYBE TWO AT A TIME!!! LIKE MOST OTHER SPECIES!!! I-

Wait, when did he get a chance to drink enough to pass out? Is he gonna be okay?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

What really? Most lagomorphs have between 6 and 14. Man I could have sworn you had more nipples than that…

And if you’re gonna be cagey with your data that’s your business, but I will say it’s not very scientific of you

But yeah, I’ll make sure Ogden is okay. He ran over to Norian’s and, well, you know. That lizardman must’ve spooked him pretty badly. I wonder where it went…?

[robotspiderrampage]

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY NIPPLES?!?!

MAYBE STOP LOOKING AT THEM AND LOOK FOR THE LIZARDMAN IF YOU’RE SO DAMN CURIOUS!!!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Really? But I thought you were in a hurry to get Cynthia to the Women’s Camp

[robotspiderrampage]

I AM, BUT I AM ALSO VERY TIRED OF WHATEVER THIS CONVERSATION IS.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

…

…ah

[robotspiderrampage]

[grumble mutter] Gnomes aren’t lagomorphs… Butting into my privacy… >:[

[iamtooarealdoctor]

You keep grumbling like that you’re gonna wake the guard

[robotspiderrampage]

YOU'RE GONNA WAKE THE GUARD.

[robotspiderrampage]

…Straf is definitely in the pit.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

I told you that already.  But I think - 

- wait, what was that?

[robotspiderrampage]

???

Wh-

What the fuck is that?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

!!

It’s a lizardman! Like on the train!

…ooh, I hope it doesn’t take offense at Walter’s, ah, amulet

[robotspiderrampage]

There’s more lizardpeople??? I mean, Hissop said there were, but…

What the fuck is a lizardperson doing here? 

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Maybe it committed a crime? Like being a lizardperson near Ashbury… Maybe it didn’t want to pay for that statue

[robotspiderrampage]

I guess, it’s just weird to see one here and-

Wait, Ogden, where the hell are you going?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

So much for sneaking out

[robotspiderrampage]

FUCK. What’re we going to do now?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Well maybe you can get away in the confusion with Cynthia and Virgil, and I’ll stick around and see if I can get Straf out once everything’s died down. We can meet up at Shade’s Beach. Maybe there will be fishmen!

Think of it - lizardmen and fishmen! Apart from the Lights, Sorcerous Beasts, Straficidal Unicorns, and Oppressive Humidity this island is pretty neat. And even some of those are debatable.

…also, Wolf is definitely here to kill us, isn’t she

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know if Cynthia can handle the riot that appears to be starting around us… I mean, I… I can try? I don’t know how well-

Thaddeus. THADDEUS. Shut up about the wildlife, this shit is impor-

OF COURSE SHE’S HERE TO KILL US, I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR THREE WEEKS!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Okay, but this is the first time she’s produced a whole replacement Virgil! What even was that?

But you’re right, things are getting…heated

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know! An illusion? Summoning? Is she making extra copies of all of us?! But- But this also isn’t the right time to worry about that.

We gotta go.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Agreed.

Ooh, but we should come up with a password so we know who the real one and who the replacement one is, just in case

[robotspiderrampage]

Ya know, that’s not a bad idea.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Naturally.

How about, uhhhh… cupaniopsis anacardioides

[robotspiderrampage]

Not Xiphias gladius?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Mmmm, you’re right, Wolf might know how much I love carrotwood trees. Well, not that much, they smell terrible. But it’s just so much fun to say. Cupaniopdis anacardioides! So yeah, way too obvious. But she’ll never think of swordfish!

Ooh, do you think Straf’s tree could be a carrotwood?

[robotspiderrampage]

I highly doubt his tree is carrotwood.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Would you admit to it if it were though?

I dunno, it might be nice to gestate in… not too tall or spindly, nice broad branches, no spines, firmish round leaves, attractive pods in the season - you could probably use them as wind chimes. That’s a thing, right? It sounds pretty perfect - apart from the smell. Can elves smell, do you think? But maybe you would find the smell kinda pleasant if you were soul-bonded to it, in a pheremoney kind of way.

What sort of tree would you pick if you knew you had to spend - how long do gnomes gestate for anyway? Hey, if you and Ristezze have kids, do you think they’ll take human length or gnome length or somewhere in between?

We gotta finish up here and find those dwarves as quick as possible so you can get on with it, because I can’t wait to find out. I wonder if there’ve been many studies done on hybridization of the sapient races…when we get back to Tarant, remind me to look in the University Library

[robotspiderrampage]

I’m pretty sure elves have the ability to smell! And do you really think he’s something nearly so pleasant? He’s probably soul-bonded to a corpse flower or something.

As for me, I- 

Thaddeus. Thaddeus, I’m pretty sure gnomes gestate for the normal amount of time. I don’t think-

God damnit, Thaddeus! I’m not a research topic! YOU DON’T GET TO RESEARCH MY MATING AND GESTATION HABITS, I’M A PERSON!

THIS IS STUPID, WE NEED TO GET A MOVE ON, ANYWAY!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

The normal amount of time, she says, because clearly gestational periods are fixed across mammals, and don’t, for instance, vary with things like size and overall lifespan. The normal amount of time. Silly me.

And what does being a person have to do with anything? You can do research on people - how else do you expect to find out anything about them?

…but yeah, we should be off. It sounds like the alarms have stopped…

[robotspiderrampage]

Look, I’m not the doctor here! I don’t know average gestational times across all sentient species!

And it’s not okay to make people your guinea pigs, especially when it’s something as intimate as mating and without asking!

So let’s get over this wall and away from discussions of my reproductive system!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

But I am asking…

Anyway, it’s not like I’m telling you what to do, sheesh. Though if you’re taking suggestions you should try to have at least four children to get a representative sampling… How many are in a typical gnomish litter anyway?

But you’re right. It looks like Ogden has passed out. I’ll make sure he doesn’t have alcohol poisoning, pull Straf out if the pit, and meet up with y'all down at the beach?

Maybe fishmen will be less huffy…

[robotspiderrampage]

No, you’re just saying that you hope I get on with the mating thing soon so you can, I don’t know, observe or something!!! Which is NOT FUCKING OKAY! >:[

And GNOMES DON’T HAVE LITTERS! WE HAVE CHILDREN ONE OR MAYBE TWO AT A TIME!!! LIKE MOST OTHER SPECIES!!! I-

Wait, when did he get a chance to drink enough to pass out? Is he gonna be okay?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

What really? Most lagomorphs have between 6 and 14. Man I could have sworn you had more nipples than that…

And if you’re gonna be cagey with your data that’s your business, but I will say it’s not very scientific of you

But yeah, I’ll make sure Ogden is okay. He ran over to Norian’s and, well, you know. That lizardman must’ve spooked him pretty badly. I wonder where it went…?

[robotspiderrampage]

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY NIPPLES?!?!

MAYBE STOP LOOKING AT THEM AND LOOK FOR THE LIZARDMAN IF YOU’RE SO DAMN CURIOUS!!!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Really? But I thought you were in a hurry to get Cynthia to the Women’s Camp

[robotspiderrampage]

I AM, BUT I AM ALSO VERY TIRED OF WHATEVER THIS CONVERSATION IS.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

…

…ah

[robotspiderrampage]

[grumble mutter] Gnomes aren’t lagomorphs... Butting into my privacy... >:[

[robotspiderrampage]

…Straf is definitely in the pit.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

I told you that already.  But I think - 

- wait, what was that?

[robotspiderrampage]

???

Wh-

What the fuck is that?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

!!

It’s a lizardman! Like on the train!

…ooh, I hope it doesn’t take offense at Walter’s, ah, amulet

[robotspiderrampage]

There’s more lizardpeople??? I mean, Hissop said there were, but…

What the fuck is a lizardperson doing here? 

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Maybe it committed a crime? Like being a lizardperson near Ashbury… Maybe it didn’t want to pay for that statue

[robotspiderrampage]

I guess, it’s just weird to see one here and-

Wait, Ogden, where the hell are you going?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

So much for sneaking out

[robotspiderrampage]

FUCK. What’re we going to do now?!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Well maybe you can get away in the confusion with Cynthia and Virgil, and I’ll stick around and see if I can get Straf out once everything’s died down. We can meet up at Shade’s Beach. Maybe there will be fishmen!

Think of it - lizardmen and fishmen! Apart from the Lights, Sorcerous Beasts, Straficidal Unicorns, and Oppressive Humidity this island is pretty neat. And even some of those are debatable.

…also, Wolf is definitely here to kill us, isn’t she

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know if Cynthia can handle the riot that appears to be starting around us… I mean, I… I can try? I don’t know how well-

Thaddeus. THADDEUS. Shut up about the wildlife, this shit is impor-

OF COURSE SHE’S HERE TO KILL US, I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR THREE WEEKS!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Okay, but this is the first time she’s produced a whole replacement Virgil! What even was that?

But you’re right, things are getting…heated

[robotspiderrampage]

I don’t know! An illusion? Summoning? Is she making extra copies of all of us?! But- But this also isn’t the right time to worry about that.

We gotta go.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Agreed.

Ooh, but we should come up with a password so we know who the real one and who the replacement one is, just in case

[robotspiderrampage]

Ya know, that’s not a bad idea.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Naturally.

How about, uhhhh… cupaniopsis anacardioides

[robotspiderrampage]

Not Xiphias gladius?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Mmmm, you’re right, Wolf might know how much I love carrotwood trees. Well, not that much, they smell terrible. But it’s just so much fun to say. Cupaniopdis anacardioides! So yeah, way too obvious. But she’ll never think of swordfish!

Ooh, do you think Straf’s tree could be a carrotwood?

[robotspiderrampage]

I highly doubt his tree is carrotwood.

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Would you admit to it if it were though?

I dunno, it might be nice to gestate in… not too tall or spindly, nice broad branches, no spines, firmish round leaves, attractive pods in the season - you could probably use them as wind chimes. That’s a thing, right? It sounds pretty perfect - apart from the smell. Can elves smell, do you think? But maybe you would find the smell kinda pleasant if you were soul-bonded to it, in a pheremoney kind of way.

What sort of tree would you pick if you knew you had to spend - how long do gnomes gestate for anyway? Hey, if you and Ristezze have kids, do you think they’ll take human length or gnome length or somewhere in between?

We gotta finish up here and find those dwarves as quick as possible so you can get on with it, because I can’t wait to find out. I wonder if there’ve been many studies done on hybridization of the sapient races…when we get back to Tarant, remind me to look in the University Library

[robotspiderrampage]

I’m pretty sure elves have the ability to smell! And do you really think he’s something nearly so pleasant? He’s probably soul-bonded to a corpse flower or something.

As for me, I- 

Thaddeus. Thaddeus, I’m pretty sure gnomes gestate for the normal amount of time. I don’t think-

God damnit, Thaddeus! I’m not a research topic! YOU DON’T GET TO RESEARCH MY MATING AND GESTATION HABITS, I’M A PERSON!

THIS IS STUPID, WE NEED TO GET A MOVE ON, ANYWAY!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

The normal amount of time, she says, because clearly gestational periods are fixed across mammals, and don’t, for instance, vary with things like size and overall lifespan. The normal amount of time. Silly me.

And what does being a person have to do with anything? You can do research on people - how else do you expect to find out anything about them?

…but yeah, we should be off. It sounds like the alarms have stopped…

[robotspiderrampage]

Look, I’m not the doctor here! I don’t know average gestational times across all sentient species!

And it’s not okay to make people your guinea pigs, especially when it’s something as intimate as mating and without asking!

So let’s get over this wall and away from discussions of my reproductive system!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

But I am asking…

Anyway, it’s not like I’m telling you what to do, sheesh. Though if you’re taking suggestions you should try to have at least four children to get a representative sampling… How many are in a typical gnomish litter anyway?

But you’re right. It looks like Ogden has passed out. I’ll make sure he doesn’t have alcohol poisoning, pull Straf out if the pit, and meet up with y'all down at the beach?

Maybe fishmen will be less huffy…

[robotspiderrampage]

No, you’re just saying that you hope I get on with the mating thing soon so you can, I don’t know, observe or something!!! Which is NOT FUCKING OKAY! >:[

And GNOMES DON’T HAVE LITTERS! WE HAVE CHILDREN ONE OR MAYBE TWO AT A TIME!!! LIKE MOST OTHER SPECIES!!! I-

Wait, when did he get a chance to drink enough to pass out? Is he gonna be okay?

[iamtooarealdoctor]

What really? Most lagomorphs have between 6 and 14. Man I could have sworn you had more nipples than that…

And if you’re gonna be cagey with your data that’s your business, but I will say it’s not very scientific of you

But yeah, I’ll make sure Ogden is okay. He ran over to Norian’s and, well, you know. That lizardman must’ve spooked him pretty badly. I wonder where it went…?

[robotspiderrampage]

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY NIPPLES?!?!

MAYBE STOP LOOKING AT THEM AND LOOK FOR THE LIZARDMAN IF YOU’RE SO DAMN CURIOUS!!!

[iamtooarealdoctor]

Really? But I thought you were in a hurry to get Cynthia to the Women’s Camp

[robotspiderrampage]

I AM, BUT I AM ALSO VERY TIRED OF WHATEVER THIS CONVERSATION IS.