disenchantment prompts: season one
[+] — feel free to adjust wording, pronouns, etc.
1x01: “A PRINCESS, AN ELF AND A DEMON WALK INTO A BAR”
“I’m actually hoping for death. Thanks, though!“
"I thought that I’d get married for true love or because I was wasted.”
“First off, not a ghost. Ghosts are losers that got murdered. I’m a demon.”
“Your whining really turns me on.”
“I wanna taste something other than sweetness.”
“I’d rather die a big death than live a small life.”
“You know that little voice in your head that tells you to do the right thing? I’m the guy yelling over it.”
“I never said I’m your friend.”
“Well, I like war, but I wouldn’t say I love it.”
“Times when you really shouldn’t are exactly when you really should.”
“I was raised by a pack of drinking buddies and I came out perfect.”
“I’m not here to answer cat questions.”
“I’ve never had a nightmare. Is this one?”
“Cool night air, sky full of stars. This sucks. How much further?”
“Hey, he’s making fun of my dreams! That’s what friends do!”
“You can sleep down by my feet. I call it the friend zone.”
“Pardon my language, but destiny is baloney!”
1x02: “FOR WHOM THE PIG OINKS”
“You don’t scare me. I was born scared!”
“Your cruddy life is worth living! And so is mine, if you live.”
“I know. It felt weird when I said it.”
“I don’t see anyone else storming your castle, princess.”
“Uh, you know what? I’m just not comfortable with murder.”
“Selfish? Maybe. But cruel? Eh, also maybe.”
“I must admit, the quantity blood exceeded my expectations.”
“That’s not fair! You’re playing to your strengths and not mine!”
1x03: “THE PRINCESS OF DARKNESS”
“What a naughty night we had.”
“May I interest you in a joy ride?”
“Get ready. Next week, we’re going to try arson.”
“You know they prey on the weak in prison? At least, I intend to.”
“I’m kinda scared to try this. Will you peer pressure me?”
“That is the most fun I’ve ever had without remembering a single moment of it.”
“Trust me! I haven’t led you astray in minutes.”
“I guess I’m gonna do this, unless someone talks me out of it.”
“If I spend any more time with my family they’re going to start asking me why I’m not married.”
“This is not good for my hangover.”
“Great, you’re gonna make me be the good guy? Ugh, I hate that.”
“Like I said on our first date, nothing could be worse than this.”
1x04: “CASTLE PARTY MASSACRE”
“You doing anything weird in here I said “no” about?”
“Just making murder plans with my cat.”
“If I find so much as a misplaced hair when I come back, I’ll cut off your arm.”
“Dude. Decide what you want, drink ‘til you have the nerve to go for it, then keep drinking so the inevitable rejection doesn’t hurt so bad.”
“I didn’t know you were interesting.”
“Let’s make this night so legendary they caution children about it.”
“I’m gonna march up and say something I’ll have figured out by the time I get there.”
“Nice! She drank her way out of depression like a pro.”
1x05: “FASTER, PRINCESS! KILL! KILL!”
“You have got to learn to read the room.”
“How dare you bring logic into God’s house?”
“You know, I would have left willingly!”
“Sorry. I’m done threatening you.”
“This ain’t about my impulse control.”
“You’re a good-for-nothing, and you’re good at nothing.”
“Just remember, this job is easier than it looks.”
“Every time I turn my head away, something bad happens.”
“I would not kiss me right now.”
“If you’re gonna crawl back, can I ride you like a horse?”
“Are you crazy or under a curse?”
“I’m not sure I can do this. I’ve never killed anyone before. (Who wasn’t trying to kill me first. Or bother me. Or marry me.)”
“This is a goddamn solemn occasion so shut the hell up, all right?”
“What is wrong with you? It’s like you WANT me to cut your head off.”
“Every time that girl gets a little responsibility somebody winds up alive.”
“I suck. The only thing I’m good at is sitting on this rock and crying.”
“I’m confused. Does he want to die?”
“I like this, but as a friend.”
“All right, the creepy laughter has to stop before we can have a real conversation.”
“You did it. You finally killed someone intentionally. I’m so proud of you.”
1x06: “SWAMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE”
“It’s drunk and I’m late. We better sneak in quietly.”
“Oh floor, you’re always there for me. So supportive. Not like walls and staircases, always getting in my way.”
“I’d like to have a role to play in your life. I’m tired of feeling useless.”
“You’re a great writer! I read your diary.”
“I’ll bring you what you deserve.”
“Hey, I’m an enabler. There’s a big difference.”
“Just once can we go on a family vacation without having to run away screaming?”
“I hope you can sense my sarcasm through your drunken haze.”
“See, this is why I always tell you not to try things.”
1x07: “LOVE’S TENDER RAMPAGE”
“If you could be any mythical creature, what would it be?”
“We should go home before we pass out in the street. Again.”
“I haven’t lived long enough to give up on my dreams yet.”
“I can’t believe he stuck to his story no matter how hard I laughed.”
“Why would I do you any favors?”
“Don’t try to be my friend.”
“What are you coming to me for? We don’t got that kind of relationship.”
“Make room on the dance floor, cause I’m full of shrimp and I need to lay down.”
“What can I say? I’m attracted to people who are good at their job.”
“None of this would’ve happened if you’d just told the truth!”
“I lied because I was too insecure to admit I tried to kiss you.”
1x08: “THE LIMITS OF IMMORTALITY”
"Entertainment is just a tool that pacifies the masses and leads to the decay and ultimate collapse of civilization. Let’s clap along!”
“I prefer to stay safe the old fashioned way: running like a coward.”
“I’d rather die than listen to this.”
“Immortality is a curse. When life is endless, so is everything else.”
“What part of "no thanks” do you not understand?“
"I didn’t save you so much as you fell on me.”
“Unlike other villains, I shan’t be telling you my plan. Good day.”
“I am all about the easy way.”
“Eh, I’ve beheld better.”
“Now the only pain is humiliation.”
“Forty-five years of necromancing have led me to this moment.”
“See you in hell, weirdo!”
“You know, I’m profoundly lonely, but I think you should leave.”
1x09: “TO THINE OWN ELF BE TRUE”
“Where is the monster I married?”
“I’m not a god. I’m not even a healthy man.”
“We lost him, but cured his headache.”
“How can you keep messing up a recipe with two ingredients?”
“Lying to me in any other way but flattery is a mortal crime!”
“You know, I just realized something: You’re the reason I have a drinking problem.”
“Nice typical reaction, Mr. Predictable.”
“I wish you the best of luck embarrassing some other kingdom.”
“I found him! Wait a minute. It’s just three quarters of a dead raccoon.”
“You do realize you’re still hitting me?”
“Hey, hey, hey. Slow down, champ. Oh, god I’m turning into my bartender.”
“You’re never gonna be whole until you figure out who you really are, and there’s only one way to find the answer.”
“I can’t go home! It’ll wreck my image as a total badass.”
“I smell cocoa, caramel and conformity.”
“I owe you an apology. Relatively speaking, you’re a badass.”
“It’s times like this I wish I had 3,000 fists.”
“I’ll be watching. And judging. And generalizing.”
“I’ve been meaning to—but the thing is, I—so you see—well, I’m glad we had this talk. How about you talk now?”
“I’m down to my second to last emergency flask, so let’s have a toast.”
“I was waiting to tell you until after I was dead, so I wouldn’t have to tell you.”
“Hey! Nobody calls me [name] except my best friends, and my worst enemies.”
“Ah, screw team spirit.”
“It’s okay. I always wanted to go out when I was still young and hot.”
“Oh, man. If this is sadness, I don’t like it one bit.”
“Nothing you can do can fix this!”
“I don’t even think it’s real. It’s just some myth in a book.”
“You lied to me and betrayed me! Get out!”
“Well, hey, good thing is, I swiped the only thing he cares about.”
“That’s gotta make you feel a little better, right?”
“Sorry, it’s just… you have snot, like, all over your face.”
“Just close your eyes and don’t think too much."
"I had to choose you.”
“Thank you for your kind gasps.”
“They taught me the fine art of stabbing.”
“It’s just too painful seeing the truth all the time.”
“I blame myself, cause I didn’t even notice.”
“I’m much more embarrassed than I am aroused.”
“Ha! I foresee trouble in someone’s future.”
“What a horrific day you’ve had. Let’s have too much wine and forget about it all.”
“I can’t believe I’m reduced to talking to you.”
“It’s gonna be another long, lonely night.”
“How did you get like this?”
“Pour a drink, light a cigar, and hand ‘em both to me.”
“This is where I come to clear my head. Or to sleep it off.”
“It’s almost like you were never away.”
“Can you steer my stumbles in the direction of the bed?”
“I have to take action. I hate action!”
“My clothes are really heavy. Can we have this conversation sitting down?”
“I used to spend many nights up here, watching the stars, the moon, the neighbors.”
“The truth has been right under your nose the whole time.”
“You know, we could’ve just gone to marriage counseling.”
“I do know how to pick 'em, don’t I?”
“I should be the one killing everyone. I should be the one creeping everyone out.”
“It was the only way to get you to stop talking.”
“I guess the only bright side is, now I got nothing left to lose.”
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