a warm heart.

roisin jackson. 21 years old. hailgrove u sophomore. musical theorist. violinist. wake up thinking of yesterday. the joy is in remembering; the pain is in knowing it was yesterday ― david levithan

[floodonthefloor]

flashback: milk & honey || gabby & roisin

[floodonthefloor]

Gabby yawns to emphasize the fatigue she feels right now. “I’m not tired so much as I’m like, half asleep.”

She moves her head up when Roisin kisses the top of her head and presses her lips to Roisin’s, smiling when she pulls away. “Mmkay,” she says when Roisin says she’ll make the tea.

Her brow furrows in concern when Roisin cuts herself off. She’s vaguely aware of what Ro might be talking about—or, to be more exact, almost talked about, but she doesn’t want to assume, nor does she want to push Ro into saying anything she doesn’t want to say.”Whoa, whoa,” she says gently, placing her hand on Roisin’s leg to keep her from leaving. “No need to apologize. Is everything okay?”

[roisinjackson]

A small, resigned smile forms on Roisin's face in response to Gabby's comforting gesture. She's so caring and understanding, and it fills Ro with such guilt. She wants nothing more than to open herself right up, to be able to talk to Gabrielle about her condition and everything it entails, but it's ... it's hard. You need to try. She won't put up with your closed off bullshit forever. Just start with being honest about right now.

Roisin takes several long, deep breaths, trying to ignore the slight vibration in her other leg. "I'm fine, Gabs, really. I've just ... I've --" Christ. "I've got to go t-take my medication. And I'm sorry I'm so evasive about it, but ... it just makes it real or whatever," she adds, with a shrug.

[floodonthefloor]

flashback: milk & honey || gabby & roisin

It’s an average Sunday afternoon.

This wasn’t what the average was before—it was always just Gabby, alone in her home, in her pajamas with a cup of tea, watching whatever Sunday cartoon was on the telly, feeling slightly lonely but still relatively comfortable. That was then. 

Now, the average is Gabby and Roisin curled up on the couch together, Ro’s with her head on Gabby’s shoulder, Gabrielle absentmindedly tracing circles with her fingertips along Roisin’s leg. Some nature show is quietly playing on the television. They haven’t done much talking, but that’s okay—one thing that’s their ‘thing’ is the fact that they’re both really, really good at long, comfortable silences; something that Gabby learned is actually a really healthy thing sometimes. The loneliness Gabby used to feel is gone. She feels warm and comfortable.

Gabby leans over to place her now-empty mug on the coffee table, and notices that Roisin’s cup is empty, too.

"Should I go get you some more tea?" she asks, stretching the side of her body currently not occupied by Roisin’s. "I’m so sleepy. We should go nap or something."

[roisinjackson]

"Nap?" Roisin asks, laughing quietly, "Babe, not that I'm complaining, but all we've done today is sit here already half-asleep, watching telly. You can't possibly be tired."

Sitting up straight, Ro places her arm across the back of Gabby's shoulders, gently pulling her girlfriend closer. She takes advantage of the close proximity and places a soft kiss on the top of Gabby's head.

"No, you sit here, I'm pretty sure it's my turn to make the tea," Ro pauses, looking down at her watch, "And I'll get myself some water. It's about time for--" She stops abruptly, suddenly very self aware. My medication is how she'd have finished that sentence, but she stumbled over the words, nervous and embarrassed. Gabrielle knows she's ill, in a sense, and that she needs to take pills every day, but that doesn't make it any easier to talk about. Roisin keeps it to herself, shutting herself in the bathroom or waiting until Gabrielle has gone out to take them. If she doesn't see me with them, then I can pretend it's not real.

It's stupid, flawed logic, but by Ro's reasoning, if they acknowledge that she has this cocktail of medication, then they'll have to talk about her condition, and Roisin isn't completely confident in her ability to handle a conversation like that.

"Sorry," Ro mumbles, taking her arm back and clasping her hands together in her lap, "I'll just ... go put the kettle on and do my thing."

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle + megan

[meganfrasier-blog]

Megan furrows her brow when Roisin says that she won’t come with her—she recognizes the fear all too well, back when her and Emma were attacked by hunters and Megan almost ended up completely avoiding Emma in order to keep her safe, and she isn’t sure if she has the time to give Roisin a lecture on why she needs to be there, nor does she seem have the time to convince Ro to come with her. Megan doesn’t really know the extent of Gabby’s injuries, but from the way Roisin was panicking, it wasn’t just a small burn. “O…kay,” she says. “I have my phone on me. Text me if you need anything. I’ll see you back there,” she calls behind her back, breaking into a run to get to Gabby’s house. 

Once she gets to the house (she’s assuming it’s the right one because it says “ROWLAND” in block letters above her mail slot, she opens the door to find Gabby on the floor, unconscious.

"Shit," she murmurs, rushing over to her and giving Gabby a once-over to gauge the severity of her injuries. She sees that her left hand is badly burned, possibly from where she might have touched Roisin, and when Megan looks up, there’s a dent in the wall that could only have been made by Gabby’s head. Megan gingerly runs her fingers over Gabby’s scalp, hoping that she’s unconscious enough to not be able to feel this, and she feels a large bump on the back of her head. "Christ," she says under her breath. This is going to take a lot of energy to heal, and Roisin isn’t here to spot Megan in case she passes out. 

Shaking her head, she places one hand on Gabby’s burned one, and another on the bump on her head, and closes her eyes. What was that meditation thing Julian was telling me about? She tries to remember, but can’t figure out how to do it, so she does it her own way—she forces as much energy from her own body as she can through her hands, and into Gabby’s hand and head. 

Once she feels like she’s on the brink of fainting, she pulls away, gasping for air a little, and manoeuvres herself so that she’s leaning against the wall next to Gabby. Gabby’s hand is still tinged a slight red, but it’s not nearly as bad, and the bump seems to be entirely gone. She pulls out her phone and calls Roisin, only to be met with her voicemail.

"Whenever you’re ready to come back, please do, Gabby should be fine. I’m waiting for her to wake up now."

She hangs up the phone and waits.

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle + megan

[meganfrasier-blog]

Ignoring the fact that Megan could likely be electrocuted again, she reaches over and pulls Roisin in for a hug. She braces herself for any kind of shock, but relaxes when nothing happens. “You have to calm down, alright?” she says, continuing to hug Roisin until she can read that she’s calmed down (Megan’s reading her right now and Roisin is a human disaster of emotion right now). “It’s all good. I can go help her.” She lets go of Roisin, smiling a little. “I’ll go do the thing.” 

Going back into her room to put on a pair of shoes and a cardigan, she grabs her keys and then turns back to Roisin. “Alright, she’s at your place, yeah? Let’s go. Fast.”

[roisinjackson]

Roisin exhales into Megan's embrace, grateful of both the physical and emotional support. She allows her body to relax, and gradually feels her pulse begin to settle. "How...? Actually, I'm not even going to ask how you knew I needed a hug." Ro looks up at Megan, smiling faintly.

"No, uh, she's at her place, it's nearby." Roisin hesitates, wrestling over whether or not to go with Megan. It's Gabby, I should go. But I could really use some more Valium. Fuck. I'll go to my room, get my drugs, then head over. Yes. Plan. Good. "I'll give you directions, I need to, uh, I've got to do something first," Ro mumbles, hoping that Megan wont ask too many questions.

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle + megan

[meganfrasier-blog]

Megan’s taking a nap when she hears someone knocking on the door. Initially she’s pissed as hell, but then she recognizes Roisin Jackson’s voice, full of panic, and scrambles out of bed. Something’s happened, and Megan’s fairly certain that it has to do with what happened with Roisin and Megan in the library. She quickly rubs her eyes, attempting to wake herself up.

Megan opens the door. “What’s going on?” she asks.

[roisinjackson]

Roisin lets out a sigh of relief as Megan opens the door. Though it's pretty clear that she woke her, suddenly, and Ro's instantly awash with a feeling of guilt. "Shit, Megan, I'm so s-sorry," Ro starts, her voice wavering, "B-but it's Gabby ... I did -- it happened again, Megan, I ..." Ro trails off and descends into a fit of shallow sobs, gesturing half-heartedly by way of an attempt to finish her sentence.

After a few moments, and a half dozen long, deliberate breaths, Roisin eventually manages to compose herself. "I hurt her Megan, I need you to do the thing, if you can. She--" She didn't believe me. And then I hurt her. "That's not important. Can you help her? Please?"

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

Everything has a black tinge to it when Gabby opens her eyes, squinting up at Roisin’s face. There’s a sharp pain pulsing through from her hand to the rest of her body. “It’s fine,” she says, her voice coming out hoarse. I need to stay calm or Roisin will freak out and I’m going to freak out I need to stay calm everything hurts I need to stay calm. 

She attempts to sit up to reassure Roisin, but lets out an involuntary yelp of pain when the ache turns into a burn as she tries to position herself up, and she falls back again. “It’s fine,” she repeats, gritting her teeth. “I don’t know what happened—is there a live wire out here somewhere? God,” she says, starting to panic even more than she already is, “Roisin, be careful. I think there’s a live wire somewh—”

Gabby’s voice cuts off abruptly when she starts to actually think about the sequence of events that have just happened. She blinks, and looks at Roisin. “You—electricity—was that—” 

She takes a deep breath, wincing as another sharp pain goes through her body. Her hand is between feeling like it’s been detached from her arm and as if it’s been severed off. Her thoughts are a jumbled mess, jumping between worrying about a live wire to the pain in her hand or her whole body and the fact that Roisin was just talking about how she had the power to electrocute people. ”Was that you?” She says, gritting her teeth again. “Roisin, what just happened?”

[roisinjackson]

"Shhhh, Gabby. You--you're alright, don't move too much," Ro whispers, running her fingers through Gabby's hair, attempting to sooth her. Worry flashes across her face, briefly, as she wonders if the contact will be dangerous. Thankfully, it's not, and Roisin shifts awkwardly, wrapping her arms around Gabrielle, bringing their bodies close together. She presses a soft kiss to her girlfriend's head, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair. It's comforting, and reminds Roisin of simpler times, before powers and ... heartbreak.

"That's-- it's w-what I tried to tell you, Gabs. It's me," Ro stutters, her voice wobbling, "I'm so sorry. I did this to Megan --" Wait. Roisin's hit by sudden realisation. Megan. Of course. "I have to get Megan. She can heal you, Gabby."

Roisin slowly lifts herself up, making sure to settle Gabby gently. "Here, k-keep the cloth on your hand. I'll be back soon, love, alright?" She presses a final kiss to Gabby's forehead, smiling softly and regretfully.

- - - -

Roisin sprints back to campus, out of breath and cursing the cigarettes she'd recently allowed herself. Everything is so ... it's overwhelming, and Ro's definitely aware of the fact that her valium has worn off. She needs to rest, sleep, to calm down. Soon. Get Megan first.

Finally inside the residence building, Ro scrambles up the stairs and along the corridors to Megan's room. Her fist batters against the door, and she calls out for her friend. "Megan, it's Roisin. I need your help."

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

Gabby feels panic and guilt starting to set in as she watches Roisin get up to walk away. She’s aware that she probably sounds like she’s not taking Ro seriously at all, and she sits there for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to Roisin to convince her that she doesn’t necessarily not believe her, but that she thinks maybe Roisin just needs rest. ”It’s okay, please don’t leave,” she says, moving forward to grab Roisin’s hand—

And she’s met with shock. A literal shock. She’s thrown back about a metre, a sharp pain coursing from her hand all the way through her body. She lands with a dull thud. "Fucking hell!" she yells. Gabby feels like she’s been paralyzed, her eyes are squeezed shut, she can’t seem to open them, what is going on what is happening to me? is the only thing running through her head.

[roisinjackson]

Roisin feels the familiar buzz and vibration in her arms as Gabby moves towards her. Shit, no. Everything drops into slow motion, and she opens her mouth, to try and stop her girlfriend from touching her, but no words come out, and it's entirely too late. Roisin can only watch as Gabby falls backwards, the sound of static crackling in her eyes.

She quickly glances down at her own hands, the distinct blue glow once again present. "Shit, Gabby." Roisin rushes over, wrecked by guilt and adrenaline. "Oh, god, Gab, I'm so -- Shit, are you okay?" Her eyes scan across Gabby; there's a burn, and it's isolated to where their hands had touched. Ro dashes to the kitchen and runs a cloth under the cold water, before returning to place it on Gabby's hand. She's impressed by her ability to react with any sort of sensibility. "Gabs, open your eyes, look at me. Please."

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

Obviously, Gabby doesn’t want to be telling Roisin that there’s anything wrong with her—but she has no idea what to do. “Okay, I think you need some rest, love,” she says gently, placing a hand on Roisin’s knee. “It’s exam season, stress can do strange things. I think that maybe, there was a bunch of static electricity, and you shocked Megan, and your brain tricked you into thinking that it was a lot worse than it was. Panic can make you do that, right? Make you think that things are a lot worse than they actually are?” 

[roisinjackson]

Roisin flinches at the contact as Gabby's hand comes to rest on her knee. She doesn't meant to jerk away but it's entirely involuntary. She sighs, totally resigned. "I don't need rest, Gabby. I need --" Ro stops, suddenly very concious of her tone. It's not Gabrielle's fault that she doesn't believe this, and Roisin tries not to sound so agitated. "I'm not making things up, Gabs, I swear. If I could prove it to you right now, I would. It wasn't just static - my hands were glowing blue for crying out loud. Jesus." Her cursing is directed mostly at herself. "I should go. I shouldn't have come here. I don't have nearly enough proof - I ... I've worried you. I'm such an idiot."

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

Gabby’s running through everything in her mind, trying her hardest to suspend her disbelief, but it’s not working. 

"Uh." She scratches her head, pursing her lips for a moment, and nods. he’s thinking hallucinations, she needs to stop taking those pills, what if they’re causing her to hallucinate, but she’s pretty sure that valium doesn’t cause hallucinations. Was Roisin mixing things with her pills? Concern washes over her. Ro’s going on about powered people and being one of them and Gabby isn’t sure as to what she’s supposed to say in response to any of this.

"Roisin, what are the side effects of valium, again?" 

[roisinjackson]

Shit. She doesn't believe a word of this. Of course she doesn't. And she thinks it's just my drugs. Great.

"It's not ... I'm not taking anything, Gabby. Nothing I'm not prescribed, I mean. I've been on this SSRI for years, and only take the valium when needed. But -- no, my prescription drug use doesn't have anything to do with this. At least, I hope it doesn't?" Roisin rattled off the words at an extraordinary speed, a consequence of the adrenaline running through her veins.

Ro looked up at Gabby again. It was clear her girlfriend wasn't going to simply accept the information given to her. Shaking her head, exasperated, Ro look several sips of her tea. "It's ridiculous, I know. And I don't fully understand it either. If you'd been there today, though, and saw it for yourself ... Megan, she -- Shit. I'm sorry, Gabby. I'm so sorry."

[siennablackwood]

I can trust you, right Roisin? Because I could really do with this story not being spread all over campus. 

I’m trying to keep it on the DL as much as possible. I don’t wanna become the girl who got catfished and then assaulted by the girl who had been stringing her on. I just wish I could remember why. 

[roisinjackson]

Of course you can, you should know that.

Anything you tell me stays between us. I'm here for you if you want to talk about it or try to piece together what might have happened.

[siennablackwood]

Long story short, my ‘boyfriend’ turned out to be less ‘boy’ and less ‘friend’ than I thought. And I think we must have fought because I remember meeting hi-her and then it’s all fuzzy until I woke up in a friend’s dorm room. And that was like, three days ago. I’ve been all over the place since.

[roisinjackson]

Okay, hold up. You met him. But he wasn't a him. And then you don't know what happened? Holy shit. And I thought I had a rough few days. Are you okay? Did you go to the cops or something?

[siennablackwood]

Anyone know who you’re supposed to report to when you haven’t been to class for like, three days because your once-boy/girlfriend randomly attacked you in the middle of campus? 

Anyone? 

[roisinjackson]

Wait ... what? Are you alright? What the hell happened?

[floodonthefloor]

@gabberz: late night jamming before bed

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

Gabby still has a bad feeling about it all, but she decides to shake it. For Roisin’s sake. Her initial suspicion of someone maybe passing didn’t seem to be an accurate one, to her relief, but things were still very, very strange and it was making her extremely nervous. Picking at a loose thread on the couch, Gabby nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine, it’s fine. And of course I’ll hear you out. Always.”

[roisinjackson]

"Something happened today, Gabs. In the library. I did something and Megan got hurt and I don't fully understand it and I'm frightened and --" Roisin's gaze dropped to the floor. Breathe, Ro. Focus. Explain things as transparently as you can. Facts. And don't talk too quickly.

"I gave Megan a shock, presumably as a result of some kind of electric charge. We were using flashcards - that music fundamentals test is coming up - and our hands brushed as she handed them over. The next thing I know, she's writhing in pain on the floor and my hands are glowing blue and there's these little sparks flickering between the gaps in my fingers."

Fuck. "It sounds ridiculous now that I say it out loud, but it's the truth. I felt kind of weird all morning; kind of like I was on the verge of an anxiety attack, but -- shit, this isn't even the important bit."

Roisin stopped, taking several minutes to gather her thoughts and remember everything that Megan told her about Hailgrove. She glanced at Gabby, trying to gauge how she was handling the information. "She - Megan - she said this place, it's a school for powered people," Ro continued, her voice dropping to a whisper, "And that in all likelihood, I'm one of Them."

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

"Both. I’m writing this song called ‘Home’, but I’m not going to tell you anything about it yet because it’s still in its early stages and I have no idea where it’s going right now. Also, I’m trying to improve on finger picking a little more instead of exclusively strumming chords." Gabby’s starting to ramble, but mostly because she’s almost putting off hearing about whatever bad news Roisin has. 

Don’t get ahead of yourself, Gabby. It might not even be bad news. 

"So," she said after a long pause, sitting down close to Roisin, "You’re here. I mean, I love being around you, but—you know—this is the first time you’ve come completely unannounced. Which you’re allowed doing, by the way. But it’s your first time doing that. And I—" Gabby shakes her head. "I’m worried. Is everything alright?"

[roisinjackson]

"That's great though. I'm looking forward to hearing it at some point," Ro replied, her voice shaky as she tried to mask her agitation. She wanted nothing more than to continue a conversation about music, but it was pretty evident to her that Gabby wasn't prepared to sit in the dark for too much longer.

"I am sorry, I know I don't usually do this, I just --" She paused, allowing herself a few sips of tea, "-- I needed to see you. I should have just gone back to my dorm, and slept and maybe called you tomorrow morning, but clearly I had other ideas for myself. So, here I am. Sorry. Again." Roisin shrugged, giving Gabby a half-hearted smile.

"I'm going to be completely honest with you, Gabrielle," Ro began, "And you're probably not going to believe anything that I'm about to tell you. But I swear on everyone's lives, I'm not bullshitting you. Can you promise me that you'll at least hear me out?"

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

At this point, Gabby was convinced someone died—Roisin usually does that thing where she immediately starts rambling about whatever’s got her panicking, but she was awfully reserved about things right then and Gabby had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. Regardless, she hugged Ro back and kissed the side of her head, using one hand to rub her back. “All good. Take your time, breathe.” She broke away from the hug to kiss Roisin’s nose. “I’ll go put the kettle on, you can go make yourself comfortable wherever. My guitar’s on the couch, though, you can feel free to move that if you want to sit there.”

She went to the kitchen to pour water into the kettle, her hands shaking slightly. What was going on? Resting her hands on the kitchen counter, she closed her eyes to calm herself down, breathing in, out, in, out, until she was calm again. Stay calm for her. Stay calm for her. 

Gabby did breathing exercises like this until the kettle started to whistle, and she poured the hot water into two mugs, placing the teabags in and adding milk and sugar accordingly.

Carrying the two mugs, she left the kitchen to give the tea to Roisin, ready to face whatever it was that she had to say to her. 

[roisinjackson]

"Thank you, you're perfect, as always," Ro said softly, picking up her bag. She headed towards the living room as Gabby moved to the kitchen. Roisin felt intensely guilty already, and she'd barely been there five minutes. It was times like these that Ro wished she was different, and not plagued by such acute anxiety. She hated the consequential effects it had on Gabrielle. It wasn't fair.

Roisin briefly interrupted her train of thought, taking off her jacket and moving Gabby's guitar before slouching into the couch. How am I supposed to explain this to her? She's not going to believe me. She's going to think I'm crazier than I already am. Fuck. What if ...

She didn't have a chance to continue the thought as Gabrielle entered the room with the tea. Ro took one of the mugs from her, wrapping her hands around it, grateful of the warmth. "Thanks," she said, her voice fragile and wavering, "Have you been writing? Or just practising?"

Ro knew she was avoiding the entire reason for her impromptu visit, but she had to build up to talking, and it was always best to start with something innocuous.

[roisinjackson]

show me that you're human // roisin & gabrielle

[floodonthefloor]

Gabby had been in the midst of writing a new song when the knocking on her door startled her, causing her to drop her pen.

"What in the living hell…" she muttered, placing her guitar on the couch. She hadn’t been expecting any guests today.

When she opened the door, there was a sudden waft of the smell of cigarettes coming in with the wind with that action. That, along with a frantic-looking Roisin, suddenly had Gabrielle in panic mode, too. Ro doens’t usually smoke unless she’s nervous / anxious / panicking about something. What’s happening? 

She stepped aside wordlessly, waiting for Roisin to come in—a ‘what’s wrong?’ or ‘is everything okay?’ could cause Ro to panic, for all Gabrielle knew (she knows that whenever anyone asks someone panicking if they’re okay, they panic even more).

[roisinjackson]

Roisin crossed the threshold of Gabby's house, mumbling a hello. She carefully closed the door behind her and turned to face Gabby, letting out a contented sigh. The sight of her girlfriend always made Ro feel better, even if it was only for a brief moment before the panic stole back its control. "I'm sorry for barging in like this, Gabs, I know I should have called first but I just left campus and was kind of on autopilot and I was just walking and then next thing I know I'm your front door and --"

She stopped her barrage of words abruptly, suddenly very concious of herself and everything she was saying. Ro opened her mouth to speak again, but nothing came out, and instead, she choked over a nervous feeling of dread in her throat. Letting her bag slip from her shoulder to the floor, Roisin's body buckled into Gabby's and she pulled her girlfriend into a tight hug.

Awkwardly resting her head on Gabrielle's shoulder, Roisin took a few long, deep breaths. "I just need you for a minute. Then I'll talk and explain," Ro whispered, eventually, "And maybe we can put the kettle on?" I'd kill for a cup of tea.