Fade x Neon "How can you love me?" - oneshot
Request : "Hey. I'm actually kind of interested in one. A few weeks ago I saw an art, where Fade and Neon stood in the rain and Fade was asking "How can you love me?" And then I was really interested in what situation the could possibly have that led them to this. Its suppose to be a fluff I guess, just a bit confused Fade about her and Neons feelings. I don't have any wishes, jusr surprise me. Well except one, please use their real names, not nicknames. Thanks"
Content warnings : psychological distress, self-isolation, self-loathing, emotional insecurity, discussion of trauma aftermath, mild angst but mainly fluff, guilt.
A/N : This is a request coming from AO3 from "Heyerez" :), This is what situation I think could lead up to the artwork "How can you love me?" about the two girls. I was trying to be vague towards the end bcs I couldn't find the art you were speaking of :p. My request page
The mission had been a success.
The others celebrated it accordingly.
Laughter drifted through the conmon room. Miks had turned on music, someone else was aruging over who deserved credit for the final push.
Hazal listened from the hallway. not because she wanted to join, but because she coulsn't allow herself to.
The darkness at her fingertips has long since faded, but she could feel the remnants of it beneath her skin. Echoes of panic, terror. The lingering taste of fears thats hadn't belonged to her yet impacted her psyche so much.
The others moved on easily, they always did. But it didn't feel right with her, why would they still associate themselves with her even after knowing what she's capable of, even after seeing and feeling for themselves what she can do.
Hazal pressd her shoulder against the wall and closed her eyes, the mission replayed itself behind her eyelids. Not the fighting, not the gunfire... The fear.
The moment her nightmares took a hold of the enemy team, the way terror had spread through them like poison. She remembers every detail. The sharp spike of panic, the desperation, the helplessness.
The part she hated most was how familiar it all felt. Fear was easy for her to understand, it always had been.
A burst of laughter erupted from the common room, and for a bried moment she could almost picture herself walking inside, taking a seat, accepting a drink, listening to Phoenix tell some exaggerated version of the mission.
But the image felt wrong, like foring together two pieces that didn't belong.
The others were light, life, movement. And she-
A door creeked, snapping Hazal out of her trance, stopping her mid thought.
She didn't need to look to know who it was, the footsteps were too quick, too energetic, too familiar.
Hazal exhaled slowly, eyes remained glued to the ground, fingertips tapping a rythm against her thigh.
"No?" Tala asked, arm crossed and head tilted to the side. "Then why are you standing alone in a dark hallway like a tragic character from a novel?"
Tala was energetic, honest, but not oblivious. There was no fooling her. She never treated Hazal like she was broken, didn't baby her or become overbearing, but she wanted to get through to her, to get it through her thick skull that yes, she loved her.
Hazal finally turned her head, her heterochromic eyes meeting Tala's brown ones.
Tala stood a few feet away with her hands shoved into the pockets of her jacket. bright, arm. Entirely too perceptive when she wanted to be.
"That's not the same thing."
Hazal looked away, and unfortunately the bluehaired girl took that as encouragement. She stepped closer, the sounds of the celebration continued behind her, close enough to hear, far enough to feel distant.
Hazal's jaw tightened. She knew Tala said it to cheer her up, to make her feel proud. But it's hard to feel proud of something that makes your life hell, definetely hard to feel good about the ability to make someone relive their own hell.
"That's not what they're saying in there."
Neon's brow furrowed, head tilting to the side as she moved to lean against the same wall Fade was leaning against, shoulder -to-shoulder, heart-to-heart.
"They're literally arguing over who has to pay for takeout."
Understanding flashed across Tala's face, the kind that Hazal hated because it meant she knew.
"You mean your abilities."
Hazal said nothing, silence was answer enough. and Tala already knew.
Neon shifted her position against the all, inhaling and exhaling deeply, not from annoyance, but just.. thinking.
For once, she didn't rush to fill the space between them. When she spoke, her voice was quieter, controlled.
"Do you know what I saw today?"
Hazal expected reassurance, pity, some carefully chosen attempt at comfort. Instead? Neon looked at the wall across from them before meeting Hazal's eyes.
"I saw someone save our lives."
The dark haired woman laughed once, a hollow sound, momentarily avoiding Tala's gaze.
"You didn't feel what they felt."
The answer came easily, without hesitation. Neon met her gaze.
That made Hazal pause, wonder what she meant, what she'd say.
"I saw someone who hates doing that," Tala continued. "I saw somebody who looked sick afterward. And I saw somebody who still used those powers anyway because people would've gotten hurt if she didn't."
The hallway suddenly felt much smaller, narrower, just the two of them staring at one another like there was nobody else in the world but them.
Hazal hated that... She hated being understood, It made walls she'd spent years building feel fragile.
Tala pushed off the wall, slowly, carefully, like approaching a stray cat with trust issues, giving her every opporturnity to walk away.
Hazal sighed, already feeling like she'd once again hear the same words she heard on repeat before, the same words that meant something but felt shallow.
"I think you're scared of yourself."
The words landed harder than they should have, because they were true, they always had been no matter how much she'd like to deny it.
Tala's expression softened, eyes focused on Hazal's for a minute too long.
"And I think everyone in that room knows it."
The music drifted through the doorway, laughter followed, life, waiting for them.
"For what it's worth," Neon continued, nudging her shoulder lightly against Hazal's "they're not celebrating because they're ignoring what you can do."
Hazal looked at her, really looked at her this time. That usually cocky face softer, her usual grin replaced with an expression filled with softness.
"They're celebrating because they now whose side you're on."
For a long moment Hazal said nothing, she didn't feel like she had too. Then, despite herself, she found her gaze drifting towards the common room. Towards the people she still wasn't entirely concinced she deserved.
And for the first time all evening, the distance between herself and the doorway didn't seem quite impossible.
