just me

dumping everything from my notes. mostly just vents/rants. all are shit posts. shitty writing and an even shittier artist

[ghostpainters]

1980's inspired Teen Titans

Here's some fun Teen Titans redesigns I did for the heck of it. I'm still working on Blackfire, and I am hoping to get around to some of the others. I know the roster of characters I have right now doesn't make any particular type of sense. But I just started drawing the characters that I like to draw and let it grow from there :)

[roli-is-nuanced]

August 27, 2025 || 23:58

Hi self, I’m back..

Reading all the posts I’ve made before in this blog,, I don’t recognize who wrote it anymore nor what my thought processes were when i wrote that.

it’s a curious thing for me, to think about how 2 years could change a person drastically.

I’m not oblivious to change, no..of course not, but to acknowledge it at all? Well, it’s hard, especially when you don’t notice that you’re changing at all.

I don’t know if it’s for the better or dreadfully, for the worse but I know that I’ve gotten older.. and I think that I’ve lost a lot of my past self that I want to regain again.

Where was all that spark? That action?

What happened to me…?

But.. I learned a lot. Experienced a lot.

I want to simultaneously live through all projections …all versions of myself because I’m scared of losing what’s truly me.

But it’s funny because I don’t know who I am anyways.

Well.. that’s all for now. My brain is turning to mush.. I don’t like it.

End of writing. || 00:07

[roli-is-nuanced]

(oops! sumn inspired me 💀)

"4 days ago"

It's so beautiful how we use words as a capsule for the brimming day that somehow it's prodigality is excessive or even exceedingly barren, so we write "days". Days to describe the rotation of our cradle, terra, as she dances with shadows filling the crevices of her corners, or lighting up the face of her forwardness.

"4 days ago". A phrase to sum that 4 dances with our bright star has passed. Those 4 days that is full of inordinate moments turned to seconds, that turned into minutes, that turned into hours as we reach the tail end of the dance.

4 days ago, I was in your arms. 4 days ago, we remained supine in the sin we are- in what we have done, yet we are, to our eyes, worthy.

We are punished for our hubris, for what is a man to love one's similar- in body and soul, oh, what a crime it is to love a man as a man.

4 days ago, we were not one but coalesced to become the same.

Yet, what have we become? Seperated- severed, as if our limbs are removed from our bodies, and our soul apart from its catalyst.

I wished- I continue to wish to see you, yet how should I do so when you've departed from this plane by the wrath of the ones we sinned against.

[roli-is-nuanced]

(short poem about communicating with technology ❤️‍🩹)

fingers tap

tap away

foot steps go

another

person's ear

[roli-is-nuanced]

pillow

so soft

dreams eat

the pillow holds

[roli-is-nuanced]

Everytime I feel irritated and angry towards you, I always feel a deep thrum of love despite it all. It agonizes, it eats me up, it wholly chows my soul and yet. I love you. To be with you despite it all. I love you and sometimes I wish you feel that too.

[roli-is-nuanced]

How can I love?

I'm running out all of me.

[roli-is-nuanced]

Inedible? Why are foods that can't be eaten called inedible? Is it because food inevitably become inedible? I don't know, I like making meanings. Means to mean, you know? Just to be. Maybe I'm inedible.

[roli-is-nuanced]

maybe I should focus on watering my other plants 'stead of watering the already dying one, hoping it would live

[roli-is-nuanced]

I crave to experience the beauty my mind can only imagine.

[roli-is-nuanced]

You don't know how much it pains me. You don't know how much I grieve you being my mom.

You don't know how much I want a mom.

[roli-is-nuanced]

Sometimes, whenever I write in my journal, I think to myself that "Hey, past self from 10 minutes ago, you actually like tomatoes, the one you just tasted was bad. Next time, we should try waking up twice, see what'll change."

[roli-is-nuanced]

I'm slowly starting to like living and it scares the hell out of me. I have more things to lose, more responsibilities to shoulder, and more efforts to make so that living my life won't be in vain.

And it's just so hard and scary because I always think of death as a safety net but now when I'm starting to want to live?

I have nothing to fall into when I fail.