By this point, hopefully we’re discharged and home.
Lately in life, I am tested to a point where I could really crash out in terms of my faith and belief. Still, I am imperfect, flawed, and would be dead in a ditch if you ask my life verse or anything bible related.
Anyways, try this. On May I lost my dad. The weekend supposedly that my mom was coming to my dad’s wake, she messages me that she’s in pain with her stomach around the kidney area. Alas, doctor’s report it’s UTI. I said let’s get you checked up and have two opinions. First doctor accredited by my HMO says she’s got a cyst and nothing major. Second doctor says it’s already big and needs surgery or kidney aspiration. If the universe or God is sending me signs for not remembering my life verse or going to church, this might just be it.
Fast forward, di ko na rin shinare talaga to, even with my super close hometown friends. Pero nagpapacheck up mom ko and schedule ng operation dito sa provincial hospital namin sa Bataan.
So heto na kami on a Friday. I feel really shitty because I have to balance my life, working at Thursday evening and couldn’t be at the hospital on Friday afternoon for my mom’s surgery dahil tulog pa ko and I asked my tita to look after her.
Imagine na Russian roulette ang pwede kong marinig na news as my mom has a history na di agad nagigising sa anesthesia.
At that point, I prayed to God, thy will be done. I could beg and cry, but nasa defeatist point talaga ko na everything happens for a reason, pero of course, sabi ko talaga, jusko naman po lord na isa na lang magulang ko, wag naman sana talaga.
Happy to say and share na by the time I’m posting this okay na ang mom ko and she’s recovering, may pain pa sa tusok sa likod, but alive, awake, and kung pinakain ko na daw ba si Coffee. I knew then, she’ll be recovering well.
Hindi ko alam if fun or scary fact to. The night before pa ang surgery ng mom ko, yung kashare niya ng room na isa na diabetic na naputulan ng paa, ayun tinry irevive sa room nila. Imagine the scary uncertainty of life. Yung patient is 70+ year old na daw si lola and nakaidlip lang bantay niya tapos nawala na.
So, me, tatlong oras pa lang natutulog ko and doon ako humiga malapit kay lola na namayapa. I guess, it’ll come when it’ll come. I’m still working on my dad’s passing and natanggap ko if di siya nagparamdam sakin, maybe there are things better left unsaid or maybe one day when ready na siya.
Tapos now by around July 04, nilipat kami ng room kasi may audit whatnot pa raw yung rooms. Okay lang din naman itong nalipatan namin, medyo less crowded.
Ang na encounter ko na lang ay itong katapat namin na medyo madaldal na mommy. Dama kong may boka siya and either magiging dds o bbm to. Well, di pa ko sure, ang naging takeaway ko na lang ay Baptist o Christian siya and once nalaman niya religion ko, naging religious talks na lang.
Ang medyo naging pet peeve ko from talking about career to medyo biruan na career oriented na ang generation ko at di na mag aanak o jowa, ay yung pov niya na malapit na daw ang paghuhukom at may signs na. Heto nanaman tayo sa repent and ang di mag acknowledge kay lord siguro ay di masasave. Well thankfully di niya inimply itong isa kong thought. Kasi nga pet peeve ko ang religious people thinking na saved na sila because they know God and active sila. Parang DDS mindset na rin na authoritarian baga.
Pero sige, end ko siya in a good note since di naman kami nakarating doon. Pinagdasal ako nitong ni mommy na katapat namin, knocked out asleep na si mom ko din naman. I really appreciated it, kahit may difference sa sector namin, since Christian based pa rin naman.
I think, it’s God’s way of saying, I’ll annoy you with religion and faith and make you meet people, but I will watch over you. Maybe, I’d like to adapt that belief. I keep to myself most of the time, pero itong si mommy na katapat namin maboka naman din. I did feel lightened by her prayer, never thought I needed it. I hope she recovers well, natanggalan siya ng appendix and palabas na rin naman.
Again, I’m flawed, imperfect, forgetful, and not much into the practice, but I know to respect a being above and everything sacred with religion. So I’m still thankful na okay na mom ko. She’s getting older, but I won’t be pressured to pursue things in life just because she’s getting older. The goal is be strong enough alone to care for her. If I have community, great. If not, I’ll pray for strength to carry the challenges.
So I guess, hug your loved ones tightly and say what you feel, but also, live your life authentically by yourself. If you can forgive and forget, you’re strong. If you can’t, it’s valid as well. Me at this point. I would want the best for my mom and patience ang ipapractice ko for everything she’s done and given me in this life.
