Roommate Chaos

The chronicals of four new-adults in a basement. I am F, an osteology and general science nerd with chronic pain in college and working in a museum. C is my freaking wonderful boyfriend, an actor and film maker/editor. V is his twin and ranger-in-training. D is an archaeology dork who is dangerously overly obsessed with bad memes.

[roommatechaos]

"Did it work? Did you sneeze out the depression?"

Me after putting sage under C's face

[roommatechaos]

"Just watch all of Downtown Abbey until the wolves fuck."

-C's Cousin

[roommatechaos]

"Sorry, I didn't mean to change the topic and interrupt myself mid sentence, just all of a sudden the polar bears were just really strong in my heart."

-F

[roommatechaos]

"That guy fucked his cousin with the second ammendment around his dick."

-C

[roommatechaos]

"We all love each other; The two of us."

-C

[roommatechaos]

"I'm like the dopest fucking glomp you've ever glomped."

-F

[roommatechaos]

Our tap water tastes like tuna this morning

[roommatechaos]

F: "I'm almost glad facebook stalks me now, it's like 'Hey you wanna click on this ad?' Fuck yeah I wanna click on that ad."

[roommatechaos]

D just walked away into the bathroom and sang, "🎶 I'm gonna go and take a shit all niiiight. 🎶

[roommatechaos]

C and F, talking about F's boss.

C: "He's cool."

F: "He's fucking doooope."

[roommatechaos]

D: *staring at a slinky* "Dude. This is like a futuristic wrap drive dude."

[roommatechaos]

"If you eat the alligator that ate your dad, you can absorb all the dad powers through the alligator. Then you avoid the murder part but have the dad powders."

-C

[roommatechaos]

D: "Can you eat dragon ass?"

F: "D, I hate you."

[roommatechaos]

C: "Wow, our socks are so similair!"

"YOU'RE NOT WEARING SOCKS."

C: *looks down*

[roommatechaos]

V: "Dang, I guess your voice isn't buttery enough"

C: *says something gravely*

V: "That's like, Rock Butter."

[roommatechaos]

"Somebody's gonna be cuddle-puddled. I don't care who it is, but somebody's gotta do it."

-C about the movie seating arrangements

[roommatechaos]

D: "Hey C. I'm pretty sure your girlfriend is actually just an elf. Like, you're dating an elf. Your kid would be a halfling."

C: "I know."