Hey, wondering if you'd like to do a scene analysis for Carol and Daryl's argument in Find Me (10x18)?
When carol says "is it possible she just left?" and daryl says "WHAT" and then Carol says "it's not an accusation", I'm never sure what's happening there. What is the 'accusation'? There are a lot of parallels between leah and carol. And daryl says that he should have been there for leah while carol says she doesn't need a saviour etc. I wondered whether daryl is so sensitive about the idea that leah just left bc that's something carol has done to him which hurt him? Or maybe it means something else.
And there's also when daryl says to carol "you never know when to stop" which parallels carol saying to him during his years in the woods "I don't want to lose you out here because you don't know when to stop".
And when he says "I know where I'm supposed to be" as well as him writing to Leah "I belong with you". What are your thoughts about those things?
I also spotted that after Carol leaves the argument saying that she's going to fix the door, in the closing moment, you can hear her with a hammer presumably fixing the door while Daryl is still looking out the window. To me, this symbolises how she's trying to fix things while Daryl is still looking for what he thinks he needs to find. I haven't heard anyone else talk about the symbolism of this bit, so would love to hear if you have any thoughts?
Would love to hear your general thoughts and opinions about the scene too :)
Ooo, this is such a good ask, thank you! Season 10 Episode 18, Find Me, is such a heart-wrenching episode and I'm so excited to do an analysis for this scene. It's a very difficult scene for a lot of Carol/Caryl fans especially to get through but there's a lot of interesting details to unpick within it so let's get started.
Before I get onto the analysis of the fight scene between Daryl and Carol, I want to mention how previous to this scene happening, it's Carol who finds the note that Daryl initially left for Leah "we belong together - find me" and that's the catalyst for this whole upcoming conversation. It's no coincidence that Carol was actually the person to find the note and as she's now on her way to find him in France, I find this detail very interesting.
Now, onto the analysis. For me, a lot of this scene can be understood by thinking about Daryl's hero/guilt complex, made up of pieces of trauma that he's really struggled with as early as season 3. It started with Merle, then Beth, then Glenn, then Connie and now Leah, whom he has no idea where she is or if she's even alive. This is a big reason why the conversation starts with Daryl saying "I should've been there - I could've helped her" because he feels guilty, for multiple reasons: Daryl began his relationship with Leah during the time when Carol went to marry Ezekiel. Whilst Daryl had given Carol his blessing to marry Ezekiel, it's clear to see how disappointed and sad he is whilst doing it and it was confirmed through Angela Kang's script notes that Daryl was jealous of Ezekiel during this scene but ultimately, Daryl being Daryl and how much he cares about Carol, wants to put her happiness first and if that means giving her his blessing to marry someone else, he's going to do that. Now obviously, the main reason why Daryl was out in the woods during the 6 year time jump in season 9 was to look for Rick, I believe another reason he chooses to stay out in the woods is because he can't bare to see Carol and Ezekiel together every day and this is why he refuses their offers to stay at the Kingdom during the time jump. There are some very noticeable parallels between Carol and Leah. Firstly, there are some parallels of the scenes Daryl shares with Carol during Find Me and those he shares with Leah in the flashbacks of the same episode, one of these being the most noticeable is the fishing scene. Moreover, there are quite a few similarities and parallels between Leah and Carol as people, the most noticeable being that both women have lost a child and consequently decided to isolate themselves in a cabin away from everyone else. The theory is that Daryl, seeing all of these similarities between Leah and Carol, took comfort in Leah who almost put a plaster, if you like, over the hole in Daryl's heart that Carol had left when she went to marry Ezekiel. This is just one of the reasons why Daryl feels guilty because he was never in love with her and Leah knew this because she admits it to Pope in Season 11 Episode 4, Rendition - that's because Daryl's heart was already with somebody else, she'd just temporarily covered the hole in his heart that they'd left. Daryl probably also felt guilty because he didn't give his full commitment to Leah and only decided to go to the cabin to be with her properly once Carol told him that she wouldn't be able to come and visit him at his camp anymore due to her commitments at the Kingdom. I believe this is because Daryl finally realised that he'd lost Carol for good because before, with her continuing to visit him at his camp and even offering to come and stay out in the woods with him, his heart probably still held a little bit of hope in it. The other thing that probably makes Daryl feel guilty is that when he finally did go to the cabin to be with her, she'd already gone and from what we could tell, he didn't spend much time actively looking for her, as he had other people who'd gone missing. I think, with him saying this at the beginning of the conversation, Daryl worries that something could've happened to Leah and he thinks that maybe, if he'd been there when it happened, he could've prevented it or stopped her from getting hurt.
Carol suggests that maybe Leah left of her own accord. I believe that Daryl says "what?!" here because he doesn't want to believe that Leah would've done that after telling him she would wait for him to make a decision about what he wants and where he wants to be. I also believe this is why Carol responds with "it's not an accusation" because she doesn't want Daryl to think she's accusing Leah of just fleeing and abandoning him, especially when neither of them know the full story or what actually happened.
It's moments after this that it becomes clear Carol is, however, fully aware of Daryl's hero/guilt complex and I think she fully believes this is why he's so caught up about Leah as she says "stop thinking that every time you lose someone it's your fault, because of something you've done". This is her gentle way of trying to tell him that if Leah just left or decided she didn't want to be with him any more of her own free will, then that's Leah's choice and Leah's loss - it's not on him.
However, this is where some of Daryl's feelings about everything start to come out and there are deeper meanings under the surface that come with everything he's saying. Carol begins by listing some of the people who she believes Daryl feels like he's had a part to play in or blames himself completely for their dissapearence and/or demise: Leah, Rick and Connie. I believe that Carol in no way, shape or form blames Daryl for what happened to Connie and that she instead fully blames herself. However, knowing him as well as she does, especially as she knows of his hero/guilt complex, I think she thinks there may be even a small part of him that blames himself for Connie. She's very quickly proven wrong though because Daryl turns around and tells her he thinks what happened to Connie is on her and that she never knows when to stop. As previously mentioned, I think Carol already believes she's fully to blame for Connie but I think hearing it coming from the mouth of the person who's closest to her is a bit like a kick in the teeth. Daryl telling Carol she doesn't know when to stop is a parallel to when she told him, in one of the flashbacks during Find Me, that she doesn't want to lose him outside in the woods because he doesn't know when to stop looking for Rick. Therefore, it's like Daryl is pointing out that she told him he needs to learn when to stop but she also needs to learn the same thing. It's also him starting to let out his hurt and frustration about how, no matter what he did or said to her to try and help and comfort her, she wouldn't stop hurting herself and she broke her promise that she would stop trying to hurt herself in Season 10 Episode 9, Squeeze, whilst they were in the cave.
Carol goes on to say that whilst she's sorry for what happened to Connie, she's not sorry for going after the horde and for getting justice for Henry's death. When she says that she was right, I believe she's refering to being right about Alpha and her behaviour and her predictions for how the Whisperer war would go. This upsets Daryl more because to him, her saying that she's not sorry about going after the horde could also mean she's not sorry for the consequences that brought but more importantly to him, she's also not sorry for risking her life in the process, something he desperately tried to prevent for weeks as he was trying to get the message through to her that it would crush him if anything happened to her, but that message kept falling on deaf ears. This is why Daryl turns around and says "and that's all that matters, you being right". To me, this is a callback to Season 10 Episode 8, The World Before, when Daryl tells her "you want her dead so badly, you don't even care what happens to you." Daryl is saying this to her because he's hurt that she's willing to put the people she cares about's lives but most importantly her life on the line just so she could defeat Alpha and prove she was right about the Whisperers, when he believes that she's fully aware what the impact on him would be if she got hurt or worse, died.
It's now that Carol realises that this whole conversation they're having isn't even about Leah, or Connie or anybody else. She realises it's about her. She asks Daryl to tell her what he really wants to say. She asks him to open up to her and be honest with her. Daryl responds with "you shouldn't have come". This is him using a deflection tactic - he doesn't want to say what he really wants to her. I believe this is because of a mixture of him not wanting to open up right now because of how hurt and frustrated he is and him not wanting to snap at her and saying something he'll end up regretting. I also think there's a part of him that regrets starting this conversation and he's a bit mad that they came across the cabin which became the catalyst for the conversation and that's also why he tells her she shouldn't have come.
When Carol says that she wanted to come to help, I believe her. I believe that by the time we get to 10C, especially the latter half of 10C, Carol has realised the consequences of some of her actions earlier in the season and it's clear she's thought a lot about the mistakes she's made and is now ready to start fixing them and building bridges with people. Therefore, I definitely don't think she's lying when she says this. Daryl, however, as the person who knows her the best, knows that there's more to it than just that and that's why he responds with "no, you wanted to run." It's not that he didn't believe what she said but that he knew there was another, maybe bigger reason behind her wanting to come with him. He says he believes she's running from her guilt but I believe another part of the reason why he thinks she's running and why he's upset and worried about is because she's not happy being around Team Family, but more specifically him. He knows he would do anything to make her happy but as she keeps running, that puts doubts in his mind about whether he'll ever be able to make her happy and that hurts him (more on this later).
When he says that she made it his problem, she says his only problem is feeling like he needs to save everybody - another reminder that she's fully aware of his hero/guilt complex, because if there's anybody he can't save, he will never be able to forgive himself for what happens to them. This hurts Daryl though, even more so when Carol says she doesn't need a saviour because if there's anybody he wants to protect and save at anytime, it's her. From the very early days, he's been saving her, protecting her and looking after her just as she's done him and he's enjoyed doing this because he wants to do it for her so hearing her say that she doesn't need that is really hard for him, especially because he couldn't bare to see her in any danger.
When Carol tells him she just needs a friend, Daryl responds with "friends don't have the same conversations over and over again." Again, this feeds into Daryl's frustration about the fact that he was desperately trying to be there for Carol and get through to her and guide her through her grief and all the trauma she was going through, but all his messages were falling on deaf ears. On a deeper note, I also believe part of this frustration, however small, is about how stuck he is in terms of having feelings for Carol but feeling unable to say them aloud to anyone, but especially to her. Daryl has kind of gone in a constant cycle in terms of his feelings for Carol. He thinks he's lost her, realises how short life is - especially during the apocalypse, decides that he'll tell her how he feels and then something or someone gets in the way (I can make a whole separate analysis on the 'cycle of feelings' if you'd like). Consequently, Daryl is now at a stage where he wants to admit it to her so much that it's becoming frustrating for him because he still can't tell her because she's grieving, they've had the Whisperer War to deal with and she keeps trying to run away. The notion that Daryl's messages have been falling on deaf ears is emphasised when Carol says that this type of conversation is new to her and it only frustrates Daryl more, who once again tries to tell her that this is what he's been trying to tell her and help her with all along and because she's not been listening for so long, he's now at a point where he feels like his message will never get through to her.
Carol, evidently annoyed now, tells Daryl that if he'd wanted to prevent all of this from happening, he should've just let her get back on the boat and he confirms that yes, he should've done that - that he stopped her from running and he shouldn't have. A lot of fans are confused as to why Daryl says this but I do believe there's a reason behind it and it's not because he wanted her to go back on the boat. We all saw how hard Daryl tried to get Carol to stay, he even offered her to run away to New Mexico multiple times if she would've be happier doing that. However, things got in the way of them going to New Mexico and Daryl firmly believes that Carol hasn't been the same since she got off the boat, something in which he mentions to Michonne during season 10 episode 3, Ghosts. Therefore, I believe the reason Daryl says that he should've let Carol go back on the boat is because he's come to believe that she would've been happier there. That, like he told Michonne, he believes that she'd found happiness out at sea but he begged her to stay and since then, she hasn't been the same Carol that he's always known. I believe there is a note of guilt from Daryl there because he feels like he's taken away her peace and happiness.
Now comes one of the most difficult lines to hear from Daryl in the whole scene and seeing the hurt on Carol's face as he says these things is heartbreaking but I do understand and have ideas of why he says it. "You wanna run, run. I know where I'm supposed to be. I won't stop you this time." Let's break this down into parts. So firstly, Daryl tells her she should run if she wants to. I believe that this is Daryl putting everythig he's thinking and feeling aside and is willing to let her go, if that's what will be best for her. The reason he says it in the tone he does is because he's already had to let her go once, when she went to marry Ezekiel and that aleeady caused him enough heartache. The thought of losing Carol has always crushed Daryl but as previously mentioned, especially after seeing how happy and at peace it made her to be at sea on the boat, I think he's come to realise that he needs to let her go and be happy, even if that's somewhere else and with someone other than him, even if it breaks his heart - because just like he felt when he gave her his blessing to marry Ezekeil, he is always going to put her happiness first no matter what. That's why he says that if she wants to run, he won't stop her this time because no matter what it will do to him, if it will make her happy to be elsewhere and with other people, that's all that matters to him. When he says he knows where he's supposed to be, I don't think this is about Leah, or about being with Team Family or even being at any of the communities we know about, as a lot of people think. I think that's Daryl's way of saying - "I know you're my person and I know I'm meant to be with you. Now you need to figure out where you're supposed to be and if that's not with me, if it's someplace else or with other people, then I'll let you go, because i want you to be happy." That's what I feel like is hidden underneath the words he says there but he can't say that whole thing aloud because it's crushing his heart just by saying the things he is.
The conversation ends by Carol saying "I was right - our luck's ran out, you and me." This is interesting because Carol saying "I was right" refers back to when she said it during this conversation before and it makes me question whether it was this notion that she meant all along. When she talks about their luck running out, I think she's referring to the fact that they've always been so lucky to have such a close and special bond, but now, it's crumbling apart and if she thought that they had the worst falling out they'd ever had after the cave incident in Squeeze, then she was heavily mistaken, because it has gotten worse and now, it feels like their luck has run out, it feels like their bond is broken and that they've both lost each other. Quite a few fans compared this scene to being like a break up and I can certainly see where they're coming from.
I love what you said about Carol fixing the door at the end and Daryl looking out into the open. I'd never thought about that before. However, it does make sense with how Carol tries to fix and make up for her mistakes in season 11. I think the symbolism for that part would've been more noticeable and stronger if Caryl had had a chance to talk about this argument and build bridges from it in season 11 and I think, for a time, that was the plan, but unfortunately, Melissa then dropped out of the spinoff (for a time) and the main show received its end date before anybody expected so that resulted in a lot of things they wanted to achieve in season 11 not being able to be completed.
Hopefully, in the spinoff, where the focus will be completely on Daryl and Carol, they can have deep, meaningful conversations that they need to have and begin to work through their trauma and build bridges for things that remain unresolved from the flagship show ❤️🤞